so last year I posted about something I find to be UBER creepy.
tonight.. I see that life has come full circle.
no... I didn't break down and buy one of those freak-tastic dolls. please. I don't even frigging want a DOG.. you think my icy black heart wants a DOLL? or one that looks like THIS???
Christ Almighty.. just LOOKING at that thing makes me feel like I'm in a bad slasher film from the 70s. seriously.. cue the music... EEEE EEEEE EEEEE!!!!
tonight... I'm looking around my room... and messy as it is, I count no less than four.. yes, count them FOUR dolls laying around in make-shift beds. Rhena felt the urge to put her 'babies' to sleep tonight.
in my room.
the creepy, naked, "head/hands/feet made of plastic, body stuffed and soft" babies are all laying about my room, mixed with laundry piles.
It's half creepy... other half MASH tent. bodies haphazardly located in open spots of my bedroom floor, complete with pillow, blankets, and other assorted sleep accessories.
I guess that's what I get for making fun of people who like that shit, though. I get a daughter who inadvertently shoves my fears in my face.
damn good thing Troy's not working late.
and that rhena also finds clowns creepy. seriously. there's just no way I could handle clowns.
Monday, April 28, 2008
so last year I posted about something I find to be UBER creepy.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
so as I was telling a friend today... the SHORT story is that we do not have a dog.
the LONG story SHORT is that we did for a few hours today.
seriously, people.. I just can't make this shit up.
So I was talking on the phone with my mom (which, btw.. the visit with the inlaws was very nice. they had left this morning, and I was getting caught up with my mom and the events of recent NJ, including my niece Delaney's birthday party (which I still haven't sent her gift for (but last year she was the only one who got her gift on time, so I don't feel THAT bad)))
so I'm feeding Moosey his lunch, and I hear Troy asking me if we know of anyone that just got a puppy.. apparently one was walking down the street. Rhena wanted to see what was going on, so she headed up to the front door with Troy.
next thing I know.. a dog came streaking through our kitchen.
I immediately hung up the phone with my mom (which, btw.. if you ever are feeding your child while talking to your mom, it's probably not polite to hang up suddenly without calling back soon to let her know your child was not in danger of needing Heimlich or CPR or poison control or something)
streaking brown small dog then proceeded to jump up on my lap and lick me.
Thankfully rhena did not pee herself.. though she was so nervously excited that it's not a far stretch to think a tinkle or two may have come out. it was as if all the gods and santas had a meeting and decided she really WAS the prettiest girl and bestest kid and deserved a doggie. and had it delivered.
The dog had a tag, thankfully. Cookie was its.. uh, oh! make that a HIS name. no address, though.
so we 411'ed the animal hospital listed on his tag. hmmm. no answer.
in my house.
So... Troy finished up with the kids and loaded the thing.. I mean Cookie... into my car and we headed to the Animal hospital.
it was closed.
There was an emergency number listed on the door... so I called it. (listen.. I don't know how YOU roll, but me having a dog in my house constitutes an emergency)
apparently, the number was to a state-run organization, and they were unable to link into the particular Animal Hospital's records to find out the owner's information.
"you should just keep the dog and bring it back to the hospital in the morning" said the person on the emergency line.
I hung up.
At this point, Cookie was nestled into Rhena's car seat, and was making no overtures to leave my presence. oiy.
so what could I do? I mean.. I couldn't just let it go. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of bringing it HOME. one.. because it's a dog, and dogs do what dogs do, and I don't want no do in my house, if you catch my drift. TWO--- Rhena. ok.. Rhena and TROY. Troy has mentioned on several occasions his interest in getting a dog.
