Thursday, June 29, 2006

PAH- rentals

yeah... so that's just my fancy way of saying that the folks are a comin to town!

They're hitting the road this morning; how early, I have no idea... and depending on how crazy my dad makes my mom... they'll either arrive this evening or tomorrow.

I'm hoping the old man doesn't piss her off too much and they can actually make it in one trip; but he does resemble my grandfather in many ways (and when I say that I don't mean he looks and acts dead... I mean he's a shitty... er... not exactly the best.... driver. Downright scary at times, truth be told.... ) so yeah. they may get to virginia and be at the point where someone needs a drink or shit'll get postal.... or they might just might feel the force of Rhena and keep on trucking.

I have a feeling they're going to do it all in one shot... being that 2 days ago, with rhena playing right in front of me, she fell and whacked her nose on the coffee table, resulting in her first major bloody injury. I have a feeling my mom thinks I'm slipping a little.

oh well.. either way; it'll be nice to have them here for the visit. again... provided they actually both make it here.

speaking of miss boogeypants; it sounds as if she's waking up, so that means breakfast time here in the Johnson Manor. plus I ought to do a little more housework so my folks don't think I live like a diva eating bon bons ALL the time. You know... only when my child needs to be watched and noses need protection.

have a great day, gang; I'll check in when I can!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Half way from the middle

I've been thinking a lot lately about the term "halfway" and "middle".

It all started last week when I hit the halfway mark for this pregnancy. I realized, that despite my 'nosey' characteristics and deft ability to socially be in the middle of things.... I'm really not all that comfortable there.

sure... a lot of people may find comfort being smack dab in the middle, or find the halfway point of things to be refreshing. to them it marks a significant completion, and and a logical point to take a break.

me? not so much.

I may not exactly be claustrophobic, but I have a hard time being right in the very middle. I personally LIKE to be able to see either where I came from or where I'm going, but only like to focus on one at a time.

not quite the adventurous gal I used to be in my 20's... I know for certain the 'edge' is not for me. I have too much going on in my life to be risky and be 100% extreme about things... yet again... I have too much going on in my life to be completely PASSIVE about things and NOT take at least SOME action.

Perhaps I feel most comfortable in the 15 - 35% and 65-85% zones. Like 10 percent completed with something or only 10 percent LEFT to do... pshaw... the shit may as well still be on the drawing board or in the bank. but the 15-35 zone seems as if there's enough there to really be recognized as effort, and the 65-85 zone still leaves room for change, and reminds us clearly that it ain't over yet.

I've thought and thought about this, and I realized that I really do feel this way about pretty much EVERY aspect of life. driving somewhere, my feelings towards political issues, cooking and/or eating a meal, vacation, this pregnancy, hell.. even the years I spend on this planet. I truly am most 'alive' (or functional, energized, empassioned, happy?) at the quarter-marks.

Now that's not to take away from the merits of beginnings. Beginnings are EXCITING!! full of POSSIBILITIES!!! but they're also typically lacking in structure, have TOO many questions unanswered, and are just not solid enough for my likings.

And endings sure can be great. I don't know a soul alive who doesn't appreciate closure or accomplishment. But meh! once it's done, it's done, gang. and while that is oh-so-appealing when thinking of laundry, going to the dentist, and changing one of rhena's stink-bomb diapers.... it most cases it signifies that the journey is over. The path has been chosen and you have no more freedom. It's absolute... it's final.

