Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Feeling Itchy

well... I had a feeling this day would come, and sure enough.... it did today.

there has been scuttlebutt around the streets of Stepford, and most especially at the recent Bunco gatherings of someone hosting a toy party.

a sex toy party.

I just got my invitation this morning, and I have to tell you... the whole idea makes me feel itchy. ok, ok... I'm sure many (if not MOST) of you are wondering what the problem is with someone throwing one of those sex toy parties. To be completely honest... I don't find anything wrong with someone HAVING one of those parties... I just have major issues with the idea of ATTENDING one.

I mean.. let's face it.. I'm not single anymore... (not that I ever had sex before I got married, mom and dad....) and as much as I enjoy my neighbors... these ladies are NOT my girlfriends. I mean... I don't discuss my marital sex life with these women.. why in hell would I want to purchase an accessory for it in front of them???

I guess it goes back to my little barometer I have when it comes to friends. There's the kind of 'friends' that you would allow to see you without a bra, the kind that you let come bathing suit shopping with you, the kind you can get drunk in front of, the kind you talk about your husband with, and finally... the ultimate level of trust in friendship.... the kind you would go to vegas with.

so... being that only a few of them even qualify for the no-bra level, you can imagine my apprehension for browsing things I would use wearing LESS than my bra.

and of course... if I've said it before, I've said it 100 times. I have issues. my brain??? it's one of those things that just does NOT shut off. the visuals keep coming no matter WHAT I do to cover my eyes. Think that part of Fight Club when Tyler is splicing in pornographic images into kids' movies. it's as perverse as it is horrific. This is about as best I can do to describe the visuals my brain conjures when I think of knowing what toys my neighbors are buying for use with their husbands.

insert itchy feeling here.

seriously... I've MET these women's husbands. and while there is no way I want to be thinking of the bunco girls themselves naked.... I SURE as hell don't want to picture them doing it with their husbands. then to add an element of kink??? my eyes burn just thinking about it.

so no. I do not think I will be attending the party thursday night. I'll be bleaching my skin that night.


FINY said...

Oh SO with you on that one. I've got a group of girlfriends I would do this with, but can't imagine doing it with people I wasn't that close to.

susie said...

Glad I didn't whip out my collection while you were visiting! HA! Just kidding - I get it. But now I'm wondering if I should have gone braless those two nights. What's some pregnant boobs between girlfriends?

greekchickie said...

I went to one of these shows once & it was downright hysterical. Then again, I was comfy with all the women that were there. So, if you don't feel comfy about it, then I say pass!


Anonymous said...

I...well...hell, even if we haven't spoken in several months...I feel redeemed as your friend after this column. Obviously we are still tight. Did I ever say, "Thanks for the dumpster." (and the memories!).

Much love. Debbie J in Denver

Christi said...

I was invited to one of those one time. It was a woman down the street from me that I knew very, very little, and all of her friends, which I knew none of. I had invited her to my wedding shower, so I suppose she felt as though it would be appropriate to invite me to her party. Uhh, yeah, I was busy that night...very, very busy.