Friday, January 20, 2006


ok.... I think I need a little clarification here......

when women suggest that men should "squat" to pee.... are they saying the guy should bend his knees slightly to get better aim, much like a bowler must ensure his or her teenage thumb hits their forehead to throw better????

ok... maybe the bowling reference threw you a little... but remember... I'm Polish.. and I do love me some bowling.

But you know what I mean... in softball, basketball, football.... pretty much any sport I'm thinking.... SOMEONE has advice on how to throw, shoot, roll, spit, WHATEVER just a little better.

So I was reading over here at Mike's the other day, and there was mention of him SQUATTING to improve-slash-decrease the amount of ... shall we say... PIDDLE that ends up on the floor.

as I read the comments... girl after girl was telling him to squat while peeing.


I mean.... I'm not one to hang out in men's rooms, or even attempt to make it my business to be a spectator in or anywhere NEAR the bathroom when Troy gets in there.... I mean... good Lord... I usually get the lingering odors, and more often than I would care to admit... he'll give me a play-by-play of his latest shit..... including shape, color, smell, and pushing level required. BELIEVE ME.... I don't ask.... it's just one of the 'perks' that comes along with being with Troy.

Now in the times of mighty bravado that is sooooooo becoming of my dear hubby.... he has often left the bathroom door open. Personally, I think even HE'S afraid to be in a small room with his gaseous ass..... but nonetheless... the door is wiiiiiiide open, for all to see his naked ass, or boy-like antics. I swear Troy has never progressed past the age of 7 in terms of bathroom etiquette....

He whistles at himself... gives LOUD narrations on his hose, python, mighty sword... and other creative terms for his penis.... NO. Troy can not just pee.... he must go on stage.

but all of that is really just an aside.

The point I'm making is that in all of Troy's antics.... I have NEVER seen him squat to pee.

I've seen (both in Troy and on TV) the lean-forward-cause-he-has-a-boner-and-it-won't-bend form of peeing.

and I know that during times of shitting.... no guy in their right mind is going to stop mid-push, pinch it off, stand up and pee. No.. I firmly believe that guys will PURPOSELY try to push out a shit and pee at the same time, cause on some remote level it's "cool" to be doing more than one bodily function at once. Hell..... if I had to bet, I'd say Troy would be the type to even try to bust out a fart, too... though farting and shitting at the same time is difficult... and painful. (at least when *I've* done it it has been....) So maybe if he can't get the fart, I'd at least expect him to try and BURP while peeing and shitting at the same time... like some weird guy-olympic event.

so in the case of the shit-pee.... I'm willing to rationalize that guys are sitting.

but for a regular pee???? hmmm.... bending the knees I can see.... but sitting????? I just don't get it.

I mean... isn't that kinda what makes guys GUYS????? I mean... I thought that in the beginning of the game, when the Dealer was explaining the rules... GIRLS get to blame every bad mood on PMS, and GUYS, in turn, get to pee on stuff. While STANDING UP.

So speaking of bending the knees... which indeed would define "squatting".... is there any good that comes of that? GUYS??? any thoughts?

But Ladies... and for you GENTLEmen out there..... SITTING to pee..... please... help me understand this one. I mean.... I may be grossed out every time I walk by the bathroom, and there's Troy's ass or antics hanging out for me to see.... but I guess I come from the mindset that when a guy "sits down" on the can to pee.... his balls kinda disappear.


carlotta fun said...

I've honestly got nothin'. I'm comment-less on this subject.

Wethyb said...

I don't know what to say about this either. I can't say that I'm not disturbed that that concept. Definetely one of those things that make you go hmmmmm.

gina said...

yikes me who hates bathroom talk comes to read this post? LOL j/k.

ummm squatting to pee is for wussies. no man in his right mind would listen to a woman tell them to squat . gaw.... let him have that one bit of manliness .

greekchickie said...

I'm so glad that I just finished eating DINNER.


I'm not sure I have anything to contribute ~ I'm like you ... I don't share a bathroom experience with a man. Ever. Even when I was married.

I guess if a man was not in an effin rush & actually take a minute to clean up his piddle, this wouldn't be an issue. But then again, this is MEN we are talking about. Absent-minded.


Laura said...

"I've seen (both in Troy and on TV) the..." WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

On TV? Really?? I need to watch more TV!!! I love that you can write BONER, but you have to write ~piddle~. I have a seven year old son AND a two year old son. Poor Erin is in the middle. But the boys pee on everything...come to think of it, so does my 35 year old husband. What the hell is up with that??

Mr. Apropos said...

I read on teh interweb that sitting down to pee allows your Neuticles to rest at a more comfortable angle.

So, no Neuticles, no need to sit.

I hope that clears up any confusion.

Susie said...

Hm. I stayed awake to read the pee post. Hmm. Dan stands and never shuts the door unless there are guests and even then... it depends. He has never squatted, though he can't pee in front of me (blessings) - he loses concentration. He does do the "tuck" when sitting.

Any more questions? Surprised you didn't go for the women "squat or sit" on public toilet survey.

CheekyMoo said...

When we potty trained Max he refused to sit down to pee. Or use the potty chair for that matter. I think it's a chromosome thing to be honest. So I threw cheerios in the toilet and had him aim for those so he wouldn't get it everywhere.

And let me tell you..that unsinkable shit is a lie.

CheekyMoo said...

When we potty trained Max he refused to sit down to pee. Or use the potty chair for that matter. I think it's a chromosome thing to be honest. So I threw cheerios in the toilet and had him aim for those so he wouldn't get it everywhere.

And let me tell you..that unsinkable shit is a lie.

Lil Country said...

I used to date a guy who was 6'7". His mom made him sit down to pee because he would be so far away from the toilet. It nixed not only the dribble factor, but the splash back factor...
You'll hear no complaints out of me, much easier on me when I had to clean the bathroom!!!!!!
And besides, we shouldn't be seeing this anyways!

Christi said...

I got majorly chewed out one time when I told a guy I was planning to teach TJ to pee sitting down. I was told, in no uncertain terms, that men sitting down to pee is NOT COOL. So, I let Trey teach TJ the rites of passage, and never was there a lesson on squatting. I'm not even sure how that would be achieved. However, I wouldn't be aversive to men sitting to pee, b/c it would be cleaner!

Oh, I sure wish we lived even closer than the three hour drive you live at now. I would so love to be your friend!

Elvis said...

There is presently only one man I can think of that is allowed to sit and pee. That is Stephen Hawking.

Even I, the picture of emasculation, would never suffer the indignity of having some XX make me sit to pee. God Himself gave me the ability to sign my name in the freshly fallen snow - why and how can I deny Him?

The Life of Bill said...

Just to clarify...leaning your head and hands above the urinal in an attempt to keep the room from moving 'cause that damn Jim Beam bottle kept calling your name doesn't qualify as squatting....does it????