True middles represent biding time and or major work to me. nothing to see here, folks.. just keep it moving. no light at either side of the tunnel... just plodding along until your next mile-marker.

oh well. I'm smack dab in the middle of this pregnancy lately... and that's probably why I've been thinking. the 'newness' has worn off... (and thankfully it would seem the puking has started to wear off as well!) and it just feels like I have a LONNNNNNNG way to go before sweet child o mine makes his or her arrival. Believe me.. I'm HAPPY to be here, and to know the child within is healthy and has survived the journey thus far.. just feels like I'm kinda spinning my wheels at this point.... and would perhaps rather be about another 10 weeks along. or maybe 5 weeks less. no.. strike that... I've been puking too much with this kid.. I'll go for the FURTHER along. besides.. I am kinda looking forward to meeting this kid.

scared SHITLESS of that last leg of the journey ( when will my water break? WILL my water break? Will I be allowed to go into labor on my own, or will some doctor prescribe my child's birthday? will my cervix actually dilate this time? will I have to have another c-section, or worse.. is this child gonna come tearing out of my CROTCH??? holy mother fucker... will I get the same amount of DRUGS as I did with Rhena?????)

so yeah. looking forward to meeting the next player on team Cze-Johnson... but... uh... I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to thinking about what has to be DONE to meet said child.

but whatever. I have plenty of time to obsess about the delivery. and that seems like a distant dream anyway. After all.. I am only half way there.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


if we have a boy... at what point can I paint his room peanut-butter brown and hang huge posters of rock legends like Led Zepplin, Jimmy Hendrix and Pink Floyd?

Furthermore... is the brown and concert-poster theme considered gender nuetral?

yes, people... this is the shit I think about when we have rain for five fucking days in a row.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

It was 20 years ago today

......Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.
They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile.

yeah.. that Sgt Pepper. what a guy, right? Although now come to think of it, it's got to be like more that 40 years ago today, cause I remember listening to that song growing up.

no matter... the band is playing, and I'm blogging.

oh... speaking of blogging....

It's my blogiversary.

The Fever has been in effect for 2 years now.

lots of stuff has come and gone during these past two years, but yet... when I look back at my very first entry.... I have to say shit's kinda still the same.

here I am... pregnant again, and weird shit is going on with my body. Derek STILL doesn't blog very much, and I still don't really talk about politics all that much. oh, and I'm craving kettle corn.

but as much as all of that seems similar, things are much brighter in my afterworld. I've met a LOT of great people, have truly been touched by the generous spirit of strangers, and read some damn funny shit along the way. I've learned a few things, and perhaps maybe even passed on a morsel or two (if at the very least what NOT to do in many situations). I've been spammed, gotten hate mail, and still seem to get least one hit a day from people with butthole fetishes. (people.. I can't make this shit up.... the freaks just find me, they really do)

anyway... I appreciate all of you who have caught the fever; either for a little while, every once in a while, or check in on my lazy ass regularly. Knowing someone is out there makes me feel just that much better.

so have a piece of cake... and eat all you want; the kind I'm giving today is fat free (ok, AND calorie and taste free, too, but shit, kids.. use your imagination a little, and hey.. at least my cake is good for your diet!)

so from all of us here in Cze-Johnsonville, thank you for reading.


Friday, June 23, 2006

Monitor Spying

now before you all think I've turned into one of those nuts who walks around with Rhena's baby monitor trying to listen to what's going on in other people's houses... I'm not.

In fact, I only did that ONCE.. and that was when we lived in nevada. I used to be able to hear our neighbor's tv all the time. it was weird. Then I saw that movie "white noise", and now I'm not trying to listen to anything but rhena over our receiver.

Although.. I have to say that it'll be interesting to see what happens come this fall.... did I MENTION that pretty much half of the women on my street are pregnant and are due this fall? I shit you not, people... I am part of a chain of FIVE houses in a row that have pregnant women living in them... all of us due between september and november. Then lets' not forget the chick across the street, who's bringing HER side's tally to THREE all on her own.

yeah. triplets. Holy mother of baby shit... that's a lot of kids.

we joke on our street that we're just going to set up a chuck wagon for meals come fall, vs trying to get different people to make whatever for whoever like we normally do here in stepford.

so I say it'll be interesting, cause with all these monitors that will be working, I'm wondering if I'll be picking up on other people's house-speaks... or worse... other people will be able to hear us!

