is this thing on?
yeah.. so it took me getting regular comments from 'anonymous' users who apparently were trying to pimp out viagra to remind me that i HAVE a blog (or two). Sad thing is the comments started coming last week, and it's taken me this long to come around and do something.
so here we are, friends (and anonymous viagra pimpers). Another year over. Traditionally, this is the time when we all sit back and review the year that has just passed. as I take a look at the dust on my keyboard.. it makes me realize.. there's not much TO review! at least not in terms of blog posts.
personally--- life was busy. my business, A Taste of Stepford became officially recognized by the state of North Carolina, and my bank. more importantly, it became something to a few dozen clients... what a validation! It really has been great. BUSY... and not exactly financially lucrative, but alas... it is REAL. and even though I make about 5 CENTS an hour when all is said and done... building this business has been a gratifying experience. kind of like parenting.
I love my husband, I love my kids.. and I've been blessed with a new sense of understanding in life when it comes to friends and the company I keep in general. not like recently.. just really over the year... but yeah. TOTALLY solid in this department now. I have GREAT friends, and really feel balanced with the amount of time I spend with them.
I'm fatter. (there.. I said it!) I'm not disgusting or obese or anything, but I'm definitely not gonna get cold if the temps drop a little, ifyouknowwhatImean.... meh. Lent shall come again, as will my desire to deprive myself of all the good things I bake. right now? I say bring on the coconut... momma needs some comfort food!
apparently I also need coffee. like regularly. seriously.. every day between 2-3pm? hola, senor WALL! mind if I slam into you for a little while? not sure if that's a getting old thing or a getting-out-of-shape-so-I-naturally-have-less-energy thing, but lord HELP MY ASS if I don't get caffeine in the afternoon. I'll be drooling through the kids' bedtimes for sure.
big year ahead for us... taking the kids to Disney. registering Rhena for kindergarten, and signing the moose up for preschool. I'm promising myself I will learn to make some sugar art/work with sugar more. supposedly, I'm going to get Danny to learn how to stop needing diapers, too. so yeah. big year. and that's just January.
maybe I'll be here more? maybe. Troy wrote himself a little blog entry the other week, and it got me thinking about how much I liked spouting off my opinion. maybe I'll get back in the habit? maybe I'll fold some laundry, too... but I don't want to get TOO far ahead of myself.
happy end of the year, people.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
is this thing on?
Monday, August 24, 2009
I don't know if you can hear me, feel me, or anything along those lines... but I'm gonna take the chance that you can.
Tomorrow's your birthday. I've been thinking about it for a while, and it's been coming and coming, and already.. wow... here it is.
and you're not going to be older than me.
I'm not here to make YOU feel bad... but damn sam and ten cases of shit fever.... I never thought there'd be an August 25th that I didn't get to remind you that you'll always be older than me.
fuck, dude. you're not HERE.
I suppose that's it in a nutshell. typical me.. self centered. But I miss you. I really do. I read Rob's updates on facebook and I get sad. I see Rhena do something cool and my heart breaks for Lindsay.
I feel guilty for missing you as much as I do, because again, I think about Rob and Lindsay and your parents and Sean. SEAN! can you believe he's getting married? SEAN! little baby Sean... fucking crazy, I tell you.
Anyways... Tomorrow, I'm going to TRY to celebrate your BIRTHday... and the 36 years after August 25th that you LIVED (and were still older than me.. hah!) I'm going to remember you, I'm going to celebrate you, and I'm going to talk about you to anyone who'll listen, and try to get anybody and everybody to donate some money so someday cancer is something people read about in history books. Tomorrow I will try to laugh. (or giggle and snort) I will secretly throw powder at people. I will say 'shit' when I'm not supposed to. I will blame someone else for something mischievous. and just for the hell of it, I'm going to strip in my room.
Yes.. tomorrow.. I will celebrate you, Rachel.
but tonight, I'm going to cry, and I'm going to miss you.
