Monday, June 06, 2005

Let's talk about sex, baby....

ok... so I know I'm REALLY jumping the gun on this... but I was thinking about Rhena either yesterday or this morning... (I mean, I'm ALWAYS thinking about her... but you know what I mean...)


anyways, I was thinking about how she's got a tooth now, and how she's trying to walk, and just in general how time flies.

then I started thinking about the fact that before I know it, she's going to be a teenager, and then oh GOD.... she'll be dating, and thinking about sex and stuff.


so again... REALLY jumping the gun, but it's on my mind, so I need to talk out loud.


WHAT IN HELL AM I GOING TO TELL THIS CHILD WHEN SHE'S CURIOUS ABOUT SEX???????


I think of my own thoughts and experiences when it came to sex, and truth be told... I was scared shitless of it. I don't think it was anything that my parents actually SAID as much as DIDN'T SAY... or is it the other way around? I don't know... I mean... I knew what sex was, and for whatever reason... I was afraid.

and then I had friends who were the complete opposite.... verrrrrry curious, and verrrrry active.

but Rhena will be Rhena... I know there's nothing I can do about that. It's the whole "how am *I* going to act" that I'm thinking about. I still hope upon hope she'll know about sex but choose not to experiment too much. At least not as a teenager. ok.. secretly I don't want her EVER having sex, but I know I need to be somewhat realistic.


I certainly don't want to be one of those moms that acts more like a 'best friend'... gag. I'm the parent... *I* make the rules... not you.

But I don't want her to feel like she can't talk to me about sex.


So do you guys have any opinions? I know there's no right or wrong way... but is there something your parents did that worked for you? or something that totally DIDN'T?


To this day, I still avoid the subject of sex with my mom. To some extent, this is fine with me. I have a great relationship with my mom (or at least I think I do...) and I don't want to mess with our mojo. However... there have been times that I think I would have liked to have been able to discuss or ask questions about the act without feeling so oogy. Not so much now.... but definitely when I was younger.

I guess I just want Rhena to be able to talk to me... without fear of judgment... but without thinking that I'm condoning promiscuity. .... there's that damn balance thing again.....

Again... I know it's early to be thinking about this stuff.... but I like having a plan of attack. Of course, I'll probably CHANGE this plan of attack 100 times over between now and whenever.... but for now... it's just one more thing to think about.

15 comments:

greekchickie said...

I didn't know what sex was til I went to the library in 8th grade & pulled every book I could get off the shelves. My mom & I never talked about it & then she died, so I never had the chance to talk to her about dating, sex, boys, etc. I wish she had talked to me more about it, that way I would have had a lot more respect about myself a few years ago & not felt like I should have bent over backwards (no pun intended) to please men.

Carrie said...

interesting perspective, momma----

I guess I take the simple fact that I HAVE my mom (and my dad) for granted sometimes.

thanks for reminding of how damn fortunate I am.

PS... no matter how much or little influence you had, you turned out to be a wonderful woman, Marianna! XXOO

Tee said...

LOL. A few of my sex conversation were had with my Mom. She would be in the bathroom and I would lay outside the door and talk through the crack. That way we didn't have to look at each other. ROFLMAO. I also learned a lot from a dusty copy of Our Bodies Ourselves I found in the basement. My Mom always said, "Ask me whatever you want to ask", but we never had THEE TALK. I think I'll probably get my boys a few books about it and then have a small talk to see that they understand. Then let them know their father and I are open for questions any time - they can even write them down if they're embaressed.

Susie said...

Talk about it sooner than later. Because she'll learn what the kids at school are learning from their older siblings. I was totally uncomfortable talking about it with my mom - but if she had broached the subject in a non-judgemental way - on my level - it probably would have been easier.

Susie said...

Oh and in 6th grade a friend showed me the book, The Joy of Sex, in a bookstore and I was horrified!

Melissa said...

You are killing me!! Slow down chickie!! But I hear ya! I'm making sex the dh's department with my little one!

Anonymous said...

My daughter is 9 and I have always found it best to just answer her questions..when they are little you don't have to offer extra info since they will let you know when they have heard enough. We had a big gap between questions (like years) and now have moved up to how does a tampon work etc. (which funnily enough she chose to ask my hsuband about first, so if she is not shy about asking him questions either I figure we have done our job OK so far) Books are helpful as well!!

Carrie said...

ok... I think I'm liking the being in the bathroom, just in case rhena says something that makes me shit myself....


I'm appreciating the thoughts... keep them coming!!!


I agree with the sooner than later... and definitley want to be there to answer questions... but how to get to that point is going to be the tough part.

Jenn said...

My daughter is only 5 months old and I'm already working out ways to answer her questions regarding sex and everything else.

Liza said...

Carrie my darling, completely off topic from your post, but yay the pistons have managed to get only 2 behind at the end of the first quarter here in game 7. we still have a chance!! at least if i have to be recovering, I can recover during the pistons. Especially since i went into emergency surgery during game 6.

Carrie said...

Liza-Baby... I've been trolling your site wondering what was up-slash-where you were... emergency surgery???

Pistons currently up 38-29... but you probably know that...

Jenn-- thanks for commenting! glad to know I'm not alone!

ThoughtsGalore said...

LOL...Well, thank goodness you have quite a while until you need to actually have the talk. I think the words come to you when the time is right. My daughter and I have been over some of the basics, because she's watched Baby Story. Wow! It all happened by accident...and trust me it was not the most comfortable thing in the world.

It just takes time! You have lots of it!

Thanks for the birthday wish. I sooo appreciate it.
XOXO
C

CheekyMoo said...

Put her on the pill and tell her it's a vitamin. :-)

Ok, that's not the right answer. I don't think there is one. A lot of it is going to come from you guaging what Rhena needs and following her lead. You strike me as a pretty open and loving Momma. I think if you talk to her, and always make sure you have an open and honest relationship it will just come. Sometimes parents aren't all that talkative, but around puberty suddenly they pry, kid gets suspicious, and that's that. I think if you start talking about it when she's younger it will be easier when she's older. Experimentation comes from curiosity and lack of knowledge. When she asks questions, and she will, answer them to the best of your ability. Even my 6 year old asks questions, you just have to do the best you can. Parenting is mostly just flying by the seat of your pants but looking very experienced while doing it.

Kelli said...

For once I would LOVE for Kendal to be the last out of our group to do something!! You let me know how it goes in 13 years and I'll take cues from you. :)

scrappintwinmom said...

oh sister. I hear you on this one. DH and I talk about this more often than you'd think. I know what I got away with when I was a kid, and (as they say), times is different now. I hear stories about kids 10 yrs old having sex and I want to cry. So my strategy is first off to let them know that they can talk to me about anything and I won't judge them - I may not always like what I hear, but I'd rather have them talk to me (and my know what's going on) than have them educate themselves via their friends, the web, and MTV. I never talked about it w/my parents...my dad handed me a BOOK when I turned 12. I want it to be different for my daughters. Still its not going to make it any easier on me when I find out they're having sex. They're always going to be our babies, right? your interview questions are pending btw.