Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Note to self

only eating one envelope of apple raisin oatmeal, a caramel creme latte from Dunkin Donuts, some french's fried onions, way too many emerald brownie-glazed walnuts and pecan pie glazed pecans, and topped off with practically an entire bag of cheddar munchies and a diet sprite over the course of one day is NOT a good mix, and will most definitely result in vomiting profusely at 3:30am followed by frequent and violent bouts of diarrhea.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

House Bound

Next time your child decides to take your keys and head for the door....

dress them like THIS....

I guarantee they won't be wanting to go very far.***

***No, the glasses are not from Elton John's personal collection... they're actually from Barbie's newest line at Target. Fancy that! (and NO... they're not the jacked-up chemical burn-inducing kind that target used to sell. these just cause blindness when broken and jabbed into a child's eye)

****and YES, I will make my daughter wear the birthday girl hat every day from now up to and including my birthday next week.

*****Also... forcing the hat and sunglasses as a means to keep your child from running away will probably work better with teenagers. Rhena actually seemed to LIKE the hat and glasses....

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Mating Season

yup... I said it.

out loud.


I was reading a friend's blog today (while furtively working on finishing my invites to the Christmas Social) and she casually mentioned something about not having very many girlfriends.

SO this, of course.. got me to thinking.

Mating, for people at least... can mean so much to so many different people.

I mean, for me personally... when it comes to mating....I think about when I need to dig out the spoils from my Victoria's Secret stash so I can lure my husband away from work long enough to try to impregnate me. Nooooo... we are not currently trying to get pregnant.... I'm just saying that that's what I think of when I hear the word mating. I think of getting knocked up. pure, unadulterated Discovery Channel stuff.... or maybe a little Animal Planet??? at the very least.... it's primal, it's quick, and we get the job done. Except with fancy panties, of course.

And for all intents and purposes, I'd say a lot of other people think that way too.... I know for a period of about 7 years, my brother and sister-in-law had some furvor to produce every two years or so.... and some other people are like that too... certain amount of time goes by, and tick tick tick... get er done!

Now, mentally stretching back to my single days, I remember this internal yearning I would get each late fall for some semblance of a relationship. Aaah... the holidays with a boyfriend... dare to dream! Well.... actually, come to think of it... I'm lying. I never had a yearning to be in a relationship. I mean, sure, every once in a while it would have been nice to have someone to cuddle up next to, but thinking back, I never really was into that whole relationship thing until a guy or two before troy. Good thing I met him when I did... any sooner, and I doubt we would have lasted a month.

but I digress. my point is that come the Holiday season, in the single world, I know it is common to want to settle down (hunker down??) with someone for the cold weather... then come the spring and summer... with the fresh cut grass and boys not wearing shirts while they play volleyball... well, relationships just seemed futile at that point of the year.

But now... as a mom barely surviving in the blueprint for Stepford.... I see another mating ritual that happens... and it seems quite opposite of the Singletons (thank you, Bridget Jones). It's a mom-mating season, and by my observations, I think the season is over. In the spring and early summer... mothers and children were EVERYWHERE. Each mom and child perfectly preened and able to do the Queen Elizabeth wave... on every block.. every street... every corner... (wait... not the CORNERS... that was my OLD neighborhood... we don't do corners here...) But you get the point.

Mothers and Fathers with their offspring were just about everywhere you looked, and seemed to be holding an invisible sign that whispered "be my friend".... And as much as I found it utterly charming of what a friendly neighborhood I was living in... I have to admit... it was kind of creepy. But now.... there is a change that hangs in the air. Our weekly playgroup rarely gets a percentage of the original participants... people don't "stop to chat" in the grocery store or on the sidewalk.... heads are down, and the walks have become brisk. Most notably... the waving has damn near stopped.

So this leads me to two theories. One is that people have found out I'm a raging bitch who doesn't hand wash her baseboards and wears clothes from Old Navy and Joyce Leslie instead of Ann Taylor and Neiman Marcus. Maybe someone told someone who told someone who heard it from someone that I don't wash my floors every week, and vacuum even less? Maybe there's a secret coalition out there to take away my pearls and banish me from Stepford????

Maybe. But maybe I'm onto something with the mating thing. I mean... this time of year is BUSY. B-U-S-Y buuuuuusy! I know *I* sure as hell don't want to stop and chat in the grocery store, and dragging rhena's ass to playgroup each week is increasingly difficult when I think of the Christmas shopping I could be getting done instead of watching somone else's two year old double fist doughnuts and break toys while they blow snot on pianos. Jeez... the more I think about it.. staying home with a severe head cold sounds better than playgroup some days!!