Friday, May 15, 2009
I totally recommend their services if you're looking for a cool personalized gift. and Carrie, the owner, is a real person... with a cool name to boot! Seriously, though. I've been happy both times, and will continue to give her business cause I think she's got a quality product and service going.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
that title ought to bring out some interesting searches, huh?
not much to report in these parts. We're finally getting back into a routine again. Rhena was off from school for TWO weeks! it was a good two weeks... we had slumber parties, we played games.. did some little 'missions' here and there... but not much else to show for it, I'm afraid. the weather was pretty crappy, so we didn't get down to the botanical gardens yet.. and the strawberries have been delayed cause north carolina had an identity crisis this winter and had some ridiculously COLD weather.
this week has been personally slated as "get my shit done' week. I have been baking, I have boxed up old clothes...
I've also been playing Mafia Wars on facebook like it's my damn job. so addicting! BAD, Carrie!
but yes. doing the baking, doing some cleaning... maybe even one of these days I'll get all my shit written and handed over to troy so the new Stepford site will be up and running. but I have been baking. I really missed that during Lent.
Not that I COULDN'T bake during Lent.. it just seemed pointless if I couldn't TASTE what I was making. so now that the restraints are off again, I'm back to business.
ok! that's that. if anything profound happens, I'll let you know. in the meantime... enjoy this video of danny thrashing ... I mean DANCING... to some tunes while we waited in carpool line for rhena a few weeks ago. Apparently over the break he's decided he only wants broadway showtunes, so this might be the first and last time for a video like this.
Friday, April 17, 2009
so here I am, in the middle of another nap time that took waaaaay too long to get here today.
wait... did I just say that out loud? yeah. I did.
my darling sweet lovable kids were terrors today. Danny threw a full-on tantrum that STILL has my ears ringing, and it's possible one of the kids bit the other one during a fight over dress shoes at one point. I saw no teeth marks, and given Rhena's tendency to exaggerate, this could be a fabricated ploy for sympathy... but who knows.
at any rate, the winds shifted and the kids were nothing but sugar later and we did get to spend some time at the park and do some food shopping. win-win. you know, except for that whole screaming terrors routine they were working earlier. can't forget that part.
So y'all know I love me some TV. I have a few shows that I watch regularly, and I do enjoy the escapes they provide. I like to be entertained, I really do. I mean.. who doesn't, right? the FORM of entertainment may be different for different folks, but nonetheless... we all like to be entertained in our own ways.
Troy doesn't like watching shows with me sometimes. you see.. I have this horrible habit of pausing whatever show we're watching to give him my prediction of how the show/movie/story will turn out. like the minute I think I've figured it out. I know, I know.. I'm one of THOSE people. seriously. don't ever take me to a movie. I'll just ruin it for you.
I will do the little 'blow-on-the-knuckles-and-polish-them-on-my-chest" move and say that I've got an about 90% accuracy rate when it comes to my guessing, too. which of course makes shit even THAT MUCH MORE annoying to others, cause then what's the point if there's no mystery to watch unravel.
I tease Troy and say it's cause I'm a gypsy (Hungarian heredity, thank you mom!) but the truth? how can I NOT figure out shit? does he not REALIZE how many MINI-DRAMAS I watch unfold like EVERY DAY with our kids??? I'm sure I have seen enough character development, plot building and rise and falling of main characters just in the morning we have to get Rhena ready for PRESCHOOL that we could surely open a summer theater camp. never mind my teaching days and Rhena's dance days where they are allowed to do free-play til like TEN in the morning (oh yes.. the extra half hour always allows for a few more storyline twists.)
I'm still trying to figure out how I can make a profit on this. I'm SURE if Steven Spielberg or Ron Howard were to sit with my kids for a week of mornings, there's be some fantasmic movies the following summer as a result. especially if special effects were added. and a soundtrack. PLEASE a different soundtrack. cause really? Rhena's made-up dance routines are fun; but watching her dance to "margaritaville" with a large fake plant are starting to border on 'concerning behavior'.
oh and while I'm at it.. James Patterson, if you're reading?? I have a GREAT idea for a novel for you. it involves a stay at home mom who loses her shit. really. call me. we could be fabulous together. just ask my kids.
