Sunday, October 31, 2004

Trick or Treat

well--- Happy Halloween, kiddies!

Today was a definite first for me... today was the first time in my cognitive memory that I did NOT ... repeat.... did NOT dress up for halloween.

I guess having a kid DOES change some things.

No decorations are up... except for our pumpkin that stays out all year.... it's been adorned with christmas hats, sombreros, bunny ears, and all the likes... but now--- in its true destined season.... it sits alone with no other decorations next to the TV.

it's kinda sad, actually.

another thing that's sad is the kids here in Nevada. I think the summer sun has taken its toll on the chilluns of Reno, cause today was a phenomenon I just don't get.

here it is..... halloween. day of sugar overload. a chance to go up to COMPLETE STRANGERS, and DEMAND CANDY!!!!!

now call me hard-pressed, but if Halloween were on a Sunday when *I* was a kid... I'd be hitting the streets around one in the afternoon, and not stop until at LEAST 8 or 9pm!!!

Here it is... almost 6pm, and not a ring or knock on our door yet today. WTF????

Troy claims it's cause they're waiting til dark, but the sun is down, and my big bowl awaits. Personally, if I were a parent, I'd prefer my kids were out during daylight (at least dusk). Oh wait. I AM a parent! ...well, you know--- when the monster gets old enough to comprehend the magic of candy. Or at least when she's old enough to pass for being able to EAT candy, which troy and I will actually keep for ourselves and give her some grapes and crackers instead.

but I digress.

6pm, and no kids yet. again, I say WTF?

And here's the real kicker..... we live in a development.... dude... developments were GOLDMINES!!!!

Everyone had the coveted "Green Valley" development when they were growing up. You know... where the kids who had nice toys lived.... where the houses were super close together, and had realllly scary decorations? You'd go to these houses and within minutes, you had at least 3 full-sized candy bars, a few dollars, and had the shakes from the crazy chainsaw guy who opened the door.

Maybe the kids are home waiting for another phone call from Arnold Schwarzenegger to remind them again to vote for Bush.

oh well. perhaps it's my own fault for not having decorations up this year. Maybe I should move our year-long pumpkin to a window for the kids to see. I thought about hanging a sign that says "we have good candy", but that's a little desperate.

Next year, in North Carolina, we are SO doing our house up scary. ....Shit... I may HAVE to.... how else am I going to burn off all this candy I'm going to get stuck eating?

happy haunting, kiddies.... may your pumpkins runneth over!

Friday, October 22, 2004

Taking things for Granted

I admit... there's lots of things I take for granted.

All too easily, I find myself bitching and moaning about this and that without much regard to the fact of how well I have things.

Today, in particular, I'm thinking about how lucky I feel to have my little monster. Aside from her being cute as all hell... (in my totally biased opinion, that is...) you add in the fact that she's healthy and I had nine-plus months of little to no complications for my pregnancy, and like I said, I feel pretty lucky.

I also end up feeling shitty, cause I don't take the time to realize this every day. I mean, I KNOW deep down I've got it good, but sometimes it's just so easy (and FUN) to complain. But I digress.

What's really got me thinking is that today is my friend's birthday. you see, she's a few days away from finding out whether or not she's pregnant. This may not seem like a big deal, but she and her husband have been to hell and back trying to get pregnant. It makes me mad, cause someone as kindhearted and loving as her has such a hard time, and every few minutes another crack-whore drug addict is getting knocked up.

And don't get me started on all the women that have to go on Maury Povich to find out who of any number of men could be her baby-daddy. It falls somewhere between sick and wrong, but again... that's just my biased opinion.

then I look at sites like this one, and I get a glimpse of someone ELSE... this time someone I don't know... a perfectly good person, just try try trying for a baby. And all the links on her website show just a miniscule FRACTION of how many more women are out there in the same situation. This girl finally did get pregnant, so for her there's a happy ending.... or beginning, depending on how you look at it.... turns out she's having twins.

