Friday on my mind

so here I am, in the middle of another nap time that took waaaaay too long to get here today.

wait... did I just say that out loud? yeah. I did.


my darling sweet lovable kids were terrors today. Danny threw a full-on tantrum that STILL has my ears ringing, and it's possible one of the kids bit the other one during a fight over dress shoes at one point. I saw no teeth marks, and given Rhena's tendency to exaggerate, this could be a fabricated ploy for sympathy... but who knows.


at any rate, the winds shifted and the kids were nothing but sugar later and we did get to spend some time at the park and do some food shopping. win-win. you know, except for that whole screaming terrors routine they were working earlier. can't forget that part.

So y'all know I love me some TV. I have a few shows that I watch regularly, and I do enjoy the escapes they provide. I like to be entertained, I really do. I mean.. who doesn't, right? the FORM of entertainment may be different for different folks, but nonetheless... we all like to be entertained in our own ways.


Troy doesn't like watching shows with me sometimes. you see.. I have this horrible habit of pausing whatever show we're watching to give him my prediction of how the show/movie/story will turn out. like the minute I think I've figured it out. I know, I know.. I'm one of THOSE people. seriously. don't ever take me to a movie. I'll just ruin it for you.

I will do the little 'blow-on-the-knuckles-and-polish-them-on-my-chest" move and say that I've got an about 90% accuracy rate when it comes to my guessing, too. which of course makes shit even THAT MUCH MORE annoying to others, cause then what's the point if there's no mystery to watch unravel.

I tease Troy and say it's cause I'm a gypsy (Hungarian heredity, thank you mom!) but the truth? how can I NOT figure out shit? does he not REALIZE how many MINI-DRAMAS I watch unfold like EVERY DAY with our kids??? I'm sure I have seen enough character development, plot building and rise and falling of main characters just in the morning we have to get Rhena ready for PRESCHOOL that we could surely open a summer theater camp. never mind my teaching days and Rhena's dance days where they are allowed to do free-play til like TEN in the morning (oh yes.. the extra half hour always allows for a few more storyline twists.)


I'm still trying to figure out how I can make a profit on this. I'm SURE if Steven Spielberg or Ron Howard were to sit with my kids for a week of mornings, there's be some fantasmic movies the following summer as a result. especially if special effects were added. and a soundtrack. PLEASE a different soundtrack. cause really? Rhena's made-up dance routines are fun; but watching her dance to "margaritaville" with a large fake plant are starting to border on 'concerning behavior'.

oh and while I'm at it.. James Patterson, if you're reading?? I have a GREAT idea for a novel for you. it involves a stay at home mom who loses her shit. really. call me. we could be fabulous together. just ask my kids.

Just FINE

"fine" is a very powerful word.


Last week, Danny's pediatrician told me that while he's probably 'fine', she believed she saw a growth of some sorts in his right nostril.

clearly, when the word 'fine' is said AFTER the word 'probably', and spoken by your child's doctor, the word 'fine' does not make a mother feel so. As a matter of fact, it made THIS mother sick. like puked 3 different times SICK. and it made for a long week of repeating the word FINE with actions that did not necessarily match the intent.


For example, despite my telling friends and family that we were 'fine'.. ok, that *I* was fine, and I was sure DANNY was just fine... our friends and family did not listen. I was hugged, I received phone calls, I received e-mails. and yet, I was also given enough space for those who love me the most understand that sometimes 'fine' means very very fragile, and pushing too hard might cause me to not just break, but shatter into a thousand little pieces.

Yes.. sometimes "fine' means that a person does not want to talk about it. FINE meant that for a few times this week.

Sometimes, when a random woman is in a food store asking about Brisket to the butcher, sometimes telling that woman that a particular cut of beef would be fine for making brisket... well, sometimes that causes said woman to erupt into tears. And when that woman starts crying, it's perfectly fine to tell her that she's fine, and just patiently wait til she stops crying so you can calmly and slowly tell her step-by-step how to cook the brisket. Because in those cases when things clearly AREN'T fine.. it's nice to act like they are.. and you know.. that the woman isn't a total freak.


Sometimes, when a wife tells a husband that it's fine that he can not attend their son's appointment, she's really not happy. like wants to shove a golf club up his ass not happy. but MAKES it fine because she is strong enough to be both parents when she has to.


This morning, a specialist told me that Danny was "fine". It was like I was hearing the word for the very first time.... or at least the first time I took it for what it meant.


__________________

turns out what was believed to be a polyp in Danny's right nostril was actually just a small scratch or cut. our pediatrician mistook scab issue for a growth and aired on the side of caution by recommending a specialist to have a look. We were given some saline gel and care instructions, and all should be clear within a few weeks.


much love and thanks to any and all who have offered prayers, notes of love and support, the calls, cards, etc. you are all so special to us, and we appreciate how quickly and wholly you offered your hearts.

again.. thank you.

A World Named Sue

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don't forget to leave a comment for next week's mix! it's super easy, and more fun when more people play! Just think of a song that makes you feel STRONG, and leave a comment to tell us what the song is!

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SO I know some of the topics I'm about to bring up are already old news.. but MAN.


So last night, Troy and I were watching "Dan in Real Life". It was a very enjoyable movie with lots of elements we like. it had subtle and obvious humor, there were life drama and poignant moments, and at its core, it was a love story.

ANYWAYS. the story features Steve Carell as a widower doing his best raising three girls on his own.


