TOTALLY one of those days

This morning was one of those perfectly stepford mornings.

Both kids were up, fed, dressed and ready (as well as in the car and buckled!) 15 minutes before we typically fly out of the house to get rhena to school only a few minutes late.

I was wearing my contacts! and a skirt! the sun was shining, and with LESS than 50% humidity.. we were ready for another day in the mid-80s.

Came home, hand-washed some dishes, and began making a pumpkin spice cake. Boy child was happy! music was playing! and yes... the sweet smells of pumpkin were beginning to make their way through the house.

I said something on twitter that I half expected to see a cartoon woodland animal show up and start singing to me. kinda like this:

I know.. Blame Rhena. all these damn Disney princess videos I'm having to watch are starting to creep into my everyday thinking. it's freaky.

So I KNEW all was too good to be true... the cakes? came out perfect. There was even a little extra batter to make 6 muffins/cupcakes.

Then... then I started the cream cheese maple frosting. And danny came and hugged me. (hear the birds? c'mon.. I know you do!)

screeeeeeeeeeeech!

yes. this is where my perfect morning came to a shit-assed stop.

literally.

Danny took a MAN-sized crap, and the smell not ONLY overpowered the once-delightful aroma of pumpkin spice in my kitchen.. but kinda crept up my nostrils and CHOKED ME. like JOLT TO THE BRAIN make you GAG CHOKING!!!!

fine.

we have perfection in cake form... this will not stop me.

change Danny's diaper, SCRUB hands in antibacterial.. and resume.

cream cheese. butter. maple syrup. powdered sugar... mmmm. mmmmmm. uh... HUH! ACK! what the??

GAAAAAH!

Danny crapped again.

seriously. I KNOW!

so anyways. take him upstairs... get him all cleaned up... come downstairs, SCRUB HANDS.. get back to my frosting.

hmm... frosting is just about filling up the kitchen aide (decided to do a double batch, cause mmm.... cream cheese frosting! with 100% pure maple syrup!).. but the frosting is... runny. hmph.

maybe add some more powdered sugar. taste. ok.. a BIT sweet.. but not bad. still runny... still runny. holy what the.. DANNY!

again my boy shits.

go upstairs AGAIN and get the boy cleaned up. At this point.. my nose feels permanently STAINED with poop smell. I'm verging on gagging, and crap smell has taken over both floors of the house. SCRUB hands again (getting slightly raw now) and get back to frosting.

I decide to let it sit in the fridge for a bit while I slice one of the cakes and chop pecans for garnish. sure enough, it firms up a bit... only to turn into a sloppy mess when I put some on the cake.

it was ugly, people. and at this point.. Danny, who apparently is now like 6 pounds lighter, decides he's HUNGRY and will not let go of my leg.

Where are my birds? where are my cartoony woodland creatures that will bring my prince and make my feet look cute? I'll tell you where they are....

thank you. thank you very much. Now.. for your information.. I'm going to go eat my perfect spice cake and wash it down with a shot of cream cheese frosting.

outside.

where it doesn't smell like poop.

The Little Engine that Could

Dear Stepford Parents -

please stop. I'm not kidding. the parties are KILLING me. A couple of weeks ago, I took rhena to a birthday party at a house that made Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion look like a double-wide trailer. I shit you not... the POOL house alone was bigger than my backyard. Let's not mention the LOT that was sectioned off for the industrial PARK-sized play area, or the other lot they had for a volleyball court.

when my folks were here, we had yet another birthday to attend. This one was a Thomas theme, and for a little boy turning two on my street. Since it was at a house on my street, I knew I wouldn't have to feel TOO ghetto for gawking at everything I saw.

however.

They rented a little blue train. yeah.

so we all got on the train and it choo-chooed around the neighborhood. To say my kids were excited would be an understatement. To say that every child we passed on the street was JEALOUS would be an understatement. SO happy Danny still wears diapers, as he was squealing so much, I have no doubt he was pissing himself from excitement the whole time.

As for Rhena... the girl who had JUST had her nose cauterized and was STILL milking my guilt for having her go through the ordeal... well... she seemed to be able to rise above the pain for long enough to enjoy the train.

So while I am INDEED happy at how much my kids enjoyed attending these parties.. I'm STILL putting the plea out there for this kind of shit to stop. all I have are cookies, and the occasional cute invitation. kids are gonna be a tad disappointed when it comes to a Johnson party.

I jest. I love the parties, and I'm totally fine with what we do for our kids. I'm totally not gonna get into that whole 'keeping up with stepford' mentality. I mean.. if worse comes to worse... I MIGHT start putting REALLY LOUD toys and SUGARY CANDY in the favor bags.... but that's all.

party on!

"Miss" Communication

I'm not sure if I've blogged about this before.. so if I HAVE.. just stop reading and leave me a comment to let it go already.


