Monday, August 21, 2006

Home again

hooray hooray.... we're HOME AGAIN!!!

when all is said and done, we had a nice trip to see the inlaws. This does NOT mean I'm not happier than a pig in shit to be home again, though.

Rhena was fantastic for all 14 hours we were driving home, so today she's pretty much getting the run of the house. (what's that? you want to play with the toilet brush cleaner?? oh.. ok!! just don't put it in your mouth!)

today has my plate full with going through mail, paying bills, and beginning the unpacking process. I say process, because Troy won't be helping, and I'll be damned if I try to do it all myself in one day. besides... I have to blog!! and talk to my girlfriends!!! and eat bon bons!!! (cause you KNOW I don't do shit around here like clean toilets or go food shopping or cook and feed anyone)

speaking of toilets.... can I TELL you about the bowling ball I shat out up at the inlaws???

yeah... forget me bitching about popcorn shits. I had about 10 of those popcorn nuggets stuck together and they all decided to get together and come out of my ass at the same time. repeat... AT THE SAME TIME.

let's just say I ended up pushing out a bowling ball the size akin to fred flintstone would use, (and YES... it was rock hard, that fucker!!!) and my poor hiney got a roid the size of a freaking superdome on it for like 2 days.

have YOU ever tried sitting down and making pleasant conversation with your inlaws with a bleeding superdome between your ass cheeks????

trust me.. it AIN'T pretty, and I really deserve a reward of some sorts. or a guest spot on Montel or something. SOMETHING!

In other news.. I only puked TWICE and had three wake-up-choking-on-acid-in-my-throat-nights during the week I was gone.... so that's good. at least God likes to spread out my misery, as none of the fun-fun-fun bodily events happened on the same days. Even the rupturing of mount my-ass-vious happened on a non-puke day! Perhaps a small favor for putting up with 24 hours of non-stop nascar and baseball.

and SPEAKING of Nascar.... troy and I did go out and catch a matinee. (though it cost us $16 for 2 tickets, so I'm not sure if we got matinee prices, those bastids....) but I saw the Will Ferrell Nascar movie. it was stupid, but funny. I happen to like Will Ferrell, though. crazy motherfucker. ( oh, and don't think the irony is lost on me that my one afternoon out alone with my husband during a week-long subjection to everything nascar, and we go see a movie about Nascar. I live for this kind of twisted sense of reality... (ok, actually, I don't... but you have to admit it just figures, you know?))

as for the one within.... it continues to grow. I'm looking pretty big now, and I fear my days of wearing my pink band on my ankle are numbered. Troy... in all his kindness, told me that my ass is getting bigger, too... so that's just greaaaat. oh well, more room for future superdomes, I guess.

alright. I've wasted enough time with babbling here, and I really ought to read some blogs or unpack or something. or clean out all the stuff that died in the fridge when we were gone. yeah. that would be good.

happy monday, gang!


The Life of Bill said...

just popping in to say hey and see how you're feeling...I know Cze-bingo is over, but does this qualify as bloggin about your ass?????

greekchickie said...

Why do I bother eating lunch while reading blogs?


Christi said...

Just think, we only have about two months and a little bit left! Thank goodness!

I feel for your butt. If it makes you feel any better, for both this and the last pregnancy, I've had a vericose vein in my, ummm, private place, and it hurts like a bitch!

holy chaos said...

hey carrie,
i am glad you are back and had a good time.

you are too funny! rofl!

gina said...


regardless, glad you are back, with your roids and all.

Wethyb said...

You crack my ass up! You're so descriptive! Gotta love that :)

Glad you're home and in one piece and hope your ass is recovering :)

Jewl said...

OMG... You are my kind of girly friend... Nothing like shit talk, can't go wrong there! LOL

susie said...

Welcome home! Three cheers for poop and roid talk! Glad the ride with the boogster was a breeze. You know she's working the birthday angle there. We are in a river of snot over here so I'll catch up to you soon!

Glad to have you back! Missed you XXOOs!!!

Jenni said...

I cannot laugh any harder!!! you are so effing funny!

That is great that miss Rhena was well behaved on the drive. I hate to hear about your roid--had one when I was on vacation when I was pg too! blech!

welcome back!