Movin' and Groovin'

wow. is it mid MAY already???

Things have been really trucking along in these parts... My Stepford business is slowly and steadily getting orders here and there... and I'm FINALLY finishing up my homework so Troy can eventually do all the coding to implement the design changes we've come up with these past few months.

Rhena's recital is coming up... she's very excited about it... and I am no longer a crazy stress bucket about the idea of having to put some make-up on her face. I still don't LIKE it.. but after last year, I know my baby isn't going to look like a southern whore, so I've come to some form of peaceful acceptance.

Next week is also the last week of preschool, and while I'm still a teeny bit bitter than Rhena will not be allowed to move on to Kindergarten (thank you state of North Carolina and your asinine new law that changed the cutoff date for age requirements)...I am VERY happy that Kidoodle Kreations came through for me again for the end-of-the-year teacher Thank you gifts.

Not sure if you remember, but last year, I had Kidoodle Kreations make some notecards from a project Rhena had done in school. This year, they turned another one of Rhena's projects (with a little digital editing of mine to add a quote about teachers) into some note cards, and they arrived today. YAY!

I totally recommend their services if you're looking for a cool personalized gift. and Carrie, the owner, is a real person... with a cool name to boot! Seriously, though. I've been happy both times, and will continue to give her business cause I think she's got a quality product and service going.

so that's that. My folks come down next wednesday to take part in the recital festivities... so yay for that. and yay for fresh faces in this house cause I'm getting a LITTLE worn out of Danny being up in mine. but that's another story involving tantrums and explosive diapers, and well... just another story. trust me.

speaking of tantrums... time for me to supervise the lunching of the kids and get them down for some naps. If I don't get some laundry done today during nap time, Troy's bound to have an epic tantrum . or the piles in the closet will take life and attack us. either way, I'm thinking it ain't gonna be pretty.

have a good weekend, gang.

sophmore

so today was Rhena's last day of her first year of preschool.

she? excited.


Me? emotional.


for all its moments of busy and idle (idol?)... may has gone by quickly. I mean.. here we are, and it's almost memorial day. on the back ass of the month, I'm looking back and seeing a new deck, new furniture, an upcoming road trip, a new website in the works, and well.. just STUFF.


This week seems to have been the culmination of BUSY.. because as I said.. today was Rhena's last day of school, and with the exception of the recital this weekend.. the last day of dance class.

Ever the 'good student', we have been signing cards and wrapping appreciation gifts. As I wrote the notes to Rhena's preschool teachers, I became very emotional. I mean.. how could I express the gratitude and respect I had for these women who have been in charge of Rhena for 6 hours a week for the past 9 months?

I know on many levels, I will ALWAYS hold teachers in a high regard. my mother taught for 100 years, and knowing how much of her SOUL she gave her 'kids' each year... I can't help but hold a special place for teachers. even the ones that might just be going through the motions. Teaching is HARD. and what INFLUENCE they have on our society's children... I can't do anything but want to give them positive encouragement to keep their drive going.

but then again.. I wonder if it's the 'first child' syndrome. my BABY just finished her first year of schooling. ok.. PREschooling. but still. as a parent who changed my life and made sacrifices to stay at home to raise my children... it's a pretty big step to sit back and let someone else drive for a while... even if just 6 hours a week. I imagine it's something similar to a parent going back to work and leaving their child with someone else. granted, I could be wrong, but in my mind... in either situation... that's HUGE.

to put trust in someone to mold your child... well.. it's significant. especially the first real time you do it.


so yeah.. I KNOW that has something to do with it. and between that and the basic appreciation I have as being my mother's daughter... we've been all about the teacher-love this week. (and other various times earlier in the year, too.. should that not be obvious.) just this week is the big guns.

On one level.. this process has been very validating. like.. "I DO care!" and "I *AM* a real parent!" To understand that I am appreciative of rhena's teachers is like understanding that I DO parent her even when I'm not around. I AM concerned as to how she spends her time. and, of course.. how people perceive HER when I'm not around to remind her to stop picking her nose. I mean.. sure.. I knew that... but again... first time in the big leagues here, gang. I'm just saying.