Let me be clear.. I LIKE dogs. I HAD a dog. TWO of them, actually. but I have kids now, and fuck me running, kids take WORK. and dogs??? ugh. I really, and I mean REALLY don't want to have another thing to clean up after.
and damnit.. Rhena had that LOOK when the dog was in the house. TROY had that look. For all I know DANNY would have had that look, too, if he wasn't too busy being worried that the thing might eat his snacks.
and I'll admit.. the little bugger was cute. SMALL. I like small. and the whole time it was in our house it didn't bark. I LIKE not barking. but NO. do NOT need to go there.
ok. so. dog. in the car. bleh. stupid dog! walked right in our house. I mean.. seriously!
I called someone I knew who has a small dog and asked if I could swing by and have some food. She laughed at the situation, but welcomed me to come by and pick up some stuff. She made no bones about reminding me that sometimes when dogs ate food different than what they're used to that they will have the runs. and she didn't mean a fast jog. AWESOME.
so Cookie and I went to get it some food. our friends suggested that we let it stay outside.. but of COURSE right then it started to rain. OF COURSE.
but this time, cookie had been part of my life for about 2 hours... and now HE was giving ME a look. seriously. I was wondering if this was some bad joke that Troy was trying to pull.
I canvased stepford on my way home from our friends'... stopping to talk to anyone that happened to still be out in the sprinkling rain. on my last-chance-saloon-hail-mary-let's-go-this-one-last-street, I found two men gabbing out in their driveways. while they had not seen anyone looking for a dog, one asked what kind of dog it was.
I described my little castaway, and the man knew who the owner was. he gave me the address/description of the house... and off we went.
Thankfully, I was able to return Cookie to his rightful home. They were appreciative, as was *I* that I did not have to bring home Cookie, only to have to take him away from Rhena once more.
Naturally, when I returned home, dog-less... rhena asked if she could get a doggie like that someday. I told her maybe.. when she was older.
what I did NOT say, however, that by 'older', I mean when she's 20, and not living here.
I guess I'll cross that bridge another time.
Friday, April 25, 2008
so my girlfriend was here for a visit. it was quick, but it was good.
I have much to post about.. like how just the littlest moments can fill your soul with so much goodness that you know you can make it through the next few months of WHATEVER.
about how DISPLACED I feel right now (meaning this stage of life.. not this very second right now)
about how even if a broken toe is no longer so swollen such that you can fit IN your high heels that it may not necessarily be the best idea to WEAR said heels.
about how I love that tv is back, and despite being irritated at grey's anatomy I'm still very excited to see that Addison will be making a return next week with SAUCY HOT dark hair. (go Kate Walsh!!) and how I do not have enough energy to watch Lost yet cause that show just confuses the shit out of me and I imagine I'll need a big assed cup of coffee to process that one. still haven't watched the office or betty yet, though. so no spoilers, please.
oh! and how I'm on PAGE ONE of google results for people looking for the definition of Revertigo!! I know.. lame.. but being one of the top go-to sources for revertigo and clusterfuck just makes me happy.
speaking of happy.. it's time for rhena's nap. and that... makes a momma very very happy.
have a great weekend, all. more posts to come next week.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
ok.. anyone who knows me knows it's no secret that I love the show "how I met your mother".
this past week was a classic episode if there was one to be had. not only did it feature yet another Robin Sparkles video... but the gang explored a phenomenon known (ok.. writer-created) as "Revertigo".
Revertigo, essentially, is what happens to a person when they are around someone from their past. They revert back to their behavior during the time that they knew them. there were some fabulous examples of it during the show... I suggest you watch it if you haven't already.
I plan on having my own examples of revertigo tonight.
My girlfriend Jennifer just came in from jersey for a quick visit.... and tonight Troy is going to watch the kids so she and I can go out. I imagine I'll be a bit louder than normal.
growing up with Jen as a best friend really made me work on my personality. She, you see.. was (and still is) a very beautiful girl. She's tall... and well... all the guys used to (and still do) get stupid for her. Being the shortie that I am... I imagine some people used to see the pair of us like those old Chester and Spike cartoons.