When the movie finished, Troy and I did our usual recap discussion, which, if you've read my blog for any length of time, you'd know those discussions usually end up going down a variety of tangent paths.

Not quite sure how we got on THIS topic, but we started talking about lawsuits, parenting, and today's society. We discussed that case in Canada where the 12 year old girl took her father to court because she didn't like him punishing her. go ahead.. read the article. I'll wait.


uhhh.. can I get a WTF??? Telling your parent that you are NOT happy with them (rhena), you'll hate them forever (me), or that they're a "murderer of love" (the movie) is one thing... but TAKING THEM TO COURT? because you as a child do not agree with your parent? who was disciplining you for doing something WRONG? And lest we forget these are CHILDREN... children whose feelings change every other nano second.

I know I have personally witnessed a child or two talking back to their parent in such a manner that made ME understand why some people choose to spank their kids. I think my all-time jaw dropper has been "What are you going to do? I'm not afraid of you!" (never MIND that the sentiment is driven from a FEAR-based relationship... I completely feel that is one of the reasons why these kids have no respect for their parental figures. the parentals are not CREATING relationships based on love and respect. they're creating environments of fear and obeying.)

And there's the rub... we as adults and parent are not exactly setting the best examples, are we? Like the case in Sweden where parents are suing a child and his family for not inviting their child to a birthday party. I understand the school refusing to hand out the invitations. I don't AGREE with it, as I grew up in a world where kids didn't get the same number of valentines and flowers and invites in class. But I can buy into the principle that popularity games are a distraction from scholastic business, so keep it out of the classroom. the parents could have EASILY requested mailing addresses and sent the invitations properly. But the business of the parents getting their panties in a bunch saying their sons rights were TRAMPLED cause he didn't get an invitation to a party? (a party for a kid that was not invited to his OWN party?) blugh. seriously.


anyways.. those were only two of the things we were talking about last night. I'm not saying I would prefer to hear that my kids are going to hate me forever... but I'm ALSO not going to bend over backwards every time my child doesn't agree with something or has to face some disappointment in life.

I mean, SURE, I would love to think that my kids can go through life with no disappointments, but without those moments of lows, how can one truly appreciate and see the good when it around them the rest of the times?

New is Old and Old is New

I know.. me and my repeating title posts are getting annoying. what can I say... it's just a mark of life these days. lots of going in circles and repeating myself!



so.... as you can see.. I've changed the layout and did up the blog summer-style. Suser joked that I was channelling my inner Rhena, but the truth is, it's getting to be that time of year when I think about how I need to get my ass in gear (literally) and start prepping for the walk.


I actually started my training a LOT earlier this year, but lo and behold.. the toe and the shower door put a kibosh to that and I really haven't been to the gym since april some time. yikes! Today, I went, and it was as if I hadn't been in 3 years. but hey.. if sweating like a pig is the new HOT, then I was SMOKIN', baby! but man.. 12+ hours later... I feel OLD. but I went, knocked off 2 miles in just under a half hour ( please... don't kill my thunder; I know I'm a slow ass cow.... but seriously! 2 miles! out of the gate! for ME?? that's an accomplishment.)


Anyways, thanks to the loverly Hannikins, I've got some great suggestions for some hard-core music. gotta get those on my zune, and get to gettin'. I STILL don't know how I'm going to block off 8 hours so I can do a full-scale simulation of 26 miles... much less 2 back-to-back days of training walks so I don't repeat my failure last year... but I suppose getting past 2 miles without my foot throbbing will be a good place to start.


what else.... feels like the same shit... but I know it isn't. I'm dealing with Danny a lot lately. he's been... how shall I say this to avoid making him sound bratty??? hmm.. well.. he's been a brat lately. tantrums. kicking. yes... KICKING.

me.


yeah... during some tantrums, this child is getting SO keyed up that it is nothing but some animalistic WAILS with lots of kicking and thrashing involved.


I KNOW that it's because he's at that age when he wants to do things, is learning and excited that he knows he wants to do things, but gets extremely pissed off at his own inability to do said things or communicate his desire to do said things... but GOOD LORD it is hard.

It's HARD to be the adult. it's HARD to remain calm and not raise my voice. It's HARD to take a kick or two to the collarbone and keep poised as I firmly repeat that we do NOT hit or kick in our family. I have a feeling that what danny is doing to me now is the physical equivalent to the emotional punches I will surely be blown during the defiant teenage years.

but we're pressing on. The good news is that eventually Danny DOES realize that I'm not fucking around and I will not give in to him carrying around a basketball net, climbing on a table, playing near the oven or stove or utensils drawer or WHATEVER unsafe action I am stopping him from doing. or you know.. that he will leave the house or store or yard or wherever when we do. THOSE times are the toughest, cause I'd be a liar if I didn't say I've had ally-mc-beal moments of picturing me leaving him wherever he's thrashing and kicking to stay.


I TRY to remember that Rhena went through this too.. right around this age... and that it WILL pass if we push through. but again. this shit is old. I mean, it's NEW for danny, but WAAAAAY old on my time. NEXT!


hmmm.. I guess I really don't HAVE a next, as it were. Truth is, I'm pretty beat. after being on people-hiatus last week, we've hosted playdates at our house 2 days in a row, have had un-synchronized naps, and a shit-ton of thunderstorms that has rhena as edgy as a crack head.


but anyways.. I'm here, posts will be posted again, and I'm thinking pink. also thinking I have to upload pictures, but Troy is finally home, and it's TV time.


happy july, gang.

