Friday, October 27, 2006

The song remains the same

ahh yes. same shit, different day.

actually, I lied. It's raining today, so TECHNICALLY it's not the SAME shit.

had another appointment today. gaining weight like Mariah Carey cancels concerts (refer to MiMi's latest here...) and the cervix remains on the lock down. repeat... NO SIGN OF BABY HERE!!!!

The good news is that the doc today said they won't let me go past 2 weeks overdue, so WORST case scenario, I'll be popping this muffin out the week of thanksgiving, and won't be expected to entertain anyone. HAH!

oh well. whaddaryagonnado? Again.. I have my 'drop dead' date in my head, and although it's horrifyingly like a month away... I have to believe that if I focus on that late date, then at some point along the way, I'll be pleasantly surprised by the One Within no longer being within.

Of course, the astrologically inclined side of me is almost hoping for the late date, cause that would mean we would then have THREE saggitarians in our house, vs two sags, a virgo and a (shudder!) SCORPIO.

but in the long run a scorpio would probably be better than that later date, cause who knows who's gonna get hurt if my mom ends up staying til then. KIDDING! ok, but not really. I honestly don't know if the ole lady's knees can handle Rhena til then.

but whatever! today is friday and I have chocolate in the house. that has to count for something......

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Another Quickie

aside from having the attention span of a gnat lately... I just haven't had the time to really sit still for long periods of time.

even sleeping has been sporadic, as I have to get up to pee every time the One Within decides to play "Jimmy* Crack Corn" on my bladder.

anyways... I couldn't help but notice that "Stay at Home Mom" (or even WORKING Mom, for that matter!!) didn't make it on MSN's 10 Sexy Jobs List.

imagine that!

* No, mom... the child is NOT going to be called Jimmy... though I *am* beginning to consider my MIL's suggestion of Buck. Buck is gender nuetral, right????

High and Tight

I know this phrase can mean a lot to a lot of different folks..... marine's haircut... mom jeans.... a prude at a club....

in this case I'm talking about my cervix.

just checking in real quick in between a diaper change and run to do some errands to let y'all know that there is no eminant sign of this child coming out soon. my cervix... much like a turtle.... is hard, closed, and about 50 feet up my who-hah. (-2 station for all y'all med nerds)

I'm guessing that the kid will arrive somewhere between nov 12th-15th... much to the chagrin of my Nov 7th due date. but that's just me.

feel free to bet amongst yourselves as I go change my child's shit-covered ass, then spend my husband's hard-earned money at middle-class america's crackhouse...

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Unknown soldier

I am a soldier in an unknown battle, folks.

I have been very anxious lately with the shit-storm of activity that's headed my way... yet I just don't know how to prepare for it.

On one hand, I DO know a baby WILL be coming out of me... and that baby's gonna be a small helpless little thing that's going to need a LOT of attention (and milk and diapers). I'm going to be getting very little.... if any.... sleep. It's not going to be easy. but I'll do it, and I'll manage, and one day I'll wake up and that baby will be a few months or a year old, and I will catch my breath. And I take comfort that I will have a husband by my side during all aforementioned struggles, cause that's just how we roll here in Johnsonville.

but that's about all I know.

will it be a boy or a girl? when will it come? will it be a vbac or will I need to get cut open again? will it be healthy?

and then there's Rhena. .....perhaps my biggest source of strife right now.

people. I LOVE me some Rhena. I mean love love love.... makes me cry I love her so much, LOVE my baby girl.

how is SHE going to handle this new baby?

better yet... how am *I* going to handle making sure Rhena is no less loved with another body in our house?

I mean.. I know deep down it'll all work out and Rhena will be fine, and the One Within should do fairly well as well... after all, *I* am a second born, and I feel loved by MY parents.....

but will I do as good a job? I dunno.

I think that at least I'm cognizant of Rhena needing to go through an adjustment period that it should help my cause.... (I say my cause but really I mean OUR cause, cause Troy and I are definitely in this shit together) But seriously.... if I hear ONE MORE story about how someone's first-born was sweet and loving until the second one came around... I may just stick with the puking and keep this one in me forever.

I know the stories come by way of well-meaning parents of more than one child, just like all the stories I was bombarded with while pregnant with my first. When I was preggo with Rhena, it was if anyone and everyone who had given birth or known someone who had given birth was compelled to give me some horror story or another about how shit would change, the woes of no sleep, and well.... pretty much EVERYTHING.