ANYWAYS. y'all know we live in the south. There's many things about the south that I love (lower cost of living, mild winters, slower pace.. to name a few) and y'all KNOW there's things I DON'T like (that whole rebel-flag-the-south-will-rise-again mentality, general accepted belief of women's places, subtle and unspoken prejudice (as well as NOT so subtle) towards people not male, white, christian, and of certain pedigrees... to name a few)


But the south I live in is a self-proclaimed NEW SOUTH. One where 'that' kind of behavior is no longer acceptable and one of a melting pot which welcomes northern transplants for reasons extending beyond culture and economic infusions. Still.. some old habits die hard.


One habit in particular (that I thought was once a VERY southern tradition) seems to be popping up all over the place in our society. and it irks me.


Hi. My name is Carrie Johnson. I'm married, so I ALSO go by Mrs. Carrie Johnson. but apparently, to any child under the age of 20, it has been deemed socially correct to call me MISS Carrie.


not Mrs. Johnson... not Ms. Johnson... MISS Carrie. (and let's not even get me started about how creepy "MR. Troy" sounds to me. seriously.)


again.. I GET the whole nod to southern culture and the Driving Miss Daisy and that really, it IS a way of showing respect... but still. enough already!


The problem, too, is that I'm seeing it happen in other states as well. I guess I just don't understand why.. if you CAN teach a child to say Miss or Mister... followed by a first name... why can't you teach them a last name? and MRS? what's so DAMN hard about Mrs.???


Don't get me wrong.. I've allowed Rhena to use Miss So-and-So when addressing someone. and we have our own little system that we call certain friends "Aunt" and "Uncle" when they are every bit as close as family. Let's face it.. if you buy my kids better presents than *I* do most times, chances are they call you their aunt or uncle. but that's another subject.


I DID begin rhena's playgroups with allowing her to call people by Miss or Mr. "First Name Here". but that was when she was Danny's age and understanding words but not saying them. However, when she began school, THANKFULLY, her teachers and the staff at the preschool go by Mrs. or Ms. "Last Name Here". It opened the door for me to start teaching Rhena the proper way to address adults.


Now that the door is open, I'm keeping it open, and have been teaching Danny from the get-go to use Mr., Mrs. and Ms. "Last Name Here". and SURE there are certain names that a child just simply can NOT pronounce or come close to being able to remember. I should know! My last name was Czernikowski! In those cases, a "Mrs. C." would suffice.

Of course.. it's tough when a dance class uses Miss "first name here" and our friends have their children call us Miss Carrie and Mr. Troy. (cringe!) but given the chance and choice.. I present myself and insist my children use last name addressing.


I suppose my big question is WHY? WHY do we as a society find it necessary to drop the formality? Are we as adults trying that hard to be more approachable to children? Are we afraid to command respect AS adults? Maybe it's just me?


Again.. it doesn't bother me AS much when a 2 or 3 year old who is barely understanding sentence structure calls me Miss Carrie. but a 5 year old? 7 year old? 13 year old? I'm not your friend, kid. I'm your neighbor, your teacher, your babysitter, and quite possible a stranger. Without a DOUBT I'm at least 2 decades your senior, so how about you treat me with some respect? I really do think I at least deserve that.


One final note for my stepford lurkers... if your kids call me Miss Carrie.... that's fine. well, I mean.. I'll still cringe inside a little... but chance are if I didn't think you were raising your child to understand what respect is, your kid wouldn't GET many chances to call me "Miss Carrie". So don't take it personal. I'm just talking about a pet peeve of mine, ok? in other words.. we're still good. oh, and one more thing? just, uh.. don't get mad at me if I correct your kid in a year or two. ;)


.

Open Letter

To the woman with the two daughters at Harris Teeter today?

THANK YOU. Thank you for teaching your daughters to be KIND to little girls who like to dress themselves because they truly believe they are ballerina princesses. Even when that self-proclaimed famous ballerina princess outfit means a turquoise dress, orange socks, pink glittery shoes and a pointy fair-maiden hat.

Your daughters smiling at Rhena and telling her she's "a beautiful princess indeed" was heartwarming and kind. I hope to teach my children to be as encouraging to others as they get older.

_______________


and to the OTHER woman with two daughters at Harris Teeter today?

SHAME ON YOU. watching your girls huddle, whisper,and POINT at a child younger than them sends a message of endorsement. Perhaps if YOU smiled more and taught your children some manners you wouldn't have to tell your girls to stop touching the food on display in the salad bar, and you would have to maybe threaten to 'straighten them out' one or two less times a day.


Now perhaps I'm just as bad judging you anonymously online... so for that I'll stop now... but the pointing?? NOT NICE.

oh and by the way? I hope that the turkey you insisted to the deli clerk be MUCH THINNER gives you GAS, bitch! BIG, stinky GAS!!!!

