Aunt Flo

George is visiting.

Riding the Crimson Tide.

On the rag.

Hanging at Camp Kotex.

The seven day curse.

Painting my undies red.

Riding the Red Rocket.

Having the painters in.

Blobbing.

That time of the month.

Up on blocks.

My friend is here.

Shark Bait.

Not pregnant this month.

Off the swim team.

Making way for Midol.

Sent back to second base.

and, of course.....

Aunt Flo is visiting for seven days from Tampa.

no matter how you say it.... for the first time in 16 months and 20 days..... I have my period.

ask me how much I missed it. yeah. it ranks right up there with morning sickness.

On Being Appropriate:

So Derek got me thinking:


I went back and did a few more of those quizzes. I forgot to copy the results to them, but this one kinda stood out.


truth hurts sometimes.....




Barbie Got Back! Go you! You're the closest thing
ever to a true black Barbie. Shake that fat
ass of yours.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

You Ain't nothin but a....

WINNER.

that's right..... Elvis stuck it to RuPaul.

I suppose that's fine.... I was kinda pulling for RuPaul on this one, but with 7 votes to three.... (well, EIGHT to three if you count Memphis Steve as a vote. I wasn't sure exactly what he was getting at, but he mentioned the King, so I'll tally that as a vote) the numbers don't lie.

So la la la.... long live the King... Viva Las Vegas, and all the hoopla that goes along with it.

Young Elvis was pretty much the shiznit of his day..... he definitely had his legions of fans. I respect that. Back then I can understand... to me, being an Elvis fan back then is roughly the same as being a Beatles fan during their days, or even a Dave Matthews Band Groupie these days. Does it border on Cult-like? mayyyy-be.... but it's far better than being that way with Elvis now. I mean, c'mon, people.... let the fat bastard be dead, you know?

But whichever whatever--- Elvis won, fair and square... so congrats, King. May you celebrate your victory with some greasy hash and a bottle of whatever in the after-life.


Speaking of Fat Bastard.... me thinks I'm going to have some wine this weekend.

we're supposed to have a lot of rain this weekend. Not enough for us to be up a creek like Dan, but lots and lots of rain, with some thunder to boot. Sounds like the perfect weekend to open up the blinds, watch the show, and down some vino. Nothing like cheap entertainment and an even cheaper date. I really am quite the catch, huh?

Happy Passover, gang!

Coincidence? --- I think not.

It's happy hour, gang!



Cocktail


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

The Switch

so I'm convinced that at some point in the hospital when Rhena made her debut that Troy got distracted.

I mean... there was about a half hour or so where the two of them went somewhere to do stuff while I was getting stuff put back into me and getting all stitched up. Not for nothing, but we had been running on very little sleep, and it's not like she came out all talking and saying, "Hi, I'm Rhena, will you hold my hand so I don't get lost????"

What if Troy turned his head and they switched her with some other kid? Highly doubtful, I know... but still.


I mean.... sure, she's got our temperament, our flair for being the center of attention, my vocal chords, Troy's red hair.... (oh, and a fabulous personality, thank-you-very-much-I'm-SURE-she-got-that-from-me!!!)

but this appetite thing.... I mean, she sure has the drinking down pat, but what is it about her not liking solid foods??? helllllllo! red flag!!!! are you sure this is the same kid you pulled out of me????


I keep telling her what she's missing, and if she just trusts me and eats something..... anything.... that cappuccino-heath-bar-blizzards are not far behind! She is on the beginning of a venture into culinary delight... filled with fruits, vegetables, meats, pastas, cheeses, sauces, breads, desserts.... *drool*

but yet she resists.

I don't get it. Should I be adding a clove of garlic to her cereal, perhaps with some fresh cracked pepper? Perhaps I should quickly saute it and serve with drawn butter? I'm at a loss, people. I really am.


My little booger has now learned to laugh with her mouth closed. That whole "sneaking the food in while she's laughing" trick lasted all of about three times. When I prayed for a smart child, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.


we made a little progress.... she almost ate a whole tablespoon of cereal a few times, then lost major ground when we started adding applesauce and peas. she did like the peas a little better than the applesauce, but now she's even passing on the plain cereal.

Essentially, we're now behind where we started, cause now she won't eat the food, AND she's hip to our distract-and-shove methods.

I'm following the 'persistent and consistent' advice my pediatrician gave us, but I can't help feeling a little exasperated. I just find it so damn strange that a product of the two biggest fans of food and eating in general has such a distaste for solids.

Maybe she's holding out for some chicken stuffed with asparagus, prosciutto, garlic and goat cheese. I can't say I blame her.

Culture Shock

Well--- as much as I *wanted* to make Wednesday my Culture Days.... things just didn't pan out that way these past two weeks. first we had Rhena's doctor appointment.... so that screwed the pooch for THAT week....


and this week I was busy with the in-laws.


although I do have to say I did have some exposure to *a* culture.....


in a cult-ish red necked way I suppose NASCAR fans kinda make up their own culture... if not their very own species.



I played the good daughter-in-law, though.... I participated in five whole days of subjection to NASCAR.


I gotta say---- I just don't get it. I mean, sure--- different strokes for different folks, but I just can't get the whole fascination with guys driving cars. TRUST ME.... I've had many many people point out the many many facets of the hillbilly highway.... and it just doesn't work for me.


I don't care about the engineering standpoint of the vehicles.
I don't care about the mechanical superiority of the engines.
I don't care about the sponsorship.
I don't care about the personal lives of these guys.


I think it's boring, and their t-shirts are downright tacky.


so why is it that so many NASCAR folk out there try to convince me otherwise? you don't see me trolling though living rooms and camp grounds across America telling these people the virtues of losing weight, not drinking beer from koozies, and well... maybe putting down the can of Skoal.

That's not fair... I shouldn't generalize. I know there's some perfectly normal people out there that enjoy cars going fast..... but y'all got to admit..... everyone knows at least one of THOSE race fans..... you know.... the kind that looks at their sister in that special kind of way?


oh well---- other than the over-abundance of NASCAR... it was a good visit. They're good people, and we're starting to act like a real family. I guess the biggest test will be when we get both sides of the family together for Rhena's birthday..... I mean; stranger things have happened!

For starters.... I actually survived 5 days of NASCAR. --- now THAT'S something I never would have bet on.


speaking of betting.... don't forget to put your vote in for this week's match-up. I think Derek was right--- this pairing *was* intended as a zing for him.... and deep down I'm pulling for RuPaul.

so go vote!!!

this week's match-up; The Royal Battle

first off... apologies that this is coming a day late.... I actually got 10 NASCAR-free minutes yesterday, and I snuck on to post.... stupid blogger site ate my post. I HATE when that happens!!!


So back to the match-up..... This week, I'm crunching in on the fact that I'm always touting the contenders as the King of this, or the Queen of that. So I got to thinking... why not pair up a REAL King and Queen????


No--- we're not going to pin Prince Charles against anyone.... good Lord.... that would be about 10 times more boring than the Pat-Alex match-up!!! Besides... he's only a Prince. screw that!!


That's right, readers..... you guys deserve a real king. (no, Susie... not the scary freaky plastic king.... you can open your eyes again!)


So without further ado... I give you .... in this corner...... the legend.... the King....

ELVIS PRESLEY!!!!!!

And who better to match hips with the Sultan of (blue) Suede Shoes, but a Queen of equally infamous proportions????


Ladies and Gentlemen.... and all of you who find yourselves in between..... I give you the most notable (drag) Queen in modern history.....

RUPAUL!!!!!!!!

Will Elvis eat, drink, and drug himself to the crapper? Can RuPaul's towering height stay tall on those new heels (s)he just got??? Only two things are for certain in this week's match-up....

1--- RuPaul must do more than sashay and shontay if (s)he plans on taking over the keys to Graceland

and

2---- Only you guys can settle this Royal Battle once and for all.



do I need to say it? oh.... alright.....

DING, DING!!!!

And to the Victor goes the spoils....

well... this should go without saying, but....


Roseanne put a serious whompin' on Rosie.

With a record turnout, The Queen of Crass picked up 8 votes to Rosie's paltry 1. ....We even had one split decision. (which was pretty weak, Susie--- so don't try that shit again!!!)

So even though Ms. Trailer Park USA picked up that many votes, it's obvious they came with disgruntled offerings. It seems the only thing my reading audience hates more than these two fem-blobs is Paula Abdul.... I knew I love y'all for a reason!

Postings will be sparse next week---- my in-laws will be coming for a visit (they arrive sometime today???) so not sure how much 'net time I'll be getting. I'm sure I'll be subjected to an inhuman amount of NASCAR, which alone is a reason for venting in about 100 blog entries....

But family is family, so I will be a good sport and play along.

So have a fabulous weekend, my dear reader.... and be sure to check back on Monday... I think I have a good match cooking.


smooches!

