Tomorrow... the wait is over.
My dear friend and lovah, Susie is FINALLY going to have her baby boy.
In my time around the track, I have made many many good friends. And I'm not talking the kind of 'good friends' you have that hook you up with discounts or good seats or throw sweet Christmas Socials with grand prizes every year. I'm talking about the friends that send you day-by-day pill cases when you can't stop throwing up and just spent half your check on prescription meds. I'm talking about the kind that you know and hold in your heart, and of course, the kind that have seen you in your pyjamas crying about how just so very fucking tired you are about the topic de jour, and they didn't head for the hills.
Friendships like that are great. Knowing that there's another person or people in the world (besides your mom) that truly support you and validate your existence really make for a good time. The thing about that level of friendship, though, is that sometimes shit isn't so good. Having that kind of friendship and BEING that kind of friend right back means that sometimes you have to witness hurt, sorrow, anguish... and not be able to do a damn thing about it.
My friend Susie and her husband Dan had a long and difficult road in their attempts to become pregnant with their second child. I won't re-capture that journey here, but I can say that it was a difficult road for me as well. Being the friend of someone trying to conceive was not a new thing to me, but there was certainly an extra ache knowing that we started trying around the same time, and month after month as my child grew, my dear friends were at a stalemate. I can't imagine the heaviness THEY must have felt trying to be supportive of me.
But all of that is in the past. (Well, not really... I still have some friends that are TTC... )
BUT.. for Susie and Dan... it is in the past. Tomorrow, they will have another son. His name is still a big secret to the world, but if I listen closely, I'm sure his name is already in my heart.... after all, he HAS been a resident there since before he was conceived.
My thoughts and prayers are with Susie, Dan, and Big Brother Liam as they await the birth of their bundle of joy. We love you!!!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tomorrow... the wait is over.
Monday, June 25, 2007
I think I'm officially a member. or am in GRAVE danger of being kicked out.
just this morning, I realized that it didn't phase me to see Rhena in a bathroom, fully dressed, wiping her hands dry with toilet paper. oh.. did I mention that there was an epic-sized poop in the toilet and water ALLLL over the toilet seat? and did I mention that her hands were soaking wet and the sink was dry? and I mentioned the epic poop in the toilet, right? in the toilet WATER?
me. not phased!
granted, we did use about 6 pumps of anti-bacterial soap within 30 seconds of this discovery... but me... totally un-phased.
(I'm probably getting kicked out)
Friday, June 22, 2007
feels like lately all I've been doing is going from one stage of settling to another.
whether it's a new routine, a new location, my blog, a new job, a diet, or new face in my/our lives... we're always getting settled.
now.. this is either a sign that I'm a very grounded person, or that my life is always in a state of upheaval.
hmph. I guess we all kinda know which one applies, huh?
oh well... variety being spice and all that shit, right? I guess.
I wonder if I'll ever feel "stable". granted, after the week we had last week, it's a far cry from a miracle to think I'd have stability any time soon. But... I look at my parents, and some other couples I know... and it just seems like they're so... TOGETHER.
do I want that? I guess I do. but on the other hand... I guess I already DO have that. I mean... my children and husband are together with me in this chaos called life... and that alone is comforting. and if our lives were so predictable and without variation, I'd probably be bitching up a storm about that... or sleeping.
oh.. how sleep sounds so delicious right now.....
oh well. maybe that's just one of the side effects of the early stages of parenting. the constant sense of frenzy. no... chaos. no.... uncertainty. no... that's no quite right either. maybe it's all of that and then some. I think just the fact that I can't put a finger on the state of my environment goes to show just how very un-stable shit is.
but again... would I have it any other way?
anyway.. hope all y'all out there are getting settled into summer. it's hot here, so if you need me, I'll be holed up in the house with the AC on full-blast.
oh... btw... I finally started adding links back to my sidebar. if I've forgotten you, or have you on and you don't want to be... just let me know. M-baby... are you still super-stealth, or do you want linkage? lemmee know, k?