Little Finger

ok.. so much for my blogging break.. seems like whenever I actually acknowledge that I'm not blogging is when I have the urge to post.

oh well. and so is my life.



so today.. we had to take a trip up to the lumber yard.. for one, to take a look at the composite samples for our deck re-do we're planning. two.. to pay for the materials.


so yeah, no biggie. just another errand. of COURSE this means that I must have the kids in tow with me, so I tried, like I usually do.. to make this errand THE. MOST. EXCITING. THING. EVER!!!!!


by the time we left the house, Rhena was frothing a little at the idea of going to a LUMBER YARD!!! She told me no less than five times that she's never been to a bumber nard and she hopes she doesn't get wet. cause if she gets wet then she'll have to change her clothes and did we bring extra clothes momma?


This lumber yard, like many other businesses in the south, was a smaller, local distributor. well, not SMALL-SMALL... but not big-box like home depot or lowes. Small and Local in the south means old men work there. or old ladies, depending on the case, I suppose.


well, from the minute we rolled up, a certain gentleman named John was taken with Rhena. could be that she said "well, HELLO sir.. I'm BERRY happy to be here at your bumber nard." (Lumber Yard, Rhena.. Lumber Yard.) "oh yeah, sorry. wumber yard. It's BERRY nice here. can we go in??"

I kid you not, John introduced us to everyone that worked there. we got to see forklifts. we saw their storage racks. we saw every office within the main building. John was certainly pleased with his new friends and guests, and at one point he even had rhena telling each new worker how she spells her name. "Get a load of that, Frank? she can spell her name! I bet she might be smarter than you, Frank! Yeah, You're a smart girl, Rhena, yes you are!"


Rhena left the business with four pencils, two note pads, some candy and some new friends.

*I* left the place paying 5% less than my contractor told me I would, and a promise that they wouldn't deposit my check until I receive the materials on site next thursday.

sometimes.... it's good to be me.



.

Cookie

so as I was telling a friend today... the SHORT story is that we do not have a dog.


the LONG story SHORT is that we did for a few hours today.


seriously, people.. I just can't make this shit up.


So I was talking on the phone with my mom (which, btw.. the visit with the inlaws was very nice. they had left this morning, and I was getting caught up with my mom and the events of recent NJ, including my niece Delaney's birthday party (which I still haven't sent her gift for (but last year she was the only one who got her gift on time, so I don't feel THAT bad)))

so I'm feeding Moosey his lunch, and I hear Troy asking me if we know of anyone that just got a puppy.. apparently one was walking down the street. Rhena wanted to see what was going on, so she headed up to the front door with Troy.

next thing I know.. a dog came streaking through our kitchen.


I immediately hung up the phone with my mom (which, btw.. if you ever are feeding your child while talking to your mom, it's probably not polite to hang up suddenly without calling back soon to let her know your child was not in danger of needing Heimlich or CPR or poison control or something)

streaking brown small dog then proceeded to jump up on my lap and lick me.


Thankfully rhena did not pee herself.. though she was so nervously excited that it's not a far stretch to think a tinkle or two may have come out. it was as if all the gods and santas had a meeting and decided she really WAS the prettiest girl and bestest kid and deserved a doggie. and had it delivered.


The dog had a tag, thankfully. Cookie was its.. uh, oh! make that a HIS name. no address, though.


so we 411'ed the animal hospital listed on his tag. hmmm. no answer.


hmph.


dog.


in my house.



So... Troy finished up with the kids and loaded the thing.. I mean Cookie... into my car and we headed to the Animal hospital.



it was closed.



There was an emergency number listed on the door... so I called it. (listen.. I don't know how YOU roll, but me having a dog in my house constitutes an emergency)

apparently, the number was to a state-run organization, and they were unable to link into the particular Animal Hospital's records to find out the owner's information.


"you should just keep the dog and bring it back to the hospital in the morning" said the person on the emergency line.


I hung up.



At this point, Cookie was nestled into Rhena's car seat, and was making no overtures to leave my presence. oiy.


so what could I do? I mean.. I couldn't just let it go. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of bringing it HOME. one.. because it's a dog, and dogs do what dogs do, and I don't want no do in my house, if you catch my drift. TWO--- Rhena. ok.. Rhena and TROY. Troy has mentioned on several occasions his interest in getting a dog.

Let me be clear.. I LIKE dogs. I HAD a dog. TWO of them, actually. but I have kids now, and fuck me running, kids take WORK. and dogs??? ugh. I really, and I mean REALLY don't want to have another thing to clean up after.

and damnit.. Rhena had that LOOK when the dog was in the house. TROY had that look. For all I know DANNY would have had that look, too, if he wasn't too busy being worried that the thing might eat his snacks.

and I'll admit.. the little bugger was cute. SMALL. I like small. and the whole time it was in our house it didn't bark. I LIKE not barking. but NO. do NOT need to go there.


ok. so. dog. in the car. bleh. stupid dog! walked right in our house. I mean.. seriously!


