can't. keep. up.

It's monday, and I feel like I'm already in the weeds.


I have about 3 posts waiting to be completed for the baking blog.... but I'm having a hard time with the images. I got excited cause I realized I have a higher resolution setting on my camera that I wasn't using. unfortunately, it creates TIF files, and blogger doesn't seem to want to upload them. so now I'm thinking I need to convert back to jpegs?? I dunno.


I also have a NEW website layout in the beginning stages. Troy apparently is going to help me with it, but I'm not going to hold my breath just yet. I do have to look for domain availability, though.


Rhena currently has a list on her white board of things she wants to do. talk about keeping me accountable! today we're going to try to cross off the blue park from our list.


today is the last day of CCD. I thought LAST week was, so I was pretty bummed to find out I have to go again tonight. don't get me wrong.. I LIKE teaching.. I just thought we were done. and with troy's new job and him not being able to get home in time (translates to me having to shlep both kids with me to class until he can show up, bring the kids home and create a hurricane zone of destruction that I will ultimately be the one to clean up when I'd rather be watching HIMYM. ) and when I have to bring the kids with me, it means I ALSO end up having to drive his truck home. his big-assed hurkin truck.


I made some promises to people I need to make good on, too. and figure out some health insurance issues. people.. I am SO SICK of health insurance stuff. I LOVE that Troy has always had work and makes handsome sums of money for us to live comfortably, but one of the costs is me dealing with insurance companies every 3-6 months to make sure we are covered, other policies are terminated, bills are paid, and did I mention each call lasts no less than 20 minutes? bleh.


The deck construction starts this thursday, I have to secure a babysitter for memorial day weekend (please.. I know) because danny isn't allowed to attend rhena's recital.

but yet.. I sit here TYPING the things I should be doing instead of doing them. hmmm. and I wonder why I'm in the weeds.



so... have a wonderful day. and thank you to disney channel for reminding me that today is cinco de mayo. Talk about a sign that I'm officially a parent.

Clean Machine

I've said this before, but I'm serious. I SO need a wife.

or a me. I need a me. another one, that is.


think of the THINGS I could do. one could be my public me... the one who goes to the gym and eats healthy and reads witty things on the internet and bakes a lot. the other one would cook and clean and EAT all the things the other me would bake. oh.. I'd SOO let the myself get fat if I had another me to show off. I'd even let Troy have sex with the skinnier one. but wait.. would that be ME, or the other me?

crap.


I can't even keep my own thoughts straight in my ONE head.. I'd be a hot mess if I was in charge of two.


anyways. I have cleaning to do. the floors, in particular. bleh.

and laundry. and dusting. and oh, apparently the car nap danny had today means he's boycotting the afternoon one?



oh well.


Happy tuesday.

Let me Re-Phrase that

ok. so perhaps I could have chosen better wording, but man oh man my throat hurts.


like burning pain hurt.


like I FEEL germs growing back there hurt.


BUT... considering that on any given day someone from eastern europe finds my blog by searches for 'asshole fever'... I suppose having one whole post with nothing but words like throat, prostitute and crotch is NOT going to bring about the most wholesome crowd.



so yeah. don't mind me, and DEFINITELY don't think you're gonna find anything akin to something you would have to pay for here. well.. unless they have a 1-900-BITCHNG line out there I don't know about. I could be famous. rich, even.


alrighty. happy thursday. I'm off to make more tea.

in sickness and in health

ok. that was part of our vows, but SERIOUSLY... I think I want an ammendment.


I have said MANY times before how much I love troy, but MAN he's a pain in the ASS when he's sick!!!


so last week, it started with the puking. we assumed it was because of the greasy burgers... but alas, the next day he was feverish and claimed that a truck must have hit him when he wasnt looking. He manned up and went to work, though. (ANYTHING to avoid going to a doctor)


long story short, he came home early from work and I played good ole Flo for him. I kept up the 'poor baby' routine until that evening, and as I was about to go downstairs to sleep on the couch (anythign to avoid MYSELF getting sick) I told him that if he still was sick the next morning he was going to go to a doctor.

he woke up the next day feeling 'better', so he went to work. Not sure how he was at work throughout the following days, but whenever he was home... he was miserable, whiney and did I say miserable?