On with the show!

today was rhena's dress rehearsal for her BIG DEBUT as a dancer in the recital tomorrow. The studio is doing a production of the wizard of oz.


and when I say production, I mean production.


holy tutus, batman... these people mean business!!! between all the informal and formal rehearsals, the 3-tiered ticket purchasing system... the fees for everything under the sun... well.. let's just say I feel like I've gone through some mini-boot camp.

they have broken me.

from making sure that rhena has been at the studio DRESSED AND READY!!! 10 minutes prior to the start of class, to the very dark place of putting makeup on her face... and many many other little idiosyncrasies in between.... I have bent over and taken it all.


on ONE hand.. I find the entire social system of this dance studio utterly ridiculous and wonder why/how exactly I got in this mix, and many times have laughed at the 'hall moms' that speak of cheer camp and gymnastics interfering with the dance workshop and who else will be taking riding lessons this summer? for their THREE AND FOUR YEAR OLDS.

say it with me, people.... GAG!!!

I also find the regimented structure of the studio to be a bit extreme.. even though that's the type of environment that Rhena thrives in. (hence... why we signed her up there in the first place.)

I mean.. seriously. this is a dance class for 3 year olds!!!


half the time I feel most of the girls are there for their parents, and not themselves. ok.. half the time I KNOW this, cause at least one kid every week is kicking and screaming how they don't want to go in the class. right outside the class' door. yeeesh. talk about a morale booster.

all is not bad, though. like when I get a hand-written thank you note from one of the lead dancers in this year's show thanking me for making a donation.... i see that sometimes running a disciplined studio produces students who are disciplined and respectful of their craft. and appreciative of all the elements it takes to make the wheel go round.

ok, maybe not.. maybe the studio told them they HAD to write the notes.. but that's a lesson I as a parent like knowing that a dance studio teaches.


and Rhena has been SO EXCITED. today she just kept FANKING me profusely for letting her be a dancer. ("oh FANK you, mommy... I am just so happy you wet me dance, momma! cause you know I really WUV when I can dance. and did you see my pretty dance costume? I am just SO HAPPY and pretty in my dance outfit! ")


clearly, some switching of genes happened.. cause if she were MY kid.. she'd be wanting to play hockey. but whatever. kid's happy. so we forge ahead. so yes.. we HAVE and we're GOING TO jump through the studio-imposed hoops cause it's THAT important to Rhena. like not being able to bring danny with us because no one under the age of three is permitted in the performance hall for the recital. hmmmm.


of COURSE, this morning took a bad turn when troy told me that our babysitter (whom we secured a MONTH AGO) decided that they would go play GOLF on sunday.. but not to worry cause they're pretty sure they can be done and back on time to sit.

CLEARLY, this man does not have a daughter in dance class, as if he DID.. he would understand how tomorrow is just only rhena's MOST IMPORTANT DAY TO BE A DANCER and how her grandparents drove from new jersey to see her on her day that she has been talking about since FEBRUARY... and how *I* have run around like a crazy woman trying to make this class happen for rhena every week (well, ok, except that one time.. but I already felt like shit for that) and by golly, we're GONNA go and pay our money just to see rhena stand on stage for the 2 minutes that she does, probably not even following the routine?????


cause it brings her THAT much joy. clearly he did not understand that.. cause if he did.. he would not have blatantly over scheduled himself for something he agreed to do a month ago.

*sigh*


all is well now, though. granted, this whole day has been spent calling people trying to get phone numbers of babysitters... and perhaps a few curse words here and there. But yes.. we finally were able to get one.

so now, in addition to the assfuls of money we've spent on tuition, fees, tickets, fundraisers, dance gear, dvd of the performance and portrait packages... we've got to shell out for a sitter, too.

oh well. The good news is that now we get a test run of a babysitter (read.. future date night for me and troy??) I have successfully mastered the 'tight bun' hairstyle using only bobbypins, ANNNND I was able to scale back the facial makeup to a simple bronzer powder and tinted lip gloss. no Joan Benet Ramsey here, people!! no sirree!!

so anyways.... the show goes on. first sitter is on my shitlist for a while.. but the show.. it shall go on.

Some Great Reward

That was the title of an old Depeche Mode album. (please no comments on the fact that I use the term ALBUM. DO we call them albums anymore, or is it just cds? or tracks? I'm so not urbanly hip and modernly cool.)


anyways.. I was thinking about rewards today. if we're LUCKY, we find rewards in our every day lives... not just when we reach the point of exhaustion or perfection. (yes, exhaustion happens before perfection in my house. usually exhaustion BEGETS perfection, cause I get so damn tired of trying to make things better so I just end up decreeing something 'perfect'.)


In parenthood, however.. I notice that I tend to fall under the category of OVERLY rewarding. Danny made a poopy?? "YEAH! HIGH FIVE!! good job, Moo-Moo!!!!"

no.. he didn't go in the potty or anything. just pushed out some waste from his bowels into his diaper. and most likely got it all up in and around his walnut, too. But here I am, cheering like he completed a marathon.


Rhena has essentially been potty trained for 8-10 months now. yet.. when she poops or pees by herself.. there I am... throwing out my 'good jobs' and booty shaking in my own mini-party.

I must really like poop?


I've read articles that promote this kind of parenting.. talking about fostering a positive environment for the kids. making every day activities fun and challenging, making the children proud of their accomplishments, big and small.


of COURSE there's the plethora of articles that discuss the DANGERS!!! of cheering on your child. Creates a competitive child that is only eager to please you and authoritative figures. makes the child believe they must be rewarded for everything they do.