I called someone I knew who has a small dog and asked if I could swing by and have some food. She laughed at the situation, but welcomed me to come by and pick up some stuff. She made no bones about reminding me that sometimes when dogs ate food different than what they're used to that they will have the runs. and she didn't mean a fast jog. AWESOME.


so Cookie and I went to get it some food. our friends suggested that we let it stay outside.. but of COURSE right then it started to rain. OF COURSE.


but this time, cookie had been part of my life for about 2 hours... and now HE was giving ME a look. seriously. I was wondering if this was some bad joke that Troy was trying to pull.


I canvased stepford on my way home from our friends'... stopping to talk to anyone that happened to still be out in the sprinkling rain. on my last-chance-saloon-hail-mary-let's-go-this-one-last-street, I found two men gabbing out in their driveways. while they had not seen anyone looking for a dog, one asked what kind of dog it was.

I described my little castaway, and the man knew who the owner was. he gave me the address/description of the house... and off we went.


Thankfully, I was able to return Cookie to his rightful home. They were appreciative, as was *I* that I did not have to bring home Cookie, only to have to take him away from Rhena once more.


Naturally, when I returned home, dog-less... rhena asked if she could get a doggie like that someday. I told her maybe.. when she was older.


what I did NOT say, however, that by 'older', I mean when she's 20, and not living here.


I guess I'll cross that bridge another time.

Point of Interest

I have a friend that jokes about how she's more interesting online than in person. I think I get what she's saying.


NOT that I prefer my friend online over in person. in the contrary. between her spontaneous humping, honking, eye rolls and wry wry humor.... oh, and her husband's home-made cookies... I do love being in her presence SO much more.


no.. I'm talking about me, here. (duh! I'm my favorite subject!!)


I've found recently that I have a LOT of visits here to the blog from people in stepford. No increase in phone calls... no extra invites to lunch.... just lots of observing of me at night. I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I was getting worried that maybe there's going to be a planned shanghai attack on my ice cream delivery.... then I thought maybe the homeowners' association was looking for new ways to cite a violation on the residents??

Maybe I'm too happy these days? I mean.. the toe is a set-back, but mostly I'm happy. And that's the kicker about Stepford. everyone here wants everyone else to believe how happy they are, but the majority of people here revel in other people's misery. oh well. maybe some day I'll TRULY give a shit.


in other news... on the subject of visitors and people reading my blog... Apparently, I'm a BIG ringer for people looking for the definition of a clusterfuck. Check that out!!! page ONE!! entry #5!!! on some levels I almost feel proud. Good to know I'm an authority on the important things in life.


also another oddity is that I get AT LEAST 2 hits A DAY on this post. oddly enough, it tracks back here through an image on google images, and like I said.. at LEAST 2 hits a day on that post. I'd like to think that the world is evolving into a bunch of fly-killers, but I think there's just a bunch of movie-nerds who like to have figurines. LAME!!!


anyways.. other than that.. just hobbling along. waiting for my ice cream. I made some espresso brownies yesterday, and they truly are delicious. I'm also going to make some cupcakes today to bring to our afternoon playdate. if I can keep the kids at bay long enough, I MIGHT finally try the gumpaste decorations... but they need a while to dry, so maybe not.

but at least I'll have a new post for the Crumbles blog. maybe. depends on when the ice cream gets here.

Happy Friday, gang! may all your weekends be "interesting!"



.

Something Wicked this way comes

tonight!!! I will be popular! I shall defy gravity! I will be changed for GOOD!!



yes.. tonight is the opening night of Wicked's run through Charlotte, and my mom and I have tickets. GOOD tickets, too, but who's bragging?


I'm very excited.



I'm ALSO very excited that I am done with the dentist until september some time. I had 4 (count 'em.. FOUR) cavities taken care of today. at 7:30am. gah.. what a way to start the day!


but that's ok.. I'm slowly regaining feeling back in my mouth, and I will make some coffee later so I can actually stay AWAKE through the show tonight. I won't be a TOTAL geek with the souvenir shopping tonight.. but I do plan on getting a program and at least a christmas ornament. ok, and maybe a shirt that says "I saw it before you did!!"... but probably not.

anyways. I'm excited.

Jealous

so yesterday morning, I was taking a shower.

this is my time of day to let the hot water calm and soothe, as well as mentally plan my upcoming day.


for the most part, the kids have been agreeable for me to indulge in this hot-water therapy every day. I mean.. they're still running around like banshees... but they're kind enough not to get hurt and to stay within my proximity during the process.


so that morning... just as I was soaping up and looking at my body.. I caught a flash of a very naked rhena streaking through the bathroom.

sigh.


for once, I did not stress about my child's tendancy to strip her clothes and run 'free' as a regular part of playtime. I actually got a little jealous.


it's not that *I* want to run around with my girly bits exposed... but there was something about rhena's unabashed comfortability that made me wistful. When did I start to hate my body? and more importantly.. how can I keep that from happening to rhena?


I'd LIKE to think we're doing a good job.. cause this child LOVES herself. just ask her, and she'll volunteer how she IS the prettiest dancer and that God made her 'just perfect', and that she's LUCKY to have 'crazy hair' and so on and so on. So it would APPEAR that she has a good body image. So how come I can teach her to be that way, and not take a dose of my own medicine?