Holy Moley

So originally I was thinking I would be posting about that show Revelations that was on last night.... then I thought I would be posting about my newest obsession, which happens to be a small looks-like-a-lump-of-shit mole that has been growing behind my ear. (hence the holy and moley for my title)


But the show--- well.... it was captivating, but I don't feel like I have any comments. Sure, I could say how it was freaky how the dude didn't bleed, or snapped his fingers and the plane stopped having turbulence.... there were freaky moments generously heaped throughout the hour.... I will give it that.


Otherwise, I can't say I have too much to say about it. I will continue to watch the show, as I find the storyline interesting... but I'm really lacking anything major to say about it. I will say that they need to keep the biblical passages up a little longer, though.... they have them start out blurry, and by the time I figure out that I can read them, they're popping off the screen. This could be because I'm getting old, though. It could also be because last night I was getting drunk.



That's right, I said it.... me. ......DRUNK. hah! ....and it was FUN!!!!!


I had some fruit concoction made from Troy's billion-dollar juicer. Rewind a little--- 2 nights ago he threw in a package of strawberries, a mango and a kiwi into the juicer... we ended up not drinking it the other night, so we decided to drink it last night. with rum. with glorious, delicious, Captain-oh-Captain, I LOVE YOU, my captain--- Morgan's rum.


This would have been wonderful if Troy didn't add an orange to it last night while I was putting Rhena to bed. --- How is it that when he was MAKING the juice that he asked if I wanted him to add an orange to the mix and I told him NO, because I don't LIKE oranges mixed all up with my fruity drinks..... that he still added one the next day???? ....I'd ask you what part of DO NOT ADD AN ORANGE got lost on him, but I'm afraid your guess is as good as mine.

SO we had 2 fruity drinks as a result. I sucked mine down really fast. one, cause I really didn't like it. I mean... it was ok, but since Troy never reads this blog, I can tell you--- not one of my favorites. SO like any good wife, I sucked and swallowed as fast as I could. (there was another Polish-inspired irrational thought that if I DRANK quicker, my body would get rid of the alcohol quicker, thus being safer for me to nurse Rhena when she woke up in the morning. I do not claim to understand where, when and how I come up with these thoughts... I just go with them, people....)

so long story short... he only drinks half of his fruit-drink-up, and offers the rest to me, cause he wanted a crown and coke. (cringe, cringe, you added that orange WHY?????) *sigh* Finally I took the drink and told him I would fix it. ....I fixed it alright... took it in the kitchen, dumped it, and fixed myself a whole new glass of Captain and diet sprite. now, orange I glad I did that??? you betcha!


SO that drink was also pretty much slammed down, and I watched the special about the DeVinci Code. There was more slamming going on in the next hour, but it was more in the form of me refuting the ridiculous crap they were saying about the M and V and 'look at this... this means something' in the painting of the last supper. and don't even get me started on the French making up that bullshit about Jesus having kids just so they can say their bloodlines are even more than royal. please. bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, I say!


So by the time Revelations came on, I was down from my raging loopy-disco-party, and had succommed to a gentle buzz. it could have been the Captain speaking, but again, I thought it was "aahight.... it was just aahight, dawg." like I said--- I'll watch it again next week... sober... and see what I really think.


as for the shit-o-matic mole action..... I'll be calling a doctor today. I tried calling yesterday, but the office was closed. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily scared..... ok, maybe a little..... but as I was telling my friends yesterday---- it's not just about me anymore. Rhena depends on me, and I need to do everything in my power to make sure, God-forbid-there-actually-is-something-wrong-with-the-mole, well--- to make sure I'm doing what I can to stick around as long as I can. enough said on that. I'll keep you posted.



Back to the holy end..... I need to perform a miracle today. Troy's parents are coming tomorrow for a visit..... food has to be bought, rooms cleaned, laundry folded, rugs vacuumed, and oh yeah.... take care of Rhena.

pray for me people..... I'm gonna need it!

Dear Paula,

will you PLEASE sit down and just SHUT UP????


seriously--- you're totally ruining my American Idol experience! EVERY freaking time someone sings a song with more than 5 beats per minute, you're up there, prancing and dancing like a stupid cheerleader.


guess what?



YOU'RE ANNOYING!!!


You don't EVER give constructive criticism, and personally... your outfits leave a bad taste in my mouth.


I'm not saying I like Randy-I-call-everyone-a-freaking-dawg-Jackson..... his opinion is about as useless as a fart in a windstorm, too......

it's just this, Paula.... you are NOT 21 anymore. you're not in a sorority, and your Lakers cheering days are long gone.

Please--- for the love of God and all things holy----- just shut up, stay seated, and let these kids have the spotlight!!!!


Next time I want to hear from you, I promise I'll put on classic VH1 and request a full hour of the three songs you released.

Now--- "you just keep believing people like you, cause you're just doing your thing, and that's what people really like about you, and wow, like, I mean... wow... you just keep doing what you do!!!!!"


gag.


_______________

side note--- the matchup is still going on.... Don't forget to put your vote in on the War of the Roses!!!

also-- thanks to all for your kind words re: my shitty monday. ----you guys are great, and I mean that in the most NON-Paula Abdul way!!! XXOO

Brand New Day

So let's just say I'm really happy yesterday is over.

Yesterday was the kind of day that makes me wonder if I'm really cut out for motherhood. I'm not going to list all the things that went wrong or how long I sat in Rhena's rocker crying. Because that was yesterday.

Yesterday I watched the clock, counting the hours til Troy came home, and moreso, til I could put the creature I gave birth to bed. I wondered how my mother made it, how ANY woman does it, and how a 3650 sq ft house could feel so small.

Yesterday I mourned my dead social life, I longed for professional importance, and cursed my prison with the beautiful kitchen.

Yesterday I questioned my very own existence.


but that was yesterday.


Today is a brand new day, and my batteries are recharged. I'm ready to deal with the screaming, the crying, the mood swings, and oh yeah--- Rhena. Seriously....

I had one day of self-indulgent pity, and now I feel better. I really wouldn't have my life any other way.... so it seems silly in retrospect that I was even upset at all.

So yesterday is gone, and today is in my grasp. and today--- looking at my daughter with her eyes full of hope, anticipation, and soft amazement.... her smile open wide and full of love.... her tiny hands open to hold firmly to the secure possibilities the day presents to her....

well--- today is a very good day.

Monday's Matchup- War of the Roses

SO this week's match-up is brought to you by random late-night tv. Rhena's being a pill and I have laundry to do and a lawn to water, so I'm just going to cut to the chase....


in this corner......


Formally known as the Heavy-weight Queen of Bitchy Housewives.... now appearing in smaller trunks due to gastric bypass and several facelifts.....

ROSEANNE BARR

and in the other corner.....

President of the 'I pretended to be Madonna's friend so I could boost my career and get a kid, but all along I just did it cause I thought she was hot' association.....

ROSIE O'DONNELL

This should be an interesting fight.... they're both Masters of Blubber... whether it's on their ass or coming out of their mouths.... each with a horrible talk show that failed.... but one of these (ahem) LADIES should have some advantage..... and it's up to you to determine which.

What's your thoughts? or as I say each week----

ding ding----- let the match begin!

I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat!

the puzzle is... LOSER!

Well--- to further prove that I did not influence this week's voting in the Match-up of the Game Show Gringos..... I present your winner....

Alex Trebek!

I gotta say... I respect my reading audience, but ALEX????? *sigh* It just that I find him SO DAMN annoying.....


but that's cool. Pat gets on my nerves sometimes, too, and it's not like this award will make or break them, ya know?


I will make a confession, though---- I really really want to be on Wheel of Fortune. it's too much work to do their regular auditions, but if they ever come to Charlotte, you can bet your hairy hizzy I'm going to apply!!!!

Speaking of confessions.... have y'all heard about this project yet? It's called Post Secret, or something like that. It's a project where someone is collecting postcards that have secrets written on them. pretty interesting stuff. Go Here to check it out.


So that's it for now.... I have a ton of stuff to do today. One of these things is watching Rhena make kissy noises. it's not a full-on pucker, but she's got some lip-smacking going on, and she thinks it's hillarious.

you know something? she's right.

Culture Club

SO now that we've established that Rhena's pipes are in good working order, I figured it was safe to go out in public without TOO much fear of spontaneous combustion.


So have I said this yet??? I've recently decided that Wednesdays will be my CULTURE DAYS. I figured that since I'm back to living in an area that actually has museums, art galleries and the such... it's high time I get out there and check some stuff out. (Not that the tumbleweed viewings in Reno weren't TOTALLY AWESOME...... but this town seems a little more my speed.)

So today, Rhena and I ventured downtown. (actually UPtown Charlotte, but who's keeping score?) We went to the Levine Museum of the New South, and checked out an exhibit called Purses, Platforms, & Power.

I found it very cool that I was taking my 6 month old daughter to an exhibit about the power of women and the struggles they have overcome since and during the 70's. Is Rhena too young to know how much the road has been paved for her? perhaps. Was it ironic for me to be viewing a feminine-empowerment exhibit while I myself have conformed to the 50's stereo typical image of a stay at home mom? yeahhhhh, but no.