Monday, April 13, 2009
some times i feel like I just want to write. about anything, nothing.. the same shit, different shit, the fact that I took THREE shits yesterday (true story), but just SOMETHING.
other times.. which is usually MOST of the time... I've got nothin'. well, no.. that's not true. there's ALWAYS something going on.. this is the "apollo" after all....
but who wants to hear my dribble? especially when i should be folding laundry? or finishing up the shit I owe Troy for my Stepford site?
I suppose if you're reading this, there's some part of you that IS interested in my dribble. or you're looking for a reason to laugh at me. there's usually a few morsels of asshat behavior to go around in here, so i can understand that.
but yeah... I've been blogging more or less now for what.. 5 years? still don't consider myself a BLOGGER. and apparently i still wonder why people even read this here page. (again.. the occasions to point and laugh not withstanding.) hate all the blogitics with kissing this one's ass and being that one's reader. screw that! I don't even follow TV celebrities.... forget about following normal people who blog!
nonetheless... I still hear about things. call it third party exposure, background noise, or just perhaps newsworthy shit comes your way. like that whole brad-jennifer-angelina mess. like.. i don't even know who's with who or why or even CARE.. but i know enough to know they're all connected.
so needless to say, I've been at a loss lately now even with twitter. apparently, there's been a slew of babies of people who twit that have died within the past week or so. FUCK ME RUNNING. seriously. I can't go there. I mean.. I'm still trying to function from an ADULT dying... never mind take on the emotional hell of thinking about babies passing away.
and I KNOW that's the right thing.. the blinders... cause again... how much can I take on before it begins to take away from the ones who need me the most??? but then I feel a little guilty. like I SHOULD be doing something. as a mother! as a Christian!! as a decent person who has a moral sense!!!
so yeah.. there's a TEENY bit of guilt there that I'm not leaving comments and turning things purple in memory of someone's dead child. but my truth remains that if Rhena or Danny were to die? the entire fucking WORLD could turn purple and it wouldn't matter to me.
it just wouldn't. it would be too late.
my prayers go out to those of you who are suffering from the loss of a loved one. my only hope is that those of my readers with whom I have a personal relationship with will always know in their hearts the love and support I have for them.
FOR YOU, I will dye my entire body a color to ease your suffering. I will make my daughter stay dressed for once, I will make donations, I will bake cookies and ask strangers to do strange things. I would most likely do much more, but don't want to make suggestions cause a good percentage of you may actually make me follow through on these offerings.
for my own family, I would define the word limitless.
but I will not... CAN NOT... allow death to be a starting point. forgive me for that, but I prefer to be part of your LIVES.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
So... we're closing in on another Easter. that's cool. you know.. if you're in to Jesus and all that. As y'all know, I'm on the Catholic plan... so Easter is celebrated up in here. so again.. yay for that!
It's been an interesting few months around here.... though clearly not THAT interesting, cause really? if I had something good to blog about I probably would have. and this blog has been collecting more dust than my china closet lately.
so no. not interesting, really. at least not what the general public may consider interesting. but I think I've said that already. (wow... talk about rusty journaling... I suck at blogging anymore! I can't even TYPE coherently. y'all are probably thinking.. shit.. she finally posts and THIS is what we get??? )
so what exactly DID I have to say?
lent. lent was good to me.
please note that I did not say lent itself WAS GOOD. no... I'm very cranky right now as I REALLY REALLY fucking miss coffee. STUPID! WHY did I give up coffee? does giving up coffee make Jesus love me more? DOUBT IT! and tea? meh. I've been drinking it for the caffeine... but I'm SO OVER IT. I neeeeeeeed a cup of coffee. really. with creamer. mmmmm. I can't wait til Easter.
but that bit aside.. Lent was good TO me. I fasted. I abstained. I chose differently. I took some time and actually walked the walk a little.
