Dear Rhena

Rhena-

if you ever read this blog some day (lord, I hope NOT) I want to let you in on something. I'm NOT as great as you think I am. or.. depending on how old you are if/when you do read this.. I AM not as great as you think I am. am not. whatever. you know what I mean. I mean I suck sometimes.

I fell asleep yesterday in the middle of the day. it started innocent enough; you and your brother were taking your naps. I, was completely exhausted. I thought I'd be able to sneak a quick cat-nap to make it through the second half of our day. but I konked out.

your daddy called me at 4pm... which is why I woke up.


Honey.. I knew you had dance class, and I still fell asleep. and I woke up too late to take you. and I'm SO SORRY. I'm even sorrier that I made up a lie by saying that class had been cancelled. That was really shitty of me.

The truth is that I fucked up. and I didn't think you would understand. so again.. I'm sorry.


I'm also sorry that we spent a good portion of our morning and mid-day today waiting for your nose to stop bleeding. I know it's not my fault that you get bloody noses, but the fact that I had something to do with making you, I feel somewhat responsible. no little child should have to deal with THAT much blood. We laugh and joke about your 'silly nose' but it makes me ache inside to see that much blood come out of your tiny face. and so often. Anyways... I know that has nothing to do with you missing class yesterday, but I just wanted to say that I really think it sucks that your nose bleeds so much. not funny.. not silly.. SUCKS.


so... again.. I'm sorry you had a shitty week, and that some was from my doing. or lack of doing. Gram and Grampa are coming tomorrow, though.. so I have a feeling next week is gonna be a whole lot better. even though dance class really IS cancelled for next week.


.

something happened

something happened to me these past few months. I stopped writing about life, and started living it.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with blogging. I think it's a great tool for communication. networking. stress relief. sharing. (even when shit probably shouldn't be shared)

but.... it just hasn't been my top priority lately.

which is a shame, cause I feel like an ass for not taking enough pause to publicly note that my mooser turned one. back in november. oops.

but hey. look at him. he's happy, he's healthy... and now he's one.

House of Mirrors

so I'm guessing that in every parent's life, there comes a time when you can no longer avoid the realization that EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) you do will be repeated, either verbally or physically, by your offspring. Sometimes this is a good thing... sometimes... well.. let's just say that Troy and I might need to start being careful of what and how we say things.


Little Miss Boogie-Pants is really taking a stronghold of this particular tactic lately. Evidence can be found every hour, on the hour, with a few bonus showings throughout the day.


Case-in-point.... overheard from the playroom:

"Baby! I said no more whining! Do you want to go to your room? ok, then no more whining!"



with her brother:

"I really love you, Moo-Moo, but playing with that is NOT a good idea."


in the food store around some other rowdy children:

"SETTLE DOWN!!! I REALLY can't think with all this noise, Mommy..."


while I'm folding laundry:

"you need to clean up, Momma, cause Daddy doesn't want to see this mess when he comes home."


and fresh off the presses... to ME, after the 3rd time I told her to wipe her hiney and get dressed:

"I'm GOING to wipe and get dressed!!! Now quit asking or you won't go outside today!"




I'm getting a sinking feeling that we might see a note or two coming home from her preschool teacher.

...And down will come baby....

...changing table and all.



so let me preface this post by saying that he's ok.



long story short, Danny ended up head-first into his hamper last night, despite being buckled into his changing table. (I needed a clean onesie and his pjs, but because I just did laundry that day, they were in a basket in rhena's room, so I gave danny a toy, strapped his ass down into the changing pad, and headed to rhena's room for the change of clothes. as I was walking back to danny's room, I heard a sickening THUD. I discovered Danny head-first in his empty hamper, changing pad still on the table, strap still buckled shut.)

After I pulled him out, stripped him down to his diaper to check for broken or bruised anythings, I did cry for about an hour... him? maybe a minute, if that.


Overall, I am just completely exhausted today. from the emotional stress, to the physical wear and tear of not sleeping, because I was at his crib-side for any and all noises he made last night.

I am BEYOND thankful for his well being (not a scratch, bump or bruise!) , for Troy being the best husband and father EVER (not only did he take care of Rhena, but calmed MY hysterical ass down and not once tried to pull the 'how the fuck did you let THAT happen' card on me), for having a pediatrician as a friend and next-door neighbor (she gave danny a full exam and told me exactly how to monitor him throughout the evening) and just thankful in general because he is my precious baby Daniel, and I would just as soon have my own skin ripped off than to see him hurt in any way.


I'll be back to my regular bitching and moaning tomorrow. today I'm just going to be thankful. and you know... change Danny on the floor.

shit sandwich

so yesterday was one of those shit-sandwich kind of days... with really really good bread.


confused?


well, basically, the beginning and END of my yesterday was awesome... minor crap in the middle.


day started off with troy bringing me donuts. cause I said I was craving on. ask for one.. get 12!! how can I NOT love that man???

did some errands, got my back cracked, had some lunch. all good and dandy.

took rhena to the pool. this is where things were not nice.


I mean, the pool was fine and everything, but at one point, when time decided to stand still.. rhena slipped in the kiddie pool and fell backwards into the water.

during this millennium-long second, I saw her entire face, underwater.... looking up with fear. blue eyes WIDE open, as was her mouth, inhaling the water.

I hear no sound during this eternity; just her eyes getting bigger as she kept going backwards.

I finally saw my arms slowing snatching her out of the water and holding her like it was the first and last time I ever would.

