Hard to Digest

so I totally forgot to write about Rhena turning 18 months old yesterday. ASIDE from the fact that I'm amazed a year and a half has gone b y so quickly, I was thinking about how uncanny it is that Rhena will always have a half-birthday on St Patty's day. .....I sense trouble (or at least a number of hangovers) for her in the future if she's anything like her dear old folks.


So anyways, I was going to do a nice little tribute to her in today's post... kinda like how some bloggers write letters to their kids on certain milestones... but we all know I'm never going to let rhena read this crap I spew (too many curses) and frankly, today I got a MAD case of the shits, so I have no energy to be prolific.


I was fine earlier today.. just crampy in a I-ate-those-hotdogs-too-fast kind of way, but after a family walk around the neighborhood, I realized there was gonna be some thunder down under.


I'll put out a little warning for those who are faint of heart or could be experiencing pregnancy-induced-high-nausea at the time.. you may not want to read this. Hell, any normal person probably doesn't want to read about my adventures in toilet-ville... but I just have to vent.



I really think God has a jacked-up sense of humor when it comes to shitting. I mean... I get the fact that it gets gross and nasty and smells bad.... but the pissing out of the ass???? perhaps the cruelest gift yet.


I mean... everyone's been there. quarter-sized drops of sweat forming on weird places like YOUR WRISTS.... the heat flash that starts at the base of your spine and sloooooowly crawls up your back and over the back of you head like a hood on a sweatshirt. The holy-shit-was-that-a-taco-I-ate-or-a-bag-of-FORKS?? stabbing pains in the gut.


Side note... mainly to my father, but maybe also to my brother or mom.... is there a dumb joke that has a punchline of "come on ice cream!!" ??? because I assure you on Rhena's pretty little feet that every time I've got the runs, that saying pops in my head. any explanation to this would be appreciated!


so anyways... the shits suck. what I do hate, however, that the worse the shit is, the more pain you experience, but the less color the shit itself is. Anyone else have that??? that you actually shit CLEAR LIQUID??? I mean... damn it all... for the pain and smells I'm going through... I ought to get some rainbow concoction as a prize.


oh well. perhaps the fumes got the better of me today, cause reading back, this post doesn't make much sense. I'm just really tired of shitting tonight. and besides... I gave you a chance to stop reading, so if you're shaking your head as much as I am right now... you only have yourself to blame.

as for me... I'm off to dispell yet another level of evil from the southlands.