shit sandwich

so yesterday was one of those shit-sandwich kind of days... with really really good bread.


confused?


well, basically, the beginning and END of my yesterday was awesome... minor crap in the middle.


day started off with troy bringing me donuts. cause I said I was craving on. ask for one.. get 12!! how can I NOT love that man???

did some errands, got my back cracked, had some lunch. all good and dandy.

took rhena to the pool. this is where things were not nice.


I mean, the pool was fine and everything, but at one point, when time decided to stand still.. rhena slipped in the kiddie pool and fell backwards into the water.

during this millennium-long second, I saw her entire face, underwater.... looking up with fear. blue eyes WIDE open, as was her mouth, inhaling the water.

I hear no sound during this eternity; just her eyes getting bigger as she kept going backwards.

I finally saw my arms slowing snatching her out of the water and holding her like it was the first and last time I ever would.

If a person with no heart was timing us, everything probably happened in three seconds.. but to me... I have seen three years go by faster.


and it's true. I saw myself three years ago, planning my wedding to troy, our actual wedding day, our honeymoon, me going back to work, me quitting my job, me getting pregnant, and every minute of my life with rhena in it since her birth. all of those thoughts and memories crammed in the space between my arms and her tiny tiny precious perfect body... her tiny tiny precious perfect body underwater looking at me, unable to breathe.

Rhena was fine.. she didn't even cry.... coughed once or twice for effect, then was clamoring to be let back down for more splashing. again.. the whole falling, underwater, and me grabbing her took all of about three seconds... but I can honestly say I don't ever recall being so scared in my entire life.

we stayed at the pool for another hour or so.. then slowwwwly walked home (ole grey mare ain't what she used to be anymore). had a great evening together and with troy, and even spent some quality down-time with my girlfriends down the street.


oh yeah!! even had a PACKAGE waiting on the front step when we got home!!! full of FUN STUFF!! things! for me!!! but more on that another time.


so whatever. yesterday at the pool shook me up, but all in all... in a good way. It made me thankful for my diligent habits with rhena. what if I WASN'T watching her and soaking her cuteness in? who would have pulled her out of the water? It made me appreciate her life, her place in MY life, and even so much for me to appreciate the One Within. maybe sometimes it takes the idea of loss to remind you how good you have things.

I'd LIKE to think I don't need a lot of three-second-near-death experiences to remind me how generally fucking good my life is. I certainly don't go LOOKING for them to happen. But... the bottom line is that sometimes shit DOES happen.... and you can either bitch and moan about the shit, or enjoy the really really good bread it's served on.


have a great weekend, gang.