oh well.. I was just thinking about that all this morning because I'm sitting here listening to troy and rhena in her room.

he got home last night, so he had the honors of waking her up today. and if there's one thing I love to eavesdrop on, it's troy playing with rhena.

they're SO goofy together.... and it's such a delight to hear. I hear shit like the theme from jaws, and squeals from rhena. they really do make a funny pair.

oh well. daddy's home. let the fun begin again.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

weekend recap

ok.. so I know we're actually about to head IN to another weekend... but I thought I'd share a few pics from this past weekend.

as I said earlier, Troy, boogie and I went to myrtle beach, SC for the weekend. it was just for overnight, but we had a good time, and really filled up the days that we were there.

On our list was much swimming (in the pool.. NOT the ocean. apparently Princess Boogercup does NOT like the ocean or sand. AT ALL.) we checked out an area called barefoot landing, which was kind of a boardwalky kind of place with a bunch of shoppes and restaurants located on some lakey area.

we ate, we shopped, we went on the merry-go-round... twice. well... *I* didn't go on it... with my track record of puking, I didn't want to risk it, cause it looked like it was spinning pretty fast.

the next day there was more swimming, a quick morning nap, then off to an area called broadway at the beach, which was similar to the barefoot landing place. we went to the Ripley's aquarium, which illicted many WOWs from rhena... had lunch at Margaritaville (yes, troy ordered the cheeseburger in paradise, and rhena's menu was a mask that made her into a parrothead) did a little more walking, then drove back home.

and now-- the pics: (more to come... I don't have time to upload them all right now)

"daddy... that wave is getting closer.... are you SURE we should be standing here like this?"

ok... this is more like it. no more of that ocean and sand shit, ok???

just a rocking the night away by the general store...


more to come.... stay tuned

EDIT: ok, I lied. blogger's being a piece of crap, so that's all the pics you get for now.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Old, New, Borrowed and Blue

Have you seen this button in my sidebar yet?

if you click on that button, it will take you to a website that has been set up to pay tribute to all the souls that slipped away from us as a result of the terrorist attacks on 9/11.

Essentially, this tribute is aiming to get 2996 blogger volunteers... with each blogger paying tribute to the LIFE of one of the 9/11 victims. That's right... one blogger for every person that died.

I'm still learning more about the whos and whats of this.. but all it takes is a blog, and one post remembering and honoring one person's life on September 11th of this year.

I believe I've mentioned it in the past, but I'm not one to agonize and mourn death. Death is sad and often cruel. I am the type of person that would rather celebrate the day a person was born than to mourn the anniversary of the day they died. This tribute seems more in the spirit of how I roll... except that the tribute will occur on the day the person died.

but that's ok.

I wasn't in new york or dc or on a plane the day of the 9/11 attacks. and while I can't even BEGIN to imagine how I would feel had I had a first hand account of the events that took place; I know that there are people who survived and will never be the same. I'm one of them.

I don't take life for granted, and I certainly recognize that not everything is in my control.

but whatever. it doesn't really matter what I think.

I implore you, if you're a blogger... to go and at least click on this link. Search your heart, and if you can... please sign up to take part of this tribute.

Monday, June 19, 2006


hey gang...

just a quick post to let y'all know I'm back in town.

Troy, boogie and I were down in Myrtle Beach, SC for the weekend. It was a very quick trip, but much fun was had by all.

lots of pictures forthcoming... I'll probably put them on the photoblog. give me til tomorrow, though, as today is going to be busy getting unpacked and reacclamated without overloads of snack food, fudge, and sand.

I hope everyone had a good father's day... I send a special nod to Bill, Daddy and Derek.. who are my only regular male commenters that are dads. I think. Either way... I firmly believe that any man can donate sperm, but it takes a special kind of guy to be a father... so again... hats off to the men who have stepped up to the plate out there.

ok. more later. happy monday!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Alive and Kicking

hey all.

thanks for the good vibes for my appointment yesterday. All went well; my 'watches' remain to not be of any concern, and all the new red spots I started noticing are indeed pregnancy related, so no cause for alarm on those either.

while I was there, I also decided to man up and have my lump-of-shit removed.

