So let's just say I'm really happy yesterday is over.
Yesterday was the kind of day that makes me wonder if I'm really cut out for motherhood. I'm not going to list all the things that went wrong or how long I sat in Rhena's rocker crying. Because that was yesterday.
Yesterday I watched the clock, counting the hours til Troy came home, and moreso, til I could put the creature I gave birth to bed. I wondered how my mother made it, how ANY woman does it, and how a 3650 sq ft house could feel so small.
Yesterday I mourned my dead social life, I longed for professional importance, and cursed my prison with the beautiful kitchen.
Yesterday I questioned my very own existence.
but that was yesterday.
Today is a brand new day, and my batteries are recharged. I'm ready to deal with the screaming, the crying, the mood swings, and oh yeah--- Rhena. Seriously....
I had one day of self-indulgent pity, and now I feel better. I really wouldn't have my life any other way.... so it seems silly in retrospect that I was even upset at all.
So yesterday is gone, and today is in my grasp. and today--- looking at my daughter with her eyes full of hope, anticipation, and soft amazement.... her smile open wide and full of love.... her tiny hands open to hold firmly to the secure possibilities the day presents to her....
well--- today is a very good day.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Brand New Day
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6 comments:
I can't relate since I don't have kids... but from what I know about you, you will be the best mom to that beautiful tinkerbell.
I can sympathize with the self-pity though. I go thru stages of that at times & then I remind myself of all the wonderful things I do have in my life & then I'm grateful for them. I'm sorry you had such a bummer day, but I'm glad you are going to have a better one today.
Hugs to you,
M~
btw... lol, can I change my vote?! kidding.
M~
I don't know if your post made me feel better or more freakishly alone. Liam screamed half of today away. We laughed together a total of 20 minutes. That 20 minutes is the only thing getting me through today. Now he is awake again after a crappy 30 minute nap. I never realized how much I needed his naps to recharge myself. Glad you are better today! Something to hope for, for sure.
Carrie-
We all have those days, I'm sure. It took me 45 minutes to figure out what to wear tonight and I realize this is because I never go anywhere anymore! I mean sure, to the park, to the swings, to the baby food aisle in the grocery store. But nowhere that eye makeup and adult conversation is required! Its ok to miss that stuff -well, ok probably not the eye makeup cause the makeup mafia will be after you. Have you found any babysitters there yet? Look into it. You and Troy deserve a date night. And we love the kids but no one ever said we have to love every second of having them.
Love-
Jody
Hope today stayed good and that each and every day gets better and better.
Thanks for stopping by my blog and wishing me a happy birthday.
Carrie,
I'm sorry that I haven't said it sooner, but thank you. Thank you for all of the kind words and support that you've given me over the last few weeks. I'm touched that you're so caring towards someone you've never even met. You words have brought me comfort and yes even brought a smile to my face (even when I didn't think I had a smile left). I only hope that I can repay the favor as well some day.
I know I'm a little behind the time on this one, but.... just so you know, I think you seem like a wonderful mother. I think Rhena is lucky to have a mom like you. You kind of remind me of my mother sometimes (well and myself since I'm so much like her). She and I are really good friends and enjoy spending time together even though I was a pain in her ass sometimes too. Just remember that you and Rhena have this to look forward to on difficult days like these.
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