Since my pairing with Troy, I noticed in those rare rare times I've gotten to go out with Jen, I get in that LOUD zone, where only I've converted my "look at me" energy into "look at HER" energy. I just tend to do so with smaller hair.
so anyways.. tonight should be fun. apologies now if any of you get and DWIs from me (dialing while intoxicated) and if you do... just ignore the accent. apparently another side effect of my revertigo is that I pick up regional accents.
"Hi, my name is Carrie, and I have never truly lost my jersey accent..."
happy HUMP day, gang.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I've said this before, but I'm serious. I SO need a wife.
or a me. I need a me. another one, that is.
think of the THINGS I could do. one could be my public me... the one who goes to the gym and eats healthy and reads witty things on the internet and bakes a lot. the other one would cook and clean and EAT all the things the other me would bake. oh.. I'd SOO let the myself get fat if I had another me to show off. I'd even let Troy have sex with the skinnier one. but wait.. would that be ME, or the other me?
I can't even keep my own thoughts straight in my ONE head.. I'd be a hot mess if I was in charge of two.
anyways. I have cleaning to do. the floors, in particular. bleh.
and laundry. and dusting. and oh, apparently the car nap danny had today means he's boycotting the afternoon one?
Monday, April 21, 2008
ok.. I'm very excited. (and for once, it's not about food!!)
aside from the fact that my girlfriend from jersey is coming for a visit and will be here tomorrow night!! and we're going to get to go out to eat here.... (ok.. so maybe it's a LITTLE about food)
wait.. what was I saying?
yeah.. so Cathy over at Mine had done a post about end-of-year teacher gifts and the such. being a volunteer teacher, a DAUGHTER of a teacher, and just a mom who appreciates people who educate my children... I'm all about making sure the teachers in our life get recognized.
but what to do.. what to get?
I mean.. mugs? please. my mother could open a friggin COFFEE shop from the mugs she's gotten over the years. gift cards? good.. but kind of impersonal. I mean.... they guide my BABY!! ok.. perhaps a little dramatic there.. but I've mentioned earlier how I like to find the RIGHT gift.. well.. that is until I drop shit on my toe and all.
ANYWAYS.... a while back I had stumbled upon this website by chance. long story.. I was looking for ANOTHER website that turns kids' artwork into jewelry for a possible gift for my mom.. and found the kidoodle one instead.
insert victory smile here.... I exchanged e-mails and phone calls with the owner of Kidoodle Kreations, and she's going to turn a project that Rhena made in school into some stationary for her teachers. AND I'm going to get it within the next 2 weeks. apparently rhena's school ends in like mid-may??
Basically, what I did was scan this valentine's card that her teachers helped Rhena make for US.. crop it down, add a nice quote, and now it will become note cards for them. The roses are actually the side of rhena's fists dipped in paint. The quote.. in case you can't read it.. is one from Henry Adams: "A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." (except I changed it to she and her)
I can't wait to get the final product so we can wrap it up and give it to them. I HOPE they like it as much as I do. I'll let y'all know how everything turns out.
ugh. speaking of turning out.. gotta whip up a dinner and grade some papers for CCD tonight.
happy monday gang!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
I have a friend that jokes about how she's more interesting online than in person. I think I get what she's saying.
NOT that I prefer my friend online over in person. in the contrary. between her spontaneous humping, honking, eye rolls and wry wry humor.... oh, and her husband's home-made cookies... I do love being in her presence SO much more.
no.. I'm talking about me, here. (duh! I'm my favorite subject!!)
I've found recently that I have a LOT of visits here to the blog from people in stepford. No increase in phone calls... no extra invites to lunch.... just lots of observing of me at night. I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I was getting worried that maybe there's going to be a planned shanghai attack on my ice cream delivery.... then I thought maybe the homeowners' association was looking for new ways to cite a violation on the residents??