I wouldn't say I feel HOLIER. no.. I'm still a mess of a woman who gets cranky when things don't go right. DEFINITELY not more holy.
but I DO feel more at peace. (now the REALIST in me can argue that I feel more at peace because my jeans fit me again from the few pounds I've lost... ) but something.... I dunno. just feels more CONNECTED.
connected with WHAT... I can't quite say. perhaps myself. perhaps the world? can't tell. but I feel more appreciative. hopeful. inspired.
like.. I'm noticing all the GOOD that happens in the world again. I'm seeing people and relationships as inter-woven tapestries instead of compartmentalized blips you turn on when you need them. And I'm TOTALLY buying into the idea that my little good deeds and acts of kindness CAN inspire others to do likewise.
not that I didn't do things in the past. it's just that now I feel like my purpose for doing a good deed is to spread joy to someone else, and not for someone else to recognize me.
though I suppose that's a contradiction in a way. now more than ever I'm making sure that what I do is something that can and will be recognized by my children. well-- as something they, too, would like to do or say. but GENERALLY speaking... know what I mean?
Anyways. I feel... much like spring and Easter itself, I have, through this past Lenten Season, shed some darkness, and am rising up into a new season of me. I'm still mournful from Rachel's passing.... but rather than it be the reminder of sadness, guilt, and loss that I've allowed it to be since September, I'm starting to allow Rachel's LIFE be a reminder of how our time here together really truly IS a gift. A chance to do right by each other, to learn, and to teach.
and to just be fucking HAPPY already. know what I mean?
enough of the bitching and moaning of what isn't and what we don't have. Time to start taking stock of what it is we DO have... and more so.. start putting it to good use.
speaking of have and good use. I have 2 bottles of fat free vanilla creamer. Sunday's almost here, gang.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
so some random thoughts have gone through my brain this past week.
first off... I took Rhena and two of her friends to see the Charlotte Symphony's production of Cinderella this past weekend. that act alone brought up MANY thoughts.... one of which I am so happy to be done with two children. seriously.
fitting 3 car seats/boosters in the back of my car awakened the engineer in me, and being in a parking garage woke the acoustics specialists in Rhena and her two friends. holy good CRAP I had no idea three girls could be so loud. I mean.. WOW.
I learned that not all Cinderellas are created equal. period. and while I may have understood this notion starting several years ago when I would see different kids around the neighborhood dressed UP as Cinderella... (let's face it.. some girls need more than a fairy godmother to pull off the old Cinderelly getup) seeing my daughter see a production of the story done by a handful of actors and several puppets... well.. it's obvious that Cinderella can be different.
But this is good. I like knowing my child can be happy without a disney label slapped all over the place. the essence of the story clearly came through, and I did see the far-off-I-love-this-story-and-I-just-KNOW-some-day-my-dreams-will-come-true look in Rhena's eyes. That's magic. LOVE that magic.
What else. we met an usher named Rena. how cool is that? the woman was about equally gobsmacked when she heard me call to Rhena.... so much that she stopped me to ask if I just called her what she thought I called her. I would have loved to chat with her more.. but me and three girls ages 4-6 does not permit for much idle chat.
Oh.. here's one for you. the 6 year old of the group.. my neighbor's daughter??? she knows ABBA lyrics better than I do. and 'm not talking just that dumb assed Dancing Queen cause her momma forces her to listen to 80's crap music. I mean... there she was.... telling me to put on track 16 and 18 and specifically requesting "I had a Dream." I was impressed. like REALLY impressed. she'll get invited again, no doubt about that.
I'm taking the kids to the dentist today. Moosey's first visit. stress stress stress... I'm sure he'll do fine. we'll see.
I've been baking this week. like a LOT. I like baking.
alright. time to get my motor running. lots to do!
Friday, February 06, 2009
do you ever find yourself sitting back wondering "how the hell did THAT happen?"
sometimes mistakes happen, then time passes, and uh-oh... what was a teeny mistake a while ago turns into a hot mess of hurt feelings, unspoken anger and/or uncomfortable tension.