I can for sure see both sides of this coin... but yet I still favor the rewards side. maybe it's because *I* find rewards in all things I do.. big and small.. (yes.. I even get happy after *I* have a big poop... I've had the scale go down 8/10ths of a pound after a poop once. talk about rewarding when you're trying to lose weight!!)

but seriously. I do find rewards in every day situations. most are, naturally, some type of intrinsic reward. (not saying I wouldn't mind a bonus or a big ribbon every now and then)


Danny is clearly too young to understand the difference from intrinsic and tangible rewards. Rhena, I think, is now getting to an age that she understands that making someone happy or doing something nice can make her feel just as good as eating M&Ms. We still use a lot of props, though. stickers, glow sticks, a special dinner or dessert.. dollar store crap.. you get the idea.

I'd LIKE to think that this is helping to set the stage for her to have a thorough understanding of actions/choices and consequences... but I still wonder. are our parenting methods, when combined with our world's incessant need for gratification and collection of material objects (not to mention our group-think society where everyone must be a winner, even if it means they don't keep score in sports) well... is this setting rhena up to be selfish? or a doormat? or worse.. unhappy and incomplete in her quest for perfection.


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today's inspiration? still up for grabs! inspiration strikes at random times, so I'm keeping my eyes and ears open. feel free to provide me with something!

It's begun

oh dear.



I knew this day was coming.



after breakfast today, rhena came around the corner wearing her jacket and shoes.

She informed me that she was going outside to wait for the bus. She reportedly was going on a trip. when asked to where, she replied that she was off to her "new home".


She must have sensed my semi-state of concern, because she assured me to not worry, cause she would be back in the morning when I woke up.

as luck would have it, I promised her that today I was going to make an appointment for her to see the dentist. I was able to trump her spontaneous bus trip by convincing her she needed to be here so I could call the dentist. apparently micro-managing my administrative duties is more appealing than waiting on the corner in her pyjamas.


sigh. I guess I just didn't think I'd be dealing with the runaway child this early in the game. or this early in the day, either. momma needs coffee to deal with this kind of shit, people.


oh well. happy monday, and here's hoping that everyone in your life stays put this week.


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today's inspiration? my SCALE, believe it or not! I was only down point-8 pounds for my weigh-in this morning, but I'm only point THREE pounds away from my 10% goal-slash-competition with troy. I for sure feel energized enough to get through this last hump. I can do it!!!

the home stretch?

ok. I'm HOPING that troy will come home at some point today before midnight.

I remember seeing him on monday... he actually came home in time to watch the kids so I didn't have to bring them with me to CCD.


the rest of the week is a blur, though. I have been on double-duty bed routine since tuesday, and I'm a little worn out. it's not so much for lack of sleep... I'v e been getting about 6 hours a night.. so I'm doing well in that department.


just... the kids. well.. they're kinda driving me nuts. Danny's daytime sleep habits are unpredictable and at times not happening. this does NOT make for a happy boy during the high-stress times of the day like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and snack times.


and is it me, or do ALL three year olds secretly take speed? maybe it's just rhena. but when you combine her INCESSANT energy with her "follow-the-imaginary-script-inside-my-head-or-we're-gonna-take-it-from-the-top" role-playing she does... well.. frankly, by friday, I really think Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat can just fucking STAY in the cage.

and let's not forget that when I actually DO see troy again.. *I* get to give him a massage cause I didn't lose enough weight this week.


sigh.


I CAN do this.


anyways.. in other news... the church bake sale is this weekend, so I'll be making up stuff for that. that'll be a good 'busy' activity for rhena since it's puring out, and I am not gonna drag the kids out today.

Stuperbowl is this sunday.... We're supposed to be going to our neighbor's house. I'm on the fence about that one. I'm excited about getting out of the house... but given the fact that the game probably starts like a minute before bedtime for the moose, and I probably won't see troy until FIFTEEN minutes before we go... bleh. on the UP side.. I think of the chili and cornbread and know that once I'm eating (strike that.. SHOVELING IT IN MY MOUTH) well.. I'm sure I can rally.

that is, if I don't fall apart before then.

unleashed

so lately, I feel like I've been exposed to.. in some fashion or another... questionable parenting techniques.


today was a doozie, and I SWORE I was just going to walk away... not say anything. "let it go, let it go...." I told myself.


I went upstairs and folded some laundry. but that got me fired up even MORE, cause I was folding the kids' clothes... so that just made me stew.


so as you may or may not know.. a few weeks ago, I took a parenting survey. sick.. unsettled.. the whole deal. you can read back.. it's only a few posts ago. so TODAY.. I'm reading online about a friend who has a friend who is smoking. while pregnant.


ok... I see isolated cases of stupidity like ALL the time.. most of the cases from myself, as chance would have it.. cause well.. I'm around myself the most. but the smoker apparently admitted to knowing that smoking while pregnant is bad... but JUSTIFIED it by saying that HER mother smoked while she was pregnant with HER, and since SHE turned out ok, that she's going to smoke, too.

right... because APPARENTLY the nicotine exposure she had in her life has had no effect on her cognitive reasoning ability... and since she herself is now not addicted or anything.. she's just CHOOSING to expose her unborn child to nicotine. cause you know.. she's fine and everything.

or you know.. spanking. "my parents spanked ME, and *I* turned out ok!!" Cause I guess bullying, hitting or otherwise ABUSING a CHILD 20-30 years younger than you is considered 'ok' behavior.