Just because I'm personally providing the care for my daughter in our own home on a 24 hour basis does not take away from who I am and what I have accomplished and overcome as a woman. Having a baby doesn't remove the fact that I attended a male-dominated university and was outnumbered 30-to-1 in my degree of aircraft engineering (or graduated as class president!). No longer having a paying job does not take away my professional achievements in an 'old boy club' company like Boeing. Wasn't it I who managed and supervised over $11 million dollars worth of projects one year in Amazon??? "No fellas... my hardhat was not pink, and yes... I created those autocad drawings."

Stereotypes? yeah.... I dealt with them. The sideways glances, the eye rolls in the beginning of my meetings, the rumors of promiscuity after promotions.... they came from all angles in my
years. Even now I get the looks.... as if being a stay-at-home-mom isn't good enough, or I'm not living up to my potential; career, personal or otherwise.

So the fact remains that no matter what I've done, at whatever stage of life... there's always been at least a critic or two to tell me what I'm doing is wrong or not good enough.

You know what I say to that?


screw 'em.


I'm very happy in my life, thank you very much. But yet---- this must be said. .

... I appreciate all that has been done by my predecessors to allow me the freedom to choose what exactly makes me happy. Without them, I would not have the chance to have 'been there, done that', and would have a very very limited perception of what my life could and should be like. (I also need to include my parents in this group of people, as without their constant support, I couldn't have done jack-shit...) AND FINALLY---- I salute the women (and men, but today is about the ladies) who continue to be out there now, allowing my daughter freedoms that I can't even dream of yet. Rock on, Ladies...... rock on!

Dear Rhena,

OK I'll admit... it's probably my own fault.


All those times I wished for just one day of no poop from you. Well.... I will admit it. I was wrong.

I mean, SURE... it was nice not having to change your outfit 100 times cause your diaper didn't-slash-COULDN'T hold the terror from within your bowels. And I'll admit it was nice to no see the shade of funky yellowish green for a whole 24 hours.

However... I was not prepared for the actual worry that would come with no poop. I mean, c'mon.... you could have at least TOLD me you were going to let yesterday be the day! I was actually stressing because the last time you didn't poop during a day was when you were TWO DAYS OLD.

Do you realize how LONG ago that was???????


I was still on hospital-approved medication!!!! (oh, I miss those days!)


But the point is... I didn't know enough to really worry back then. Now is another story. I have come to expect anywhere from 2-5 poops a day from you.... so imagine my surprise when lo and no-behold.... 24 hours and no doodoo.

But all is well now... perhaps the 4 glasses of applejuice I drank helped to clean out your pipes. (I know it helped clean out MINE!)

SO thanks for the day of rest, honey. I'm good for another 6 1/2 months.

love,
mommy


ps... one last thing..... while we're on the subject.... was it really YOU who filled your diaper, or did you allow some wild DOG to come in and do the job for you? perhaps a Shetland pony? Who or whatever left that toxic waste might want to consider a job in the nuclear industry, cause that shit was a biohazard!!! But I LOVE YOU!!!!

Monday's Match-up... 4-4

ok... so I was watching the Contender last night, and as usual, Troy and I placed bets on who we thought would win. This week he picked first, so I got the cute Bible guy. well--- my guy lost.


So this had me thinking about who should face who in today's matchup... should I go with some type of Preacher theme, in honor of my fallen Bible Thumper?? Well, as luck would have it, a Burger King commercial came on and distracted me. So I though... maybe I should pin the king versus the old Mac Donald???

Lost in a sea of choices, I envisioned a big wheel (like at a carnival) with people's names on it... I could just spin it and let the wheel give me a name each week....

that's when it hit me.....



WHEEL


OF

BOXING!!!!!!



I decided to make my headliner this week the one and only Pat Sajak. ahhhh, but against WHO???


Vanna is all too tempting, but to keep things somewhat evenly matched up... I decided to go with Alex Trebek. You figure, they're both hosts, and typically one show follows the other's....


so ladies and gents... this week I give you, for your game-show pleasure:

ALEX TREBEK vs PAT SAJAK

Can all of those endless trivia answers formed in the phrase of a question help Alex outsmart Pat?


Has all of the years of wheel spinning given Pat an amazing left hook?

Just who will win the battle of the pre-primetime gameshow hosts??? Only you can tell, folks....


DING, DING..... let the voting begin.

April's Fools

Well, I know I need to post about the week in Disney and all the wonders of the world that I've seen, but Troy just called and said we're hosting dinner here tonight.


Unfortunately this is not an April's fools joke--- I really have 2 hours to finish the laundry and unpacking, straighten the house, and whip up a key lime pie and dinner. (make that one hour and 45 minutes by the time I'm done typing.)

But I did want to say a very Happy Birthday to my Dad. I feel like a shithead, cause we didn't do anything special for him. He's 60 today. SIXTY.


I know I've only known the guy for 32 (and a half) years, but I can say that during the years I have known him, I think the world is a better place. I'm not saying that cause he brought me into the world, (though that DOES pull some weight.....) I'm saying it because despite his rough and grumpy exterior, he is a kind hearted and generous man. He treats people with respect, and goes out of his way to do things for others. He does what he can to make things good, if at least only BETTER, for people. He's a sandwich guru, a tax man, a music aficionado, and a loyal bud drinker. He is so much to so many people, and I'm proud to say he's my daddy.

so Happy Birthday, Daddy.... thank you for another year of 'better'. I love you!

The Mouse Carries On

Well--- I'm sure if you checked out the comments section, you already know this, but the Mouse took the duck by one vote.

The final vote tally was 6-5 in favor of Mickey, and I have to tell you, I'm happy with this turnout. After being in the land of the big-eared rodent for the past week, I had a chance to observe the guy in action.


This character has his work cut out for him. A parade here, an appearance there... Breakfast at the Polynesan followed by a meet and greet on Main Street. The dude is in demand.

but the duck??? alas--- in the week I was there, I did not see Donald once. (save all the t-shirts etc) so what's up? You'd think he could show up somewhere once in a while to at least flap around or something, but nada.

So like I said--- I'm happy for the mouse on this one. He's done the legwork to keep up his fan base, and has earned the votes he got. Congrats, Champ... and thanks for a great week.

The agony of it all...

SO one of the distinct non-pleasures I have to deal with in moving to yet another new state is, of course, the DMV. (yes, please... I WOULD like lemon juice in my saline this morning!)

North Carolina has a nifty rule that anyone coming into the state must take the written test. (can someone just please pull my figernails off now???)

I should be studying... (if I could only stay awake to read more than 3 pages at a time)

As soon as Rhena wakes up, we're going to venture over there and just get it over with. (sure, I'd like a brazilian bikini wax for the very first time!)


________


In the meantime, don't forget to venture over to the Match-up and vote.... we've got the original Don going against the Kingpin of Squeak this week!


ok--- off I go.... wish me luck!

Monday's Match-up; 3-21

ok--- enough of that sad stuff--- let's get this party started!!!


In honor of my rapidly approaching vacation to Disney, I've decided to pair up two beloved characters to see who would really end up holding the keys to the Kingdom.

Ladies and Gentlemen--- I give you, for the cartoon-weight championship of this blog.....

DONALD DUCK vs MICKEY MOUSE !!!!!!

Is Donald sick of being the number two man to a mouse? What DOES he do with all of his time when not on camera??? Will his easily aggravated temper turn him into Fists of Feathery Fury??

Can the world's most famous mouse charm his way to a decision? Certainly along the way in his long career he's played a boxer??? Will his high-pitched squeaky voice send the Don away quacking for mercy???


You know I'm going to see if I can get the two to duke it out in person next week.... but in case Disney has a no-fighting rule, I'll let you guys be the judge.


DING DING. ..... let the fight begin!

Contending Thoughts

ok, gang---


it's another week, so as promised, I have a new set of contenders.

Before we get into the match-up, though.... I will say that I watched the Contender last night. and, true to form... I was emotionally hit when I found out that the guy who lost the match last night is no longer among the living. He had an adorable daughter, and I immediately was overwhelmed with sadness that this baby girl would grow up without a daddy.

My sadness soon turned to sickness, though. Troy and I looked up the guy online, and sure enough... he committed suicide. My sickness and empathy turned to a roaring anger as I layed my own little innocent baby in her crib. I'm furious at the idea of Rhena being denied growing up with her father, but perhaps if this man was so selfish he needed to take his own life then maybe his girl is better without him.

I don't want to get into a philosophical debate about whether or not suicide is justified..... I imagine that there's a large population of folks out there that have either known someone who has committed suicide or possibly entertained the idea themselves. I do not intend to belittle the gravity of the problems and or depression that pushes a person to take their own life....