My kids in my CCD class made their first reconciliation last month, and when I was explaining the process to a neighbor, she commented on how horrific it sounds. I mean.. on one hand.. I totally agree... being 8 years old and telling some priest all the shit you've done wrong is NOT exactly one's idea of a good time. Much less being 30-hundred years old and fessing up to your wrong-doings.
But yet... what a process, huh? just taking pause, and saying "I'm sorry." and not "sorry.. but... whatever this and that reason"
just.. "I'm Sorry." powerful stuff.
So last year, I bitched and moaned to Kerrianne and Chris for 100 years about how I wanted a felt mustache. so Christmas cheer and glory... they sent it to me!
oh.. the plans I had!!!! I made about 1 1/2 dozen mustache cookies, and was going to wear the felt 'stache' while holding the PLATE of cookies... all while sporting my new chef coat that my parents gave me for my birthday.
then I lost the mustache. ugh. THEN... I never said anything. DUH! why NOT? I dunno. I really don't know. but now that i DIDN'T.. I feel like I'm walking around with this ELEPHANT of guilt. and the funny this is I'm out trying to do a bunch of good deeds for a bunch of OTHER people.. but still not addressing the two people I screwed up with. WTF is WRONG with me?!?!?
I should just take a lesson from my class.. oh wait.. the same lesson I've been teaching THEM (oh, the irony.. it's such a cruel cruel bitch...) and just say I'm sorry. and I was GOING TO.... but then I found the mustache!
so anyways..all's fine.. just apologize already, you dumb Polack! but now... I STILL procrastinate, and feel like I can make the apology BETTER by still sending the cookies... (though not the original batch. sadly, I never got around to taking that one picture... and between me, troy, and the kids.. cookies don't survive long in these parts. )
so this weekend, I'm hoping to just kind of whip up a batch of apology cookies, and hope the valentine's day aura of love helps them forgive me. if not for the initial losing of the stache... then hopefully for me just being so dumb and not being honest about what was going on.
SO to my favorite blogging couple in Oregon? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I really do feel like a dumbass for the way I let a simple mistake escalate into a THING, and I really hope y'all will accept the long-lost stache and my apology package.
speaking of cookies.. I'm hosting a valentine's contest over on the baking blog. super easy to win, so go on over....
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Last night, in the kids' pre-bed dance party, Troy had taken the lead while I could stay downstairs for a few minutes to ensure that the gagillion shows we watch were going to be properly recorded.
When I came upstairs, Carol King was BLARING some Chicken Soup with Rice. To add to the ambiance, the lights were out,and the kids were flickering their $1 barnyard animal flashlights and busting moves like only white people can do.
Maybe it's hormones, maybe it was just the end of a really long and crappy day... but something about hearing Carol King just made me tear up. I wouldn't have said the tears were from joy or sadness... but it truly was this escape of emotion as I just sat, watched, and allowed myself to BE.
I LOVED Really Rosie growing up. I STILL love that soundtrack. What I love even more is seeing Rhena and Danny totally JAM to it, too. I don't think they're at the age where they can really just dive IN to the music and pretend they're there on Avenue P... but maybe.
My folks had gotten me the nutshell library some time back. It's one of my favorite collections. TINY little things... but the memories! I love them. A few times a year, I'll sneak away to my closet and flip through the books. it's so hard to even begin to describe the connection I have with those books... you just have to take my word for it. but it's good.
If you're at ALL familiar with the Really Rosie characters or Maurice Sendak, grew up in the 70's in the NYC metro area, or just plain looking for something cool to share with your kids... then the nutshell library, the soundtrack, the book, and any and all of the associated stuff is just awesome. Though.. truth be told... those nutshell library books are NOT for toddler hands. at least not Danny's. he could probably EAT the damn books if he wanted. Yes.. I would have much rathered.. as a parent... to see them in board books.
and also? I picked up another one of Sendak's books, In the Night Kitchen, one time when we were in the bookstore a year or two ago. hmph. I'd forgotten just how very NAKED the main character, Mickey, gets. and how very DETAILED the illustrations are.
