Thursday, January 19, 2006

I think I'm coming down with something

ugggg..... so all day yesterday I kinda had a sore throat and the shits. (no... not directly related to each other... for all those weirdos that keep coming here for asshole fever..... just kinda both hitting me at the same time...) I know that's kinda gross... but listen... you weren't here, so at least be thankful for that.


What makes me CONFIDENT, however, that indeed something is wrong with me... is that last night, Paula really only bugged me ONCE... if at all!!!!

no, no... she DID bug me once... when the I-have-lots-and-lots-of-teeth 24 year old breathy singer was doing his thing. It bugged me how she just sat there and smirked, imagining all the things she could do with him, since he was actually legal to be having things done with.

Side note... is it me, or has anyone else noticed that whenever Paula REALLY likes a boy, she does this whole passive-aggressive thing where she sits up straight and takes charge of the voting??? "Randy?? what do YOU think??? Simon??? " Cause you know inside she's wiggling with delight with her "PRIVATE BIG GIRL THOUGHTS". ew.



Speaking of BIG GIRL..... have I mentioned lately that Mariah Carey is a fat sleezebag??? I was laying in bed this morning, slowly trying to just swallow (yes.. throat still hurts a little today.... no shits yet, though, so that's good. Though I AM drinking coffee... so that could change my bathroom activity right quick...)


ANYWAYS........... I was laying there this morning thinking that our dear pal Mariah is starting to remind me a lot of KIRSTIE ALLEY!!! (pre-Jenny-weight-watchers-fast program days) take a look for yourself.....


















Again... no disrespect to the former Cheers Kitten.... I know she's just trying to do her own thing.... I was just saying... I think we could pretty much do a Monday-Match-up with these two, being that they're probably in the same weight class these days......


But enough about that.


Things go on as usual here in Johnson-ville.... I had to go to Wall-fart yesterday to buy the dear-Lord-I-hate-this-place-so-let-me-get-at-least-two-months'-worth-so-I-don't-have-to-do-this-again-for-a-while diaper stash. I think when Rhena gets to the age where she could even remotely CONSIDER having sex, I'm going to bring her to Wall-Fart repeatedly, telling her that if she ever has sex, she'll get pregnant, and will be forced to go there over and over again to buy diapers because they are the cheapest around for miles and miles. If a half-hour trip to Wall-fart every day doesn't knock some sense into her, I may beef it up with a soundtrack of a screaming child, or the smell of baby vomit on her clothes and in the infants' section in general.


but what else???

Last night I did NOT receive a live telecast from the bon-jovi concert.... (he was here in Charlotte) my friend that was supposed to go ended up NOT going, so boo-hoo... no 10pm phone calls.


I've been pleasantly amused with Laura's comments as of late. She's been taking to 'singing' in her comments. I'm hoping today I'll get another... thinking maybe the Cheers theme song, in honor of Kirstie??


Also had two new posters lately... so welcome to the madness, novaks8 and dakotablueeyes....


I'm sure there are other things to post about, but the coffee is starting to kick in, and I think I should probably shower.



Do your taxes, folks!!!!



johnson...out!


PS... for shits and giggles.... go ahead and throw a vote for Mariah or Kirstie while you're at it.... it's been a long time since we had a match-up, and like I said... same weight class and everything.....

so DING DING!!!!

12 comments:

Angela said...

Hope you are feeling better soon. I avoid even driving by Wal-Mart, much less going in there. Scary!

I will voter for Kirstie Alley. I think she is from Wichita, so I gotta go with her.

Angela said...

That should have been "vote".

Duh.

dnyduck said...

Ahhh. I'm sorry you feel so shitty. Hope you are feeling better soon! And I hope that Rhena and Troy don't get it also. It's never fun when babies and hubbies get sick!

My vote is for Kirstie Alley. I think she is the prettier and classier of the two. She may be over weight but she at least can "dance". :)

Take care of yourself babe! Hugs all around!

Susie said...

I avoid Wal-Mart like I avoid the stomach flu. In fact both cause me to wash my hands several hundreds of times. My sister stoped going there when she went through check out and the checkout clerk was sucking a pacifier.

Hope you are better! Bleh being sick suuuuuuuucks.

I take Kirstie. She seems somewhat normal and therefore able to keep her wits about her in a fight.

greekchickie said...

Hmmm I like Kirstie....

Hope you're feeling better!

M~

novaks8 said...

OH my god I would LOVE for Kirstie to KICK MARIAH'S ASS!

If I didn't already have that opinion (which I did) then seeing that she has someone HOLDING HER CUP for her while she drinks just pushed me over the edge!

I stopped liking her when I saw her episode on Cribs in which she acted like a complete crack head.

carlotta fun said...

Feel better soon!

I think Kirstie could kick Mariah's ass any day. I can't stand that fat whore! Sorry for the outburst but I really, really dispise the butterfly bitch!

The Life of Bill said...

Kirstie would kick ass in this one-and I'm ahamed to admit that I watched American Idol, and I know which dude you were talking about....now I go to the penalty box and feel shame....

gina said...

i guess i have to be true to my old school days and vote for big ol' mariah- i love that song "heartbreaker" but i am known for liking cheesy songs.

hey, can you email me ? i want to ask you a question about possible retreat places in NC-Asheville area and wonder if you have any ideas.

Mr. Apropos said...

Kirstie. No contest, really.

/misses young, hot Kirstie from Cheers.
//sniffs

Laura said...

I'm gonna have to go with Kirstie on this one, too. Mariah is just...well..I think you summed it up with the word "sleezebag". And such a shame. She really has a killer voice. Hey! Maybe she should try out on Idol...heh heh heh. And she could sing the Moulin Rouge song, and fuck up the French part of it like everyone else.


NEXT!!

Ok, I'll sing...

Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, flow sistah. Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, go sistah...
~L.

Porq said...

The vote is for KIRSTIE!!

1) She's not a LIAR!! She got super heavy and admitted it. Mariah is just "WHOREY" and doesn't realize she's SHIT!
2) I hate STUPID people.

3) I like CHEESE or Cheers???

OINK

Oh if ya need a babysitter while you're sick, I'll fly ma down.. heh-heh-heh ( other than humanitarian reasons!!)