I seem to first remember hating myself in high school. It was somewhere in the vicinity of 12th grade. which is odd enough, because ALL through high school it was common knowledge that certain girls had eating disorders and/or took laxatives so they would be thinner. But despite knowing what OTHER girls put themselves through.. I was always fine with myself. I was ME. and I was fine with that.

But just when all was going fine.. settled into senior year, I was class vice president, captain of this and that team... college planned out.... something happened. In true high school fashion ONE girl got a bug up her ass about SOMETHING, and all hell broke loose. I became the target of one girl's hormonal fury, and next thing I knew, my whole world was up-side-down. girls that I had known since GRADE SCHOOL gave me icy stares and muttered "fat" under their breath as I would walk down my row to my seat. one girl, in particular, who was quite homely and had me by at least a good 20 pounds, snarled at me and gave me the treatment. That, I think, was the deepest cut. For all the times I included HER at the risk of being seen as 'uncool'... SHE was turning on me.


needless to say, I shut down. To this day, with the exception of maybe one or two friends... I still harbor an indifference for the people I went to high school with. That period in high school taught me the true value of friendship, and that people in high school were only in my life because of the coincidence of where they lived. By graduation, all the 'surface' appearances and behaviors were made nice and cleaned up. But I left SWMHS a hardened person.


in many ways I suppose it provided me with an invaluable education in life. the next 10-15 years allowed me to socialize, date, and be professional without too many people ever being able to get under my skin. well.. except maybe myself.


since then, I have never really been able to be thrilled with what my body looked like. sure.. I spent a FARE amount of time in college and in seattle dancing on speakers in night clubs, and wore very little clothing in the process. though wearing 'very little clothing' at a club in the 90s seems so PRUDE compared to some of the outfits I see worn on TV these days.


but back to my point. here in stepford and around charlotte, I see MANY women wearing outfits that flaunt and accentuate their bodies. I know of some hens here in the hood that insist on wearing clothes in a tighter size because they can. (not saying that I or anyone else in the free world think they SHOULD... just that they can and do.)

I guess it makes me a little jealous. jealous that they have the confidence or enough self love to not cringe when they look in the mirror. maybe they, too, have a secret self-loathing, but are better at faking it. I personally, am tired of faking it. I just want to feel good in the skin I'm in.

and it's not to say that I don't APPRECIATE the body I have. it successfully conceived and gave birth AND nourished two of my greatest accomplishments. my feet have walked miles for a cause very important to me. my legs have stood against and helped me walk away from ridiculous situations. my hands and arms have touched and held people that this world is truly better off for them being in it. but when I look in the mirror... I don't see that. or at least I FORGET to see that.


I was just reading another blog the other day about surrounding yourself with people who accentuate your life. and that idea is SO applicable in this scenerio, too.


Rhena is happy in her own skin because she is surrounded by people who love every inch of it. I continue to have issues with my outer shell because I choose to associate with people who place high value on external appearances. And have 'friends' who remind me that my arms will always be fat. of course.. I also have friends and family who love every inch of me... but I tend not to hear them as much as I hear the unhealthy 'friends'. I need to stop that. especially before rhena starts to follow suit.


and maybe now, after writing this out, I understand that I'm not jealous of rhena. I'm happy. happy for her, and happy that despite my own image-issues, she remains unscathed and accepts everyone and everything as just right in shape and size.

even me.

Freedom!

so.. tonight is a bunco night. I am happy to announce that today was the first time in a long long time that I woke up on a bunco day without angst or stress.


I don't have to talk myself into wanting to go... I don't have to talk troy into coming home so I CAN go. it's like this WEIGHT has been lifted. it's very freeing.


I WILL admit that I was a little twitterpated last week about how I would be today. do I make troy go to work so it would appear I couldn't have gone ANYWAY? Do I make plans with one of my girlfriends so I'm out of the house and appear 'busy'?


One of my dear friends called me out on it, though. she said something along the lines of "...or you could just not do ANYTHING and know you quit because you didn't want to go anymore?" again. something like that. (ok, maybe it was more something like "fuck them!"... but I knew what she meant. like I said.... something along those lines)

she's totally right. and I took what she said to heart, and today... I woke up feeling GOOD. FREE, in a way.. like I said. SO FREE, in fact, that I can blog about it, despite knowing the hens of stepford have been reading my blog. I mean LURKING. cause despite all the IP addresses I have as proof, no one has stepped up to admit that they've been checking up on me. (What can I say.. troy's a computer geek... that shit is BOUND to rub off, ya know?)


but that's fine. I take it as a form of flattery. apparently I'm more interesting online than in person. (that was for you, susie! HAH) but anyways... it's not like I would share something on here that I don't want to be public knowledge. so lurkers.. keep on lurkin'. nothing's gonna change in these parts.

moving on. Danny had a playdate this morning while rhena was at school. that was fun. need to start doing that more so the boy can hang out with kids his own age. wore his ass out, though.. he was passing out on the way home from getting rhena. he even skipped lunch, which is uncalled for with the moose.


aaah... and I must have spoken too soon. or he smelled the pierogies I heated up for rhena. I hear him calling now, so it's go time for me.

so peace out, happy tuesday.. and may you each feel some freedom today!

the home stretch?

ok. I'm HOPING that troy will come home at some point today before midnight.