I really do hope this is not the only time I will feel this way. I mean.. this emotional shit is EXHAUSTING... so that bit sucks. really.. headache from the crying. BLAH!


I guess what I mean to say is... I hope I will ALWAYS.. no matter what grade, what activity, what age or situation... I hope I will always be mindful, respectful and appreciative of the people in this world that influence my children. and that I feel the same level of earnest appreciation come the days when the Moo Moo goes to school.

I'd like to think that I will be. in the past year alone I've had a few moments of clarity that have helped me to be more selective of with whom and on what I spend my time, and allow to expose my children to. But I'd also like to think I can get through a week without cursing or getting frustrated about SOMETHING or other. There's some saying I could probably use here to illustrate.. something about shitting in one hand and wishing in the other and seeing which fills up faster, but I don't even know what the hell that really means right now... so I'll leave y'all to just figure that out on your own.


anyways. we did it. we had help.. but I'm happy to say that we survived Rhena's first year of school. I'll save my academy thanking speech for the preschool graduation next year... but I will for sure take the time to say yay. bring on summer.


today was a good day.


.

Sweet!

ok.. I'm very excited. (and for once, it's not about food!!)


aside from the fact that my girlfriend from jersey is coming for a visit and will be here tomorrow night!! and we're going to get to go out to eat here.... (ok.. so maybe it's a LITTLE about food)


wait.. what was I saying?


OH!

yeah.. so Cathy over at Mine had done a post about end-of-year teacher gifts and the such. being a volunteer teacher, a DAUGHTER of a teacher, and just a mom who appreciates people who educate my children... I'm all about making sure the teachers in our life get recognized.


but what to do.. what to get?


I mean.. mugs? please. my mother could open a friggin COFFEE shop from the mugs she's gotten over the years. gift cards? good.. but kind of impersonal. I mean.... they guide my BABY!! ok.. perhaps a little dramatic there.. but I've mentioned earlier how I like to find the RIGHT gift.. well.. that is until I drop shit on my toe and all.

ANYWAYS.... a while back I had stumbled upon this website by chance. long story.. I was looking for ANOTHER website that turns kids' artwork into jewelry for a possible gift for my mom.. and found the kidoodle one instead.

insert victory smile here.... I exchanged e-mails and phone calls with the owner of Kidoodle Kreations, and she's going to turn a project that Rhena made in school into some stationary for her teachers. AND I'm going to get it within the next 2 weeks. apparently rhena's school ends in like mid-may??

Basically, what I did was scan this valentine's card that her teachers helped Rhena make for US.. crop it down, add a nice quote, and now it will become note cards for them. The roses are actually the side of rhena's fists dipped in paint. The quote.. in case you can't read it.. is one from Henry Adams: "A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." (except I changed it to she and her)

I can't wait to get the final product so we can wrap it up and give it to them. I HOPE they like it as much as I do. I'll let y'all know how everything turns out.

ugh. speaking of turning out.. gotta whip up a dinner and grade some papers for CCD tonight.


happy monday gang!

.

Clifford, the Big Red (and apparently pissed off) Dog

So I know it's been a while since I last checked in. all is going well, and the school year is in full swing. We had Rhena's birthday party last week, and everyone seemed to have a tropically good time at her luau.


CCD started again for me, and that also is going well. keeping me busy... but going well.


One of the coolest things about me teaching CCD this year, though, is NOT the actual teaching. No.. it's not even the students I have this year. Though I imagine they'll prove to be pretty rockin' 2nd graders... no... the coolest thing about me teaching this year is that I'm teaching in the same classroom that Rhena goes to preschool in. (yes, she attends preschool at our church)



SO every monday night, I get to peer into her world a little. I look at the crafts that are hanging on the boards and walls.... I see posted lesson plans.... and when it's quiet.. like after class is over and the students are gone and I'm cleaning the desks... well, I could swear I hear Rhena laughing from the week before.




but SPEAKING of laughing... I had to share this. Apparently, the kids had been reading about Clifford, and focusing on the color red. so there have been a lot of red projects that come home.. and I ooh and aah appropriately to Rhena as she displays her artwork to me each day.