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
ever have one of those weeks where shit just can't HELP but to fall apart all around you???
so things started last week when our washing machine broke. on thursday. apparently, God decided that draining the water from the washer's drum would make shit a little too easy here at the appollo... so here I am, with a screaming moose and pooping boogie, and a shitload of water in the machine that won't drain. oh, and my folks on the way. sweet.
fine fine... take care of the kids... call sears and schedule an appointment for someone to come fix the damn thing, and finish cleaning the house so my parents don't personally witness what a chaotic mess the house can become.
sears says no one can come until monday. fine. well, not really fine, cause did I mention the screaming moose and pooping boogie? I'm pretty sure we have enough clothes to get us throuh til monday, barring any major illnesses and atomic spills, so let's just pray the machine will be fixed on monday.
ok fine. folks get in, and visiting begins. all is fine.
staurday morning, troy, my dad, and I go about roto-tilling the back yard so that we may assemble the son of satan... I mean this playset. 2 days of HARD ASSED labor, rhena's park was erected. did I mention the 40 bags of regular bark mulch and THIRTY bags of rubberized playground mulch??
yeah.. so anyway...
Monday, Troy's car kinda died on the way home from work. when I was cooking dinner. while my folks are here. ... the good news is that he was able to get it going and got home safely... more importantly, without us having to call a tow, and me truck my ass to the interstate to get him.
so tuesday didn't fare as well, cause the car REALLY died on his way to work. got it towed to the local honda dealer, and we waited on an estimate. the initial estimate came back at $600+ dollars to fix the timing belt and some other oil leaks. yeah yeah.. better than having to buy a new car... go ahead and fix the damn thing.
well.. I guess when they actually got under the hood to look at the stuff, it turns out shit was melted and fused together and now the DETAILED estimate of work was in the ballpark of $5k.
uh.. can I get a giant FUUUUUCK!!????!!!!
24 hours full of crying, heartburn, stress, more crying (this time by the kids, not me), ANOTHER missed bunco... we are now the owners of this truck.
I need a nap. and a night out. and then maybe another nap.
but now the chilluns are up, and it's go time again.
oh... remind me later to tell you about how you shouldn't leave standing water in your broken washing machine for 4 days while waiting for the repairman, cause your whole house and 50 ft perimeter of such will smell like rotten eggs. and as you pay the repair guy $250, you wonder if you'll ever walk into your house again without the smell of putrid ASS choking you.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
now I'm pissed again.
at first I was pissed at HBO, at Chase, at the entire world affiliated with the Sopranos.
then I thought.. hmm.. that's profound. deep ending. not bad.
but I'm back to being pissed.
they FLASHED to the twins inside the car when Phil's freshly-dead body was GETTING ROLLED OVER. the twins were SMILING!!!! as they were running over their grandfather!!! (side note.. I could just be sick in the head or drank too much coffee, but I did find that scene to be leg-slapping hysterical...)
and these are the same writers that give us a "blank" ending??? I'm pissed again.
my last moments of sopranos was watching meadow not know how to park a fucking car???? watching AJ, Carm, and Tony eat onion rings????
I can't wait til tomorrow so I can cancel HBO finally. finale. BAH!!!
seriously. I call bullshit!
THAT was how they ended what.. six YEARS???? (or is it seven, for all that time off for bad behavior?)
I'm calling bullshit. big, ugly.. weak-assed, pussyfooted crappola cappicola BULLSHIT.
I'm too pissed to even go on with going off about this.... but I am definitely disappointed.
tomorrow, when I'm done being pissed about the ending, I will recount how freaking hilarious many many scenes were. but for now... I still call bullshit!
edited at 10:44pm to add:::
ok.. in my on-line grasping at straws, I saw someone leave a comment on this page about the ending. the commenter stated the following:
I thought the implication was clear. Tony IS DEAD and WAS CLIPPED by someone. We the audience have always seen the episodes from Tony's point of view, and the blackened silence is what Tony sees and hears when he finally gets clipped. Remember the conversation with Bobby at the lake? "I wonder if you hear the one that gets you" - the final episode answers that question. That is why they flashed back to it at the end of last weeks episode. He never heard the one that killed him.