Maybe I'm too happy these days? I mean.. the toe is a set-back, but mostly I'm happy. And that's the kicker about Stepford. everyone here wants everyone else to believe how happy they are, but the majority of people here revel in other people's misery. oh well. maybe some day I'll TRULY give a shit.
in other news... on the subject of visitors and people reading my blog... Apparently, I'm a BIG ringer for people looking for the definition of a clusterfuck. Check that out!!! page ONE!! entry #5!!! on some levels I almost feel proud. Good to know I'm an authority on the important things in life.
also another oddity is that I get AT LEAST 2 hits A DAY on this post. oddly enough, it tracks back here through an image on google images, and like I said.. at LEAST 2 hits a day on that post. I'd like to think that the world is evolving into a bunch of fly-killers, but I think there's just a bunch of movie-nerds who like to have figurines. LAME!!!
anyways.. other than that.. just hobbling along. waiting for my ice cream. I made some espresso brownies yesterday, and they truly are delicious. I'm also going to make some cupcakes today to bring to our afternoon playdate. if I can keep the kids at bay long enough, I MIGHT finally try the gumpaste decorations... but they need a while to dry, so maybe not.
but at least I'll have a new post for the Crumbles blog. maybe. depends on when the ice cream gets here.
Happy Friday, gang! may all your weekends be "interesting!"
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
by request... I will NOT show a picture as to exactly how blue I am. or how blue my TOE is, specifically.
believe me when I tell you it's gross. like even *I* can't look gross.
today, I'm feeling rather blah and tired. could be the stress from yesterday catching up, or the lack of sleep from last night, but again.. today... meh.
guilty pleasures to be had tonight, though. Troy's going to play basketball after work, and by fate, just after he told me about that, we watched a commercial for chick-fil-a featuring their new coffee and caramel milkshake. in true Randy form, I told him that I may not love the idea of that shake, but I ain't gonna be mad at him if he brought one home for me after his game.
I mean.. I DO need to start taking precautions as to not get a bad case of brain freeze when the ice cream comes, right?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
ok... not sure if any of you know this, but I LOVE a nicely wrapped present. I mean... don't we all? but really. the art of gift giving is one I embrace like a toilet while preggo.
wait.. that didn't sound good.
what I mean to say is that I LOVE being able to find, give and/or GET the right gift. from the off-the-wall to the sentimentally long-lasting... I cherish when the moons align and I find IT.
most of the time I'm a cheap.. sorry.. FRUGAL bitch. but I have also been known to be generous, too. but it's not even about money spent.. and anyone who has gotten something.. ANYTHING that was just SO special can attest to that.
to that point, I'm always on the lookout for the right gift for my loved ones.
today.. I found a small-scale moment of bliss when I came across a deal in my local hallmark store.
I had to go in there to get the 15+ cards for my students' upcoming First Holy Communion. and cause they're just students.. you KNOW I want to get the 99 cent jobbers. cause yeah.
ANYWAYS... while I was in there, I was thinking about trolling the wrapping paper and ribbons, cause you know.. school's year-end is coming up, and I like to have something OTHER than child-themed birthday wrap in my closet. Turns out they were having a promotion that if you purchase $5 worth of wrapping products, you could get a roll of their new self-adhesive wrap for free. ($4.99 dollar value.. sweet!)
so I picked out stuff I needed for teachers, upcoming babies, mother's day and some birthdays, and turns out I dropped $25. I casually mentioned that it would be nice if you got a free roll of the self-adhesive stuff for EVERY $5 you spent...
call it luck, but they gave it to me!!!
um.. I interrupt this previously started post to tell you all that I am a predestined FOOL, people.
so.. earlier today.. well before I began this post, I whacked my left foot into a wall when getting rhena off to nap. I saw stars, I felt sensations of hot and cold.. and I coulda swore I broke a toe or two.
thinking I am a bit on the more dramatic side than not.. I let it go. I twittered something along the lines of wondering if you know if you've broken a toe or not.
fast forward a phone call, some groundwork in completing the paperwork necessary for getting our deck extended, and I decided to take a break and blog about the AWESOME deal I got on the wrapping paper (and later ribbons at target.. sorry to ruin the earlier story, but seriously.. this one wins out.)