this behavior escalated to another bed-ridden day for him on Sunday. mind you, the very same day that *I* woke up feeling like a truck hit me, and did I mention that I puked twice sunday morning? but apparently that did not mattter, because according to "doctor Troy", I looked fine to him.


ever have a day when you feel like absolute shit, your children won't leave you alone, and the only POSSIBLE person in a 200 mile radius that could comfort you is too busy trumping your sick ass by being passed out himself and completely useless??? I suppose it could have been worse, but still.

today I feel better. I medicated myself with everything in our cabinet ending with "quil" and was in bed and asleep by 9pm. my body aches have been downgraded to being hit by a bike messenger, no more pukes, no more fever to speak of, and I just have a sore throat and some sinus pressure. not great... but better than yesterday. and Troy is at work, so that's one less child to take care of.


anyways.. enough of my bitching. but I'm serious about the vow ammendment. there is some SERIOUS lack of balance in that section.

the home stretch?

ok. I'm HOPING that troy will come home at some point today before midnight.

I remember seeing him on monday... he actually came home in time to watch the kids so I didn't have to bring them with me to CCD.


the rest of the week is a blur, though. I have been on double-duty bed routine since tuesday, and I'm a little worn out. it's not so much for lack of sleep... I'v e been getting about 6 hours a night.. so I'm doing well in that department.


just... the kids. well.. they're kinda driving me nuts. Danny's daytime sleep habits are unpredictable and at times not happening. this does NOT make for a happy boy during the high-stress times of the day like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and snack times.


and is it me, or do ALL three year olds secretly take speed? maybe it's just rhena. but when you combine her INCESSANT energy with her "follow-the-imaginary-script-inside-my-head-or-we're-gonna-take-it-from-the-top" role-playing she does... well.. frankly, by friday, I really think Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat can just fucking STAY in the cage.

and let's not forget that when I actually DO see troy again.. *I* get to give him a massage cause I didn't lose enough weight this week.


sigh.


I CAN do this.


anyways.. in other news... the church bake sale is this weekend, so I'll be making up stuff for that. that'll be a good 'busy' activity for rhena since it's puring out, and I am not gonna drag the kids out today.

Stuperbowl is this sunday.... We're supposed to be going to our neighbor's house. I'm on the fence about that one. I'm excited about getting out of the house... but given the fact that the game probably starts like a minute before bedtime for the moose, and I probably won't see troy until FIFTEEN minutes before we go... bleh. on the UP side.. I think of the chili and cornbread and know that once I'm eating (strike that.. SHOVELING IT IN MY MOUTH) well.. I'm sure I can rally.

that is, if I don't fall apart before then.

New Year, old habits

hey all.. another new year it would seem, huh.

I'd SAY I will be posting more... but anyone who's been around me enough knows that my posts come and go no matter WHAT my intentions are.

right now, we're just getting back in the swing of things.. as well as taking on some new ones. first new thing on the agenda is boogie-girl is now in a dance class.

this in itself should be a whole post, because I am SOOOO ill-equipped to be a mom of a dancer. in the past week.. I have purchased no less than THREE pairs of shoes (all the wrong ones, btw) and am on a mission to find some obscure store where I will no doubtedly be roped into buying $250 worth of pink things because they are what rhena needs to correctly learn how to 'dance creatively'. I sigh. at least she looks cute in her outfit.

but I now need to muster the moose so we can go stock up on diapers; both for danny and myself. apparently the new year has also brought me a new menstrual cycle. good times!

(oh please.. like you expect anything less than too much information here!)

The irony dumbfounds me

so my last post I bitched about my DVR and the networks and just spoke of TV in general.

WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT, that the VERY next morning, Rhena came down with a cold of some sorts, and was running a fever for 2 days straight. all she wanted was to lay in my bed and watch tv. (and when I say TV I mean the huge variety of three shows she deems acceptable to watch.) too bad I didn't have any of her 'shows' saved up in my room.


we muddled through, though.... and all was back to normal in our house by thursday.


oh, that is until the cable company decided to do 'improvements' in our area.


since yesterday morning, we have had no cable or internet connection.


ASK me how PLEASED I was that the ONE NIGHT of tv I look forward to the most was pretty much CANCELLED for me. and not just cancelled... more like a personal BITCH SLAP for complaining earlier in the week, because don't you KNOW my neighbors acrss the street have cable and internet?

well, I know this because 1- I CALLED my neighbor last night, ready to commiserate missing betty, office, and grey's... and she was pissed I was interrupting her shows. oh, and I know the neighbors across the street have internet, because I'm pirating their bandwidth (not bandWITH, daddy!) just to bitch on this post.