I just think that suicide is a cop-out, and rather than 'solving' the problems of one individual, it creates even more for the survivors. But then again, I also can't imagine not finding one single thing to find worth living for.

Bottom line... With suicide, it's sad, and I really don't think anyone wins. Unlike this week's match-up. There will definitely be a winner.

Dear Telemarketers,

I'm writing this letter as a general observation-slash-complaint-slash-what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-people to my "friends" who work for telemarketers.


First off--- Do you have families? Assuming you DO, and you were not spawned from some pod off the coast of Long Island, again--- assuming you DO have or at the very least COME from a family, I'm going to garner a guess that you have at least once in your life shared a meal with them.

Now I agree that not all families carry the Brady or Cleaver genre, but I'm going to tell you that even if YOU don't like your family enough to share dinner with them, catching up on the day's events.... I DO. and your call is disrupting some quality time. KNOCK IT OFF! I DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED AT 6 PM WHEN MY HUSBAND IS GETTING HOME FROM WORK AND I'M TRYING TO FINISH COOKING DINNER!!!! I WANT TO SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND FUCKING ENJOY A MEAL WITHOUT DISRUPTION, DO YOU HEAR ME?????


I digress.

And to you, my dear telemarketers, I ask you.... Do you have Children? If you do... are they babies? If you don't have children.... I'll get to you later. But if you DO have children who are not babies, I'm going to assume that at one point they WERE, and take it one step further to assume that at some point in the first year or two of their life, you made a flailing attempt to get said baby to FALL ASLEEP. (if you never put your child to bed, I will take this time to call you a heartless bastard, and you deserve to be tossed in a pod off the coast of Long Island)

SO--- (again--- you childless people excluded) KNOWING what a difficult task it is to get a baby to go to sleep, I'm going to tell you that your calls between the hours of 7 and 8pm keep waking my daughter up and piss her off royally. KNOCK IT OFF!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED BETWEEN 7 AND 8PM BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET MY DAUGHTER TO FALL ASLEEP!!!! I'VE BEEN WITH HER ALL DAY, SHE'S BEEN A PILL, AND MOMMY NEEDS SOME TIME TO HERSELF!!! YOUR CALLS KEEP WAKING HER UP AND MAKING HER SCREAM AND CRY WHICH THEN TAKES EVEN LONGER FOR HER TO CALM DOWN AND FINALLY GO TO SLEEP, DO YOU HEAR ME????????

To the childless people.... call my house again, and I will wish quadruplets and a never ending stream of late-night phone calls on your ass. Don't mess with me people... I know gypsies, and I'll really do it.


And to you swell folks at whatever timeshare you're trying to promote who call and ask for the decision maker of the house..... KNOCK IT OFF!!!! IF YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME AND DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MAKES THE DECISIONS IN OUR HOUSE, THEN WHY IN HELL ARE YOU CALLING US??????? YOU PEOPLE ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME, DO YOU HEAR ME?????

Look, folks--- it's real simple.

Stop calling me.

We as Americans are inundated every day by endless forms of advertisement. it's in the papers and magazines we read, on billboards on our roads, on our radios, on our televisions, it comes in the mail, both snail and electronic, and even my five types of pop-up blockers can't filter out them all. Is nothing sacred?


I realize that you need a job, and I respect that you're trying to make money to support your livelihood and perhaps even support a family. But drug dealers are just trying to make a buck, too, and nobody's forcing me to like them.

Well, I could go on and on, but ironically, my phone just rang and woke Rhena up. It was an 800 number, and of course, the gentleman was looking for some other family. At least this one apologized. That's nice, but I'd rather he offered to babysit, or put Rhena back to sleep.

And the Winner is-----

well--- despite starting off strong, Bono got his musically talented ass handed to him.

With a total of FIVE unique* votes to THREE.... I declare St Pat the winner.

* I say unique cause the comments section was screwy and there were a number of double posts. I tried to go back and delete the extras, but was also having problems with that... arrrg.


Anyways--- thanks to those who participated. The comments ranged from beefy to beef-cake, and had chuckles and head-scratching to spare. If you voted for Bono--- sorry. ---St Pat just got more votes! ....not that it matters in the end, cause folks will still like who they like. ... I *did* have fun pasting St. Pat's head on the Champ's body, though!!


I'll bring another match-up on Monday... I'll use the weekend to think of who I want in the next showdown.

Til then.... have a great friday, and nurse those hangovers!!!!!

Erin Go Buy a New Bra!!!

hey gang, and a happy St. Patty's day to ya!!!!!

Well, it's a fabulous day for those Irish and those who wish they were. I mean... even this crappy weather we have today can't dampen my spirits! Granted, this St Patty's day won't be celebrated with the gusto and verve of Pat's Days past..... (to which my liver is beyond grateful!)

But regardless of the amount of spirits Rhena will make me avoid consuming this year, I'm still warm and fuzzy. After all--- my mom was a Murphy before accepting the Czernikowski title..... so I know for sure I've got me some green blood.


So to my fellow Murphys ( and O'Connors, and O'Rileys, etc etc) out there... I understand your passion. For the easily sun-burned skin, for the freckles, for the endless meals of potatoes.... damnit... we deserve a day to drink and celebrate!!! At what point the day stopped being about the lack of snakes and more about pinching, drinking, and all things green, I'll never know. I know I'm personally glad for today's version of the holiday----- somehow hanging with your friends chanting "no more snakes!!!" isn't as appealing as crooning to "Danny Boy" while pounding down some Guinness and Jameson's at your local Fado's or Kell's Irish Pub.

But to the posers.... and you know who you are----- We forgive you and accept you none the less. I'd say I don't understand why so many people who have absolutely NO TIES to the motherland insist on wearing green and drinking their faces off, but I myself have been known to drink a Negro Modelo or four on Cinco de Mayo... and I sure as hell ain't Mexican.

I mean, let's face it--- everybody loves a good party, and we Irish know how to throw down. What other time can you sheepishly go to a bar the next afternoon to retrieve your forgotten credit card (and subsequent $127 bar tab) and be congratulated for a noble attempt????

Yes..... party we can. Some people may disagree with my pride in being able to drink, but I think that's where you can tell the difference between us real Irish folk and the band-wagoners. You got to admit it's a hell of a better way to spend your time than those silly Norweigans playing with flying lawnmowers. but I digress.

The fight is still on for the St. Patty's Day showdown... don't forget to cast your vote!

Well----- my little lass is a' callin... so I leave you with this.

May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rain fall soft upon your fields,

and until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

Contend This!

so..... I've been watching the newest batch of not-so-reality TV, and I'll admit I've been hooked on the contender.

It's a decent enough show... kinda like boxing-lite, since the matches are only 5 rounds, and you're only getting about a minute, highly edited version of the round.


but it's had me thinking, and now that I have connection to the internet again--- I'm going to institute a new segment to the Cze-Johnson site.


Each week, I'm going to offer up two figures... some real, some imaginary--- some alive, some dead.... and I'm going to allow you, my dear readers... to be the judge of who would kick who's ass.

Based on the comments received, we'll crown a winner each week.

So as my first offertory for a match-up, and considering that tomorrow is St. Patty's Day.... I feel it's only appropriate that our contenders represent a corner of the ole Blarney Stone.

So this week--- I give you:

St. Patrick vs Bono


I personally feel this will be a tough match---- While Bono has been awarded Esquire's "best Front Man" and has recently been named to the rock and roll hall of fame with his mates in U2.... St. Patrick is.... well, a SAINT..... AND has a holiday named for him.

SO... I'll let you be the judge. cast your vote, feeling free to give as much or as little justification you deem necessary.

Ordinarily I'll give y'all a week to stew on it, but since it's already wednesday.... I give you today and tomorrow to vote. Winner will be announced, and appropriately crowned on Friday.

So DING DING--- let the fight begin!

together again....

so I'm thinking life has some bad plot which has been formulated especially to keep me UNCONNECTED to the web......


but I'm back, I have the laptop in the house again, and by george--- we're connected to the internet.


more to post later---- I have a screaming child to tend to and rhena seems pissed off too.

I have Issues.... part 742

ok--- the title might be *slightly* misleading, as I sure as hell don't have 742 posts yet... but nonetheless.... issues I have a' plenty.


so here I was, all caught up in the fervor of my new kitchen... which I absolutely freaking LOVE, by the way....

so I'm baking.... and I realize that I'm coming down with a case of OCD.... that's right... OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER.

I am to a bottle of windex what a fish is to water.

must.... make..... kitchen aid.... shiny!

again... I repeat.... I have issues.


I could try to justify it by saying how the kitchen is new, and I want to keep it nice and clean, yadda yadda.... but I find myself thinking about the kitchen when I'm in another room.


I dream of dinner parties where I'm the host, and people enjoy the food so much they feel they should invite me over for a sampling of their cuisine. But the shit is--- I DON'T WANT TO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE COOK FOR ME!!!