ANYWAYS... I got to the point JUST before the solid line (again, sorry.. no links added yet.. I always do that last and now because I'm on to a different topic I'm not going back)
I thought.. OH! I'll take a picture of all the awesome wrapping paper I got!!!
so I go get the camera.. still grumbling cause my left foot has two toes that are feeling rather hurt.... and I begin to retrieve the wrapping paper from the paper/craft supply closet.
next thing I know.. holy ASSHATS, my foot is set ABLAZE IN PAIN as I hear a disgusting THUD.
in slow motion, I look down to see that a 10-lb barbell-shaped hand weight dropped from a shelf approximately 20 inches and LANDED ON MY TOE. My big toe. on my RIGHT FOOT.
people.. this shit HURT SO BAD.. I believe I stuck my face in a pile of laundry and yelped like a sick dog. a pile of DIRTY laundry. a pile of TROY'S dirty laundry. and didn't notice cause my HEART was trying to SNEAK OUT OF MY BIG TOE!!!!
my body temperature then began to escalate from raging hot to icy cold as I ass-dragged myself to the fridge for an ice pack, then to the tv room for the phone.
I called troy.
I was hurting so much that I didn't even notice that when I told him I thought I broke my toe that he actually had the nerve to ASK if he should come home. (truth be told.. the conversation is fuzzy to me right now.. troy was the one who came clean about this detail.)
once he got home, I drove myself (with my left foot... my 2 toes are hurting left foot, that is) to the doctors.
I could go into detail about how the toe by this point was varying shades of purple, completely swollen and BLEEDING... but I don't want this to overshadow the visual that I barely had half a nail on there to START with (see earlier post about close-toed shoes and losing my nail from the walk)
I WILL tell you, however, that when the doctor busted out a LIGHTER and a silver pokey thing.. I about threw up a little. yes. hot silver pokey thing ... IN my nail/flesh toe area.. to release the swelling. I may as well have been pinned on a ferry and had izzy with a drill in my head for crying out loud.
3 needles (real needles this time, not the hot pokers) later, a set of calipers (forceps? tweezers??) and one partial nail removed later, he then began to cut away some skin.
2 1/2 hours later... I am now home, my foot is all wrapped to the high heavens, and I should be resting.
I just had to share.
I'll fill in this post with links to my random streams of un-consciousness and italics and bolds and such later. I just gotta find me some pills for the pulsing going on in the toe now that the numbing shots are wearing off. as for the FIRST foot that I thought hurt... fuhgettaboutit! it's frigging MONEY compared to the toe. MONEY, I say!
happy tuesday folks!
Monday, April 14, 2008
dude. ice cream in the mail. I'm so excited!!!
thanks again to Erin!!! I'll let y'all know how it is!!!
in keeping with the "I have no shame" monday theme... I figured I'd share this picture.
(and yes.. apparently in addition to my past affliction for half shirts, I also had a thing for cleavage. in my defense, though.. it went well with the hat.)
Sunday, April 13, 2008
so as promised.. here are a few pictures from the zoo.
like I said.. it probably wasn't my BEST idea for an outing.. at least with the timing, but when I see pictures like this one below, I know that it was worth it.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
ok.. that was lame. I admit it. but hey.. it's not like we .. ok.. it's not like *I* get out often.
on the list to be had was a new shirt.
anyways... it was a nice night. and I know some of you may be gagging from the abundant use of pink, but I LIKE pink. and I figure worse case scenario, if I wake up next week from this premenstrual hormonal haze and realize that only women over 70 and hookers wear the EXACT SAME SHADE OF SHOE, SHIRT, and PURSE.... well... guess I'll be set for the future.
Friday, April 11, 2008
between going out on a date with Troy last night... (with my new pink shoes and purse, mind you!)
and spending all of today at the zoo with my folks and the kids....