Maybe I'm sending off a signal that says "back the fuck off... I probably hate you"... but the thing is... I've DONE that before, and it doesn't work. Remember... I'm from Jersey... I've got that look down pat! But nope... southern folk eat that shit up.... must be all the BBQ they eat... I think they're something in BBQ that draws southern folk to bitchy notherners.

but whatever it is... I'm still putting my bets on the seasonal thing. which is pretty funny. I mean, not funny hah-hah.... but funny ironic in that in the midst of the Season that is supposed to be about goodwill and happy horseshit and glad tidings... this commune of happy that I live in is hunkering down and avoiding people like the flu.

oh well. I was thinking about wearing my pearls to playgroup this wednesday, just to test the waters.... but this week is already cancelled due to lack of interest.

Guess I'll take that time to go food shopping. I suppose it would be nice if I actually had something to cook on thanksgiving.

have a great weekend, gang!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Season Check

ok, ok... due to some minor complaints of how early I've begun my Christmas attack on this blog....

I'm posting this VERY AUTUMN picture of Rhena to prove I know what season it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have more presents to wrap.

fa la la la laaaaaa...... la la la laaaaaa.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Jingling Baby

I TOLD you it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!!!

Turns out playgroup was cancelled today... so me and boogie are going shopping. (I know, I know... Boogie and I... Boogie and I are going shopping....) Time to knock off that list and maybe buy a turkey so we can eat like savages next week.

Hope all is well with you, and don't forget to vote in this week's match-up.

and one final side note... today is my brother Derek's birthday..... every year on his birthday, I'm fluttered with many emotions. First and foremost... utter amazement of just how OLD he is getting... second... that he's survived this long without causing TOO much worldly harm... and finally.... HAPPY ANTICIPATION knowing thet MY birthday is only 2 weeks and a day away... hooray!

Happy birthday, big bruddah. you know I love you.....

peace out, kiddies.... time to SHOP!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Shooting at God

Last night in my CCD class, we were reviewing the 10 commandments with my second grade class. At first I thought I'd be sweating through the questions regarding adultery and coveting neighbors' wives and goods etc... but the big one they fixed on last night was killing. They all understood that it's wrong to kill someone, but then the questions and "what if" scenarios began. What if you're being attacked and someone is hurting you and you try to protect yourself and they die? What if you're starting a race and your gun shoots somebody? Are all soldiers going to the bad place???

wow. the first two examples were pretty easy.. after all, accidents happen and they use blanks to start races..... no... not corks... they're just blank bullets that make noise but have no projectile. No... when you hold the gun up in the air to start the race, it's not a sin. What? no... God doesn't think you're shooting at Him.. it's a race. it's ok.

But the war talk started. I can honestly say I wasn't prepared to answer these kids. How do I teach "thou shall not Kill" without taking away the honor of all the millions of soldiers whom have fought for and defended my freedoms? So slowly... carefully... we proceeded.

I told the children that being in the Armed Services is a job. And as long as they are following the orders in which they are given, then they are not going to go to the Bad Place, even though some people might die. That whomever CREATED the war was to blame, not the people affected by it.

The kids seemed to understand enough that killing is wrong, but they were definitely hedging on the grey areas. I guess I was, too. How can I proclaim that killing is wrong, yet selfishly enjoy all the freedoms which have been fought for so I may enjoy? I mean... how the hell (I mean BAD PLACE) do you answer a question like that????

In the end, I said some metaphors and examples of situations which *sort* of quelled their questions... but it definitely left me with questions of my own. Of course... I didn't have much time to dwell on my own thoughts in class, cause then another child asked about killing turkeys for thanksgiving, and if we eat turkey are we saying it's ok to kill animals.

I glazed over that one real quick by telling the child that some people believed that, which is why they only eat vegetables, and that's a personal choice for each of us to make.... then changed to the next commandment.

between you and me, though.... when it comes to meat... well.... sorry Tom Turkey.... but if you care to discuss my thoughts on the topic more, I'll invite you over to my house for dinner on the 24th....

Monday, November 14, 2005

Monday's Match-up....

ok... so according to last week.... the general populous of readers here tend to lean towards the bread. Not saying that a good portion of you don't enjoy the red stuff.... just when push comes to shove... y'all want carbs. I personally would have had to vote for stuffing, too (or DRESSING... thanks, Carlotta). I don't think I've ever eaten cranberry sauce with the exception of having it spread on a chicken and brie pizza. (very good, btw... spread the cran sauce over a boboli or the likes... top with grilled chicken and brie cheese. Bake til cheese melts. perfect for an appetizer for a large group. yum!)

