Bitch Factor

if you read my posts regularly... you'll know that last week my mom mentioned to me that I bitch too much in my blog.


suddenly, I've noticed, in the plethora of blogs that I read, that writers have been concerned about complaining too much.


I call it the Daytona Element. for example... in jersey... you hardly ever hear about Daytona in the news... except when I moved there to go to college.... then my parents couldn't turn on the TV without Daytona making some appearance.

The same thing happened when I moved to Seattle, and Reno, and apparently they're hearing more and more about Charlotte.


I know it has nothing to do with cosmic forces, and everything to do with a person's heightened awareness to a particular subject... the towns in the case of my parents... the blog-bitching in my case.


so back to that.


some of the bloggers, like myself, were feeling guilty about their written vents. I don't think they should. While some blogs were created as a form of entertainment for others... the majority of bloggers I know use cyberspace as a way of capturing what goes on in their lives and minds, or use it as a cathartic release, or just cause it's free.

the point is... there's no wrong way to blog.


As my friend Susie wrote in her masthead... "this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to". Kudos!

now, I'm not going off on the vent-haters..... but there comes a time where you have to say to yourself... why am I reading this blog? if you're reading to criticize... shame on you. If you're reading to get a deeper understanding of the writer... then take what they're writing and absorb what they say.

My mom, bless her heart... (like that??? I'm trying out one of my new North-Carolina-Southern sayings...)


anyways... I'm positive my mom was reading what I write/bitch about, and was genuinely concerned for my mental health. She was worried that I disliked motherhood, due to the amount of moaning I do about this that and the other thing here in my blog. I can see where she might come to that conclusion, and I appreciate her concern... I really do.


But despite what I bitch about here in this blog... I can say without any uncertainty, that I love motherhood and every single day I have on earth with my amazing Rhena. I'll even add that I love every day that I am Troy's wife.... but that love I have doesn't stop me from bitching about the stupid shit he does!!!!


So if I love love love my life so much.... why am I such a cranky bitch all the time???? No offense, but if I don't bitch here... where else am I going to do it??? All of my close friends don't have kids yet, so they just don't understand. (They're still bitching about trying to find a boyfriend!) My parents have already been there and done that, so they have trouble getting back into the mindset of being frustrated and completely helpless. (like me telling a 2 year old to stop whining about having to tie his own shoes!) As for the friends that I do have that have babies... or Troy.... they're in the same boat as me, so that's sorta a dead end, too.

I refuse to take anything out on Rhena. She did not ask to be born, and my ineptness in parenthood is nowhere near being her fault. no no no.... she will not bear any brunt of my frustrations. She'll hear my prayers and my whispers of love, and she can someday read the journal I keep for her.... but she's not allowed to read this blog. Besides... I curse too much... I don't want her reading this crap.

So if I don't vent here in my blog... into my electronic counselor.... where would all the bad stuff go??? Would it go anywhere, or would it bottle up inside of me, only to erupt some day on someone undeserving??? Sure... I know that there's people out there in the big triple W, and some of those people read the trash I spew. But it's not my intent to dump crap on you, as much as it is for me just to get it out of my system...... so I can give the good stuff to Rhena, Troy, and ultimately... me.

balance, right?