I think I'm tired.
mind you, it's a good tired.. but whoo-boy.
pictures to come; just trying to spend some time with the folks before they head out at the ass-crack of dawn tomorrow.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
ok... first and foremost... I have to THANK everyone who has seen the show of Wicked for NOT telling me a thing about it. Even though I have read the book and have listened to the soundtrack all of about a million times.. I feel like I was able to see the show with fresh eyes. so again.. thank you all for not telling me what to expect!!!
I had such a wonderful time last night. I really did.
The show itself I loved. The lead actresses were Katie Rose Clark and Carmen Cusak. Not sure just how many of the cities they are starring in, but each had a wonderful tone. I was drawn more to Cusak... one, probably because of her character.. but I just liked her voice much better. In starring as Glinda, Clark has that higher, almost opera-like. (yes, I know that in opera there are different types of singers ranging from soprano on down to bass... I just mean... in my most non-american-idol-pseudo-judging-way that sometimes some parts of the songs came off as operatic vs broadway.)
bottom line, though.. there's NO way I could ever sing like they do, and I was truly impressed.
I was NOT impressed with charlotte's audience, however. the outfits worn by my fellow citizens ranged from theater appropriate to frumpy and trailer-park ratty. and don't get me started about intermission. no LESS than 20% of the sold-out audience did not make it back to their seats in time for the second act, and caused such a commotion that the house turned the lights on for these rude people to be able to find their seats faster. Admirably, the cast kept on with the show despite the audience, but I was embarrassed for Charlotte to be so uncouth. and we wonder why it takes forever to get big-name shows here. sigh.
but... that hiccup aside.. the evening was wonderful. I kick myself in the ass for not telling my mom just how important and how special I felt to be having an evening with her, and just her. I thought about it throughout the show, and ALMOST said something a few times, but started to choke up and chickened out.
but it's true. As an adult, I have learned a whole new side of my mother that I appreciate and respect SO MUCH. and having friends that have parents that are either aging or passed on.. I want to make sure I'm absorbing as much of her as I can. and having a night with just her and I was special on so many levels... most of which I can't explain.. other than "good".
I really think rhena would have loved the show.. except for some of the parts in which she would have had the shit scared out of her (she's a little fragile and jumpy when it comes to loud noises) but I think when she gets a little older she and I will have to get season tickets. and who knows.. maybe Wicked will be this era's Cats, and run long enough for her to see someday, too.
in other news, I did NOT make it to the gym this morning. oops. maybe saturday I'll go. but for sure I'll be back on track soon. having my folks here has allowed me to do more snacking, and I noticed the scale creeping up a little. I'd love to say that it's cause I'm building leg muscles, and everyone KNOWS that muscle weighs more than fat... but I'm sure it has to do with the ice cream, the doughnuts, and other assorted chocolates (like my failed attempts at petit fours from the bake sale) I've been eating.
oh, and tonight is date night. troy and i are going here with another couple tonight. wouldn't have been my first choice... but hey.. we're getting out. I've been there a few times before, and it's OK... again.. not my favorite.. but it'll do. still would have liked it if troy and I were going to Del Frisco's... but 131 Main is cheaper. and closer. again.. night out. and that'll be good.
ok.. that's all for now.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
tonight!!! I will be popular! I shall defy gravity! I will be changed for GOOD!!
yes.. tonight is the opening night of Wicked's run through Charlotte, and my mom and I have tickets. GOOD tickets, too, but who's bragging?
I'm very excited.