This time around, I must say that I have really been spared a lot of stories. Maybe because I think I've perfected my "seriously, bitch... do I LOOK like I want to hear about your life???" face... or maybe the general populous figured that if I didn't figure shit out the first time through, then I ought to suffer in my stupidity?

But there has been NO MERCY in terms of people predicting my future... or rather I should say RHENA'S future in the attitude department.

For the most part, I have smiled, nodded, and then immediately disposed of any unsolicited advice, because as you know.. or at least can guess... I'm pretty good at stressing myself out. I typically need no one's help in that department.

But my Rhena. my Rhena my little baby Rhena.

I don't want her stressed. and *I'M* stressed wondering how in hell I'm going to keep HER from stressing!!!

but again. I'm fighting a battle that doesn't exist yet... nor may it ever. But as real as my need for a decaf starbuck's maple macchiato is on a daily basis... this is an issue weighing heavy in my heart.

So chalk another up to hormones (cause seriously... I don't even use syrup on pancakes cause I think the shit is N-A-S-T-Y NAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTY, and I'm guzzling these macchiatos like it's MY JOB) but I can't help but feel worried about Rhena, and excited about the new baby, then guilty for the stress it might cause Rhena, then even GUILTIER that I'm not more excited about this amazing new character about to enter Johnsonville. Add in the dose of Irish Catholic, and well... I just need another fucking macchiato.... plain and simple.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Bad Parent "to-do" List

so I believe Susie was the one who mentioned this list, but I know for damn sure I hit about like six different things this morning.

you see folks... in my last days of the 'easy' life of parenting only one child... I managed to scare the living SHIT out of my daughter this morning. why? how? you ask?

well.. WHY... cause I'm stupid stupid stupid. let me repeat. STUPID STUPID STUPID. just plain stupidity on my part......

as for the HOW...... EVERYONE and my mother has seen this website where you try to notice the differences between the pictures. and you're staring and you're looking, then WHAM... the chick from the Exorcist or some equally freaky face blares out at you while jacking your speakers up to a sonic-boom volume.

dude. don't TELL me you haven't seen it at least once. if you haven't, then I beg you to come out of that rock you're obviously living under. but I digress.

so I've seen this shit like 100 times... AT LEAST.

yet.... I clicked on it. and the starting pictures were different then ones I've seen before, so I thought maybe just maybe this really WAS a count the difference thing. (you see, I was actually just on the computer trying to order some Polish Christmas Ornaments for the Aunts up in Jersey for Christmas this year, then I was distracted waiting for the Polish site to come up, so I was just clicking through e-mails and what not...)

so OF COURSE...... in walks Rhena as the 'count the difference' website is up, and JUST as she rounds the desk to see what Mom-muh is doing on the computer... evil-bitch-face pops up and starts blaring my speakers.

I am an asshole. I am stupid stupid stupid, and my poor baby got the fishsticks-for-dinner scared right out of her.

just pencil my name on that "shitty parent but having another child" membership roster while you're at it. I know I really deserve to have a rough labor after today.... or at the very least.... get kicked out of Stepford.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Tea for Two, and Three for Me

that, of course, meaning tea for me and the One Within, and Three very good friends for me.

so I didn't touch on it yesterday, but I had a VERY lovely time at the tea thrown for me this weekend. Including myself, there were eight ladies present, and from start to finish, I honestly felt like royalty.

Everything was done "just-so" and my friends missed no details. I believe the whole setting even prevented me from cursing the entire time, too, so you KNOW I was feeling proper!

seriously, though.. it was a wonderful afternoon in which I got to spend with some very lovely women whom I've come to know over the past year and a half that I've lived here. Each one of them being there meant the world to me.

We snacked on SO many finger sandwiches and appetizer-sized quiches and spanicopita (sp?) (sp?) and there were four different kinds of home-mad scones, and greek cookies and petit fours and a healthy amount of chocolate to keep this preggo momma well-rounded. literally.

The best thing about my girls is they had about 7 different bottles of liquors and cordials on the table to mix with our teas and coffees (do these girls know me or what??) and promises were made to do this again when *I* can have my tea spiked, too.

to top it all off, some of the girls even gave me gifts.... different lotions and shampoos and a certificate for a massage and a bracelet and even more lotions. I was beyond touched by their generosity. Here's me with my hostesses... I'd be the big ole pregnant one 2nd from the right.