(least of all, the scrapbooker, as I've had her kitchen fare, and let's just say chef boy r dee has more flavor.... but I digress....)

I hear about recipes that are just SO GREAT!!! and I'm like.... yeah---- how can I make it better????


Have I missed my calling??? should I have been attending culinary school instead of wasting all those years in aircraft engineering??? I can definitely see daily applications of something like a degree in the culinary arts.... and hard as I try... I have yet to find practical applications for differential equations in my new life as a stay at home mom.

But me as a chef??? it's all a crock... it's not like I'm that good of a cook.... and with all my stomach issues.... I can't eat any seafood, and if we had a semester on beef, I'd have to take time out from class to get my stomach pumped so I didn't shit all over myself.

but I love my kitchen, and moreso... I love cooking in my new kitchen. I'll admit that once, just once... it would be fun to have all the cameras set up and film me a la Rachel Ray..... but then I would just find myself doing annoying things like saying "E.V.O.O." and "YUM!"

I'll also admit that I'm happy my girl Martha is out.... now THAT bitch can cook! I have nothing but respect for the lady--- I mean... While Rachel Ray can cook, I still think I could take her out in an alley. Now with Martha--- after time in camp cupcake... let's just say I'd be scared if I used the wrong fork with HER in a dark alley!

but enough of my babble--- the dishwasher cycle is over, and I've got a hankerin' to clean.

How Pathetic am I???

ok--- so not sure if anyone has noticed or not, but about a month ago or so, I put one of those little counter thingies in my side column.


this little number gives such hope to a blogger like me.... while I fully realize that it's not an accurate depiction of how many hits a day I get on this site (go on--- hit refresh... see how the number went up?) but the fact remains is that the number actually DOES go up....

that means, in some random force in the universe, someone is finding my site. I also would like to mention that I'm aware that the majority of my hits are from the few folks that regularly read my incessant ramblings.... you guys are the bomb-diggity, by the way....


so for the regulars---- God Bless Ya. If you stumbled across here by ways of a random hit, or scoping out my site from a comment I left somewhere else... I appreciate you swinging by.


so anyways... this happy heartfelt shit is not the purpose of my blog. what I'm acutely aware of today is just how much of a nobody I really am.

...So the stats thingy--- it also shows me on my log-in page what they consider to be my ranking, both in my category of entertainment, and overall. (Mind you, this is just within the community of peeps using the tracker thingy.... in the even wider world of blogging (non-stat-trackers-included) I'm infinitesimally smaller)

so out of curiosity... I checked out my ranking today. I am ranked 3028 (out of what appears to be 20350 participating sites) which may not sound too bad at first glance. Upon further inspection, however, I find that I'm only slightly better ranked than the following blogs (descriptions in italics)

"All About Computers And The Internet"
A site all about computers and the internet. This site also has forums that you can use and some very fun games.

"Basel Childbirth Trust"
The Basel Childbirth Trust offers information and support for pregnancy, birth and parenthood to enable all parents to make informed choices.

"vom Blaurasen Rottweilers"
Located in Northern Kentucky. Code of Ethics Breeders. German Bloodlines. We follow the FCI standard. Our goal is to acquire and produce dogs that are of excellent type, sound temperament, willingness to work and are of correct structure.

"Western Nebraska Regional Airport"
western nebraska regional airport providing passenger flights to and from scottsbluff nebraska

____________

It's nice to know my site is more popular than the site that gives 3 people in Nebraska information a week.

but again... I grab hold of my Queen of the Pathetic title when I see that the Hillsdale County Agricultural Society still has me beat. those bastards!

oh well---- on the bright side.... at least this still gives me time to think about who I want to portray me when someone finally makes the movie about my life.

My daughter, the dinosaur

ok--- so it has been creeping in on my mind lately that Rhena may grow up to have the body of a dinosaur.

not just ANY dinosaur.... I'm thinking a t-rex.


why? well, because I'm convinced she'll never develop her arm muscles. and her insatiable urge to growl when awake.

let's face it--- she's got the stomping thing down pat... she eats LIKE a carnivore... and well--- minus the fierce teeth... I think she could really pull it off.

this occurred to me especially the other day when I put her on her stomach (which she HATES, by the way) and I watched her attempt to move. I'd say crawl, but legs flailing, arms helplessly doing nothing doesn't quite fit the bill for a crawl.

so here she was, kickin' and a' screamin'.... and she actually ended up pushing herself forward a little. again... no arms, here--- just legs pushing her stump of an upper body forward. so I thought--- what if she NEVER learns to use her arms??? what if she ends up like the T-rex... stomping around yelling and biting things, stomping and thrashing, but can't do shit with her arms????


I agree there could be worse dinosaurs to end up like.... I mean... a brontosaurus would suck. big ass body with a long neck and small head??? nah--- we'll pass on that, thanks. and I'm mentally going through the cast of Jurassic Park to see if I recall any other extinctos that I wouldn't mind Rhena modeling, and the pickings are slim. so I mean... sure.... T-rex isn't SO BAD..... "she's a bad mama-jama" could be her theme song.....

but the arms..... gotta do something about those arms!

I reckon I never did done see....

well--- we've been here about a week and a half, and things are starting to fall into place.

the count-down to disney is less than a month, and tickets have been purchased. (thank you, Jhonny!!!)

I'm starting to really like my new digs. This town is so freaking cute, I could pinch it! I mean, sure, it's still the south and all, but the appearance of this town is really adorable. It's got the majority of the amenities your normal civilized town has (restaurants, target, food stores, gas stations, etc) but it's GREEN here!!! Perhaps I've been jaded by the over-exposure of brown in nevada and abundance of grey in jersey when I was there, but I can't stop noticing how green it is here. Now if we could just shake this cold bullshit weather and get back to the 70's we had my first week here.....

but let's see---- what else have I noticed?


oh--- HERE'S some funny shit....


I took the monster to a pediatrician to see if that's who we're going to go with. The doctor was cute.... I kinda wanted to beat her up... skinny, pregnant, and wearing makeup. she was cute. repeat... I wanted to beat her up. but I digress....

in the office, one of the nurses showed us to a room. Talk about someone you don't want to meet for the first time while on a jack daniels bender.... She was Asian, but had the DEEPEST southern drawl. It took everything in me not to break out in a chorus of "one of these things is not like the other". But she was cute, too..... freaked me out a little, but she was cute. She would have gotten a pinch, and an invite for some pouruk frahhed rise so I could hear her accent more.... but I got distracted.


saw another thing in target that reminded me of my drinking days (insert wistful sigh here) and also reminded me that I still don't feel like a mom yet. SO I was in target, looking at these CUTE little cans of diet coke. I know, I know... I can't get off the word cute..... I'll be better by the next entry, I swear.

anyways... so here are these little half-cans of coke.... so jumping into my new role of friendly, hospitable southern gal... I make a comment to another woman in the isle about how adorable and perfect the cans were.

her reply - " Ah knowuh! what a great ah-deah"

me- "I'll have to pick them up for our next party... what perfect little mixers!" (thinking of my new kitchen and how my biggest pet peeve during parties is all the half-used soda cans cause all of my alcoholic friends only want a splash of something to tame their spirits)

her- "Ah was thinking mower for mah kids and theyur lunches, cause you knowuh they never finish a whole cayan!"

me- "oh, right! um, yeah! ok, buh-bye!"


dude. AM I EVER going to feel like a mom??????


I suppose it's inevitable.... maybe once the little booger starts talking? I dunno. But I DO enjoy having her around. she's fun.... well, except when she's screaming bloody murder cause the day ends in 'Y'.... but I'll definitely keep her. So she's sitting up now..... she can go for about 15 minutes now before she wobbles over... and each day seems to get longer and longer. (her sitting up time, that is... not the days. though I suppose there are some days that do feel longer... but again I digress) --- her favorite toys are my slippers and paper towels. but this is also a kid who enjoys pissing on herself every time she's naked.... so take what I say with a grain of salt.

oh well--- speaking of salt.... I'm craving some. Potato chips for breakfast isn't bad is it??? not far off from really over-done hashbrowns, right? ....Well, I suppose when you're in a land that it's perfectly acceptable to put grey chunky gravy over biscuits.... anything goes.

Ponderosa

Well--- we made it.


all in all, the trip was a little over 10 hours, and this time Rhena did great. I, however, thought my eyes would pop out of my head from the lack of sleep (only 3 hours the night before) but we pulled into our new driveway around 3:30pm this past Saturday. sweet.

I'm up to my ears in boxes, and taking care of Rhena and unpacking is proving to be quite the task.

also---- Troy finally got the internet working properly last night, so I thought I'd take a break from the unpacking and check in.

SO since I don't have too much time to type--- I leave you with the things I've been thinking about last week. They are in no particular order, but have definitely stood out in the brain-bone at some point during my lack of connectivity to the triple W.


1- I've been absolutely lost without mapquest. Babies R Us has turned into a mythical place south of Charlotte that I still can't find.