Posted by: themoodyblue on Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:26 pm
ok. I like that. I don't think it was all THAT clear... but I like that idea a helluva alot better than just just 'whatever'.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Recognizing the fact that I curse way too much for a mother of two children.... I need to talk about my potty mouth as of late. but not the "sonofafuckercrackassedbitch!!!" comments you can imagine me muttering under my breath when once again the Moose is up screaming in the middle of the night.
no. we're going to leave that subject alone. although-- funny story.... I made a weird turn when we were driving back from jersey a few weeks ago, and Troy exclaimed " JESUS!!" in a way only backseat drivers can do... yeah.. not a HALF a second later, our bubbling blondie daughter did her own echo of a cry to our dear Lord on Most High. that's the worst she's ever repeated so far, and for all my truck-driving sailor tendencies, I must say I do a fine job of curbing my language around her. Troy?? meh... not as much. but I can say for sure my kids won't be learning curse words from me. at least not yet. I imagine a few *may* be learned during the impending teenage years....
but all of that's an aside.
my potty mouth I'm referring to is that of Boogie's bathroom habits. This training experience is REALLY teaching me creativity and patience. oh, and how to be creatively patient, too. I have had conversations with my child's private parts, as well as her bodily fluids. I have been told by my daughter's pee-pee (which coincidentally sounds JUST like her...) that it's too cold to come outside. Her poopies (also, a dead ringer for her voice... go figure!!) have insisted that they can not come out until they see the chocolate candies.
whaddarya gonna do?
yesterday was a monumental day; she peed 7 times and had a discovery-channel worthy poop, all in the big girl potty. and she kept her pull-ups dry all day. who KNEW that such a simple body function would be the source of such strife and excitement in my life???
today we're also doing well. I'm proud to say that Boogie peed on the big girl toilet.. AT THE MALL. in a PUBLIC TOILET!!!! seriously.. even *I* have trouble peeing in them some days!! Now.. I must also include that I am not proud that in so doing the deed, she kinda peed ON ME... (seriously... her pee defies gravity... she seriously is a geyser of urine!) but still. public bathroom. check!
The good part about being peed on was that I had just been trying on bathing suits. That sheer act alone pretty much had me numb from the neck down, and I was just so flippin' happy she was peeing on the toilet that it didn't bother me that she was really peeing ON the toilet.. and not IN it. oh well.. one step at a time, right?
I'll talk about the bathing suit hell another time. like, you know... when I'm highly medicated and you know... highly medicated or something.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
well... I had a feeling this day would come, and sure enough.... it did today.
there has been scuttlebutt around the streets of Stepford, and most especially at the recent Bunco gatherings of someone hosting a toy party.
a sex toy party.
I just got my invitation this morning, and I have to tell you... the whole idea makes me feel itchy. ok, ok... I'm sure many (if not MOST) of you are wondering what the problem is with someone throwing one of those sex toy parties. To be completely honest... I don't find anything wrong with someone HAVING one of those parties... I just have major issues with the idea of ATTENDING one.
I mean.. let's face it.. I'm not single anymore... (not that I ever had sex before I got married, mom and dad....) and as much as I enjoy my neighbors... these ladies are NOT my girlfriends. I mean... I don't discuss my marital sex life with these women.. why in hell would I want to purchase an accessory for it in front of them???
I guess it goes back to my little barometer I have when it comes to friends. There's the kind of 'friends' that you would allow to see you without a bra, the kind that you let come bathing suit shopping with you, the kind you can get drunk in front of, the kind you talk about your husband with, and finally... the ultimate level of trust in friendship.... the kind you would go to vegas with.
so... being that only a few of them even qualify for the no-bra level, you can imagine my apprehension for browsing things I would use wearing LESS than my bra.