anyways... enough of my reminiscing. It was, is, and I hope will CONTINUE to be a good time sharing things from my childhood with the kids. kinda like when Rhena recently saw the Little Mermaid for the first time, and I was able to pretty much quote every line in the movie. She was looking at me like I was some CHAMPION GOD descendant with inside secrets of Disney. hah. little does she know. LITTLE does she know, I say! But back to my point. That Carol King. I'm telling you.... she gets me every time.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
so one of the things I touched on in the new year's letter to friends and family is that Troy and I are going to start having a monthly date night. I'm proud to say that tonight we have reservations at Ruth Chris, and I have a dress that miraculously still fits me after all the eating I've done this Christmas. ok.. so no miracle.. it's a stretchy material, and I bought it in the REGULAR women's size instead of the petite size. but still! even in the regular size it's a very single digit size, so that's good.
I could go on a really long tangent about my deep-rooted fear of become crazy fat again like I was when I was in nevada. and some people could easily get pissed off or more so have no sympathy cause my neurotic self-image makes me feel that me in a size 10 is absolutely disgusting, and for a while I was packing size 12s in nevada. this is not to say that I look at someone who may be a certain size with utter disdain. just myself.
but this is my blog and my issues, and I'm telling you my petite 4s are not fitting me and I feel fat. but hooray for psycho-crazy mind games... the dress I'm wearing tonight is a 4... albeit REGULAR size 4... but that knowledge that I can still wear a size 4 combined with a glass or two of wine will allow me to push through my OTHER deep rooted issues of lacking any semblance of a sex drive and perhaps.. just perhaps have a conjugal visit with my husband. just sayin'.
ok. not bad. only a short tangent.
so anyways. date night! tonight! babysitter.. SCHEDULED! annnd... the best part? well, not sure if this is the best part or just another really good part or what.. BUT... I already have our babysitter lined up for a date night in February! woooo! (see? TOTAL "WOO!" girl, I am, I am!) so yeah.. 2 for 2! this is big, people!
last year we gave ourselves a goal of going to 6... only SIX restaurants over the course of a year together. we went to 3. THREE. over a WHOLE YEAR. and only ONE of the restaurants was together. not good, dude.
so our date is tonight (WOOO!), and next month, our date is on valentine's day. TOTALLY corny, I know... but??? but! I have NEVER been on a date for valentine's day in MY LIFE. I have been out drinking... I have been home crying, I have been home sick, pregnant, or otherwise tending to a child in some form of distress... but never out with my man on the day itself.
so next month we continue our journey into LIVING together by having a date on V-day. again.. corny, I know. but corn is a vegetable, and I need to be on a diet, and vegetables are good for diets, so bring on the corn.
you know... just a glass or two.
Monday, January 19, 2009
New year, huh?
I suppose it is. For that... hooray. I always like starting a new year. not as much as celebrating my birthday or going out to dinner... but new years work for me.
As you can see... I canned the pink. it'll be back, cause let's face it.. I do love pink. but for now... I'm working the black. It's slimming, no?
This is going to be another re-building year for me, gang. let's face it.. Rachel passing away flat out knocked me on my ass. I'm still nowhere near ok with her being gone... but I gotta get moving again. I was consumed with guilt a lot these past three months... and overall just lost and paralyzed. wait.. have I said this before? either way. it is what it is.
I sent out New Year's cards (instead of the christmas card) and included a letter to our friends and family in which I touched on some resolutions and the general state of life here in the house o' cze-johnson.
I'd talk about them now, but most of the few left who still check here probably already GOT the card, and really? I just wanted to get this obligatory first post over with. oh, and apparently one of the batteries in a fire alarm is going out, cause I hear a chirping.. a loud, ear-piercing CHIRPING which will SURELY wake up the sleeping child whom shall remain nameless but holy good LORD I need that boy to be napping right now... so I'm gonna go get that taken care of. that chirping needs to stop.
cause you know... naps are good. mommy NEEDS the kids to nap.