I'm going to be honest with you... I was scared. They compared the numbing needle to be similar to the kind you get at the dentist, but last I checked.. those bitches HURT!!!

But all is well. the needle hurt no more than when I quickly put my glasses on and accidently jab the lump-o-shit mole behind my ear, and from start to finish, it was probably less than 24 minutes. like for the WHOLE appointment.

Seeing my removed lump-o-shit sitting on the exam tray afterwards really gave me the willies. it looked like some creature; just sitting there... all lumpy and shitty looking. SO GLAD that thing is off of my head!

The doc shoveled up the lump and put it in a crate (test tube) and will have it sent to the lab for tests, just to make sure all is well. but other than that; it's just me, a bandaid and my very flat-non-lump-o-shit-having area of skin behind my ear for the next 8 months. sweet!

as for the kicking; I do believe the one within has begun to kick me. I mean, it's been about 2 years since I last fealt this way when mexican food was not involved... so I'm a bit rusty as to what actual kicks are supposed to feel like, but I think they're happening. so that's pretty cool.

And apparently this thing 2 of mine is a lucky thing. I won a contest over at the Haus!!!! Let's hope this kid can really show me some love and help me win some money at Bunco tonight!

have a great wednesday everyone!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

aaaah, the deck.

as previously mentioned, I've been in a bit of a holding pattern as of late.

seems as if my emotions have kind of shut me down in a lot of aspects, and in many other senses... I've just been kind of waiting.

waiting for this baby.

waiting for rhena to stop teething.

waiting for the deck guy to do something.

yup. Deck Guy has become a sore topic in johnsonville lately. My parents, during their last visit here in April... did as they normally do (and when I say normally, I'm not saying it in a way that should connote that we in any way EXPECT this behavior, just in a sense that my parents are regularly going beyond our imaginations with all that they do for us)

anyways.. while they were here, they went about finding ways to spoil us. shitloads of toys for rhena. food out the ass. a bunch of things for the house, including one of those lattice-enclosed structures for keeping your garbage cans outside so it's per homeowner's association rules and really nice to look at to boot.

in addition to this, my folks arranged for the same guy to extend our deck by four feet. yeah. go ahead... you can say it; Pretty Fuckin Sweet, huh?

so despite us saying no, the deed was dealt and set up and monies exchanged.

That was back in April.

our deck still looks the same.

despite my folks shelling out some cashola for this dude to come and get the job done; no materials have been dropped of, and no deck has been enlarged.

so this pisses me off, cause even though we don't NEED the deck bigger; it's the principle. my parents doled out money; the guy should do something.


hmmm. that's interesting. and a little freaky if I do say so myself.

deck guy called while I was typing. anyways... sounds like he's going to have someone else do the job, and we'll actually get a start date figured out when he calls tomorrow. interesting. perhaps I should start typing about troy getting another raise or winning a boat or something. hah!

In other news; my mole check-up is today. remember that mole from last year? stressed me out, yes it did, yes it did. well.. it turned out that the appointment went well last year, and the mole I was worried about was nothing TO be worried about. the ever-cute and skinny doc gave me a few watches (as in keep an eye on these spots) and told me to come back next year. being THIS year.

being today.

I have been keeping an eye on the ones I was supposed to, but a batch of new spots has shown up. red and weird shaped spots. tiny, like freckles, but RED. not sure if baby moles start off red, or maybe this is a pregnancy thing, but I don't remember any red spots with rhena. (further proof in addition to all the puking I've been doing that this child is truly a monster) anyways.. I plan on asking about them today.

what else.

