Tuesday, January 29, 2008

End of an Era

so today... I officially quit bunco.

I have a LOT of reasons why.. one of course being that someone threw up all over my house... but that for sure is not the only reason.

I suppose that's perfectly natural considering I went to bunco for all of about MAYBE three times in 2007? despite having a set date once a month.. I just was NOT able to get it together most months. either the kids had issues or troy was working, or we were out of town...

the biggest reason I think is the guilt. NOT GOING month after month has started to bother me. I mean.. for no lack of planning, like I said.. I just couldn't make it most months. this would leave me pissy, frustrated, short-changed.. you name it. month after month.

so I decided to stop kidding myself, and remove my tendency to get my hopes up and inevitably get disappointed each month. which is all a bunch of bullshit mind games to myself.. cause deep down I know I quit cause I have to keep putting my family's schedule and needs above my own... but on the surface I guess I at least feel like I was able to make the decision to quit. like some reverse-psychology empowerment or some shit.

oh well. bunco nights come and go. having a happy and harmonious family takes work and maintenance... and I feel (at least I'm hoping on this premise) that with enough investment now... I shall reap the rewards of free time in the future.

(yeah.. like when the kids are old and grown and doing their own thing and I have no friends or sense of self to do anything with?? I'll have PLENTY of free time then, right?? crickets chirp.)

ok. sarcasm aside.. I feel ok about this decision. I mean.. I don't get much time with my husband... and family time (meaning the four of us) is even rarer... so do I REALLY want to whittle away the few occasions a month that troy IS HOME on a night in some one's house surrounded by a bunch of women that I haven't seen in months? on the effort-out-reward-in scale... I'm just not feeling the balance there too much .

and once again.. I see I'm using words like balance again. can you TELL I haven't found it yet???

oh well. for now.. I'm cool with dropping out of bunco. I seriously doubt I'll see the women involved any more or any less now than before... and if the action of quitting takes away just one more thing that I stress about.. well, then I guess that's a good thing, Martha.


Marianna said...

I used to love playing that game... I looked forward to the montly time together with my ex's family & friends.


Susie said...

That's good I never liked those bitches anyway.


Kidding. 'Pearls' is my favorite.