and of course... if I've said it before, I've said it 100 times. I have issues. my brain??? it's one of those things that just does NOT shut off. the visuals keep coming no matter WHAT I do to cover my eyes. Think that part of Fight Club when Tyler is splicing in pornographic images into kids' movies. it's as perverse as it is horrific. This is about as best I can do to describe the visuals my brain conjures when I think of knowing what toys my neighbors are buying for use with their husbands.
insert itchy feeling here.
seriously... I've MET these women's husbands. and while there is no way I want to be thinking of the bunco girls themselves naked.... I SURE as hell don't want to picture them doing it with their husbands. then to add an element of kink??? my eyes burn just thinking about it.
so no. I do not think I will be attending the party thursday night. I'll be bleaching my skin that night.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
That pretty much sums up life these days. whether we're talking about the potty, sleep habits, or my weight... I honestly feel like a damn yo yo.
ok.. maybe not so much my weight.. thankfully; that's been steadily coming off. HOWEVER... I would be a big fat (albeit getting skinnier) liar if I didn't admit that my eating habits have been crazy erratic lately. one day.. I'm all super-fab-rock-star-dietary-MASTER... the next, I'm chowing down on my beloved kettle corn, justifying that if I eat it standing up that it might not be worth as many 'points'. so yeah... eating... out of control.
BUT!! against all odds... I continue to lose. I have officially hit my first goal with weight watchers... that beloved 10%. If you happened to read here about 2 months ago, you would have seen that my starting weight was clocked at 143.2 pounds. As of Friday... I weighed in at 129.0 pounds. that makes my total loss at 14.2 pounds. now TECHNICALLY, I realize that I'm not at a full 10% until I lose 14.3 pounds.... but since the scale I weigh in at measures in increments of two-tenths, and since it's my blog, I'm calling it official at 10%. Next stop... 123.2 pounds. that would make my total loss at 20 pounds... I might actually just get there, too... if I could step away from that damn kettle corn! HAH!
so let's see.. more in the on-again-off-again department... the potty. if I tell you we have been on and off that toilet more times a day than I had hair colors in college.. it's an understatement. but I imagine that anyone who has a child that knows how to use the toilet (the child, that is... )can attest to that. It truly is a lot of work, and demands a LOT of energy. positive, up-beat, do-a-lot-of-sitting-and-waiting-but-be-really-frigging-happy-and-entertaining-the-whole-time-even-when-the-other-child-is-screaming-his-head-off energy.
Troy has been GREAT with Rhena through this process, and has really been able to get her to 'make poopies'. At first I was a little jealous that he can come home from work, swoop in, and she magically pees or drops logs.... but now I'm just happy it's getting done. I'm actually beginning to believe that she will be able to attend school this fall. Of course.. there's the other notion that we will in no way be able to AFFORD said school, cause with all the prizes we have been offering to get the pee pee to wake up and the poops to come out.. well.. let's just say we could go broke. I'm thinking BIG-ass yard sale in a month from now. or, just pray that the Moose likes pink toys, and I can recycle all this crap when HE starts to potty train.
Speaking of Moosey... he's 6 months old now. !!!! seriously... you know what a slap in the face as to what kind of fog I've been in it was when I realized he turned SIX MONTHS OLD???? apparently, while I wasn't sleeping.. time kept right on ticking. who knew?
and sleep is what I have not been doing. for a few days last week, Danny actually slept the entire night. 7pm - 6am. !!!!! of course, *I* did not sleep, because I kept waiting for the little bugger to start wailing in the wee hours. And as if on cue... I began to believe. I believed in the idea of going to bunco again. of going out to dinner with my husband... ( like on a date! -- crazy, I know!) I believed in sleep.
and just as I bought into the sweet sweet dreams of the night... the waking began again. I attribute it to the new tooth he has coming in. poor little guy has a HOLE in his gum, waiting for the pearly while spear to coming a' pokin through. It sucks that we're back to square one of him waking... more so because now the crying spells are lasting longer and longer (last night I seem to recall a starting time of 2:44am, with him FINALLY settling down at 4:03am. bleh!) but it sucks cause he's miserable, and I don't quite know what else to do for the boy.
oh well. this too shall pass, right? right.
like I said... on again, off again.