Fearing Kansas

ok... so last night was one of those dreams where it's a big ole mix of crazy, surreal, and very deep rooted fears.


Last night I dreamt I moved to Kansas.


Apparently, I was still in high school, and I was serving on either the President or some Congressman's Political team. SO our task was to go to this high school, and attend some ralley-slash-fashion show, and my job was to stand there looking smart with my clipboard. Some weird guy from a Polish Airline kept hitting on me.


After the fashion show, we went to some nightclub, where the rest of my team was making the rounds. I remember going around this main circle of a dancefloor, checking in with each of the team... and hearing arguments of which section of the club was the coolest to stand by. Stranger still was that the walls of each area of the dancefloor housed hundreds of GAMES... like a toy store. I dunno. weird.


so next thing I know, I'm eating some popcorn, and the clublights turn on, and a guy starts vacuuming. by now it's like WAY late-slash-early in the morning, and we still have to get home.


I end up getting driven home with 2 other girls, cause they're on my way. Our driver starts off sounding like Danny DeVito, but later turns into Jeff Bridges' clone. the weird thing is that at this point, I really hadn't been outside there in Kansas, and while I have an address of where I now live, I have not been to the house.


so the driver takes the other two girls home first, then he starts to drive me home. by now the sun is coming up, and I'm getting very upset that I have to be at school in a few hours, and we're driving out to the middle of nowhere, and I have no idea where exactly it is that I live. Driver dude tells me I'm in the next town up.


so we drive and we drive, and there is NOTHING but NOTHING to see. on each side of the road, all I see is fields for miles and miles. and miles. Then haystacks. Seeing the haystacks freaked the shit out of me, because apparently in my dream I'd never seen real hay before. In real life, of course I have.. but never in the quantities that were in my dreams. we actually went through a tunnel made from hay.

all the whole time, the driver keeps going faster and faster and we keep driving and driving, but still no sign of the next town up. I finally ask him through tears where exactly do I live, and he says about another 45 minutes away. At this point, we finally pass a house, but that's all it was.. just a house in the middle of nowhere.


Another 20 minutes of driving very fast, and going by these weird side-of-the-road exhibits that's supposed to be good for the morale of the citizens, and we troll up on some house. It's not mine, but Jeff Bridges dude had to make a pitstop. We go inside, and the set-up was just like my late Grandma Czernikowski's house, except this house was inhabited by a woman that used to frequent a bar I worked at in seattle. This woman, in my dream, was apparently waiting for a dose of some kind of drug that Jeff Bridges dude was giving her.

Next thing I know, everyone except me is high as a kite, and Jeff Bridges dude and I are finally taking me home on some motorcycle. AT this point, the details are very fuzzy; all I remember is that we were going like 120 mph, and I almost flew away. weird. I woke up a little while later... having never really making it to 'my house'.


What's the point of all of this? beats me... though it did really remind me how afraid I was when I did go to Kansas a few years ago on business for Amazon.


I clearly remember the anxiety of being on the road, alone.. not really sure where I was going, and having nothing but miles and miles of fields around me. With no cell phone reception. I was tense the entire drive, with a steady stream of cold sweat and heightened alertness that would make rabbits on crack look like molasses going uphill in the winter.


Visions of rapists and murderers out there in the fields, and the Children of the Corn characters and creepies and crawlies certainly did a number on me that trip, as would happen ANY time I'm out of civilization. I just don't do so good away from buildings, people. So whether it's on a road to nowhere, out in a forest, or in the deep blue ocean... you're not going to see me there... at least not happily.

I respect the beauty of Nature, and all that happens in its naturalness and shit... but I appreciate it a hell of a lot more from the comfort of my couch, while watching Discovery Channel. where I have food. and cell phone reception.