2- Why is it that every time Rhena wears a Winnie the Pooh outfit, it turns into a major shit-party??? please, people---- stop buying her Pooh outfits. ---- her ass is active enough... I don't need any encouragement for her!

3- EVERYONE waves to each other down here! It's like we're all riding around on Harleys. I suppose it's nice and friendly and all that, but right now it kinda creeps me out in a Stepford wives kind of way.

4- Cardboard box-induced papercuts are the WORST!!!!

5- I finally have TiVo and don't have it set up. talk about a dangling carrot.

6- NASCAR is freaking EVERYWHERE down here.

7- I don't like my new food stores yet. the best one seems to be a store called Harris Teeter, but to be honest, I can't stop calling it Hairy Peter. we'll see.....

8- Two Words.... SWEET TEA.

9- Why in hell is Fear Factor doing a show with Omarosa???? shouldn't she have just gone away by now? I hope she hits her head again.


10- I love my new kitchen.

ok--- the monster is calling. y'all come back now, ya hear?

Wagons Ho!

well--- it's the last day here in jersey, and I'm getting ready for another trek with the munchkin.


does the word DREAD have any significance to you????


let's just say I'm PRAYING for an easy drive. the drive up here wasn't too bad considering the ice storm we had the night before I left, the hail storm in virginia and the blizzard in DC I had to drive through... then of course who could forget 90 straight miles of blood-curdling screams every time the car was in motion??? that was reeeeeeal swell.

In attempts to avoid having to stop every 15-20 miles to calm the beast down (only to have her start crying once we were moving again)during the last leg of the drive... I plan on leaving my parents at 4:30am.

I mean, I suppose it doesn't matter WHEN I leave--- if she's pissed off, I'm gonna find out---- but I would like to get to the new house during daylight hours. NOT that I'm a little frightened of driving down a 1-lane highway that goes through the woods in NC, but-----

there sure be a whole lotta red-necks out in them there woods, and quite frankly--- country folk scare me.


sure--- I should be over the whole red-neck phobia by now--- reno was a breeding ground for 'em. But yet--- this is a whole new breed of red-neck I'm dealing with. Not only do these ingrants like their 80's rock, mullets and camaros (or pick-up trucks with hound dogs and gun racks).... but now I'm dealing with a group of folks pumped up on sweet tea and Nascar.

I didn't see TOO many rebel flags when I was there, but still---- I question just how at-home I'll be feeling when my Ultra Dance volumes 1-6 cds are spotted in my car on my way to a scrapbooking party and the girls are asking for conway twitty.... aww---- I shouldn't worry---- it's not like I'm really ever going to go to a scrapbook anything!!!!


But despite my fears of the drive itself and how I may or may not fit in when we get to the new digs--- I am really looking forward to being with Troy again. ...Aside from all the husbandly reasons, I'm looking forward to not being a single parent anymore. Yes--- my parents made things as easy as they could while we were here, which I am so very thankful for..... but bottom line... Rhena is my responsibility, not theirs.


So I admit--- I am not dreaming of sexual encounters with my long-lost husband... I'm dreaming of sitting on a chair, downstairs.... BY MYSELF.... while Troy changes Rhena's diaper or gives her a bath. or, or--- here's another----- him CARRYING her in that heavy ass car seat! (true, my dad offers all the time, but I'm afraid of him hurting himself so I always am racked with guilt if he does carry her) so yes-- guilt-free carrying! SWEET!

but first things first. today, I must pack, and tomorrow I drive.


I mean it this time when I say I won't be posting in a while... between the drive down, getting settled into the house, and well... spending some alone time in my new kitchen (I can't wait, I can't wait!!!!) I'll be busy next week.

So take care, kiddies--- I'll miss you! Til the next time----

XXOO

Lurking

ok--- confession time.


I'm a lurker.



yup. I randomly go to people's blogs (by hitting the 'next blog' button in the top right hand corner of the screen, and I read. if I like what I read, I read more. then I read comments, and read the blogs of people who made the comments.


I'm not sure if it's curiosity as much as an addiction, but it reminds me of when I was doing the whole internet dating thing. I pretty much read EVERYONE'S profiles. It was like I needed to know what other people were doing. guys, girls--- didn't matter. I guess ultimately I was wondering how I 'stacked up' against the competition.

and blogging.... well, there's certainly no competition in blog land, but yet.... off I go, checking out what other people are doing!

sometimes I leave comments, but mostly not. I *do* have a three-read rule, though.... I guess it's my own little dating system? Anyways--- I never comment until I've been to a blog at least three times. commenting on a first visit??? sorry--- I'm not that kind of girl!

but in the other sense... if I go to a site at least 3 times, I figure I like the blog enough that I'll probably come back even more. If THAT'S the case, I feel it's only proper to comment, as any further lurking might border on stalking.

All in all--- I blame Dan.... he was the one that tipped me off to the random blog button.

but it's fun, and reminds me of just how small I am in this big ole world of ours. and you never know... you might learn something new (two or three days ago I random'ed on some site about domestic discipline???? yeah... I managed NOT to bookmark that site!)

But yeah... learning new stuff, meeting new peeps.... it's all good. And you never know.... maybe, JUST MAYBE, my six degrees of separation to Brad Pitt may reduce a little and I can set him up with my best friend????

bah lovebug!

I am SO not feelin' the love today!!!!

I got a card from my parents which was nice, and stuff from my girlfriend yesterday....all wonderful. but I'm still feeling out of it.


I think I need to cook something. which I actually plan on doing tonight.... which means I get to go to shop-rite. and if there's anything that puts me in a good mood, it's going food shopping!!!

sure.... there's other stuff that makes me happy, too.... like SUNSHINE. I'm so sick of winter I could puke right now! how many days til disney??? ah yup--- there we are! I can't wait! it's snow-crapping out again today. do the words "enough of this shit" mean anything??????


what else--- drinking is always good, too... not too practical with the nugget still attached at the tap, but it's something to look forward to!

speaking of looking forward..... I need to make some friends so we can start the socials back up!!!! I STILL haven't had the shipwrecked social, and I'm thinking we'll be primed and ready by this summer. hopefully we'll have some neighbors by then, too....


anyways... I apologize. I'm just plain cranky these days. not sure if it's the lack of chocolate, the weather, or if my hormones are doing another shift or something.

so on that note... I'm getting the monster dressed and going food shopping. the weather's always a pleasant 68 degrees in shop rite!!!!

happy valentine's, though kiddies.... have a chocolate for me!!!

Define "lonely"

So like pretty much every Sunday, I went to church today. the priest that gave the homily was very passionate about this Lenten (lentan?) season. there was much talk of the devil, temptation, and all the fun stuff stuff that makes Catholicism fun.

then later rhena and I went to the mall with my friend... had a bunch of birthday gifts to purchase. but that's all immaterial. in round about ways, today shaped my thoughts for this blog, but nothing is directly linked. lost yet?

my thought is this, on this eve of valentine's day.... my thought is of loneliness.

I was kavetching to my on-line friends the other day because they were all saying what wonderful and fabulous plans they had or wanted to have with their husbands on this valentine's day. why the kavetch? well--- as only a true gigalo in david lee roth formation could say....



IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII....... ain't got nooooooooooooooooobody!




not necessarily ALL true, but for tomorrow, I stand valentineless. I mean, sure, I have Troy and all, but he's in NC, so I don't really count that. and I don't count Rhena... kids by default are their parents' valentines. I mean... hell, I'd be pretty sweet on whoever was changing my diaper and feeding me, too! but again... I don't count her. so you know what I mean. for the basis of my blog here, work with me and understand that it got me thinking about alone-ness.


I think that everyone, no matter what state of life they're in, suffers from *some* form of loneliness, solitude, or incompletion... whatever you want to call it.

My one girlfriend has been down in the dumps because she doesn't have a boyfriend. She is really upset about it, too. not slash-the-wrists upset or anything, but.... her lacking of a 'beau' has shifted her focus away from the beautiful, witty, intelligent, loyal, kind, funny, and caring woman that looks back at her in the mirror every day.

One of our mutual friends started dating a guy, but even SHE isn't happy cause she's not as attracted to the new guy as she was her old guy (rather, PREVIOUS guy... not sure of the age, but I know we ain't talkin geriatric.) Her--- I don't understand... being with someone that doesn't make you happy, just so you can say you're with someone?

although come to think of it--- I have another girlfriend that continues to date a guy she doesn't trust and always fight with. *sigh*

I guess where I'm going with this is that loneliness comes in all forms. there's the LACKING style... boo-hoo, troy's in north Carolina, my friend doesn't have a boyfriend.... then there's the have, but aren't happy style, like the two girls I just mentioned....


side note--- I find the 'have-but-not-happy' to be FAR more depressingly lonely than not having something at all.... at least when you don't have something, you can cling to visions of possibilities... when you have but aren't happy.... well... that's pretty much it. I mean... there you are.

and I know my subject is supposed to be loneliness, but this is my blog, so screw it--- I'm going on a tangent. I promise I'll bring it back.... just hang with me for a few minutes.

why do some people never let go?