I remember seeing him on monday... he actually came home in time to watch the kids so I didn't have to bring them with me to CCD.


the rest of the week is a blur, though. I have been on double-duty bed routine since tuesday, and I'm a little worn out. it's not so much for lack of sleep... I'v e been getting about 6 hours a night.. so I'm doing well in that department.


just... the kids. well.. they're kinda driving me nuts. Danny's daytime sleep habits are unpredictable and at times not happening. this does NOT make for a happy boy during the high-stress times of the day like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and snack times.


and is it me, or do ALL three year olds secretly take speed? maybe it's just rhena. but when you combine her INCESSANT energy with her "follow-the-imaginary-script-inside-my-head-or-we're-gonna-take-it-from-the-top" role-playing she does... well.. frankly, by friday, I really think Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat can just fucking STAY in the cage.

and let's not forget that when I actually DO see troy again.. *I* get to give him a massage cause I didn't lose enough weight this week.


sigh.


I CAN do this.


anyways.. in other news... the church bake sale is this weekend, so I'll be making up stuff for that. that'll be a good 'busy' activity for rhena since it's puring out, and I am not gonna drag the kids out today.

Stuperbowl is this sunday.... We're supposed to be going to our neighbor's house. I'm on the fence about that one. I'm excited about getting out of the house... but given the fact that the game probably starts like a minute before bedtime for the moose, and I probably won't see troy until FIFTEEN minutes before we go... bleh. on the UP side.. I think of the chili and cornbread and know that once I'm eating (strike that.. SHOVELING IT IN MY MOUTH) well.. I'm sure I can rally.

that is, if I don't fall apart before then.

End of an Era

so today... I officially quit bunco.



I have a LOT of reasons why.. one of course being that someone threw up all over my house... but that for sure is not the only reason.


I suppose that's perfectly natural considering I went to bunco for all of about MAYBE three times in 2007? despite having a set date once a month.. I just was NOT able to get it together most months. either the kids had issues or troy was working, or we were out of town...


the biggest reason I think is the guilt. NOT GOING month after month has started to bother me. I mean.. for no lack of planning, like I said.. I just couldn't make it most months. this would leave me pissy, frustrated, short-changed.. you name it. month after month.


so I decided to stop kidding myself, and remove my tendency to get my hopes up and inevitably get disappointed each month. which is all a bunch of bullshit mind games to myself.. cause deep down I know I quit cause I have to keep putting my family's schedule and needs above my own... but on the surface I guess I at least feel like I was able to make the decision to quit. like some reverse-psychology empowerment or some shit.


oh well. bunco nights come and go. having a happy and harmonious family takes work and maintenance... and I feel (at least I'm hoping on this premise) that with enough investment now... I shall reap the rewards of free time in the future.

(yeah.. like when the kids are old and grown and doing their own thing and I have no friends or sense of self to do anything with?? I'll have PLENTY of free time then, right?? crickets chirp.)

ok. sarcasm aside.. I feel ok about this decision. I mean.. I don't get much time with my husband... and family time (meaning the four of us) is even rarer... so do I REALLY want to whittle away the few occasions a month that troy IS HOME on a night in some one's house surrounded by a bunch of women that I haven't seen in months? on the effort-out-reward-in scale... I'm just not feeling the balance there too much .

and once again.. I see I'm using words like balance again. can you TELL I haven't found it yet???


oh well. for now.. I'm cool with dropping out of bunco. I seriously doubt I'll see the women involved any more or any less now than before... and if the action of quitting takes away just one more thing that I stress about.. well, then I guess that's a good thing, Martha.

Sunshine in the rain

today, I was in line for the drive through at dunkin donuts, and a woman TOTALLY cut me off. hard to explain the actual logistics, but when I looked up from clipping coupons to give her a quizzical look (read "did you just cut me off, bitch?) she realized she made a mistake.


and it was an innocent mistake.. on account she wasn't paying attention. but either way.. now she was ahead of me in the drive-through lane. she did some frantic arm waving (read "oh my god I'm so sorry, I'm a total dumbass") and I smiled from my car and waved her ok.


turns out she gave the cashier $2 to put towards my order to apologize for cutting me off.

who says the sun can't shine when it's raining?

Fright Night

ok.. so if you ever catch yourself living in stepford, and attending a halloween-themed bunco... it is entirely acceptable to dress as a cat.



Might I warn against sticking silver skull confetti in front of your front teeth and trying to pose all ganstah, though....





you'll just end up looking like a retarded bunny. (retarded bunny dressed like a cat, that is...)