So ONE project is still hanging up in their class. below you will see a group of clifford-heads... a small sampling of what was done by the students in her class. looks cute when all together... the eyes, the noses... some dogs with their perfect puppy pouts....









annnnnnd.... here's Rhena's.








looks like Clifford had a bad day, you think?

only 120 minutes

so today was Rhena's first day of preschool.

She was only there for 2 hours... part of some ease-in period they have for the little ones. And the full-length class is only three hours, so when added to the idea that she'll only be going twice a week... well... I suppose it doesn't sound like a big deal.

but it is.

At least to us it is.

My baby boogie-loo... my rhena-beana... my monkey, my monster.... did I say my BABY??? went to school today!!!!

SHE--- was thoroughly excited, and is already asking when she gets to go again. This is big stuff, considering that the only responses she's had around humans other than Troy, myself, Moosey and our folks is that of hiding, crying, or pretty much hiding AND crying.

So again.. for her to want to go to a place that requires her to be around people (and SPEAK to them, for that matter) is like an ass-hair short of a phenomenon.

ME---- well... I had my tears and fears about a month ago, and a teeeeeny little bit again for good measure last night. I told Troy that it was kinda like the night before a big exam. nothing I could do at that point would change how rhena would behave, react or perceive her school. Nothing could be done to change HER. she was either going to be ready or she wouldn't. I would have either done my job in raising a tolerable (dare I go for PLEASANT?) little girl who would respond well in a classroom situation. (two weeks shy of) Three years in the making.. all boiling down to 120 minutes.

ok, ok... so maybe everything wouldn't be riding on today's 120 minutes, and that's just my flare for drama and suspense coming through... but you know what I mean. It was still a pivotal point in MY mind.

So I let go of the worries last night, and was able to enjoy today. We took pictures. we sang songs while getting dressed. we took more pictures. we had a dance party, we packed her snack, and we went to school. and you know.... took a few more pictures.

we did not cry.

Not when the three kids in her class erupted into full-on terror fits when THEIR parents left. nope. no tears. Not when she said goodbye to danny and told him to be a good moo-moo for his mama. nope. no tears then, either. And definitely not when I got *MY* kiss goodbye. we both did good.

In fact, there was nothing but celebration and happiness today.

SO I guess that's why I find it strange that as I sit here, looking at the little girl below with the big ole happy face, full of excitement and anticipation of all that the day would bring... that the tears are slow and steady to run down my cheeks.

Maybe they're left over from last night, maybe it's the pride I feel in how well she did today... maybe it's just that little tiny tugging at my heart knowing that my baby is slowly but surely growing up. even if only 120 minutes at a time.

independence

hey gang. hope the fourth day of the seventh month has been good to you.

So I imagine that the 4th of July means different things to different people, and whether those different things to different people run of the patriotic vein or not... today definitely makes me be cognizant of independence. I mean.. Makes sense.. independence day and all, right?


anyways... blahbitty blah.


haven't blogged since last week, cause the folks have been in town. It's funny.. or not funny funny as in funny like a clown (although clowns are pretty freaky to me, but just quoting from goodfellas)

ANYWAY... I find it funny that I have spent my whole life trying to claim my independence from my folks, and now... one or two (or 20 or so) years later.. I'm just trying to enjoy them.

now before you go off thinking they're gonna die or anything.. all seems to be well with the parentals. sure, mom's knees pretty much suck for her... but they're pretty vibrant and I doubt they'll be pushing daisies anytime soon.

but I was just thinking today, on our country's day of celebrating independence... that it's no longer my main priority in life to prove to everyone how I'm my own person. Every once in a while I even catch myself taking pause to reference from whom and where I came from. again... far cry from my staunchly independent self just a few moons ago.


so yeah.. been thinking about that kind of stuff today, and out of nowhere, I get an e-mail (today) from a girl I went to high school with. I'm going to call her CC.... simply cause I don't think it's cool to use other people's real and full names on my blog without their knowledge. Turns out she chanced upon my blog, and she took time to send me an e-mail. Now, I suppose that's not anything shocking or spectacular... my maiden name is czernikowski, and I imagine I'm quite easy to find on the web if you can string those 12 letters in the right combination.