I can't really explain how truly lucky I feel to have made the friends I have in such a short period of time here in stepford. and to continue that train of thought... in Blog-land. I mean, I suppose you get what you look for in many ways, but I guess I wasn't aware of how I really HAVE been seeking friendship.

anyways... this post is heading hormonal in a big way, so I'll leave it at me being grateful for the friends I have made recently. whether it's e-mails, comments, or a fancy tea... I definitely feel my life is supplemented with good people.

Monday, October 16, 2006

pumpy kin

ok... now THAT'S a title that's sure to bring in the weirdos on google hits!

once again, it's monday... and here in Johnsonville, we had a good weekend. The house is nowhere near cleaned, and while I *did* get my suitcase out of the closet.. it remains unpacked.

we DID, however, go on Saturday and pick ourselves a nice group of pumpkins. Rhena had fun running around outside, and thoroughly enjoyed herself when she was in charge of pulling the wagon.

SUCH a difference from last year, and I don't mean that because I myself am LOOKING like a pumpkin these days. last year at this time, Rhena was walking, but oh-so-unsteady on her feet. she typically opted to hold on to someone's hand, or in her true princess fashion, she preferred to be carried. This year there would be none of that, because as she pointedly told me and Troy about 30 times... "I do it, Dah-yee" and "I do it, mom-muh!"

I also would like to point out that she has MUCH more hair this year, and is much more cuter than that old man named Frank that embodied my baby girl for about a year or so.

There was climbing on haystacks, and watching horses, and more running through fields and even more pictures. Rhena climbed a fence, rode on her daddy's shoulders, then got down and ran some more.

After we loaded up our loot, we headed home as Rhena serenaded us to her very own version of the "pumpy-kin pumpy-kin pumpy-kin.. hoooray!" song. my kid's got skillz, I tell you. yeah, I mean skills with a Z. after all.... she *is* my kid, after all.

Friday, October 13, 2006

It's beginning to look a lot like....


sheer fucking, insane BEDLAM.

seriously. there's baby shit all over the house (well, not LITERALLY... but I can see how you might think that given the nature of yesterday's post. but no... I'm talking about gender-neutral stuff that needs to be washed and put away before the One Within makes the grand arrival)

I'm FINALLY taking down all of Rhena's 2nd birthday decorations. as much as I think it's K-E-W-L cool for her to wake up every day thinking it's a party in our house.... it's time to move on. Speaking of moving on.... will someone send a memo to the big #2 balloon that it should probably stop floating by now? I mean, I love a good bargain just as much as anyone, but a balloon still floating after a month is almost creepy, doncha think?

also adding to the mix of the Festiveness de Johnson is a bunch of Halloween decorations that I finally dug out today and am trying to put out, some regular-around-the-house fall colorage I like to put up, and of course... those damn favors for the Christmas Social.

And while in most cases I've just described any given ROOM in my parents' house (I SWEAR my mom has every holiday represented in one shape or another all through the year, bless her heart) you forget that in our delicious personal mix of bedlam.... you have a zany two year old tear-assing around the house at the speed of light leaving more toys in her wake than Santa in his younger years.... only to be meagerly followed by yours-truly.... a much larger, slower, and possibly ROUNDER version of Burl Ives after a hard day narrating childrens' Christmas Specials.

it's damn messy up in here, folks... and I need a drink! (and a back rub, and someone to bring me chocolates, and maybe even while I'm at it... cook dinner, clean up, fold that laundry, and saaaay... wouldn't some apple bread be swell, too?)

oh well. like they say.. this too, shall pass. Eventually I'll get there.... hopefully before the One Within does, that is. of course... I always have my fool-proof methods of preventing that I go into labor. They worked like a charm with rhena, so I imagine I can at least keep this one at bay until I get a bag packed for the hospital. or clean off a few square inches of space so I can put it down somewhere when we get HOME from the hospital.

have a great weekend, kiddies. we'll be picking pumpkins tomorrow and I'll be having Tea on Sunday. maybe I'll just have some interesting shit to blog about next week? bets not get ahead of ourselves, though. enjoy your friday!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Revolution of Poop

yes.. I DO mean revolution.... as in how my world revolves around poop in one shape or another these days.