I'm 19 weeks along today. or tomorrow. same shit, actually. I actually laughed when they told me my due date changed to Nov 7th. dude... my original date was nov 8th. Do I need to remind everyone that Rhena was over a WEEK late? like one day is going to make a big difference at this point?

oh well. bottom line is that I'm close to halfway there. almost another week down with no puke, too. (fyi-- for those of you not privvy to my pukes; I have been throwing up A LOT since april. I got to a point where I was chucking 3-4x a day, and am now on heavy-duty meds to try to keep things at bay. I ALMOST had a run of 2 weeks with no puking, but I puked last week. no pukes since then, though, so that's good.)

well.. I guess I ought to get ready to start today... as a shower still needs to be had, rhena needs to eat, and I have to have some lump of shit looked at.

peace out, kiddies.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


so lately I've been feeling a bit out of whack.

Now that my 'secret' is out, I'm sure you're all "well, duh.. you're preggo, of COURSE you're out of whack"

but it's a little more than that. I mean, sure the hormonal imbalance has something to do with it, but the out-of-whackness seems to be creeping into all aspects of life.

I'm not quite in synch with my friends lately.... I'm even pretty much a week behind (if not more) in ALL of my e-mails. my girlfriends here in town are all off on diets and exercise regimes and one-night-out-for-drinks-and-a-movie together, and I'm here not wanting to go to the pool cause I'm pissed I spent $70 on a bathing suit that just doesn't fit me right yet.

perhaps it's the shift to summer, and my lack of scheduled events for the booger has left me with too many weeks of "uh... what should we do today" days. I do admit, I work better on a schedule. (please, if anyone goes back in time, do NOT tell my 20-something self I just said that. she would be so disappointed in me!)

so what to do, what to do. OBVIOUSLY, I need to find some shit to do. and it's not like there's a shortage of things that NEED to be done... just bleh. haven't felt like doing them.

(so BASICALLY, CARRIE..... you're saying that you have a ton of shit to do, don't feel like doing any of that shit, but are bitching and moaning cause you're bored and feel like there's nothing to do)

hmmm... when I put it THAT way..... perhaps I should have labeled this post as REGRESSION... as in back to teenage years, when I was always saying that I had a ton of shit to do, didn't feel like doing any of that shit, but bitched and moaned cause I was bored and felt like there was nothing to do.

on a productive note... I finally started reading again. started it last night, and am now on page 98. it's a far cry from my ability to devour a whole book in less than a day days... but it feels good to read again. we actually finally bought davinci code, too. perhaps after I tune up the brain with a little James Patterson, I'll push a little harder and go for the code.

One of my friends in NYC mentioned going to a pottery place with her son... I think I may do that with the boogie... you know... so I can have something scheduled.

of course there's always returning e-mails.

My cousin wrote to me last week, and I've been wracking my brain for the right words to use in replying to her... which is stupid, because she is like my sister, and I should just e-mail her, but instead I internalize and stress over the shit she's going through, and yet waste another day not talking to her. stupid stupid stupid. I really need to e-mail her.

I have another friend who e-mailed me almost a month ago. and yet another whom I haven't spoken to since december. Perhaps I'm ashamed at how long I've let myself go without contacting them. well, not perhaps.. that's a definite. I'm embarrassed. and it's not like I don't love these girls... I really do. yet. silence.

maybe talking to my long-time friends is what I DO need to set my ass straight and get me out of my out-of-whackiness. it's just hard knowing I'm going to have to start off each conversation with "I'm sorry I'm a distant bitch who hasn't called or written in forever; I swear I love you and have been thinking of you, but I'm a LAZY and distant bitch, and oh yeah, hormonal cause I'm 4 months pregnant, and by the way I'm sorry you had to find out about me being preggo through someone else or worse by reading it on a random blog post.. but I swear I do love you and miss you and have been wondering how you've been?"

oh well. bite the bullet, right?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I TOTALLY shouldn't do this today, but oh well...

yeah.. so i'm looking at the calendar and I just realized that today is 06/06/06... the release date for the new version of the Omen. creepy, yet so cool that they worked it to be released today.