I find a cases like these behaviors for someone in my age group to be as equally appalling as racism. I mean SERIOUSLY. That old adage "well it worked for my parents, and *I* turned out ok" is shameful. I mean, UNLESS your parent is like 3 or 5 years older than you... I do not see how ANYONE in my generation could subscribe to that line of thinking.

in 'my parents' day"... yes... they drank a few beers while driving. we as children sat on laps.. or in the back-back with no seat belts. wooden spoons and belts and waiting for fathers coming home were feared. people smoked. indoors. drugs were done and unprotected sex was had. and hey.. we came out ok. right?

but that was then and this is now. I'm not saying that what my folks did or didn't do was right or wrong. what I AM saying is that we're playing a different ballgame now. in the last thirty years... information has become available. research has been done. medical documentation has PROVEN the effects on a fetus of smoking, drinking and/or doing drugs while pregnant. We also have learned that SHAKING a baby to quiet it while screaming can cause brain damage.

I mean.. I'm no doctor.. but some of this shit is SO BASIC and considered common knowledge now that I can't understand how people can say ... "yeah, well.. I'll take my chances".

For whatever parenting techniques my parents might have employed that I do or do not agree with... I do so because I'm making my choices based on the information available to me... as in right here and now. just like they did thirty years ago. (ok.. thirty PLUS years ago) I do not in any way fault my parents for anything they may have done "wrong' by today's standards. They did the best they could based on the knowledge, resources, and history available to them at the time. SHIT.. there's things that I do differently with Danny because shit changed over the 2 years that passed between his and rhena's birth.

Were my parents WRONG for pulling a britney and having me on their lap while they drove to get their cheetos fix at a local store? NO. they didn't even HAVE car seats back then. SO why was the media so agog at Brit-Brit's choice to go without the car seat? I mean.. hey.. SHE turned out ok, right?


And listen.. I know my argument of things working for parents etc doesn't hold up in ALL categories. I feel that my parents did A SHITLOAD of things right... and many many many are behaviors I chose to expose my children to. But being a sensible adult now.. being a parent myself now.. I feel it is my DUTY... for the sake of the innocent humans I brought into this world.. to make the best decisions based on information available to me... and not just press play and repeat.

Win some, lose one

bleh. I knew this would happen. Troy whooped my ass this week in our diet challenge.


He lost 3.8 pounds this past week, and I only lost one. I SHOULD be happy, considering I ate at wendy's on friday (junior bacon cheeseburger AND french fries... I about died from the delight of it all) AND I have yet to go to the gym.... and hey.. one pound is one pound!

but still. I hate losing. losing in a competition, that is.. not losing weight. we've already established that I like to do that.


The prize this week is that the winner receives a half-hour, full-attention (meaning no tv, no excuses) massage from the loser. bleh. I HATE giving massages. I have weak hands or something (read I'm lazy) but man.. I just lose interest in the giving after like... 2 minutes.


oh well. fair and square.. I'll pay up. my total loss is up to 6.2 pounds. not bad for 2 weeks in.



in other news.. I participated in a north carolina university survey yesterday. it was based on parenting techniques/discipline behaviors. there were a lot of questions that established environment.. such as race, income, neighborhood, and marital status as well as primary child care situations.


after all that was established, they asked my and troy's habits in terms of interaction with Danny. they stated that their line of questioning comes from statistical findings of discipline methods from around the country as well as around the world. so yeah, yeah.. I started answering. the questions started off easy enough... how often do I praise Moosey, cuddle with him, read a book to him. then they got into the negative disciplines... asked how often I or my husband hit danny with an object such as a belt, spoon, or hairbrush on his buttocks.


This question didn't strike me as too alarming, as I know there are people (some of which I consider friends) that consider 'spanking' as an effective method of discipline for their children. This is NOT a method that Troy and I believe in or will ever be convinced to employ for our children for SO MANY reasons that I shall not list here... as that is not my topic. not that I've ever been afraid to go off topic or say something that might piss other people off... I just want to get back to the survey.


anyways.. I was easily able to answer the questions seeking to know that troy and/or I have never smacked, swatted or otherwise hit our children with any object or with our bare hands on their buttocks, back, head or other part of their bodies. Then the questions went further. have we ever pinched our children? intentionally put spicy food in their mouth as a form of punishment? called them names like stupid or useless? threatened to leave and never come back? locked them out of the house? scream or curse at the child? shake to stop crying? scald, brand, or otherwise burn?


at this point in the survey, I could not contain my emotions. the 'focus group' of the survey were children UNDER the age of two. answering these questions and watching Moosey play in front of me made me want to throw up. do people REALLY do that? to BABIES???


overall, the survey made me sick and unsettled. are we as a society THAT uneducated and barbaric?

again.. it made me sick and unsettled. and perhaps there's no point to my writing this other than to get it out of my system. I know where I stand in terms of what I feel is acceptable methods of discipline for my children, and I will do my best to always rise above the symptoms of the situation so that my children can learn to do the same in THEIR future without resorting to violence. my only question is that I wonder if that's going to be enough.


note - If you want to comment, I encourage you to keep in mind the following. First and foremost... this is NOT about you. If YOU do or don't beat, curse at, swat or otherwise hit your children in the past, present or intend to do so in the future... that's your business. Frankly, I don't WANT to know. I just wanted to share my personal experience and reactions to something that happened yesterday. and to let it go.


at the end of the day, I found myself able to love my children even MORE. My resolve to be a positive influence on my children was re-established and recharged. and while I know that's no sure-fire guarantee that my kids will turn out to be GOOD people when and as they grow up, it's still what's going to work for me and troy.