Anyways......... this week, I present yet another Holiday dilemma. LIGHTS.

In my unending quest to be the first recipient of the Nobel "getting Shit Done" Prize.... I started decorating the house for Christmas this past weekend. So far, things are coming together quite nicely. Tomorrow I plan on 'fluffing' the tree (it's a fake one and looks a bit mushed after being in a box all year) and hanging the lights.

Now I know how *I* want my lights to look.... but what gets YOUR chesnuts roasting??? This week... for fear of one of my relatives making a racially inappropriate comment... we'll leave the color of said lights up to you. What I really need to know is...




Now if you're one of the three people who still have your bubbling lantern lights from the 50's.... you should just say Blinking, and go back to eating your TV dinners and waiting for the fire department to show up for your hazard-ridden tree.

so which shall it be, gang???? I find it utterly intriguing as to what really makes the season bright for you. Again... for your tree.. I don't care if you prefer colored or white lights.... I'm more curious if you're a blinker or solid-glow.

so without further ado....

ding, ding.....

Friday, November 11, 2005

Keep on Truckin'

yeah... so once again, life imitates art, or art imitates life.... whichever the saying is.

I think right now my life is feeling a bit like a Monet... you know... from a few yards back, it looks all great and pretty, but when you get all close it looks a bit fuzzy and out of shape?

yeah... Monet.. party of one??? My table is now available!

but alas.... as BJ and the Bear and other various super-smooth characters from the 70's proclaimed with ease... I shall "keep on truckin'.... " .... I just wish I knew where I was going.

I guess what I mean to say is... lately I've been busy in a don't-feel-like-I'm-getting-anything-done kind of way. Neglect has been the word of the day since about last Friday or so... but yet I've been busy every day and literally crash exhaustedly each night when it's time for bed.

perhaps I just have a case of the 80-percents. You may not have heard this terminology before, but I know you know what it is. it's when you've got a shitload of stuff going on, and you've been working on all of said shitloads... and I mean busting-your-ass-every-day-really-WORKING on those loads of shit.... but each day you wake up, you still have those loads to work on. NOTHING IS COMPLETE. Ergo, you're left feeling like each day is a complete burn-out, as you continue to spin your wheels and nothing gets crossed off your list.

Don't get me wrong.... I know what the problem is... I have too much shit going on. I should just strap my A.D.D. ass down with some duct tape and focus on one thing at a time... but whoever came up with that plan obviously did not have a toddler toodling around... much less a toddler like Rhena.

At the very least... The basic shit of this house is getting done. Laundry, cooking, (some) cleaning, feeding, changing, showering, sleeping.... but that needs to be done every day, and that indeed does take up about 80% of my day. That's on the list eternal. Therefore.. in my free time... I'm left to do everything else.

Let's just say I'd pay at least a dollar to see Superman be so damn "super" if he had to take care of a kid and husband all day. fucker.

Again... I've said this before, and I'll say it 1000 more times... I love my job. I love my boogie, and I appreciate that I have the 'cush job' of staying home with my child. (sorry... I'm still holding on to a teeny bit of bitterness for the people that think staying at home is easy) No... letting go of the bitter... seriously... I'm fucking lucky. I know this. We are financially in a position that affords me to stay home and raise our child in a matter which is important to my husband and I. Actually... strike that. I'm not lucky. WE WORKED FOR THIS. This is not luck.

Troy and I both worked to get where we are today. We have scrimped. we have saved. we have moved away from our families to get better incomes and move to lower cost-of-living regions. We took extra jobs. we paid off our credit cards. we forego little luxuries like me getting my hair done every 4-6 weeks, and trade for every 4-6 months. We bought our house figuring on Troy's income alone, even when we were both working full time, knowing that some day, whether through birth or adoption, that we would be raising a child, and I would not be working.

So no... I'm not LUCKY to be staying at home. This is my and my husband's choice. (side note... we HAVE been fortunate enough to receive help and support from our family and friends in some or various capacities ((emotional, physical, financial)) at every stage of our lives, so yes... I do acknowledge that there has been some luck/fortune involved with us getting to where we are today.) Hmmmm... so much of letting go of the bitter! HAH!!!

so AGAIN... before I digress any further.... yes. I love my job, I love my life. I just have a ton of shit going on right now. My in-box is full, so to speak.

But that's all fine and dandy. Right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, but at the rate I'm going, with this get-a-little-bit-of-everything-done-each-day plan.... December should have me up for a Nobel Prize. There *is* a Nobel Prize Category for "Getting Shit Done", right???????