The particular point to my verbal spew tonight is that CC is one of those people from high school you just never forget.

everyone can remember SOMEONE from high school. whether because they were pretty, or fat, or funny, or the biggest dork, or the biggest whatever... there will always be individuals that stick in your head, regardless of how long it's been since you were in high school, or whether or not you kept in touch.

CC was one of those people for me. Now before y'all go assuming she has a third eye or walked like a farm animal or some other weird characteristic (cause let's face it, that's the kind of shit NO ONE can forget. sorry to disappoint; she was and still is, I imagine... a very lovely young woman. nothing crazy to make her stick out, I swear!!)... I remember her because one day... very close to graduation, in our second period advanced English class... I was a very opinionated bitch to her, and I think I hurt her feelings.


so let's set the stage. a few of us were talking about what we were going to do after graduation (meaning college and career paths, etc) and CC or someone else said something to the effect of missing everyone from high school. I, ever being the bitch I can be... coldly said something to the effect of not thinking I'll miss anyone because the only thing we had in common was that we were born in the same town. I remember CC looking as if she were personally struck that I said such a thing.

now.. the mind.. Especially one like mine which has done my fair share of killing brain cells.. tends to distort memories and reshape in such a way that often we remember things the way we want to remember them. SO taking what I say with a grain of salt... just understand that this is how I remember how shit went down.


some 15 years later, I still remember that conversation. again.. not verbatim, but yet... it has stuck with me all these years because it is the truth. It was how I felt at the time, how I felt through college, and pretty much how I feel now, some what.. 15 years later?

BUT... and here's the rub.... the statement I made was absolute and cold. I have since learned SOME tact (ability to EXERCISE aforementioned skill still may be not my strong suit... but I have nonetheless learned about it). AND.... all these years later... I see my younger self and my younger peers with different eyes.

Perhaps I DID have more in common with my schoolmates than I brazenly avoided giving them credit for. I mean.. we were all essentially a bunch of stupid kids on the verge of trying to figure out our lives. We shared... whether or not we knew it.. the same anxieties of the opposite sex, our own successes and what the future would hold.

But I was too hell-bent on declaring my independence (and good riddance) to anything and everything Sayreville (yes.. to this day, I'm still not a huge bon-jovi fan for that reason.. I simply declared his music as CRAP many years ago, and never thought to give it much of a chance) anyways.. too hell bent on declaring independence to think about MISSING anyone.

Don't read me wrong, gang... this is not a blog in which I profoundly say I did it all wrong and want to go back.... I LOVE my life. I'm SO HAPPY with who I am and where I am that I can't possibly believe that the path which has brought me here can be anything BUT the right path. And to be perfectly honest... I DIDN'T miss anyone. I've never had a desire to go to a class reunion, and have never uttered the phrase "I wish I could do it again."


FUCK THAT. But still... I'm a little older (wiser? softer?) now... and the last chamber of my heart that still beats warm blood recognizes that there WERE good people that I went to high school with, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't just SLIGHTLY curious of what has become of everyone. I AM curious of what CC has done in her life. I see her as a doctor of some type. she was always very smart, and had a quiet friendly calm about her... I see that translating into good bedside manner.


but whatever. I ramble.



CC's note was an interesting surprise for me today, and reminded me how I learned that day that even when going forward, you don't need to be a bitch to the ones you're leaving behind. of course I never admitted that out loud until tonight, but somehow the feeling I got after that conversation that day always sat in the back of my brain whispering "you don't have to be such a bitch about it, Carrie!!" as I forged ahead with my independence.

now I'm not saying I've always been nice... cause you KNOW my ass is still bitch royale on wheels..... but I do try to not burn any bridges... so to speak.


so anyways. that's my ramble for tonight. I'm proud to say I'm an independent woman. YESSSS, I'm also co-dependent..... I'm married, and I no longer have a professional money-paying job, my parents still do SO MUCH for me, etc etc...... but I firmly believe I am still independent. The funny thing is that I always have been a little bit of both my whole life. I just didn't realize that it was possible until just a few years ago. I guess it's better late than never, huh?


Happy independence day, gang.... may your freedoms ring loud and clear.