FYI

if you EVER happen to decide to clean my garage and accidentally knock over Troy's motorcycle...


might I suggest NOT attempting to hold it up for over 30 minutes to prevent it from getting scratched on the ground? really.. you'll just end up hurting your back.


also.. might I offer the advise that if you, too, are wearing flip-flops while your feet are slightly wet that there's PROBABLY no chance in hell you will be able to lift the 800+ pound bike into its upright position during that half hour of profuse sweating, praying, cursing and straining.... until, of course, someone walks by and runs to your aide because they're convinced that the screaming child they hear is pinned under said bike?


yeah. let's just say yesterday was NOT one of my finer moments.


the garage looks great, though... and no.. no scratches on the bike.

in the wee small hours of the morning

Danny was up early today.

I'm not going to get into how I'm really really trying to teach him that it's ok to sleep through the night right now, cause that's just a sad sad topic. period.


Anyway.. he was up at 6am, so I decided to hit the streets.

we got a good 20 minute walk in, and while I have to clock the mileage, I think we did a little over a mile and a half. not bad. definitely a good way to get the blood pumping for the day. oh, and to burn off the big-assed sandwich, beer, and two cookies I had for dinner the night before.


it's interesting what a different place stepford is in the morning. It's so quiet. I love it!


no screaming kids, no gossiping hens, no toothpaste commercial smiles on every corner with their perfectly practiced queen's waves.

don't get me wrong.. I actually do like the elements of stepford that make it, well.. stepford. I ENJOY the friendliness and sense of community... the warm and welcoming smiles, the friendly banter...

but I also like to be left alone occasionally. especially after a long night of screaming and crying. actually gives me a chance to think.


so today I was thinking about friends. Granted, I've been thinking about them for a while now, but this morning, I was thinking about certain friends that I haven't seen in a while, then I started thinking about some friends that have been around the whole time.


it's funny how you can have friends that things are always good with, others that you kinda get into a rut and go on auto-pilot, then others still that were always kind of there all along, but recently you realize just how very similar you are with them and you wonder why in hell you're not at their house right now drinking coffee.

but I guess in some respects, the friendships I have and maintain are just reflections of my own life as it has its ups and downs. ... and the wheels go round and round....


ok. that's enough babble. I guess I'm just saying that it was a nice walk this morning. Nicer still when I got home and was able to unstrap the Moose from my chest. you don't think about what a difference losing 20 pounds is until you strap it on, have it bounce around for 20 minutes. Hard to realize I had that much extra bouncing around for about 7 YEARS. yikes!



happy friday, gang!

Feeling Itchy

well... I had a feeling this day would come, and sure enough.... it did today.


there has been scuttlebutt around the streets of Stepford, and most especially at the recent Bunco gatherings of someone hosting a toy party.


a sex toy party.


I just got my invitation this morning, and I have to tell you... the whole idea makes me feel itchy. ok, ok... I'm sure many (if not MOST) of you are wondering what the problem is with someone throwing one of those sex toy parties. To be completely honest... I don't find anything wrong with someone HAVING one of those parties... I just have major issues with the idea of ATTENDING one.


I mean.. let's face it.. I'm not single anymore... (not that I ever had sex before I got married, mom and dad....) and as much as I enjoy my neighbors... these ladies are NOT my girlfriends. I mean... I don't discuss my marital sex life with these women.. why in hell would I want to purchase an accessory for it in front of them???


I guess it goes back to my little barometer I have when it comes to friends. There's the kind of 'friends' that you would allow to see you without a bra, the kind that you let come bathing suit shopping with you, the kind you can get drunk in front of, the kind you talk about your husband with, and finally... the ultimate level of trust in friendship.... the kind you would go to vegas with.


so... being that only a few of them even qualify for the no-bra level, you can imagine my apprehension for browsing things I would use wearing LESS than my bra.

and of course... if I've said it before, I've said it 100 times. I have issues. my brain??? it's one of those things that just does NOT shut off. the visuals keep coming no matter WHAT I do to cover my eyes. Think that part of Fight Club when Tyler is splicing in pornographic images into kids' movies. it's as perverse as it is horrific. This is about as best I can do to describe the visuals my brain conjures when I think of knowing what toys my neighbors are buying for use with their husbands.

insert itchy feeling here.


seriously... I've MET these women's husbands. and while there is no way I want to be thinking of the bunco girls themselves naked.... I SURE as hell don't want to picture them doing it with their husbands. then to add an element of kink??? my eyes burn just thinking about it.


so no. I do not think I will be attending the party thursday night. I'll be bleaching my skin that night.

Oh what a night!!!

late december back in 63.....


ok, sorry. got distracted there for a minute.


what I mean to say is... bunco was quite the night. QUITE. THE. NIGHT.


hmmmm.... what do you mean, "quite the night"???


well... let's just say that when all was said and done (or should I say ATE and DRANK)... one of our Bunco Girls found it completely necessary to throw up ALL OVER MY HOUSE.

yes... I said it.