If I'm not waiting for rhena to squeeze one out so she's not an ABSOLUTE bear for the day... then I'm saying a rosary or two that my ENTIRE colon doesn't come out with the latest round of popcorn-crap I'm hoping will eventually come out of me... giving me possibly

yes... poop happens. except for when it doesn't, then all hell breaks loose.

but speaking of loose.... and hell... and poop... can I just say how NASTY a teething child's diapers can be?

actually... let's not go there. it's just about dinner time.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

annnnnnd EXHALE


I love Troy. repeat.. I love my husband.

but MAN OH MAN that motherfucker stresses me out!!!!!

so in today's episode of "Let's see how we can stress Carrie Out", we find our dashing prince asking permission to purchase tickets to a World Series game... just in case the Detroit Tigers actually make it.

the game would be in Detroit.

2 weeks before my due date.

in Detroit. (did you catch that? we live in North Carolina)

for $885.

for one ticket.

I wasn't sure if it was a trick question, or if he might have been drunk, but sure enough.. he was seriously asking permission to purchase a ticket for that much, spend yet ANOTHER $300-some dollars on plane-fare to GET to said game...... (and let's not talk ab out how much would have been spent on food and souveniers and other shit and did I mention how fucking close to my DUE DATE the game would be????)

I did what any pregnant woman would do, after I regained my ability to speak, that is.

I started crying.

not sure if the crying thing was necessary, but it DID make him feel like an asshole for bringing up the idea of skipping town so close to my due date.... and don't even get me started on the whole money thing. crackhead.

oh well. I still love him. moreso when he's not trying to go to Detroit.... but definitely still love him.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Feeling Stepford

I often joke about how it is here in the land of Stepford.... perfectly groomed lawns, families with 2.5 kids.... cookie-cutter lives with identical minivans and SAHMs that do "Southern Living" Parties for extra cash.

I do have to be honest here, though.... I have met some wonderful women here. Three of these wonderful women have taken it upon themselves to throw an afternoon tea in my (and the One Within's) honor.

I'm truly touched.

I don't want nor do I need a baby shower, and these ladies know me, and dare I say love me.. well enough to not bestow the traditional baby-showerama at me. They've simply organized an afternoon to get together with a handful of friends minus babies and husbands. They even included a special note in the invitation requesting that the guests NOT bring gifts for the baby.

These girls get me.... they really do.

Like I said... I'm just honestly very touched. Obviously, for anyone to throw any kind of gathering on my behalf is enough to make this cow be appreciative, but to do so in a manner that defies all standard laws of Stepford, well... that just warms my heart.

Monday, October 09, 2006

you say hello, and I say goodbye

hey gang...

I'm finally back in the world of working laptops, so hello again!!!

sorry I've been MIA.... playing house with rhena and the one within doesn't allow much time to sit in the office and check e-mails and blog all day. (especially with that damn ergonomic keyboard which makes me type even slower!!) having the laptop certainly helps for multi-tasking, so it would appear we're back in business.

Today, of course, is monday, so I'm super busy trying to prepare for my CCD class tonight, and keep my obsessive-compulsive-must-wash-her-hands-30-times-a-day daughter from crying because it's really difficult (and not to mention bad for her excema) to allow rhena to wash her hands 30 times a day, and still accomplish the other 1000 things that have to get done around here on a daily basis.

Troy just left for miami, which is all fine and good... cause I sure as hell would rather have him traveling now, when I still have 4 weeks left in this pregnancy, vs in about 4 weeks and I'm super cranky cause it's past my due date and the one within is showing no signs of coming out.

I *DO* want to thank everyone for the good wishes, e-mails and prayers regarding the recent sizing issue with the one within. I went last thursday for the ultrasound, and all is indeed well. Turns out the lil critter *is* measuring on the smaller side... but only the 40th percentile, so we certainly have no reason to be worried. Apparently the docs were more concerned that my fluid levels might be very low (which they're not).... WHY they didn't just tell me that in the beginning, I have no idea... but given the appointment I had had what with pee spilling everywhere and rhena screaming like a wounded banshee... I probably also forgot to ASK them why they were so concerned.

and so it goes. (or at least my sanity does, anyway.)

lots of shit to be done, including giving this blog another facelift. I'm a bit over the red and intermission-style-drug-buffet. But first... CCD class has papers to be graded and a lesson plan to be created for tonight. And of course, there's Rhena... standing outside her locked bathroom, screaming that she can't get in to wash her hands.

happy monday, kids. I'll be around to visit soon... I promise!