If a person with no heart was timing us, everything probably happened in three seconds.. but to me... I have seen three years go by faster.


and it's true. I saw myself three years ago, planning my wedding to troy, our actual wedding day, our honeymoon, me going back to work, me quitting my job, me getting pregnant, and every minute of my life with rhena in it since her birth. all of those thoughts and memories crammed in the space between my arms and her tiny tiny precious perfect body... her tiny tiny precious perfect body underwater looking at me, unable to breathe.

Rhena was fine.. she didn't even cry.... coughed once or twice for effect, then was clamoring to be let back down for more splashing. again.. the whole falling, underwater, and me grabbing her took all of about three seconds... but I can honestly say I don't ever recall being so scared in my entire life.

we stayed at the pool for another hour or so.. then slowwwwly walked home (ole grey mare ain't what she used to be anymore). had a great evening together and with troy, and even spent some quality down-time with my girlfriends down the street.


oh yeah!! even had a PACKAGE waiting on the front step when we got home!!! full of FUN STUFF!! things! for me!!! but more on that another time.


so whatever. yesterday at the pool shook me up, but all in all... in a good way. It made me thankful for my diligent habits with rhena. what if I WASN'T watching her and soaking her cuteness in? who would have pulled her out of the water? It made me appreciate her life, her place in MY life, and even so much for me to appreciate the One Within. maybe sometimes it takes the idea of loss to remind you how good you have things.

I'd LIKE to think I don't need a lot of three-second-near-death experiences to remind me how generally fucking good my life is. I certainly don't go LOOKING for them to happen. But... the bottom line is that sometimes shit DOES happen.... and you can either bitch and moan about the shit, or enjoy the really really good bread it's served on.


have a great weekend, gang.

Day late and a box short

ok.. I don't know it this counts for being more interesting, but *I* always like hearing myself bitch.. so hear goes nothing.

our garbage men. and women. even the halfsies.... are on my NERVES.


but I should be more specific. The garbage service has been fine enough. every week we get our green monster emptied, so I can fill it with more and more odorriffic diapers from rhena. ew.. and rotten discarded food in summer heat. good lord.. no wonder I'm puking so much!

anyways.. no major complaints with those folks cause our shit (literally) gets picked up each week. the time is never the same throughout the day, but hey.. more power to them; they want to mix up their day by changing the route every week??? rock on, my friends.... as long as they keep taking my crap away, I'm happy.

however.. the recycling crew is past my last nerve. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY are they making it so difficult for me to RECYCLE??? TWO weeks ago, they never picked up the recycles. and our shit was FULL that week. so I started an extra box of recycles, because the original bin was overflowing.

well last week they finally came, and thankfully they took everything. but THIS week... they didn't show up again!! WTF!!! Now... I know I'm not always the most in-tune person, but we DO get the news here under my cozy little rock I've been under, and there has been no talks of sanitation strikes in the area. now town announcements saying we're changing the pick-up schedule. nothing.

(ps.. I'm a LOT more irritated about this than I'm conveying; I just happen to be mowing down some Vermonty Python ice cream while typing.. and how can you really be THAT mad when you have so much happiness in your mouth???)


anyways.. they finally came just a little while ago, but did NOT pick up the large box I had broken down and placed next to my recycle bin. I guess if it's not officially IN the green container, and they're not a week late, they refuse to take anything else. asswipes.


and I mean that nicely, but seriously... if I'm going to recycle, then I'm going to recycle. just somebody fucking let me DO IT, you know?

oh well. I'll try chopping up the box into SMALLER pieces for next week, and maybe if they're stacked on TOP of the green bin they'll get taken.

speaking of taken.. I had to put the ice cream away. I think I ate half a pint just now. and as good as it is... why tempt the spirits of my digestive tract into giving me more to purge?


oh, and speaking of PURGE.. I may as well purge my soul with yet another way of how I'm a bad mother. I put rhena down for her nap early because she was being a total pill. when I just came in from recycle-a-go-no, I saw that she indeed was NOT "all done" with her waffle earlier this morning... and had merely emptied the contents of her special morning waffle-bag on the front steps. yup. pretty much the whole thing. right there. on the steps. not in the baggie. cause the baggie was given to me a few hours earlier with the proclamation that she was "all done!" and thrown away, of course. (but not recycled, cause the bin was outside not being picked up, you see)


so perhaps her incessant crying was NOT because she was tired full and cranky and needing a nap... rather hungry and pissed off that her asshole mommy who was too consumed with doing chores, bitching about the recycles and eating ice cream.... put her to bed hungry.


I really do suck at this sometimes.

PAH- rentals

yeah... so that's just my fancy way of saying that the folks are a comin to town!


They're hitting the road this morning; how early, I have no idea... and depending on how crazy my dad makes my mom... they'll either arrive this evening or tomorrow.


I'm hoping the old man doesn't piss her off too much and they can actually make it in one trip; but he does resemble my grandfather in many ways (and when I say that I don't mean he looks and acts dead... I mean he's a shitty... er... not exactly the best.... driver. Downright scary at times, truth be told.... ) so yeah. they may get to virginia and be at the point where someone needs a drink or shit'll get postal.... or they might just might feel the force of Rhena and keep on trucking.


I have a feeling they're going to do it all in one shot... being that 2 days ago, with rhena playing right in front of me, she fell and whacked her nose on the coffee table, resulting in her first major bloody injury. I have a feeling my mom thinks I'm slipping a little.

oh well.. either way; it'll be nice to have them here for the visit. again... provided they actually both make it here.


speaking of miss boogeypants; it sounds as if she's waking up, so that means breakfast time here in the Johnson Manor. plus I ought to do a little more housework so my folks don't think I live like a diva eating bon bons ALL the time. You know... only when my child needs to be watched and noses need protection.


have a great day, gang; I'll check in when I can!