House of Mirrors

so I'm guessing that in every parent's life, there comes a time when you can no longer avoid the realization that EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) you do will be repeated, either verbally or physically, by your offspring. Sometimes this is a good thing... sometimes... well.. let's just say that Troy and I might need to start being careful of what and how we say things.


Little Miss Boogie-Pants is really taking a stronghold of this particular tactic lately. Evidence can be found every hour, on the hour, with a few bonus showings throughout the day.


Case-in-point.... overheard from the playroom:

"Baby! I said no more whining! Do you want to go to your room? ok, then no more whining!"



with her brother:

"I really love you, Moo-Moo, but playing with that is NOT a good idea."


in the food store around some other rowdy children:

"SETTLE DOWN!!! I REALLY can't think with all this noise, Mommy..."


while I'm folding laundry:

"you need to clean up, Momma, cause Daddy doesn't want to see this mess when he comes home."


and fresh off the presses... to ME, after the 3rd time I told her to wipe her hiney and get dressed:

"I'm GOING to wipe and get dressed!!! Now quit asking or you won't go outside today!"




I'm getting a sinking feeling that we might see a note or two coming home from her preschool teacher.

'Not so fresh' feeling

yeah... you KNOW it's gotta be *MY* luck that the one weekend that troy's working 15 hour days and can't come to church with us, that my darling boy takes the BIGGEST crap ever.

IN CHURCH.



at least it seemed very place-appropriate that I was praying just to get through the morning.

Sharks

ladies and gentlemen... my children are sharks.


and yes.. I am bleeding.



------------------------

I suppose I really don't need to follow up on that TOO much... but let me tell you.. it's going to take at LEAST three of the cupcakes I made today to bring me back to life from the past two hours alone.

My children are predators, and they not only know when it's mama's 2nd night in a row of double-duty bed routine, but I just KNOW they know it's my time of the month to prove my womanhood and dear jesus on sweet HIGH I'm in a mood, and did I TELL you we have another fucking fly in our house???

yes.. the cupcakes they are a' callin'.


sharks. downright, make-my-ass-crazy SHARKS.

How-To

Want to know how to get your kid to sleep past 6:03am every day?







....I know *I* sure as hell do!

T K O

I originally began writing this post on tuesday, but never finished, then I found out about my uncle so I never posted it. here's a glimpse of how my week started out, though.


______________


welcome to the house of technicalities! I'm your host, but you can just call me "I must look like I have shit for Brains"... or of course... 'mommy' for short.


So today's been one of those 'get a lot of shit done' days... or at least ATTEMPT to. Danny's been kinda sick lately, so I'm trying to stay closer to the house and let him sleep as much as possible so he can get over this cold once and for all.


Rhena seemed perfectly content to be muddling around the house doing her own thing. this leaving me free to fold the Mt. Vesuvius of laundry I've got going.. I figure, what the hell. well, that's until rhena comes into danny's room holding her pyjama pants and panties in her hands and tells me,


"Mommy.. I need new panties. these have pee pee all over them."


WHAT??? whothewhatthehuh??? Mind you my surprise is truly genuine; rhena has been accident free for almost 2 months now.


"Rhena... why did you make pee pee in your pants??? You're supposed to use the bathroom! You know that!"


"BUT MOMMY.... I DID use the bathroom. I made pee pee by Daddy's sink!"


*sigh*


ok, so after all was cleaned up, I had a little sit down with her and made sure we were ALL on the same page with what momma means by bathroom. Yes, mommy means the potty. and no more in the panties, or the diapers are coming back, and do we want the diapers back? oh no. "I'm shorry, mommy. I won't make pee pee in my panties again. I'm really shorry." and WHERE do we make the pee pee? "In the PAAAH-TY, momma. NOT in my panties."



ok, fine.

day continues.

I'm doing chores, then lo and behold, a bottom-half naked rhena comes up to me and says "Hi, Mommy.. I tried to make pee pee in the potty but it won't fit!"


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Rhena... which potty did you use??"


"The one in the playroom! My pee-pee doesn't fit!"


People.. we do not have a potty in the playroom. Rhena's playroom is full of toys.


oh. oh oh oh.

---


I'm not going to give you TOO much of a visual here, but I WILL provide the one below to help you understand my frustration. Please take special care to note that although Rhena is not quite 3 years old yet, she is FAR bigger than a little people figurine. Her pee pee DEFINITELY did not fit in the potty.




and the victory goes to Rhena by order of a technical knock-out.

pants on fire!!!

why anyone in the world ever believes a single word I say any more, I have no earthly idea.


Certainly, with this motherhood thing I've got going on, I've become an INCREDIBLY good liar.


I think it started out when I was pregnant 100 years ago. people would ask me how I was doing, and I learned to not tell them how I REALLY was. Apparently telling people that you're having a hard time gaining weight and feel like your blood is boiling when you're in direct sunlight is an open invitation for people to tell you that you are doomed to be an unfit mother and that in their personal experience of not being a doctor, I should be doing this that and the other thing.


Me being who I am.. well, you can tell I got tired of THAT business right quick.


so the lies began.


"I'm GREAT!" became such an easy term to say that I think I actually believed myself once or twice.

there's many others from both my pregnancies, ESPECIALLY with all the puking I did with Danny, but I have to move this post along before one of the children realizes that they are indeed not up my ass right this minute.

anyways.... once the baby came, I found that I began to tell OTHER lies... "oh, she's sleeping right now, it's really not a good time" ... "oh, sorry, we can't come to the party, the baby's got a fever" and so on and so on.