THROW UP.

ALL

OVER

MY HOUSE.


ALL OVER!!!!!

ok... I think you get the point... but let me assure you that whatever you're imagining... it was worse. cause it was IN MY HOUSE. Did I mention that it was on the walls and all over the floors? nothing was spared... closets, doors, floors, walls, bathroom rugs... uggg.

My dear friend twinkie made a comment after all was cleaned up (which.. btw... both my friends Ilana and Maria stayed and helped me clean up all the vomit. anyone knows that a friend will help you when you're puking.. but a TRUE friend will help you clean up someone ELSE'S puke.. just because it's in your house. yes.. TRUE friends indeed)

anyways.. Ilana made the comment that my house was like Showtime at the Apollo... so now the casa de Fever has been dubbed "The Apollo". I like it. pretty fitting. I mean seriously.. there's always SOMETHING going on here... and usually set to music. not quite barnum and bailey, you see... but definitely more than the Cleaver's on a weeknight.

so "the Apollo" it is.


kinda makes you want to run right out and join a bunco group, huh????

dang meringue

so tomorrow... I'm hosting bunco. you know... stepford's version of a girls' night IN. sure.. there's a dice game somewhere in the evening... but I'm all about the hosting. something about throwing a party just makes me happy.


food, drinks... and gossip. lots of drunk housewives running their traps and eating too much. good times!!!

of our group of 16 ladies... three that I know of are celebrating their birthdays this month, so I declared this month's theme of bunco to be Birthday. *IF* I have the time tomorrow, I plan on making a soundtrack for the evening, and presenting the birthday girls with a copy as a gift. that, and birthday cake martinis. I think I've got the mark on the chocolate cake ones (though my mom didn't care for it... but I thought it was good)... I still need to play with the vanilla ones. (I'll take pictures)


food to be served includes balsamic chicken drumettes, grilled japanese eggplant salad, sweet potato fries with an herb salt and garlic mayo dip (all from the same Everyday Italian episode) , and a veggie platter with another herb dip. Sweets include berries on a cloud and assorted chocolates for the game tables.

so yeah... doing my prep work now. marinating, making the meringue discs, and mixing my dips so the herbs can 'set'. and trying to avoid mowing down previously mentioned assorted chocolates for the tables.

ok... I'm officially hungry now. pardon me while I go chew on my hands.

I'll Stop the World

Gotta stop my stopping in blogging to say that one of my dear friends finally had her baby.

Granted, the baby came BEFORE her due date, but still...


a sincere and hearty congratulations to my friend Jodes on the birth of her daughter, Zoe.

Jody and her husband are the kind of couple that makes you so happy that they are able to and DO procreate. they're good people, and not only does the world shine a little brighter when they're around... but the future looks a little better, too. Sure, I give her a bunch of shit cause she's got that whole "I'm from Brooklyn and can make my own food cause I'm all organic and shit" vibe to her... but I'm from Jersey and my body runs on processed food, so it's just my insecurities of how she can look so good without ever using aqua net in her life...


but SERIOUSLY.... I love her. she's good stock, and I'm oh so very happy that Zoe is here. Next up is Susie... but I'll talk about that later.


so anyways.... how the hell are you, blog-world??? is anyone still even out there?

as for me.. things have been quite busy. for a while, it was a bad kind of busy... filled with sickness and too many trips to the doctors' and hospitals... but now it's the good kind of busy again.

spring has sprung here in stepford, and as the flowers are blooming, so are my kids. Danny is HUGE. seriously. frigging aych-you-gee-eee HUGE. Rhena is... well, she is amazing. her brain goes on and on like her legs, and every day she makes me laugh myself silly and hold on for dear life as she pushes me to the brink of mental breakdowns. she is two. oh BOY is she two. but that's a good thing, Martha.


I feel like I have so much to say.... especially along the lines of where the hell and why have I been gone so long. in part, I think I had to dig in deep and find my way out of my post-partum funk. having the second child really put the screws to my daily routine and what I formally understood to be my life. I feel that now, just past danny being here for 3 months... that I'm starting.. just now STARTING to get a handle on things.

you see, when it comes to cleaning.....I have a bad habit of scooping things up, and shoving them in a box or bag, then 'hiding' said box from the public... usually into a closet somewhere. so while it looks like my house is in order... my closets will go toe-to-toe for any haunted house out there.

so I guess without being TOO-too wordy... (I know.. too late) you can say I was kinda cleaning out the closets the past few months. My girlfriend Jennifer calls it 'secret cleaning'. you know.. when you're cleaning up stuff that nobody really ever sees... like your underwear drawers, or your tupperware cubbord... or my brain.

so anyways... I guess I'm back. although... my folks are currently visiting, so I'm really not online that much. so I'll be scarce for another week or so.

but yeah.. I think I'm back. I mean.. is IS the season of Idol right now... and Paula is too annoying for me NOT to be blogging.



SO!! until next time, which will be much sooner than the last time.... peace out!