I'm ALSO very excited that I am done with the dentist until september some time. I had 4 (count 'em.. FOUR) cavities taken care of today. at 7:30am. gah.. what a way to start the day!
but that's ok.. I'm slowly regaining feeling back in my mouth, and I will make some coffee later so I can actually stay AWAKE through the show tonight. I won't be a TOTAL geek with the souvenir shopping tonight.. but I do plan on getting a program and at least a christmas ornament. ok, and maybe a shirt that says "I saw it before you did!!"... but probably not.
anyways. I'm excited.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
I am happy to say that I cut 2 minutes off my time on the treadmill this morning.
not saying I did the elephant walk for 2 less minutes.. I'm just saying that I reached my goal distance 2 minutes earlier than I was hitting it last week. I thank the 2nd disc of Ultra Dance 03 for providing me the music today... the song Dark Beat came on right when I needed it, too. some songs just get IN to me and take over. Dark Beat is one of those songs, and whooo-boy... it came on the the legs went on auto-pilot. good stuff.
I think I had other stuff to say, but right now I'm drawing a blank.
I'll probably post more later.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Friday, April 04, 2008
if you ever read this blog some day (lord, I hope NOT) I want to let you in on something. I'm NOT as great as you think I am. or.. depending on how old you are if/when you do read this.. I AM not as great as you think I am. am not. whatever. you know what I mean. I mean I suck sometimes.
I fell asleep yesterday in the middle of the day. it started innocent enough; you and your brother were taking your naps. I, was completely exhausted. I thought I'd be able to sneak a quick cat-nap to make it through the second half of our day. but I konked out.
your daddy called me at 4pm... which is why I woke up.
Honey.. I knew you had dance class, and I still fell asleep. and I woke up too late to take you. and I'm SO SORRY. I'm even sorrier that I made up a lie by saying that class had been cancelled. That was really shitty of me.
The truth is that I fucked up. and I didn't think you would understand. so again.. I'm sorry.
I'm also sorry that we spent a good portion of our morning and mid-day today waiting for your nose to stop bleeding. I know it's not my fault that you get bloody noses, but the fact that I had something to do with making you, I feel somewhat responsible. no little child should have to deal with THAT much blood. We laugh and joke about your 'silly nose' but it makes me ache inside to see that much blood come out of your tiny face. and so often. Anyways... I know that has nothing to do with you missing class yesterday, but I just wanted to say that I really think it sucks that your nose bleeds so much. not funny.. not silly.. SUCKS.
so... again.. I'm sorry you had a shitty week, and that some was from my doing. or lack of doing. Gram and Grampa are coming tomorrow, though.. so I have a feeling next week is gonna be a whole lot better. even though dance class really IS cancelled for next week.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Today is my dad's birthday.
I mentioned it yesterday, but forgot, in all my jeans-bitching below... to give the official nod his way.
I also forgot to call and be sad yesterday about it being his last day of however old he isn't anymore... but that's just an inside thing.
Rhena's still insisting on something blueberry.
ok... in the past, I have spoken of my distaste for not only trying to find clothes that fit me properly... but moreso in particular... the jeans.
so... I bought a pair of jeans. I was at a neighbor's who was having one of those demonstration things, and this one was for clothes. I had tried on a pair of jeans which seemed pretty cute. except that they were a little too big and a bit too long. but that's ok! I just ordered them in the shorter length and one size smaller than the sample the woman had.
so I got my order the other day, and yesterday I wore the jeans. They seemed cute enough, but sure enough... after about an hour of having them on... I noticed they were falling down. subconsciously, I hiked them up. again and again.
sometime right before the kids' nap times is when it hit me.
I bought FUPA jeans.
as a complete aside here, I'm going to assume you don't know what FUPA means. the fact that you DON'T know saddens me in many many ways, cause how can anyone know me and NOT know what a FUPA is?? but... for the sake of clarity, and in the spirit of us all being on the same page... a FUPA is a Fat Upper Pubic Area. Pubic, of course, being the non-gender specific term... most easily and commonly substituted for a crass P word for a women's girly bits, and Penis for men.
My first VIVID and disturbing memories of a FUPA in my face was my 12th grade English teacher. anyone that went to SWMHS knows who she is; she was the only FUPA-sporting advanced placement English teacher for like ALL of the 80's and 90's. but that's besides the point. the image is, and probably always WILL be.. burned in my brain.
