Friday, November 11, 2005

Keep on Truckin'

yeah... so once again, life imitates art, or art imitates life.... whichever the saying is.

I think right now my life is feeling a bit like a Monet... you know... from a few yards back, it looks all great and pretty, but when you get all close it looks a bit fuzzy and out of shape?

yeah... Monet.. party of one??? My table is now available!

but alas.... as BJ and the Bear and other various super-smooth characters from the 70's proclaimed with ease... I shall "keep on truckin'.... " .... I just wish I knew where I was going.

I guess what I mean to say is... lately I've been busy in a don't-feel-like-I'm-getting-anything-done kind of way. Neglect has been the word of the day since about last Friday or so... but yet I've been busy every day and literally crash exhaustedly each night when it's time for bed.

perhaps I just have a case of the 80-percents. You may not have heard this terminology before, but I know you know what it is. it's when you've got a shitload of stuff going on, and you've been working on all of said shitloads... and I mean busting-your-ass-every-day-really-WORKING on those loads of shit.... but each day you wake up, you still have those loads to work on. NOTHING IS COMPLETE. Ergo, you're left feeling like each day is a complete burn-out, as you continue to spin your wheels and nothing gets crossed off your list.

Don't get me wrong.... I know what the problem is... I have too much shit going on. I should just strap my A.D.D. ass down with some duct tape and focus on one thing at a time... but whoever came up with that plan obviously did not have a toddler toodling around... much less a toddler like Rhena.

At the very least... The basic shit of this house is getting done. Laundry, cooking, (some) cleaning, feeding, changing, showering, sleeping.... but that needs to be done every day, and that indeed does take up about 80% of my day. That's on the list eternal. Therefore.. in my free time... I'm left to do everything else.

Let's just say I'd pay at least a dollar to see Superman be so damn "super" if he had to take care of a kid and husband all day. fucker.

Again... I've said this before, and I'll say it 1000 more times... I love my job. I love my boogie, and I appreciate that I have the 'cush job' of staying home with my child. (sorry... I'm still holding on to a teeny bit of bitterness for the people that think staying at home is easy) No... letting go of the bitter... seriously... I'm fucking lucky. I know this. We are financially in a position that affords me to stay home and raise our child in a matter which is important to my husband and I. Actually... strike that. I'm not lucky. WE WORKED FOR THIS. This is not luck.

Troy and I both worked to get where we are today. We have scrimped. we have saved. we have moved away from our families to get better incomes and move to lower cost-of-living regions. We took extra jobs. we paid off our credit cards. we forego little luxuries like me getting my hair done every 4-6 weeks, and trade for every 4-6 months. We bought our house figuring on Troy's income alone, even when we were both working full time, knowing that some day, whether through birth or adoption, that we would be raising a child, and I would not be working.

So no... I'm not LUCKY to be staying at home. This is my and my husband's choice. (side note... we HAVE been fortunate enough to receive help and support from our family and friends in some or various capacities ((emotional, physical, financial)) at every stage of our lives, so yes... I do acknowledge that there has been some luck/fortune involved with us getting to where we are today.) Hmmmm... so much of letting go of the bitter! HAH!!!

so AGAIN... before I digress any further.... yes. I love my job, I love my life. I just have a ton of shit going on right now. My in-box is full, so to speak.

But that's all fine and dandy. Right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, but at the rate I'm going, with this get-a-little-bit-of-everything-done-each-day plan.... December should have me up for a Nobel Prize. There *is* a Nobel Prize Category for "Getting Shit Done", right???????


Liza said...

Get'er done. :D Sorry that I'm not more wise upon this subject, yet at least :)


Wethyb said...

I wish I could stay home *sigh*

scrappintwinmom said...

Oh yea sister, I hear that. AMEN. I could have posted this! My to do list stays the same, despite the fact that I stay up late to get shit done...DH can't WAIT for me to go back to work someday so we can have more money (I just got my hair done...its been five months - JINX). I don't think its ADD...its called a toddler. And I have two. Do you know where my to do list is. Up my ass.

Susie said...

You've got it. The daily minutia bogs down anything getting completed. I spend so much time in the friggin kitchen I want to scream. Esp since I have a toddler who thinks kitchen = eat. All the time! Then there is the laundry and endless clutter of toys which just get strewn about again. Tonight I said Enough! We ordered pizza, there are dirty dishes in my sink and I'm on my couch ready to watch Supernanny. AND I'm getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow. Wow - is it Christmas or WHAT? LOVE YOU! LOVAH!

greekchickie said...

You definitely get a medal. It's too easy to be a "deadbeat" mom these days ~ where you don't care about your house, your baby, your self. You're doing the best job, Mom.


CheekyMoo said...

I miss staying at home, but I do honestly think sometimes working is easier. But if my kids were younger I wouldn't be working. I didn't want them in day care. So I admire you for that girl, and I know it's a lot of sacrifice.

So I guess you really don't just watch soaps and eat chocolates? :-)

Angela said...

Hang in there, sweetie.

You are doing a fabulous job!