Sunday, January 08, 2006

The games we play

so this weekend was a good one.

yesterday we had two of our neighbors over after boogie went to bed. We had a few drinks and snacked on chips, dips and fondue. mmmm... fondue! I've decided that anyone who has a fondue pot who doesn't use it must have the kind with the sterno under it... cause those suck. Mine is the electric-all-over-heat-you-can-use-it-for-soup-or-meatballs-or-cheese-or-my-personal-favorite-chocolate.... have I mentioned my fondue pot kicks ass????

anyways... we had a nice night... played Uno and Phase 10. good times. (plus, there was fondue..... mmmmmm, chocolate fondue!)

Today we had one of my new mom friends over with her two kids for dinner. Her husband has been in Arizona for a week on business, and she's been at her rope's end. She has no family nearby, and her kids are 3 years old and 8 months. Did I mention the three year old can talk and apparently likes to express her opinion on everything??? did I also mention she was at her wits' end?

SO to give her a *teeny* bit of a reprieve, I've been having her come over or go out for walks with me and boogie.. and today we had them over for dinner. Tonight the three year old was being a bit three-year-oldy, and I noticed my mom friend kept apologizing. Offering justifications and explanations why the three year old was.... well..... THREE.

By the time we managed to get to dessert, it dawned on me that even though I couldn't at first understand why she kept proffering apologies... I came to realize I could have been looking in a mirror.

Why is that??? Why..... especially among our closest friends... the people who know us best... do we constantly apologize for things beyond our control? well... at least I know my friends and I do that. I suppose I know other people who DON'T do that.... but I've never been one to care for parents that let their kids run amok with no regard. I mean... I agree that kids will be kids, and for the most part shouldn't have to be apologized for..... at least not constantly. an acknowledgement that your precious offspring is being a complete SHIT is nice.... but if the company you're with says it's ok... just let it be ok...

*** I'll be with you in a second.... I'm just re-reading what I wrote, and trying to convince myself to follow my own advice*************

anyways... so yeah... I sat back tonight, all third-personish... and realized that it sucks how she, I, we.... play those games. I'd say that maybe we all just need to be a little more real... but I think that it's in being real that we end up being the way we do. IN REALITY.... I'm insecure... a people-pleaser. I CARE what people think, and I hate being a burden on others. Consequently, I internalize when I'm stressed, and obsess about ridiculous shit. I over-analyze pretty much EVERYTHING. I apologize for situations that I have nothing to do with, and never allow myself to believe when friends tell me that "it's ok".

SO in a brief moment of clarity; a bizzaro second where I had the power to help myself by helping someone else.... I told my mom friend not that it was "ok"... but rather that she was doing a wonderful job. That her children were happy and she was doing a really really great job, especially for being on her own this week. And you know what??? *IN* that bizzaro moment, my mom friend smiled, and her running screaming three year old was temporarily muted to us both in a cloud of comfortable acceptance.


gina said...

i do the same thing you mentioned.. i would fit right in with you and your friend, except, i have to admit, i am in the honeymoon stage of parenting. i have two well mannered (5 and 7 yo) kids. (haha) but it took 4 1/2 yrs to get em this way.

i love fondue and only have the crappy sterno one. but my friend who we always fondue with has the cool electric one and it IS AMAZING>
hope your day is great.

greekchickie said...

You fit me to a T right there. I over analyze & apologize for things that are sometimes out of my control.

I have had a fondue set for 2 years now & still haven't taken it out of the box. I guess I have no friends... lol. Maybe I'll grab a hunk-a cheese & just make it for myself one nite.


Laina said...

I have the crappy kind of fondue pot. I feel like I got shafted. WTG, Hillbilly Mama, for not getting me the good kind!


Good point about the apologizing though--I do it all the time, but mostly because my friends' kids seem to be freakishly well behaved when they are around, whereas Sam seems to think company is one of the best reasons to show his ass. Good times!

Susie said...

Ugh I don't know why I do that either. Except occaisionally when with a friend who surprises me by not seeming ok with whatever it is i am apologizing for and shouldn't have to be. I think those moments keep me feeling forever insecure and kick in my desire to control everything uncontrollable. I dread when I am the one with the Crazed Sugar High Meltdown child at the family functions. I know it is to come (most likely) and D-R-E-A-D it.