SO anyways.. harsh realization sets in. the jeans I just dropped a lot of troy's money on are, indeed... FUPA jeans.
people.. I DO NOT HAVE A FUPA!!!!
I have a bit of soft roll just below my belly button (oh, and expands around a little for the muffin-top effect on OTHER ill fitting jeans).. and I'm ok with its presence on my body cause.. well.. I've had 2 kids, I'm 35, I DON'T work out, and well... I like food!!! (which, btw.. another aside.. I DID go to the gym this morning, but I'll blog about that another time. thanks for the inspiration from everyone that gave it, though!)
and I have an ass. oh YES, baby's got BACK!! the bubble, the booty, the doopa (which for this post I shall choose to use, since it rhymes with FUPA)
I assure you, it is not easy buying jeans to fit my thick thighs, bulbous doopa, and mini-muffin waist, oh and yeah... can I get that in an ankle length?
I've tried the jean finder at zafu. and it wasn't BAD... but it wasn't great, either. My current favorite jean is the Curvy cut from the Gap... but the two pairs that I have in that style are not my size. well, one SORT of is, but I'm thinking I could go down a size cause 5 minutes after putting the smaller pair on, it looks like I have a load of crap in my pants.
actually.. I take that back. I've SEEN what having crap in your pants looks like (because of DANNY, people... seriously! snap out of it!) anyways.. when the moo-moo takes a poo-poo, it looks more like he's smuggling a baseball under his rump. which is VERY unlike what happens to the doopa of my jeans 5 minutes into the wear. no.. it's more like a turkey's neck. goiter is it? you know.. that saggy HANGING look.
so. not. pretty.
so yeah.. I could probably go down one size.. but afraid of what type of sausage my thighs will resemble if I do, or even worse.. to try them on and realize I DON'T need a smaller size. I mean.. we've all heard the saying how it's better to try and all that shit.. but honeys.. when it comes to jeans.. it's better to have a baggy pair and THINK you could go a size lower, than to actually GO for the lower size and get the bitch-slap of too-tight denial. in a dressing room the size of a chinese toilet, no less. nothing says "take your fat ass home and stop dreaming, chunky!!" like not being able to put on pants in public.
(side note.. I do know that dressing rooms aren't PUBLIC-public.. but if *I* can hear my ass sweating and panting trying to pull, yank, tuck and zip.. then I know the 16 year old stock girl can hear me, too. and so can the 20-something girl wearing a half shirt that I could SWEAR looks like what I thought I did about 10 years ago. sigh)
but I really really digress.
the fact remains.. I bought some FUPA jeans.
now.. unless I suddenly sprout a penis, have another baby, or I dunno... tuck my boobs into my pants... it looks like I'm gonna have to wait another 20 years for my entire top half of my body to bottom-out and hang about the playground for these jeans to be a perfect fit. and when THAT happens... should I even be WEARING jeans? thinking more like teflon body-suit to give the appearance of a firmer self. I shudder to even IMAGINE what my ass will look like at that point. but again.. digression.
so... what to do what to do. I mean.. you KNOW I'll still wear them, cause damnit, I spent money on them, and I'm too frugal to let shit like that go to waste!
I should start a community jean-exchange where women can trade their ill-fitting jeans for someone ELSE'S ill-fitters. any takers? I know I've got at least 2 drawers full of jeans to put in the trade pool.
oh well. maybe I'll meet an influential person in the fashion industry and I'll get them to create new sizing standards/warnings that include (in addition to size, Ankle, Regular, and Long descriptions)
FF - for FUPA-fit!
MH - for Muffin-Hider
TT - for Thick Thighs
NA - for No-Ass
W&F - for Wide and Flat Asses
3B - for Big Bubble Booty
and of course... there would have to be a
JFC -- Just for Carrie, that is. (hey... my blog!!!)
Feel free to add your own jean-codes. I'll be sure to pass them on to the fashion mogul that wants to be my friend and doesn't know it yet!