It seems silly to be pissed about missing a little tv, but c'mon... I REALLY look forward to those 3 shows each week... ESPECIALLY now since the writers of the office have finally gotten a clue and made the show an hour long!!!

I'm going to call the cable company when we finally get connected again, and ask that I get pro-rated a refund for the days of no service. seems only fair that the bitches buy me a coffee as some consolation. They should buy my neighbors a coffee, too, being that THEIR connection is probably slow as shit with me hacking into their wireless and all.... but I'll be happy with just the one for me and troy.

Sharks

ladies and gentlemen... my children are sharks.


and yes.. I am bleeding.



------------------------

I suppose I really don't need to follow up on that TOO much... but let me tell you.. it's going to take at LEAST three of the cupcakes I made today to bring me back to life from the past two hours alone.

My children are predators, and they not only know when it's mama's 2nd night in a row of double-duty bed routine, but I just KNOW they know it's my time of the month to prove my womanhood and dear jesus on sweet HIGH I'm in a mood, and did I TELL you we have another fucking fly in our house???

yes.. the cupcakes they are a' callin'.


sharks. downright, make-my-ass-crazy SHARKS.

Trying to be positive

ok.

I know I've bitched and moaned on here several times about the number of medications I've been having to take to keep the puking *somewhat* at bay. I REALLY don't like having to take 10 pills a day, but I REALLY don't like puking regularly even more.

well, my insurance people have decided to cut my supply of my main puke pills.... my zofran. They say that I've already hit my allotted quantity for this month, and I will not be granted another refil until September 10th.

what this means is that the TWENTY pills I was given on August 10th are to last me until September tenth. did I mention I have been prescribed to take this pill every 6-8 hours?


other interesting facts are that this pill costs an EXUBERANT amount of money, and there is no generic form of it available in the USA. I shit you not... for one refil, AFTER insurance.. I'm paying $50. ready for the sick part? if I had no insurance, this pill would be costing me approximately $1300 for twenty pills.

so BEING the cheap bitch WITH insurance that I am... I have been regulating and stretching my perscriptions out as much as I can. I often only take two or even ONE zofran a day, in hopes that I can make the bottle last a whole 14 days, versus the 5 to 7 days, if I were taking it every 6-8 hours. because in addition to this $50 a refil I pay for this pill, I'm also paying $50 a month for my prevacid, $30/month for regalin, and $45/month for my prenatal. and if you ask me, I'd rather be shelling out $100/month for zofran instead of $200. cause again.. me. cheap.

now mind you, while stretching these pills out does help in the financial realm, it ends up having a negative impact on my puking. the trick is that even when taking the full dosages, I'm still puking, rest assured. except.. when I am cutting back on the zofran, I just puke more often, and the sessions are more acidic and violent.

so now... thanks to dear ole blue cross.... I am only allowed to have 20 pills to cover a span of 30-31 days. THAT'S LESS THAN ONE PILL A DAY, GANG!!!!

can't I get a fucking BREAK?????


call me a whiney bitch if you must, and I'm fine with that. please do not mistake my frustration with all this vomiting to be any sign that I'm not appreciative of the life growing within me, either. I'm blessed.. I know I am.

but before I went on the zofran, I was puking A LOT. like 4-5x a day a lot. and it sucked, and it hurt, and poor baby Rhena had to watch me get sick and hug public toilets and curl up in a ball on our own floor from the wretching and pain.

I only have ten weeks left til I'm at my official due date. and I know I'm in the home stretch, but man oh man.... I'm tired. I'm trying to be positive.. I really am.. but I'm tired, and I just want to hold my baby already and make this puking go away. but unfortunately, the only thing going away is my access to my pills.


so forgive today's break-down. I know shit could be worse. and we all have our hardships to endure. it's just that it's hard to be positive when I know I still have at least another 10 weeks left.

Not just about hate for Nascar and Roids

you know... every once in a while, I actually do a little something called SHARING here at the Fever.


well.. I mean, I share my thoughts on stupid shit all the time, there's no question about that. but sometimes, like right about now... I get the urge to let my readers peek deep inside this cavernous brain of mine and realize what a fucked up place it can be.