Anyways, it's Friday, and I don't mean to be melancholy.... I'm actually in a great mood.... I was just thinking about my birthday friend, is all. My present to her this year, as well as all the other hopeful moms (and dads) out there... is to never, not ever, take my little monster for granted.

....Now, I'm not saying I'm not going to ever get urges to send her to another planet for a little while 'cause she's driving me crazy---- I'm just saying that I won't take it for granted on how fortunate I am to have this little baby in my life.... even when she poops, pees and pukes on me... all in the same morning.

Count your blessings, kiddies... whatever they may be.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Big Feet and Headless Chickens

My child has abnormally large feet. but this is ok, cause her legs are pretty long.... I'm hoping she'll grow into them. (the feet, that is)

SO here we are--- it's been a month since the arrival of my little monster. Life seems to be pretty good.

I'd say we're getting on a schedule, but it's more like I'm getting used to being at her beck and call. She went for her one-month appointment, and is up in weight and has grown in length. So I guess at the very least, the feeding bit is working. No news on any mental trauma I've inflicted yet, but I'm not expecting any insight on that until puberty or thereabouts. (again-- hers... not mine)

But the appointment went well. she's now 9 pounds, 3 ounces... up a pound ten since birth. my arms still look fat, though, so I'm convinced we need to go shopping more. I figure, the heavier she gets, and the more we go places, the more my arms will get a workout. At least this is what I tell the Bank of Troy. Everybody wins, you see---- Rhena and I get nicer clothes,(score one for the Johnson girls) and my body gets in shape from all the walking and baby carrying (good bodies make husbands happy!!!)

eh--- so what if it doesn't make sense. somewhere deep down I understand it, so that counts for something.

So, that's about it on the baby front. I mean, sure there's plenty--- like how she'll purposely hold a poop until a clean diaper is put on her, how she seems to enjoy kicking me when she's on my lap.... oh, and the best.... how she'll scream and scream and scream and then scream some more) when it's just me and her, but as soon as troy or someone else comes around, she's all smiles.

but enough about baby-ville.

today I want to give props to Dan. I enjoy going to his site... he usually has some good random shit to check out, (this one is my favorite so far) or at least something funny to point out. (funny meaning sad-slash-ironic-slash-pathetic, like the case of the new jersey parents) I don't know where he gets half of the crap he posts.... I suppose if I were to ever pull my head out of my ass and read the news, I would find some interesting stuff, too... but we all know I'm too wrapped up in my own little world.

well, today, I give you something to look at. I was actually looking for the website to find out more about the chicken fight commercials that Burger Stink has been running lately, but I found this little gem about a headless chicken. I think the best thing of the whole website is that they post chicken recipes. Hey, if you can't join 'em, .... EAT 'EM.

Thursday, October 14, 2004


ok--- as I've said before, I do not know how to comment on my comments. Granted--- I haven't tried posting a comment to my own blog. I swear I was gonna, but something Bill said made me think that this time I needed more than a comment.

so as you can see... my last thought was about Rhena being the favorite 'cause she's the first born.

Bill says it's cause we'll have known her longer.

I beg to differ.

Seriously--- believe me when I tell you.. first born children ARE the favorites!! Bill is not understanding this for one of three reasons.

first-- he's probably a first born, and is pissed that it's taken him this long to capitalize on the abundant offerings.

second--- he's probably NOT a first-born, and is in utter DENIAL that he is NOT his parents' favorite, and has come up with some piggly-wiggly logic to make himself feel better cause he's has a sneaking hunch all along that his parents liked his sibling just a *little* more...

finally, and most probably--- my third reason Bill just doesn't understand.. (and quite possibly you, too, dear reader---) He's not from my family.

Case in point. I invite you to step into my father's mind... just for a second. careful now... chances are, you're reading HIS blog thinking... what in HELL is that man talking about????

The point is... this man TRULY and most firmly will attend that first-born children are the favorites. he'll back it with examples of them always getting newer and bigger toys, clothes and what-have-you. Personally, I think that's because foolish young parents spend all their money on the first from their loins, then wisen up by the time a second comes along. after all... by that point, the parents are realizing that they must pay for their first child to get braces, go to college or some other costly activity. SO again... by the time the second comes around... the parents are in save-mode.