Now that Rhena talks, and more importantly.. ASKS QUESTIONS.... I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm even BETTER at lieing!!! who knew??

I mean... for one thing, any parent can tell you (or anyone that has been in the company of a child) that children have this innate ability to sense fear and spot those unsure of themselves. Like fierce predators, they sniff out the weak, and then tear their asses to shreds in the most demoralizing way... usually in public.

so you get good at the lies and faking it. I mean, if I REALLY told Rhena the truth as to why she was not allowed to do such and such, it would either take a week of diagrams and flashcards for her to maybe just slightly understand (ie the merits of vegetables vs a diet solely consisting of sugar-free mints)... or it would bring on an onslaught of questions, or.. the typical response.. a tantrum.

So.. does my child really need to know that daddy and mommy don't WANT to go to the "meggy round" (merry-go-round) because daddy has to go back to work and mommy just really really needs for it to be bedtime as soon as possible? orrrrr... can we just keep everybody happy and believe that the meggy round is sleeping right now?

yeah yeah.. I suck. my lies are because I would rather have my kid living in a world where things go to bed, play hide and seek, need batteries, or are visiting their cousins in new jersey... instead of her knowing that mommy is a lazy ass and doesn't feel like doing shit most times.


I suppose I justify all of this because there will be a day (and a day that's coming oh-so-soon, I'm afraid) that my lies will no longer work with Rhena. of course, that also screws the pooch in terms of lieing to Danny, cause Rhena will be there to clue him in when the wool is being pulled.


and of COURSE... all of this expert training is only used for the benefit of manipulating of my children. I would NEVER lie to anyone else... especially telemarketers. I ALWAYS tell them the truth.

pulse point

yeah, yeah... I'm still here.


good news, Susie had her baby boy last Friday... all is well. We here at the Fever are totally in love already, and we haven't even met him yet!

Seamus Daniel.

(that's pronounced Shay-mus, for all you non-Irish folk out there)

congrats to my Lovah and her entire family. Truly, they are blessed.



ok. moving on.

Camp "Keep the panties dry" is thriving. there have been many many funny sayings these last few weeks alone, and I almost wish I had written them down. However, given Rhena's insistence of just how "berry punny" she is, I don't think we're at the end of her off-the-cuff remarks. I almost think I need to start another blog entitled "Actually..." where the entries would all consist of her sayings.

but that's an ALMOST. cause doing so would require more work on my part, and in case you can't tell.. I'm not exactly pumping out the writing over here these days. so yeah. almost.


I've been missing things lately. and not the missing things like last year when rhena would hijack things from my vanity drawer and hide them.. I mean people.

My friends. I really REALLY miss my friends.


BTW---- Debbie J--- seeking an echo, momma. e-mail me your number in colorado... please!


I've been so busy with trying to get through each day that I've once again disappeared off the map. And the only thing that I can honestly say I've gained is the insight as to why everyone nags couples about when they're going to have kids.

I THINK.. and I could be wrong.. but I THINK the reason why so many people (read as 'established couples with children of their own') constantly badger other people (read as 'single people or newly formed-slash-newly-married-but-still-no-kids-couples) about when they will have kids is not because they love a good baby story.. it's cause they're looking to absolve some of their own GUILT!!

people... I've become a REAL ASSHOLE. I am SO CONSUMED with my own life, that I have NOT been a good friend. I've missed birthdays, weddings, graduations, parties, housewarmings... you name it. but a-hah!!! when the 'miss-ee' has children.. THEY UNDERSTAND why you're a total fart-knocker and haven't been around on the regular. Most of the time, cause they've been there/done that/still doing that themselves, and realize that when you only get 15 minutes of silence a day between the hours of 6:30am and 7pm (wait, no.. baby's crying again.. ok... 8pm.. oh, wait, no.. there he goes again, shit.. make that NINEpm) anyways.. when free time is limited...it's understandable when you miss shit.

So to all of the two readers I have out there that haven't been scared off by my redundant tales of mommy-dom... just know that if someone asks you when you're having kids.. it's most likely cause they feel like a jackass for forgetting you, and want you to have kids to even the score a little.


well, except me. it's no secret that I've been missing shit cause my head has been up my ass for a while now. And I really do love a good baby story.


hope all is well, everyone. I need to go fishing under the couch for some lost toys. and maybe my sanity. I know it's got to be around here SOMEWHERE.

Parent Club

I think I'm officially a member. or am in GRAVE danger of being kicked out.


just this morning, I realized that it didn't phase me to see Rhena in a bathroom, fully dressed, wiping her hands dry with toilet paper. oh.. did I mention that there was an epic-sized poop in the toilet and water ALLLL over the toilet seat? and did I mention that her hands were soaking wet and the sink was dry? and I mentioned the epic poop in the toilet, right? in the toilet WATER?

me. not phased!


granted, we did use about 6 pumps of anti-bacterial soap within 30 seconds of this discovery... but me... totally un-phased.