Last night I was feeling particularly hormonal. call it a side effect of being a woman, or this pregnancy thing I have going on, by the chains in the brain were clinking, and gosh darn it.. I was a time bomb ready to explode.

let me back track.


when I was pregnant with Rhena, Troy and I lived in Nevada. with NO family around. no mom, dad, cousins or who-have-yous to pop by for brunch or dinner or holidays, or you know... be in a cheering section when it came time to push a baby out of my crotch.

Now believe me when I say that I am definitely not the kind of gal that wants people being in a delivery room when things inside of me are trying to come out. Sure.. I can manage peeing with the door open, and out of survival, I've become fine with crapping and puking with the door open so I can keep an ear on Rhena... but BABIES??? out of my TIDGET??? yeah.. that gets a strong round of HELL NO!

so whatever... yadda yadda yadda... no family around, so it's just me and troy and a bunch of contractions, drugs, puking, monitors and hospital staff and eventually some knives and staples to get Rhena to come out. And life was good. Troy and I brought our girl-monster home and were able to figure her out on our own, without any family telling us how wrong we were doing shit. but yet... we had no one there to help us, and we probably did everything wrong. good sides and bad sides to everything, I know, and I swear I have a point here... but remember, we're in my brain, and there's no straight lines in here.

so ANYWAYS.... last night, Troy's talking about his work situation, and for once, things seem to be going really well. the fledgling start-up he began working for 2 1/2 years ago is on the verge of potentially going big time (which could mean WE'RE on the verge of getting a really nice payoff, but we're not playing the wish-this-would-happen game). and the sorta short of it is that he says that things are going to be crazy for the next 3-4 months.


so let me tell you something. things are ALWAYS crazy with Troy's work. the hours he works in a day are freaking ridiculous. I mean, sure... he does have nights where he can relax and watch a movie or cut out early, but more often than not, I only know my husband's face with a soft soft glow of a computer screen in front of it.

but again.. I'm digressing.


so he's telling me about how crazy shit's going to get in the next couple of months, and the One Within starts kicking me. as in.. yeah, no SHIT things are gonna get crazy in the next couple of months... did you SEE the belly I have and realize that we have to throw a birthday party for a two year old, and halloween and have a BABY and the christmas social and christmas and oh yeah let's get the new kid baptized?????

so I'm a clinkity clanking in my brain about all the stuff that's going on as Troy's telling me that things are going to get crazy. if you want to have an idea of the stress and anxiety that one little statement from Troy can bring me... think Titanic, think the Captain, and think about him hearing "hey jackass... you just hit an iceberg really fast in the middle of nowhere and we're sinking".

if you're STILL not connecting the dots, let me tell you that when troy says things are going to be crazy, he'll be working from 6am-6:30pm, come home for an hour to say hi and shovel food in his mouth, then go back to work til midnight -2am for like 3 or 4 months straight. it means that plans that have been set in stone for over three months (like a trip to Washington DC) will suddenly be in jeopardy of being cancelled for lack of him being able to watch our child for more than 2 hours in a row.

now I dunno about you, but I've been keeping track, and I'm supposed to have another BABY coming out of me within the next 3 months.... right around or smack in the middle of crazy-ville.

to be fair... with my mom not going back to work this year, I do need to say that she will be coming down to Stepford for the last week or so of my pregnancy so she can be with Rhena when it's time to go produce another Johnson. I'm very happy about this, as I know no one else (save troy or myself) would be able to care for her in a way I want, and since I'm also going to need Troy by my side to calm my shit down when I attempt to give birth... la madre is the prime choice for taking care of Boogie. so I have a silver lining.

but yet... hormonal, irrational pregnant me started worrying that with the combination of his work getting crazy and my mom being here to pick up some sluff.... would my plans for having troy get me through birth be shackled by his boss (who, by the way, thinks the answer for everything is to pay for a nanny and cleaning service to make up for the husband not being around) will troy have to do a code drop instead of coming to the hospital? would his boss assume that since my mom is here in town that Troy would be at his disposal 24-7?

so... gingerly... I tell troy that while I'm totally cool with him working 20 hours a day for the next 2 1/2 months... I told him that I hope he understands that that's going to change when it's time for the baby. Now in MY mind.. I'm thinking that he should just say.. "well no DUH, you irrational hormonal pregnant girl! I'll be right by your side whenever you need me"... but I got silence. two long minutes of silence followed by "well, what the hell does THAT mean? things aren't going to magically CHANGE when the baby gets here you know"

oh boy.