I mean, you know the type that carries around resentment and anger and hurt??? they say they're fine, they're over it..... but scratch the surface, and whoa nelly, it just got ugly up in here? or worse---- people that are pissed about stuff and never tell the people that pissed them off in the first place?

I mean, I'm all for choosing your battles, but if you choose to not be confrontational, you need to realize that in addition to sucking up or biting tongue, you need to drop it and move on??? if you can 't do that, then you start to turn into one of those people that have things a certain way but don't like them. but in this situation, you've internalized everything, and it's turning you into a big blob of ..... well.... of SOMETHING.

ok-- I just realized I may not be able to get this truck back around again, so....

I think that people like that (big blobs) are deep down pretty lonely.

but then again... aren't we all?


I mean--- whether it's a soul mate, a child, a friend.... male or female... maybe even a pet. A missing relative, maybe even a parent. we're all looking for someone to fill 'that spot'. the spot our hearts ache to be filled. our souls hunger for..... something or someone that validates our existence, and gives us that inner peace.

As for me... eh--- I've got all that. well, at least in terms of husband, child, friends, relatives... I definitely have all of that.... but in terms of inner peace...... well---- that's another story. But I'm one of those bonafida cases of 'it's not you, it's me". it's true... all the external forces in my life are great, and I am SO HAPPY for what I have been blessed with.... yet.... inner peace I have not.

maybe I just need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. either way--- that's a whole other discussion... one that will be held when I am not missing Desperate Housewives.

Happy Valentine's Eve, kiddies. have some chocolate---- Lord knows *I'm* not having any!

XXOO

Lent me two times, baby

so here it is... the first friday of lent, and I'm already ready to crack! I can't stop thinking about moosemunch.

you see, this year, instead of my all-out-crazy-give-up-everything, I've only given up sweets/candies/desserts. but it's KILLING me!!!


I've never had a serious craving for chocolate, nor so much as a bad sweet tooth, but since my last trimester with rhena, I think about chocolate every day. And we're not just talking THINKING, we're talking swollen-tongue-get-some-in-my-mouth-now thinking.

SO I did what any irrational mother living out of a suitcase would do... I gave it up for lent!

I think I'm going to order some from Harry and David so it's waiting for me when we get back from Disney after Easter. Of course, by the time we get back from Disney, it'll be about 4 or 5 days after Easter, and I'll have probably ingested about 20 pounds of chocolate by then, and will most likely be looking for a stomach pump instead of my bag of sugary delight.

So while I have THAT countdown going on... I also realized that Rhena and I will be doing our last week here in Jersey. That's right--- the furniture should be arriving mid next week, which means it's time for a Johnson Family Reunion.

I'm kinda sad about leaving--- of course, I've procrastinated the past two months, so I did not do the amount of visiting I had originally thought I would. SO I'm a little sad for the missed opportunities, and I'm going to miss watching my parents and Rhena interact with each other.

My old man, who for the life of him can't really write a publicly coherent blog entry (meaning you probably won't understand anything he writes unless you've actually met him or have visited the special place we refer to as 'level two') anyways--- Rhena likes him. I think they speak the same language, cause she gets happy when he's around. She even lets him comb her hair.... truly a sign of a deep connection.

You see, readers... there's an unwritten rule that kids generally are afraid of my dad. and forget about the hair combing thing... I've seen kids opt for Chinese Water Torture over the the black wand of death from my dad's back pocket. But Rhena.... she'll peacefully sit there and let the old man comb until his heart's content. Smart girl, I tell you--- always make the guy who signs the checks happy!

I've seen some good bouts of laughter when Mom was at the helm, too.... good times, good times.

But---- like I said, we're looking forward to going HOME. True, it may not FEEL like home yet, but that'll happen soon enough. And I miss Troy. for all of his quirks and smells and noises, he's still mine, and I miss him.

SO KIDDIES---- if I'm kinda sparse this week, it's cause we're scrambling around doing the stuff I should have done last month. or packing. or avoiding chocolate. Have a great weekend!

It all makes sense now

So I think I've figured out why New Yorkers very rarely get fazed by anything.

it all starts with what people like to call sing-alongs.

perhaps I should back up a little.



ok-- so yesterday, Rhena and I went into the city (well-- Brooklyn, actually) to meet up with one of Rhena's boyfriends and his mom. (She and I happen to be friends, too, but that's just an added bonus!) the plan was that all four of us would attend a local sing-along. .....sounded like fun.... we needed to get out anyways.

SO we took the train into Manhattan, and like any good suburban baby form Jersey, rhena was quite excited to be going into the BIG APPLE. .....as you can see in her picture... she was ready! ole Blue Eyes was right---- we wanted to BE A PART OF IT!!!!

her happy twitterpation soon turned into the mother of all scream-fests, cause OF COURSE it was time for her nap, and she was just plain pissed that I had a coat on her. so once EVERYONE in car 1652 of the New Jersey Coastal Line knew how irked my little Princess Buttercup was, (and thus having a chance to concoct some story in their heads about what an abusive mother I am) well, anyways... once she made it good and clear that she was tired and needed a nap, she did just that.

So I lugged my dead-weight through Penn Station and made our way to the subways. Apparently, they're not doing tokens anymore... who knew? yeah... I went to the booth and requested 3 tokens (one for the way to brooklyn, one for the way back, and one for rhena's soon-to-be-imposed-to-do scrapbook--- HAH!) but... I got some paper swipe card with $6 of credit on it. ---- oh well. it'll still keep.

she woke up on the subway... and who wouldn't??? Imagine standing in a small classroom; every square inch covered with chalkboard surface. ....NOW imagine 1 million little elves with verrrrry long fingernails scratching every square inch of that chalkboard. Also.. since we're imagining.... throw in an earthquake for good measure. you are now on the subway.

So this is what got me thinking about the unfazing of new yorkers. If I had to listen to that every day... I'd either be deaf, or just get REALLY good at ignoring any noise.

SO we get to Brooklyn, which was great. My friend and her baby are just the coolest people on earth, even though I kinda hate her secretly cause she's so damn skinny. ....But we're walking. ....cars--- yeah... they're everywhere. busses, taxis, trucks... them too. just one more line item on the list of over-stimulation thus resulting in the non-chalance of the city folk.

Finally, we get to this coffee shop that's hosting this sing along. I actually laughed out loud when we walked in and the first 20 feet of the entrance had succummed to stroller parking. I think I've seen less children in SCHOOLS... this place was freaking PACKED.

As Jody put it as she pointed out all of the decor in the shop---- it's kinda like baby crack. I couldn't have said it better. Breasts were hanging out everywhere, there was MUSIC!!! REAL LIVE MUSIC FROM A LADY WITH A GUITAR!!!!! and there were kids... kids were everywhere... running, singing, dancing.... Truly a utopia for small people.

The sing along was great, though I grade myself about a D+ for my ability to know words and hand movements.

we went to a small french place for lunch, and that too was good. but as we walked... I couldn't help but think of all that surrounded me. Maybe cause I'm just off the boat from the 80's band mecca they call Reno, maybe cause I really AM a picture of a suburban mom with my 100 pound Gracco stroller system and my SUV, and shyness of possibly showing my (EEEK!!) nipple in public whilst breastfeeding.... never mind the fact that the only walking I do is in malls or around small marinas in community parks. (let's face it... I drive EVERYWHERE)

Anyways--- city life has it ALL. anything and everything you could possibly want or think of... it's most likely within walking distance. You can do pilates before eating a bagel on your way to a sex shop, and only have passed 3 or 4 stores. Or... of course, if you feel like going LEFT out of Pilates, you can grab some Thai food before you pick out your wedding dress. Or... skip that door and hit up the seniors' center. SPLENDID! Wisteria Lane, this is not!

SO it all boils down to the fact that with SO MUCH available nearly 24 hours of every day, to all ages, accompanied by big buildings, big lights, and even bigger noises... it's no wonder it takes a lot to impress my stately neighbors. Since their first days at sing-along as babies, these people have seen it all.


So thanks again to Jody and Dov for a great day. It was SO GOOD to meet you, and we really had fun. But as good as the day was, I have to say that the best part of the whole day was when we were heading home, and my little peanut stepped up to the plate and showed a tribute to the big apple. Subway and trains be damned.... she slept the whole way home!

Soup or Bowl Sunday

Gotta say--- as much as I would have LIKED to have soup or have gone bowling yesterday... neither happened.

Instead, I watched some football for a few hours.