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Definition of a Clusterfuck

no... I'm not going to actually DEFINE the word clusterfuck to you... but can I TELL you that some people really need to get their shit together???

I mean... let's face it. not everyone is a good leader. As much as it's fun watching people get 'fired' or find out who just isn't "a good fit"... no one really needs the Don or Martha to tell us who sucks ass at being a leader. unfortunately... sometimes it's just painfully obvious.

now last night struck a chord with me in particular. Not sure if I told you all or not, but I've been volunteering as a second grade teacher for the religious education (CCD) program at my church. SO last night was a class night.

Turns out that a mysterious 'letter' went home to some parents but not others. Said letter mentioned how last night would be a presentation for both the children and their parents regarding appropriate 'touching' for in the home and life in general. Imagine the surprise when little Johnny's mother shows up with her other toddlers in tow, to drop little Johnny off, only to find out that they indeed were NOT free for the next hour or so, and they were to stay with Little Johnny (and subsequent screaming toddlers) for the next hour in an already crowded room. Let's just say there were A LOT of pissy parents.

Now, for some people... an hour is not a lot of time. meetings run late... traffic can stall your journey...the doctor or dentist that keeps you waiting an extra half hour past your appointment time in the waiting room even though you show up 20 minutes BEFORE your scheduled appointment like they requested.... in fact, I know for sure that a MINIMUM of an hour of each of my days is wasted on something beyond my control.

But on this one, I think I have to side with the parents. I mean... I will gladly devote all 24 hours of my day to my child if needed. but if I KNOW I have a one hour break from said child, and this is a regular and scheduled event... imagine my dismay if I get blind-sided with this when walking through a door on a monday evening. now... I know I know... sometimes accidents happen, so you, as a parent, need to be prepared at any hour.... but the point is... not all of the parents got letters saying what the plan was for the evening... and NONE of the teachers were notified.....

I suppose this is what pissed me off the most... cause as little Johnny's teacher, I am the one the parent comes running to the first time they have an issue or question. now if *THEY* don't know what's going on, and *I* don't know what's going on... and the 'organizers' of said program are nowhere to be found... well.... it just doesn't make for a good time.

Eventually, everything got worked out, but not without a number of firey tempers to be smoothed. I mean... in the grand scheme, I suppose this is really no big deal, but given the fact that this is the second instance of a 'program' that was scheduled for the parents and their children and I as their teacher did not receive any knowledge of said programs until afterwards or the day of... well, it makes for a pretty frustrated teacher.

oh well... I sent an e-mail requesting that they at least include the teachers on any communication that goes home to the parents. I mean... the directors want of copy of everything WE send home... fair is fair, right?

I still haven't heard back yet, so we'll see what happens. All I know is that there's two big 'events' coming up for my class this year... the kids will make their first Reconciliation and First Holy Communion... two pretty important Sacraments to us Catholics. If the communication continues to be as bad as it was last night throughout the year.. clusterfuck won't even be HALF the description that will be needed.

Monday, November 07, 2005

It's beginning...

to look a lot like a match-up!!!

actually, my house is beginning to look more and more like a war zone, but hey... the holidays are upon us, so I can't see why this year would be any different for me.

That's right... I've begun not only the regular preparations for Thanksgiving/Christmas... but I've hit my stride with preparation's for this year's Christmas Social. The Save the Date announcements are almost all created and delivered..... I've begun working on the favors... and have been mentally doing the layouts for the actual invites. Still to do are the rules for the gift exchange, the actual creation of and delivery of the invites, determine and buy the grand prize for the gift exchange... send my in-laws ' birthday gifts (late since beginning of October.. ugggg) start writing our Christmas cards, buy Christmas presents, buy a turkey and all the food stuff.... ummm.. and what else?? oh maybe SLEEP?????

It's just really difficult to find the zen of the impending holidays when it's been in the upper 70's all week. QUITE the change from the frigid brown state of Nevada we were in last year. I mean... I realize there are some people out there that DESPISE the holidays... so they just never ever get into the mood-slash-spirit... but I'm not one of those people. I eat this season UP!!! ahh.... too many thoughts to write about here regarding that... but anyways...


I figured with all the world shifting in high gear towards the next month and a half... I might as well, too.

so today... I ask you, my dear readers... to answer a deep... IMPORTANT question.....

which kicks more ass????




I know... this may be an easy one for each of you to answer... but globally... I'm really curious which would be the preferred side dish to your thanksgiving meal. Mind you, I didn't say turkey, cause I respect those of you out there that just chomp on veggies for fun.

So whatever it is that stuffs your gourd this month... which is your preferred condiment/accompaniment with dinner??

important shit, here, people.... I gotta know!