Friday, April 04, 2008

Dear Rhena


if you ever read this blog some day (lord, I hope NOT) I want to let you in on something. I'm NOT as great as you think I am. or.. depending on how old you are if/when you do read this.. I AM not as great as you think I am. am not. whatever. you know what I mean. I mean I suck sometimes.

I fell asleep yesterday in the middle of the day. it started innocent enough; you and your brother were taking your naps. I, was completely exhausted. I thought I'd be able to sneak a quick cat-nap to make it through the second half of our day. but I konked out.

your daddy called me at 4pm... which is why I woke up.

Honey.. I knew you had dance class, and I still fell asleep. and I woke up too late to take you. and I'm SO SORRY. I'm even sorrier that I made up a lie by saying that class had been cancelled. That was really shitty of me.

The truth is that I fucked up. and I didn't think you would understand. so again.. I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry that we spent a good portion of our morning and mid-day today waiting for your nose to stop bleeding. I know it's not my fault that you get bloody noses, but the fact that I had something to do with making you, I feel somewhat responsible. no little child should have to deal with THAT much blood. We laugh and joke about your 'silly nose' but it makes me ache inside to see that much blood come out of your tiny face. and so often. Anyways... I know that has nothing to do with you missing class yesterday, but I just wanted to say that I really think it sucks that your nose bleeds so much. not funny.. not silly.. SUCKS.

so... again.. I'm sorry you had a shitty week, and that some was from my doing. or lack of doing. Gram and Grampa are coming tomorrow, though.. so I have a feeling next week is gonna be a whole lot better. even though dance class really IS cancelled for next week.



Anonymous said...

Oh Mama it happens. One Saturday morning after a particularly hellacious night I put Shea down for his AM nap and laid on my bed "for a minute" next to Dan who I was letting have a turn sleeping in. Yeeeeah over an hour later I sat straight up and was like Where's Liam! Yeah lucky my good child was still glued to the tv.

and I'm very sorry about the bloody noses. You are right, that just sucks and I can imagine how helpless you feel when they start. Particularly when they just don't stop. I've seen you deal with them and you are very comforting and calm which I know makes Rhena feel SO MUCH better.

You are doing just great, Mama. You have those days... just like the rest of us saps.

Jenni said...

big hugs to you Carrie. i know it doesn't make you feel one damn bit better, but I think most (if not all) of us have done similar things. It doesn't make it better or worse, it just makes you human.

as for her nose, you poor things...I hate to hear those are still such an issue. Do you guys even know what causes that? dry air? I am so sorry you have to deal w/ that. Blood coming out of any part of your child is scary and all the more frustrating when you can't make it stop.

HUGS, hugs and more hugs to you and Rhena. XOXO.

Liza said...

awww!! you're agreat mommy and we all have weeks like that - at least you got a long nap!

Marianna said...

I'm sure your sweet baby will forgive you! You're a great Mom!

I just got caught up on your bloggy ~ I just love the photos! And you are SUCH an adorable chick!


Katy said...

Too sweet! I'm sorry it's been a rough week for you all. Even in the roughest weeks, you still love and take care of your children unconditionally! Big hugs to you honey. Enjoy the time with your folks.

Christi said...

Just a week ago, TJ's class was also mysteriously "cancelled", and I just happen to have been sleeping at the time! I just really hate when that getting cancelled, I LOVED the sleep! He still loves me, though, and, sadly, I'm sure it's not the last time something like this will happen!

Oh, speaking of...once, in high school, my mom forgot to pick me up after band practice...for about two hours. I haven't let her live it down yet. I love to pull it out of nowhere whenever I can find an opportunity!

Cole has ear infections which aren't going away w/medication. I have a feeling he's going to have to need to go to that next step. If it makes you feel any better, the boy has not slept one single night of his life (he's almost 18 months) all the way through. Every single night he wakes up crying. I'm a bad mom not only b/c I made him, but b/c I forgot to take him to his return visit after the last round of drugs to see if it was gone!

Leslie said...

We have all done that at some time. It doesn't make you a bad mama, just a human one!!