three super-picker-upper papertowels full of snot later, we come to the understanding that *I* was just needing to hear that no matter how much money is dangling as a carrot in front of us with his work thing, Troy will be there for the entire birth process, and *Troy* finally understood I wasn't asking him to only work 8 hours a day or questioning his desire to be a part of this baby coming out.

the bottom line is we both feel the same way, and pretty much always HAVE felt the same way about the birthing thing, but because I asked about it, he figured maybe we DIDN'T feel the same way. but me being me... I just needed to hear it again.


you know... it's funny when I write these long posts like this... by the time I'm done typing out my long convoluted thoughts out, even *I* wonder what the hell is wrong with me... which would probably explain why I don't type out my real thought process too often. it's kinda like going from A to B but going from A to Z and all the other letters in reverse first. my brain just seems to always take the long way.

oh well. I guess my point is that the home-stretch jitters are starting to kick in. I really DO spend too much time thinking about whether or not I can really push a baby out of my tidget. and handle being a mom to two kids, and be a good wife, and be a good friend, and daughter and sister and aunt and all the other shit in between.

hearing some reassurance from Troy was what I needed last night. Of course it didn't help that afterwards we watched a movie about a disfunctional family in north carolina that featured an off-beat pregnant girl whose baby dies in childbirth..... but that's another story.

Day late and a box short

ok.. I don't know it this counts for being more interesting, but *I* always like hearing myself bitch.. so hear goes nothing.

our garbage men. and women. even the halfsies.... are on my NERVES.


but I should be more specific. The garbage service has been fine enough. every week we get our green monster emptied, so I can fill it with more and more odorriffic diapers from rhena. ew.. and rotten discarded food in summer heat. good lord.. no wonder I'm puking so much!

anyways.. no major complaints with those folks cause our shit (literally) gets picked up each week. the time is never the same throughout the day, but hey.. more power to them; they want to mix up their day by changing the route every week??? rock on, my friends.... as long as they keep taking my crap away, I'm happy.

however.. the recycling crew is past my last nerve. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY are they making it so difficult for me to RECYCLE??? TWO weeks ago, they never picked up the recycles. and our shit was FULL that week. so I started an extra box of recycles, because the original bin was overflowing.

well last week they finally came, and thankfully they took everything. but THIS week... they didn't show up again!! WTF!!! Now... I know I'm not always the most in-tune person, but we DO get the news here under my cozy little rock I've been under, and there has been no talks of sanitation strikes in the area. now town announcements saying we're changing the pick-up schedule. nothing.

(ps.. I'm a LOT more irritated about this than I'm conveying; I just happen to be mowing down some Vermonty Python ice cream while typing.. and how can you really be THAT mad when you have so much happiness in your mouth???)


anyways.. they finally came just a little while ago, but did NOT pick up the large box I had broken down and placed next to my recycle bin. I guess if it's not officially IN the green container, and they're not a week late, they refuse to take anything else. asswipes.


and I mean that nicely, but seriously... if I'm going to recycle, then I'm going to recycle. just somebody fucking let me DO IT, you know?

oh well. I'll try chopping up the box into SMALLER pieces for next week, and maybe if they're stacked on TOP of the green bin they'll get taken.

speaking of taken.. I had to put the ice cream away. I think I ate half a pint just now. and as good as it is... why tempt the spirits of my digestive tract into giving me more to purge?


oh, and speaking of PURGE.. I may as well purge my soul with yet another way of how I'm a bad mother. I put rhena down for her nap early because she was being a total pill. when I just came in from recycle-a-go-no, I saw that she indeed was NOT "all done" with her waffle earlier this morning... and had merely emptied the contents of her special morning waffle-bag on the front steps. yup. pretty much the whole thing. right there. on the steps. not in the baggie. cause the baggie was given to me a few hours earlier with the proclamation that she was "all done!" and thrown away, of course. (but not recycled, cause the bin was outside not being picked up, you see)


so perhaps her incessant crying was NOT because she was tired full and cranky and needing a nap... rather hungry and pissed off that her asshole mommy who was too consumed with doing chores, bitching about the recycles and eating ice cream.... put her to bed hungry.


I really do suck at this sometimes.