I myself decided to do my own little release today, and not for any spiritual reasons... just thought it was time.

of course, NOW looking at the date, I'm thinking... eh... maybe I could have waited til my 2 year bloggiversary... and am I really THAT superstitious? today isn't really evil, is it?

but whatever. I already changed my profile picture, so too late.


I'm pleased to announce that starting in November, the Fever will be under NEW MANAGEMENT.

That's right.... there's been a re-structuring of some sorts here in Johnsonville, and we will be taking on another manager. The new manager's name and specifics will not be released until he or she officially begin their term here at the Fever. Rhena will continue to be acting Chief, she will just share authorative power when the time arrives.

I appreciate your support during this transitional time, and hope you will give a warm welcome to the new manager come November. UNTIL THEN... business as usual!

here goes nothin'

ok. trying out a new template.

hoping it's not going to make everyone's shit crash. I imagine if it does, I'll hear about it soon enough.

if everything's coming up dandy for you, leave me a comment so I know I fixed whatever it was that was causing shit to go bizzarro.


Saturday, June 03, 2006

For the Love of the Job

You ever notice how there are just some jobs that not everybody can do? I imagine that can be said about pretty much any job, due to skill sets or other educational requirements. but SOME JOBS... well, let's face it... they ain't for everybody.

Today, I'm thinking particularly about teachers, and more specifically, about my mom.

NOW, I know I've mentioned my mom on my blog before, and most of the time it's in some side comment where I'm defending some outlandishly stupid behavior I've done that my mom will most likely flip out about. I've probably depicted her as a VERY old-school, over-protective and firmly resolved tough bizzle. If I HAVE, it's because, well... she IS. She IS Irish and Hungarian, after all, AND is from Jersey. TRUST me when I tell you she is not one to mess with. Throw in a heaping dose of some stereo-typical Catholic attributes, and you'll have my mom as portrayed in a made-for-tv movie.

BUT... like any good and TRUE-to-life character... my mom is much more than that. The woman has some layers, people. Deep, complex, colorful layers that even I, after 33 years, am only beginning to understand the half of.

Some of the layers to my enigmom run in her professional sphere... she is a teacher.

my mom has been teaching for God knows how many years. seriously. I don't even know. Before I was born, I can tell you that. I remember her working in a nursery school, and I remember one other stint in a school in a town called woodbridge, (I Think??? all I really remember is the windows and the sinks in her class) she was a teacher for some junior-high/middle school kids for a while.... but for the past 21 years, she has been teaching in the same Catholic school.

let me repeat that. TWENTY ONE YEARS. in the SAME PLACE. Mostly first grade, with a few grade changes here and there, but for the majority of those 21 years, she has been a first grade teacher.

Now, I dunno about you, but I remember MY first grade teacher. (Mrs Counsman) I also remember a LOT about that particular school year. I mean, I remember some things here and there about kindergarten, but my strongest and first memories from school are from my first grade year. So even some what.... 28? years later, I remember shit that went down that year.

So that gets me thinking about my mom.... 21+ years of creating foundational memories for 15-30 kids at a time... that's a pretty big audience. no pressure, huh?

but anyways... all of that is really an aside. What I've seen over the past 21 years is a woman who not only goes to work every day, but brings home her work each night, too. whether it's the papers she grades, the lesson plans, letters to parents or the report cards... there was always SOME paperwork that had to be done.

and the children. I'd be lying if I said that every year wasn't a new batch of characters in our house. Each year, we'd hear about the child who can't stop crying, or wetting their pants, or experienced death in their family, or anything and everything. Every year, and every child.. my mother would teach, nurture and LOVE these children as if they were her own. She would emote her frustrations to us when she knew certain children could do better but were too lazy, she would anguish over the children that were experiencing trouble at home. She would beam with pride when 'her kids' did something good. Again... it was if each year we had a bunch of foster children in our family... they just didn't physically live in our house.

