Thursday, June 08, 2006

Displacement

so lately I've been feeling a bit out of whack.


Now that my 'secret' is out, I'm sure you're all "well, duh.. you're preggo, of COURSE you're out of whack"

but it's a little more than that. I mean, sure the hormonal imbalance has something to do with it, but the out-of-whackness seems to be creeping into all aspects of life.


I'm not quite in synch with my friends lately.... I'm even pretty much a week behind (if not more) in ALL of my e-mails. my girlfriends here in town are all off on diets and exercise regimes and one-night-out-for-drinks-and-a-movie together, and I'm here not wanting to go to the pool cause I'm pissed I spent $70 on a bathing suit that just doesn't fit me right yet.

perhaps it's the shift to summer, and my lack of scheduled events for the booger has left me with too many weeks of "uh... what should we do today" days. I do admit, I work better on a schedule. (please, if anyone goes back in time, do NOT tell my 20-something self I just said that. she would be so disappointed in me!)

so what to do, what to do. OBVIOUSLY, I need to find some shit to do. and it's not like there's a shortage of things that NEED to be done... just bleh. haven't felt like doing them.

(so BASICALLY, CARRIE..... you're saying that you have a ton of shit to do, don't feel like doing any of that shit, but are bitching and moaning cause you're bored and feel like there's nothing to do)

hmmm... when I put it THAT way..... perhaps I should have labeled this post as REGRESSION... as in back to teenage years, when I was always saying that I had a ton of shit to do, didn't feel like doing any of that shit, but bitched and moaned cause I was bored and felt like there was nothing to do.

on a productive note... I finally started reading again. started it last night, and am now on page 98. it's a far cry from my ability to devour a whole book in less than a day days... but it feels good to read again. we actually finally bought davinci code, too. perhaps after I tune up the brain with a little James Patterson, I'll push a little harder and go for the code.


One of my friends in NYC mentioned going to a pottery place with her son... I think I may do that with the boogie... you know... so I can have something scheduled.


of course there's always returning e-mails.


My cousin wrote to me last week, and I've been wracking my brain for the right words to use in replying to her... which is stupid, because she is like my sister, and I should just e-mail her, but instead I internalize and stress over the shit she's going through, and yet waste another day not talking to her. stupid stupid stupid. I really need to e-mail her.


I have another friend who e-mailed me almost a month ago. and yet another whom I haven't spoken to since december. Perhaps I'm ashamed at how long I've let myself go without contacting them. well, not perhaps.. that's a definite. I'm embarrassed. and it's not like I don't love these girls... I really do. yet. silence.

maybe talking to my long-time friends is what I DO need to set my ass straight and get me out of my out-of-whackiness. it's just hard knowing I'm going to have to start off each conversation with "I'm sorry I'm a distant bitch who hasn't called or written in forever; I swear I love you and have been thinking of you, but I'm a LAZY and distant bitch, and oh yeah, hormonal cause I'm 4 months pregnant, and by the way I'm sorry you had to find out about me being preggo through someone else or worse by reading it on a random blog post.. but I swear I do love you and miss you and have been wondering how you've been?"

oh well. bite the bullet, right?

13 comments:

novaks8 said...

Yeah I have noticed that you seem to be a little....whatever the word is, lately.

We all have those times.

Mothers/women have SO much stuff on their plates.

Men can kind of get the moron pass a lot of times you know?

A man forgets to send his mom a card for her birthday? Awww he is such a man who can't remember crap.

A woman does the same? Then it is a whole big thing.

Hang in there.

:)

greekchickie said...

Our lives are increasingly busy. I get really behind on emails too. I sometimes just call ~ just to get it over with & get rid of all the emails in my inbox.

Hang in there honey. One day at a time.

M~

susie said...

Yay! A firefox patch and I'm saved! Congrats for being out of the pg closet! And hope you reconnect with your old bitches soon! You are too fun to not have as a friend. I know I'd miss you like crazy.

MWAH!

Christi said...

Hold up! You're prego!? You know, I was wondering the other day why on earth you had a prego chick picture on your name. Dummy me was just thinking you'd somehow managed to put it there to make me happy! Congrats! So when are you due, exactly? I'm guessing in Nov., since you kinda said something to that effect yesterday or whatever, and you said you're four months prego. I'm due Nov. 4th. I'll be late, no doubt, so hey, if you're anytime around then, we can have them together (well, except you'll be in Charlotte, and I'll be in Chas.!). When is your ultrasound? I had mine Tues., which I do believe you know, but it was early, so I suppose yours won't be for about another month. Do you plan to find out what it is? I suppose I could have just emailed you w/all of this. Oh well...As far as you being out of it, I haven't noticed...of course, I'm feeling the same way, so maybe that's why you seem so much cooler to me lately even than before!

Bridget said...

Oh, I can so relate to both of those feelings!

Congrats again by the way!

Hugs!

Laura said...

Did I write this post??

I have been letting Mike get the better of me lately. With the separation he seems to swing like a pendulum with his moodiness. One day he talks about getting back together (I really think he just wants to come over and get some...and the answer remains "No") and then the next he's returned to telling me what a stupid effing bitch I am. I just smile and give him a sweet, smarmy "Mmm hmm..ok then! Bye now!", and hang up the telephone. I can't exactly blog this on my own blog since he scours it with a fine tooth comb looking for anything to badger me about. But I can relate to the ~blah~ feeling..I attributed it to internalizing everything, but maybe I'm just bored. Huh.
~L.

Jewl said...

I hate it when I can't think of anything to do with my monster. I feel like I am rotting our brains or something like that. It is hard though coming up with something different! I think when they are this age they are just happy that we are there with them so don't beat yourself up over it.
As far as your friends go I am sure they will understand about what you have been going through. That is what friends are for... That and bitching about men!

Wethyb said...

I could tell you've been out of sorts lately too, but we all get that way. Now that you mention it.....

I'm terrible w/ my friends too. The few I do have that I'm close to. You'd think I'd be better since they're my closest ones. Such is life right?

You are entitled to be all out of whack.....I think it's just the female nature...pregnant or not :)

Cheer up honey. We love ya!

Laina said...

Well, now that you've written it all out here, you can just C&P it to those who need to hear it, right? :D Congrats on finally letting the secret out--no way I could have waited that long!

The Life of Bill said...

Congrats on the pending addition of another Northerner to Nascarland! I'd like to say something witty, but I got NOTHING! Sorry, I'm a post behind but this entire week has been whooooooooopin' on me-pass the congrats on to Troy.

JustALittleCheeky said...

Well now I feel really guilty. I'm behind in emails too and I'm not even pregnant.

Just kidding!! About the emails thing. Move in next door and give me a to do list. Wait, it still won't get done.

novaks8 said...

I tagged you.

IT will be an easy post for today.

See how nice I am?

Anonymous said...

It's OK...it takes two (bitches) to lose contact with each other over a period of time that is inexcusable (i.e. you are not the only guilty party in these otherwise "loving"...and I do truly mean that...relationships). I still love you...even if the news on preggers comes from a blog. I love you nonetheless...and by the way, BIG CONGRATS! Kiss and love...Debbie in Norfolk