(I'm probably getting kicked out)

Potty Mouth

Recognizing the fact that I curse way too much for a mother of two children.... I need to talk about my potty mouth as of late. but not the "sonofafuckercrackassedbitch!!!" comments you can imagine me muttering under my breath when once again the Moose is up screaming in the middle of the night.


no. we're going to leave that subject alone. although-- funny story.... I made a weird turn when we were driving back from jersey a few weeks ago, and Troy exclaimed " JESUS!!" in a way only backseat drivers can do... yeah.. not a HALF a second later, our bubbling blondie daughter did her own echo of a cry to our dear Lord on Most High. that's the worst she's ever repeated so far, and for all my truck-driving sailor tendencies, I must say I do a fine job of curbing my language around her. Troy?? meh... not as much. but I can say for sure my kids won't be learning curse words from me. at least not yet. I imagine a few *may* be learned during the impending teenage years....


but all of that's an aside.


my potty mouth I'm referring to is that of Boogie's bathroom habits. This training experience is REALLY teaching me creativity and patience. oh, and how to be creatively patient, too. I have had conversations with my child's private parts, as well as her bodily fluids. I have been told by my daughter's pee-pee (which coincidentally sounds JUST like her...) that it's too cold to come outside. Her poopies (also, a dead ringer for her voice... go figure!!) have insisted that they can not come out until they see the chocolate candies.

whaddarya gonna do?

yesterday was a monumental day; she peed 7 times and had a discovery-channel worthy poop, all in the big girl potty. and she kept her pull-ups dry all day. who KNEW that such a simple body function would be the source of such strife and excitement in my life???

today we're also doing well. I'm proud to say that Boogie peed on the big girl toilet.. AT THE MALL. in a PUBLIC TOILET!!!! seriously.. even *I* have trouble peeing in them some days!! Now.. I must also include that I am not proud that in so doing the deed, she kinda peed ON ME... (seriously... her pee defies gravity... she seriously is a geyser of urine!) but still. public bathroom. check!

The good part about being peed on was that I had just been trying on bathing suits. That sheer act alone pretty much had me numb from the neck down, and I was just so flippin' happy she was peeing on the toilet that it didn't bother me that she was really peeing ON the toilet.. and not IN it. oh well.. one step at a time, right?


I'll talk about the bathing suit hell another time. like, you know... when I'm highly medicated and you know... highly medicated or something.

On again, off again

That pretty much sums up life these days. whether we're talking about the potty, sleep habits, or my weight... I honestly feel like a damn yo yo.


ok.. maybe not so much my weight.. thankfully; that's been steadily coming off. HOWEVER... I would be a big fat (albeit getting skinnier) liar if I didn't admit that my eating habits have been crazy erratic lately. one day.. I'm all super-fab-rock-star-dietary-MASTER... the next, I'm chowing down on my beloved kettle corn, justifying that if I eat it standing up that it might not be worth as many 'points'. so yeah... eating... out of control.

BUT!! against all odds... I continue to lose. I have officially hit my first goal with weight watchers... that beloved 10%. If you happened to read here about 2 months ago, you would have seen that my starting weight was clocked at 143.2 pounds. As of Friday... I weighed in at 129.0 pounds. that makes my total loss at 14.2 pounds. now TECHNICALLY, I realize that I'm not at a full 10% until I lose 14.3 pounds.... but since the scale I weigh in at measures in increments of two-tenths, and since it's my blog, I'm calling it official at 10%. Next stop... 123.2 pounds. that would make my total loss at 20 pounds... I might actually just get there, too... if I could step away from that damn kettle corn! HAH!


so let's see.. more in the on-again-off-again department... the potty. if I tell you we have been on and off that toilet more times a day than I had hair colors in college.. it's an understatement. but I imagine that anyone who has a child that knows how to use the toilet (the child, that is... )can attest to that. It truly is a lot of work, and demands a LOT of energy. positive, up-beat, do-a-lot-of-sitting-and-waiting-but-be-really-frigging-happy-and-entertaining-the-whole-time-even-when-the-other-child-is-screaming-his-head-off energy.

Troy has been GREAT with Rhena through this process, and has really been able to get her to 'make poopies'. At first I was a little jealous that he can come home from work, swoop in, and she magically pees or drops logs.... but now I'm just happy it's getting done. I'm actually beginning to believe that she will be able to attend school this fall. Of course.. there's the other notion that we will in no way be able to AFFORD said school, cause with all the prizes we have been offering to get the pee pee to wake up and the poops to come out.. well.. let's just say we could go broke. I'm thinking BIG-ass yard sale in a month from now. or, just pray that the Moose likes pink toys, and I can recycle all this crap when HE starts to potty train.


Speaking of Moosey... he's 6 months old now. !!!! seriously... you know what a slap in the face as to what kind of fog I've been in it was when I realized he turned SIX MONTHS OLD???? apparently, while I wasn't sleeping.. time kept right on ticking. who knew?

and sleep is what I have not been doing. for a few days last week, Danny actually slept the entire night. 7pm - 6am. !!!!! of course, *I* did not sleep, because I kept waiting for the little bugger to start wailing in the wee hours. And as if on cue... I began to believe. I believed in the idea of going to bunco again. of going out to dinner with my husband... ( like on a date! -- crazy, I know!) I believed in sleep.

and just as I bought into the sweet sweet dreams of the night... the waking began again. I attribute it to the new tooth he has coming in. poor little guy has a HOLE in his gum, waiting for the pearly while spear to coming a' pokin through. It sucks that we're back to square one of him waking... more so because now the crying spells are lasting longer and longer (last night I seem to recall a starting time of 2:44am, with him FINALLY settling down at 4:03am. bleh!) but it sucks cause he's miserable, and I don't quite know what else to do for the boy.

oh well. this too shall pass, right? right.

like I said... on again, off again.