I've got a secret!

ok.... so wanna know what it is?



here goes.




I'm not really a bitch.



ok, ok... shut the hell up. seriously.... c'mon... STOP LAUGHING FOR CHRISSAKES!!!!!!



I mean, I really am a bitch, and given the right blend of hormonal imbalance, I can definitely make a regular bitch look like a soft rabbit napping....


but in real life... I'm not always a bitch.


In fact... for the most part of the day, I'm a big ball of lovey mush. I blame Rhena, actually.... she tends to have this way about her that makes me forget about why I'm pissed off or why I'm not in anything BUT a good mood.

case in point... prior to this weekend, I had been feeling a bit on the funky side. out of it, if you will. disconnected. I resolved to stop trying to go go go and be around and be a part of what everyone else was doing, and just kind of relax and let the weekend, as well as my husband and daughter... just kinda soak back into my life.

well, it seems to have worked, cause tonight, as we were saying prayers.... I sat in the rocker holding my boogie for a good ten minutes in silence just smiling. I breathed in her freshly bathed head and listened to her just laying still in my arms. Although she said nothing... I heard SO MUCH. as I looked in her eyes, I heard laughter and love, and hope and promises.


and I kept smiling. No disconnection, no discombobulation... just me, her and ten minutes of silence. Of course, at that point, she farted.... because she truly IS my daughter, and no moment can ever be TOO sweet in our lives.

but it WAS sweet. because it's her, and it's how we roll. but symbolically speaking, it really got me thinking of how things are in real life. sometimes you just gotta let go of the stinky stuff, you know?

I dunno. I guess the bottom line is that my arms are only so big, and when it comes down to it, I'd much rather be holding on to my sweet baby fart machine than on to a bunch of drudgery, drama, and bitchiness.

so I guess what you as a reader need to take out of my little self-discovery here is that if you have any bad news to give me... you're best off giving it to me during Rhena's awake hours. Without my little suger-cup-rosey-pants to distract and brighten my mood, you could face the dangers of a beast likened to Godzilla on steroids with underwear chafing a hemorrhoid.