Now maybe some people say she did more than she needed to, and put more of herself into her job than she was required.... but now, as a parent.... I can definitely say I wouldn't want Rhena to be taught by anyone OTHER than the likes of my mother. Especially at the age of 6 and 7... I want to know that Rhena is in the care of someone that really loves what they're doing... and not just checking off tasks.

and it's not just that my mom went above and beyond her 'job requirements' for the 21+ years. She did it in circumstances that anyone with a professional job would just shudder at.

For example... as a working professional... over the course of 21 years, would you find it acceptable that your salary only increased approximately 12 thousand dollars? How many years would YOU stay at a job without even GETTING a raise?

How many days a week can you stand on your feet all day and not even get to take a lunch?

Do your employees shit their pants or throw up on you? Because apparently that's a common occurrence every year in the first grade.

DO you get told to go to professional workshops on your days off and not even get reimbursed for the time or money spent at said workshops?

Have you ever been told that you can't attend a funeral service because someone else from your company is going?

Do you have to pay for your own supplies?

Have you ever had to wait two months to see your grandchild because taking off during that time of year just wouldn't be good for your employees?

Perhaps you've been berated by the parents of one of your employees because you did not provide said employee with a snack that said parents forgot to give to employee that morning.

I could go on. The shit my mother has dealt with over the years has been horrible at times to down right ridiculous. Yet... for so many years... she stayed. Why? because of the children. because she's a teacher, and no matter what has been thrown at her, she believes what she does is important, and carries on.

This past week, my mother was finally offered a contract stating the conditions in which the school would have her work next year. Please ignore the fact that there are only 2 weeks left in this school year, thus making it virtually impossible for her to find employment elsewhere should she find the terms presented as unacceptable.

What she was 'offered' was to teach 27 children (FIVE of which would be special needs children), CHANGE to third grade, with NO monetary increase on her salary. Nothing says appreciation like completely changing your job role, taking on more responsibility, and doing it for the same shit money you're getting now.


I admire the hell out of my mother. I can NOT even begin to post about how much I look up to her and how she's set the bar in so many ways for how I believe HUMANS should be. But when it comes to teaching... she is second to none in my eyes. Sure, she's tough as nails, but she's GOOD. She constantly does whatever she can to get through to her kids... reaches out to parents so that the learning doesn't stop in the classroom, and too many times puts those kids' needs before those of her own.

She has dealt with shitty administration and suck-ass work conditions and real jack-fuck parents over the years. and unfortunately, moreso than ever... the shitty administration and suck-ass work conditions and jack-fuck parents have gotten worse.

I see it so much, even in some of the random people I meet that are parents. They expect the teacher to coddle and teach and nurture their child, but get downright pissy at the teacher when the child in unable to meet basic expectations in school. For example... we have some friends that got angry at their child's teacher when a book report was assigned in the 5th grade. ANGRY. because said child has been getting book reports since the third grade, and 'these teachers don't even tell the kids how to DO a book report.. they just expect the kids to know how." (let's ignore that parents just admitted that said child has been getting book reports assigned for the previous 2 years... that kind of ignorance even hurts ME to think about)

ANYWAYS... my point is this. As a teacher, you may be in charge of 20+ children at a time, yet will be expected to treat each child as if they are your only responsibility. Not everyone can do that, or for that matter, do it well.

I may be biased, but I know my mother does it, and does it really damn well. But alas... she has decided not to do it anymore.

After this recent 'contract offering'... she said no. No to the terms they presented, and no to the shit that comes along with it. SO in two weeks, my mom will have her last day of school.

and you know what? I know inside she's heartbroken.

True, she's proud of herself for finally saying 'no more' to the shit end of the stick she's been dealing with for so long... but she's a TEACHER... and I know she knows there's more in her to give.

And so the bittersweet story goes, right? The ole girl still has more fight in her. Maybe just maybe she can hang on for one more year.