I think last night was the first time in a while that I JUST DIDN'T CARE about what was happening on the boob tube. I *TRIED* to pay attention to commercials, cause everyone knows superbowl commercials are the best... but again... I must have missed the good ones.

the 2 quarters that I watched left me so apathetic, that I actually didn't mind sitting upstairs with the monster while it took her over an hour to fall asleep. you've got to figure that the networks will play the shit out of the best commercials in these next few days anyway, so again, I say no biggie.

yes, the whole event has left me feeling like I need a good bowl of soup. I mean--- let's face it. when you can't muster the energy to be excited about the superbowl, there's NO HOCKEY, and the only thing coming UP is auto racing.... well--- like I said... it leaves me with a cold, nasty feeling inside that sometimes can be fixed with a nice bowl of soup. or bowling.

call me crazy, but those Polack roots really took hold with me, and I LIKE bowling. Screw the big Lebowski (DUDE)...we've got twelve letters of maiden name power up in here. I'm actually looking forward to north Carolina cause the workmate of troy has a kid who bowls. call me pathetic that I'm looking forward to bowling with a 10 year old, but hey... Rhena hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet.

speaking of the pooper--- tomorrow she's meeting the big apple. that's right-- my travellin' baby and I are going to a sing-a-long class. I shudder to say the words, because of all the yuppie connotations behind it, but yes--- Rhena has a playdate. I don't want to say too much, cause if my friend realizes the grave error she made by inviting me to a SING ALONG class... the invite might be rescinded. ....so...... more about that tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to go see about that soup.

Girls' Night Out

So THAT was fun!!!!


Friday night, my girlfriend Jennifer and I went out to dinner in the city.

we went to a place called English is Italian. Apparently, it's owned by the same restaurant group that owns Rum Jungle in Vegas. and APPARENTLY, Rum Jungle is a restaurant, not just a place to get smashed off my rocker on Monday nights in Vegas???? WHO KNEW?


But back to the night out. Did I mention I got to go out a night without the baby???? IT WAS GREAT!!!!

As soon as I got Rhena in the car, she began to scream her head off.... and proceeded to do so until we reached Derek and Dawn's some half hour later. I'm thinking she's still a little resentful from the entire day she spent in the back seat on the way back from North Carolina?

But no matter--- I had makeup on, and there was no turning back!

Got her to my bro's, gave a paltry list of instructions to Dawn, (which, in retrospect, is a joke. My sister in Law has like a MEDAL in motherhood.... three kids that are polite AND cute. what the hell could I possibly tell HER that she hasn't already done blindfolded while changing a diaper?) anyways--- juiced the kid up a little with a few more shots of milk, then headed out.

Out is such a powerful word. it means a lot of different things to many types of people. For the Homosexual Culture, I imagine it's a scary yet liberating word. For a teenager with a driver's license... probably euphoric. I guess the common thread though is that it insinuates freedom. ESPECIALLY to parents.

I was OUT. no crying, no wet diapers, no puke, no drool, no high-pitched conversations and loud toys. New York City never seemed so blissfully quiet.

don't get me wrong... I love my little pooper, it was just really really nice to get out.

The restaurant itself was immaterial... though I did enjoy the dinner. (3 main 'courses', each filled with a sampling of foods representative of that course. the courses were antipasto, pastas, and meats... and I was able to find a favorite and a "I'll never need to try that again in my life" food from each course.)

But again--- it was nice to be out. I ate, I drank wine, and I didn't call to check on Rhena. SO thanks to Jen, cause you could say I really needed that.

But thanks also to Rhena for smiling at me when I came to pick her up again. That's the kind of stuff I need even more.

Yes, I'm still alive!

ok---- I've been bad. I admit... I haven't blogged for the life of me lately, and that's just out of plain laziness. Even worse, cause I made so much fun of my brother for not blogging, and here I was doing the same thing.


I have my reasons, though. Laziness, of course, being suspect numero uno.

but the other thing, and this one is valid... is that I haven't had much to talk about. well-- I've had plenty to talk about... there's been some rotten veggies in my bottom drawer a number of times these past few weeks, but it's not like I can actually WRITE about them on here, cause someone will probably read about it, and know I'm talking about them!

it sucks when your main reason for blogging is to use it as a vent about crap going on in your life, then realizing that you can only vent about people who will probably never read your blog!

what I'm getting at here people, is that... well.... simply put-

I don't like scrapbooking.

That's all I can say about that... and if that sentence means anything to you, I've probably already vented to you about it, or you are the person I'm talking about!!! If you're still in the dark, then you can ether e-mail me, and I'll tell you the story, or just let it go away quietly... which is ultimately what I'm hoping for.


But in other news--- we closed on the house. there were a few things (about 4,500) that came up unexpectedly with the closing, but with the help of the Bank of 9 Albert, we were able to get the house without a hitch. and lemmee tell you--- this house rocks.


I LOVE my new house. love love love LOOOOOOOOVE my new house! Everyone is invited over, just as soon as we get our furniture, and Rhena and I get there. it's so great. did I say that I love it????

I am so frigging excited about my kitchen that I may just sleep in it the first night in the house.

The town is great, too--- there's this little plaza thing with shoppes (yeah-- I mean shoppes... not shops! we's in a HIGH CLASS area now!) OH! and there's a wine bar, and cafes... and a pool, and a kid's pool, and lots of sidewalks to walk, and did I mention that I love our new house???? We are SO not in Reno anymore....


Anyways--- things are great. Rhena has *just* about recovered from the drive from NC to jersey..... and I'm actually going out tonight baby-less with my girlfriend. Aunt Dawn and Uncle Derek are babysitting, and I'm going to go into the city to see if I can find my sanity. well-- that, and I plan on eating my face off! AND using both hands to eat! I may even take extra-long to eat each course cause I know there's no monitor ready to inform me of when princess poopy-pants is waking up from another really short nap.

so life is good. Just keep that scrapbooking shit away, ok?

Have You Missed Me?

well--- it feels like it's been a whole year since I've posted... and I guess to some extent it has.

So-- happy new year, kiddies! How are those resolutions working out?

Things have been crazy on my end....

We finally moved out.


GETTING to that point was at times difficult, but knowing that we were leaving Reno and all of it's red-necked inhabitants made it all the much more bearable.

I've seen enough snow to last me quite a while. Reno got hit with 16 inches on new year's eve, and the week later picked up another foot or two. ridiculous. I was convinced the elves of Hell were doing whatever they could to keep us in reno as long as they could. everything with the move got delayed or pushed back. I was nervous.


The fellow who picked up our cars was an interesting chap. Apparently he was under the impression that he had just broken his wrist. I was feeling bad for the guy (considering he also walked with a limp from the time he broke his neck skydiving) but it's not like *I* could load the cars on his truck!!! I did what any compassionate woman would do--- I gave him a baggie of tylenol, an icepack, and Ace bandage, and the phone number to the walk-in clinic.... and made it clear that the clinic would be open AFTER he was done with our cars.

To make matters worse, it began snowing AGAIN while he was loading up the truck.

The packers who came in to do up the house were nice, but two of them were slow as all get out. I literally had to hide in a corner of troy's office when they were packing, cause any time the baby was in a 50 foot radius, they would stop packing and start talking. but--- it got done, so I can't complain too much.

the rest was fairly uneventful--- we stayed in a hotel our last night in town, had dinner with our friends (by the way, congrats to Jim and Jeana--- Gianna Marie was born monday the 17th!!!) and flew out in the morning.

I *was* a little concerned cause each of our bags weighed like 100 elephants, and I was convinced if we had to put them on the scales it would cost us an extra $400 in over-weight fees... I managed to distract the hell out of them, though.... we put Rhena up on the scale to "get her out of the way" and had the lady help us. I suppose I can be thankful that the woman who was helping us was working her last day before retirement, and in her jolliness probably just didn't give a shit how much our bags weighed, but nonetheless, I layed on the charm and distracted with all my might.

But let's see--- traveling with Rhena is definitely interesting. it brings all types out of the woodwork. you get the strangers in the bathroom that just have to stop and talk to either her or me...the drive-by compliments are always nice, too. However, I have to say my favorite is the people on the plane that smile when they see you in front of their seat but are really thinking about how many drinks they're going to need to drown out any potential crying. It's funny.

Here's a little secret if you're one of those people.... stop wasting your energy on the fake smile.... we know you're pissed you're getting stuck next to a baby. My only advice is that you should be happy my baby isn't THREE, sitting behind you, talking non-stop and kicking the shit out of your chair. Just go ahead and order a few drinks and rent a headset. the flight will be over soon enough, arright?

But the bottom line is that we got in to jersey, and troy left for NC on sunday morning without problems. He's now house-hunting, and I am playing house with Rhena at my folks'. Figures I forgot to wear my wedding rings to church on sunday, so I'm sure I looked like the big town slut who had a baby and had to move home with her parents. I make sure I wear my rings now when I leave the house.

so that's about it in a nutshell. in other news... my brother has finally lifted his silence on his blog site, so I need to change my link to graceland to reflect. I haven't been too impressed with his entries, but then again, I haven't been too impressed with mine, either, so I guess it's a wash.

speaking of wash--- I think the beast has settled into her nap, so it's time for me to hit the showers.