Then there's the whole "First in General" notion... the eldest child will invariably do everything (walk, talk, read, score goals, etc etc) first ANYWAY.... so the parents are all goo-goo with excitement. by the time the second kid does it a few years later.. it's like... "eh--- SEEN IT!"

Another example--- my brother. take a look at his blog. it's been OVER A MONTH since he's posted anything. but--- is anyone giving HIM shit about not posting??? yeah-- of course not....

I do not speak from bitterness.... I myself am a second-born... this is true.... but I HAVE found ways to tap into the old man's heart.. or at the very least, his wallet. you see, dear reader--- I am the first-born GIRL.... so I've got stuff my brother can't even TOUCH!

I also learned the first-born thing very early, so what did I do??? I MARRIED a first-born. somewhere, somehow.... it all works out for me.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

And now for something completely different

ok--- I admit... I was pretty proud of pooping, but it did NOT... I repeat, did NOT warrant being my only blog for over 2 weeks.


So.... on to something different.

Though--- I do have to admit, it's kind of hard to THINK of something different, as poop has invaded my life. My child has a knack for expelling the most horrible of scents and liquids from her netherlands... and no sooner do I put a clean diaper on her and she's off creating a new Andy Warhol-esque of Campbell's corn chowder.

But for you, my dear readers... I will try.

Can I buy you a drink?

oh wait--- no--- wrong scene. Uh.... Come here often?

Yeah, let's face it. I'm still figuring out how to take on this new role of parenting, AND still be interesting to people who don't sell diapers. I take back what I said about things changing. My sense of humor has slipped for sure... so desperate am I for adult conversations, I've even been laughing at my husband's attempts at jokes.

Entertainment? long gone are my days of drinking til 4am followed by 2 eggs over medium with hashbrowns, bacon, and english muffin and a side of sour cream... I now find fun in guessing how many times my chub-rock child will throw up on me.

You'd THINK by now I'd be getting the hang of the whole lullaby / singing thing... nope. Rhena's destined for a life of tone-deafness and lack of rhyming if she takes after me. I think she shuts up when I sing only because she wonders what in hell I'm talking about. Or... she could just be utterly amazed that someone can sing that bad. really bad. poor kid.

But amidst all the chaos of keeping a 3 week old happy all day, life is going on. Troy's bike got stolen.... from the Harley Dealership. it happened while we were in the hospital... he was getting some saddlebags put on, and left the bike there to be worked on. lo and behold, when he went to pick up the bike when he returned to work a week later, the bike was gone. all's well that ends well, though... or however that saying goes. Harley Dealership is covering the whole thing through their insurance, and now Troy will be getting a 2005 Fat Boy. (he had a 2004 dyna-wide glide)

In other news... Troy put in his notice at Microsoft. He's accepted a new job on the east coast... in Charlotte, North Carolina, to be exact. So--- he'll be working from home here in the shadeless state of Nevada for the next few months, and sometime in January, we'll be heading east. We're definitely going to miss the friends we've made here in Reno, but we're way too excited about being closer to family. ( not to mention a slew of other things, too... )

so that's what's been going on. I appreciate all the comments and positive e-mails everyone has been sending our way. I don't know how to reply to comments on my blog (perhaps I also make a comment? not sure...) and I'm still about 20 deep in my inbox, but again--- everyone who has sent good wishes , they are very much appreciated. I would love to post a picture of my monster, but I'm too cheap to purchase server space to put her picture up. Those Gerber babies are pretty cute... just pretend Rhena's one of them...

oh, and yes, I know the spelling of Rhena has thrown a few of you. it's pronounced REE-NUH. We threw the 'h' in there to give it a prissy effect. I figure it'll come in handy when she's making friends with OTHER snobby kids in high school. After all... she IS the firstborn, and bound to be the favorite....