But selfishly, I say NO MORE, and HOO-FUCKING-RAY that she's not going back. Why? BECAUSE the ole girl still has more fight left in her, and I want it for me. for my daughter, for my husband and brother and sister-in-law and nieces and nephew and my father and for any future child I may have.

I'll be DAMNED if some unappreciative institution breaks the spirit of my mother or tarnishes her career in any way. She has given SO MUCH of her time, her love, her energy, of HERSELF... and I know she's done it because she loves to do it, but it's high time she does it for people that will tell her how much they appreciate what she does and love her for it.

For the love of the job, my mother has done tremendous things in her years. I can not even BEGIN to say how proud I am of her, and how she has forever changed my perception of teachers in this world.

Selfishly, I am SO HAPPY she's not going back to school next year.... cause those rat-sab motherfuckers just don't appreciate her the way I feel they should. I DO feel bad for her in that it has come to a point where she drew her line and said no more.

But I take comfort in the knowledge that my mother is not done teaching yet. True.. she may not be in a classroom every day next year, but people like my mother will NEVER stop teaching. and God willing... I pray I will never stop learning from her.

I love you, mom... and I'm SO PROUD OF YOU.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Busting Out All Over

and I'm not saying that just because I went bathing suit shopping yesterday, either.

well, ok.. maybe a little.

SERIOUSLY. bathing suit shopping is tough.

I went with my girlfriend, and while I only tried on two, she must have tried on like 30. It can be quite the depressing thing; lifting, pulling, squeezing, tucking, sucking.... and that's in the privacy of a fitting room!

of the two I tried on, one was a brown tankini number that made my shoulders and boobs look delicious. yes... I said it. DELICIOUS. the color brown went WONDERFULLY with my skin tone, and the way the straps cut in just so, I could have taken a few pictures of myself. however, from the area in which my breasts stopped and below... it was not so yummy. the bottoms came up too high and cut into places I didn't even know I HAD fat rolls, and the torso seaming was a little crooked and really accentuated my love handles. cause you KNOW that shit is sexy. so you know I passed on that one.

the other one I tried on and decided to purchase is another tankini, and it's nice. it's pink orange and white, though. just not sure I'm loving the colors. The cut works pretty well, though, and I imagine that with a tan I should be able to "work it out," as Randy Jackson likes to say. It's just that right now I put it on and think of cotton candy. maybe I WILL return it. I dunno.

Troy says he likes it (speaking of, he's back in town) but then again... he's been with me long enough to stay very clear of opinions on bathing suits. so who knows... he could probably hate it... he's just avoiding any hormonal outbursts from me. smart fella, I tell you.

so this weekend is the Taste of Charlotte. we went last year, and I enjoyed it. it wasn't a HUGE food offering like other places I've been to, but it's nice enough. and besides.. they have kettle corn. what more reason do I need?

so that's about it. I have a ton of errands to run today (BLAH) and one may just be returning the suit. we'll see. if I keep talking about cotton candy and sweet things, you'll know I decided to keep it.

have a great day, everyone.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

I'm dilated!

oh relax people... I just went to the eye doctor's this morning. and yeah... note to self... bring SUNGLASSES next time you decide to have your eyes checked in the middle of the day without a frigging CLOUD in the sky!!!

let's just say driving home was NOT fun.

oh well... I'm off to possibly buy a bathing suit today. I say possibly, because there's no promises that I won't break down in a crying fit of bodily shame and start throwing up everywhere. I'll be bringing my Twinkie friend... and her boobs are MUCH bigger than mine, so she'll have an even harder time finding something that fits right. (hey-- don't hate me cause I know and exploit the fact that misery loves company!)

to tide you over, here is my child.. eating corn on the cob for the first time. She's really a funny bird to watch in person, cause she just eats the SHIT out of the corn. I mean, really digs in and goes to town. I admire that kind of gusto when it comes to food. she's definitely my kind of girl.

anyways... enjoy:

and just for fun... in action: