Thursday, December 22, 2005

Home for the Holidays

Well.... in about 17 hours (as I write this) we should be hitting the road to drive up to New Jersey for Christmas and New Year's.

Yes... I AM writing this at about 9:50am, and we ARE leaving at 3am... or at least going to try like hell to do so.

Anyways... the bottom line is that we are going to be out of here. soon. which means ultimately that I should be packing and sorting and wrapping and everything associated with the frenzy of seeing family at Christmas... but my resolution for procrastination doesn't REALLY have to kick in for another 10 days or so.

So instead of packing etc.... I was reading my posts from last december... I wistfully find it funny how the person who wrote those posts last year seems SOMEWHAT familiar to me... but definitely not who I am now. like a distant cousin or something.

But that's good. It's be a long year, and a lot has happened. I SHOULDN'T be the same person.

The biggest change over these past 12 months is, of course, that we sold our house and moved across the country with a 4 month old. Spending two months without my husband definitely sucked, but I was fortunate enough to be WITH my parents during that time. I may not have shown my appreciation well at the time... and I may not even have KNOWN how much I would appreciate being with them at the time... but months 4-5 of Rhena's life were lonely and hormonal. My parents helped me keep my shit together. and THAT, people.... you can't even put a price tag on that.

By the beginning of March, Rhena and I were reunited with Troy in our new home in North Carolina. Around this time, I became aware of how heavily I depended on the virtual friendships I had made through my babycenter girls and my blog friends. I knew NO ONE in North Carolina... and it sucked. I was angry, feeling alone, and very trapped inside this huge house we had just bought. Plus it was raining like ALL the fucking time, and that just sucked balls, too. I honestly can not imagine how I would have gotten through those times without the internet. Often it was my only connection to life, and the support I so generously received from friends and strangers alike is unsurpassed. Once again, I'm not sure I fully appreciated the support I was getting at the time, but now, as I look back.. I realize and appreciate all of you..... my blog readers, my e-mail friends, and my November Newbies. You kept me alive.... you really did.

But, like the seasons, the grey lifted to bring way for a new time in my life. I began to meet people ( IN REAL LIFE!!! A REAL LIVE PERSON TO TALK TO!!!!!) and I started getting out of the house more. I explored my new city of Charlotte, did a lot of traveling, and started falling in love again. No... nothing juicy like the mailman or anything... just simple shit like LIFE. Things started getting good again.

And so it goes.

So here I am... now approximately 16 1/2 hours from time of departure, and I couldn't be happier. sure... there's shit to do, things to pack, errands to run, yabbitty blah blah... you know... STUFF.

But as a whole... things ARE GOOD. I have friends now. (in real life!!! IN MY TOWN!!! ON MY STREET EVEN!!!!!!) Our house has already become a HOME, and I can not go into any room without some vision of Rhena or memory of a friend or relative who has come to visit. Like I said... things are GOOD.

And now... like I said... we prepare to go to New Jersey. Kind of full circle, if you will... considering that the last time the Czernikowski crew was all together was back in January... right before Troy left for North Carolina. Back then we were so unsure of our future. No clue how long we would be apart... no idea where we would be living... (insert cartoony-sounding character saying "uhhhh, which WAY do we go??? which way should we go???") just holding tight to our faith in each other and God that things would work out fine.

and they did. over and over again. SO only fitting... we go home now in celebration. We go home to celebrate with FAMILY, and to honor FAITH. We'll pay tribute to NEW BEGINNINGS, and we'll respect OLD TRADITIONS. We'll THANK our families and friends for all they have done for us this past year, and we'll WISH THEM all the best for this coming year.

And like last January... I DON'T know what the future will hold. I'm sure that 2006 will bring more challenges and more triumphs. I imagine there'll be times of sadness, and times to rejoice. Friends and family will pass away, and we will welcome new lives with open hearts.

I DO KNOW, however, that I will continue to hold tight to the faith I have in my family and God, and things.... no matter what may come.... will continue to work out fine.


From all of us here at the Fever, to all of you, my dear readers.... have a very Merry Christmas.(or a Joyous Hanukkah, or whatever you choose to celebrate in these coming weeks)

May the new year bring you health, happiness, and a renewed sense of faith in all things good.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

oh no she DIH-INT

oh yes she did.

I mean... maybe it's just me.... but did anyone else out there think that Mariah looked like a fat coked-out floozy on the 2005 Radio Music Awards??? Well, maybe not coked-out... but definitely on SOMETHING.

and what was that shit about going on and on about interns of radio stations??? I mean... three cheers for the interns, yeah... but let's try making a little SENSE when you speak next time, Mariah??????

MARIAH.... seriously... babygirl..... from me to you......

TRUST me when I tell you that your tits don't look big... they look FAT. That silver shirt with the just-above your ass-crack jeans??? yeah... let's leave those to the younger girls shall we??? at least skinnier ones with boobs that are NOT in different time zones. I mean... I'm not skinny, either... but c'mon...... there's no need for you to be dressing like that. I'm sure there's a TON of designers that can make clothes to FLATTER you... not make you look like an old bag trying to be hip????

Speaking of bags.... back to your boobs. please wear a bra next time, ok, honey???? I've got a big rack, too.... but the look SO MUCH better when they're in FRONT on your body, and not caught all up in your armpits......

and next time DJ Clue has to scrape (or scoop... whatever form of assistance you want to label it) anyways... next time he has to scoop you out of your chair and help you walk up to stage... slip the cameramen a few extra bucks so they DON'T catch it and broadcast it on National TV.


and fat... but I think I already said that.

I still can't believe you're considered a diva. I think last night you singlehandedly stole the WHITE TRASH WHOREBAGGING FATGIRL title from Anna Nicole (pre-trimspa days, of course).

You've got a great voice, Mariah... you really do. Mostly since you lost the whole communicating-with-dolphins sound you had going in the 90's... but you've got talent.... you really do. You also have a few more years and a few extra pounds on you, so please... for all things holy, and even for those who aren't..... but at least have eyes that work.... lay off the drugs just a little, and COVER YOURSELF. please. I'll even lend you a shirt if you want!!!

Thanks, Mariah... and by the way... have a merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 15, 2005


ok.... it's officially winter. Well.. not OFFICIALLY-OFFICIALLY... I mean, that doesn't come til Dec 21st... but man oh man... we've got some shit-ass weather over here.

today's forecast?

shit. cold, icy, rainy, SHIT.

I mean, I accept that winter indeed DOES have to make an appearance, but why oh why must I go from wearing t-shirts to this imposed ice cavern of doom-better-just-stay-inside-and-enjoy-the-day-of-darkness???? (I kid you not... December 4th had temps holding at 68 degrees around here, and today I question whether the sun really still exists....)

now I know some of you with your 100+ inches of snow may be reading this saying "sour grapes, Johnson!!! take your ice and shut the hell up!!!" but I got news for you... your 100+ inches of snow is why I DON'T live where you live!!!! SO take your 100+ inches of snow and stick it in the same place you're thankful you live near family, in a bustling metropolis, or in some ridonkulously low housing market. If you DON'T have one of those three to fall back on... I ask you.. what in HELLLLLL are you doing living where you do then??? seriously.... grey. winter. snow... ICK. move someplace warmer!!!

ok... so back to my shit-ass weather.... cause this blog IS about me, remember.....

it just FIGURES that today is the day I need to drive all over creation to pick up pictures and go food shopping etc etc etc. Cold weather and food shopping are NOT a budget-friendly combination for me. it's cold?? oh... ok!!! I'll just buy $50 worth of soups, $75 worth of bread, and damnit to all hell, you KNOW I'm gonna break the bank down that stupid BAKING AISLE.

so much for me losing weight by Christmas.... I mean.. let's face it. cold weather means no walks with boogie, and lots of "it's 9pm, so let's turn on the fireplace, make some coffee and stay up all night baking!!!"

but I'm getting smarter... or at least a little more generous with my weight gain.... now when I bake... I make deliveries to all of my neighbors so THEY can get fat, too. I mean... it's half the calories and half the fat if I make two loaves of apple bread and give one away, right????

......stupid winter....... stay warm, people!!!!!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Filling Some Shoes

I'm not sure if it's the weather, the time of year, or the onslaught of menstrual hormones running rampant through my body.... but I'm feeling very reflective lately.

I've been thinking about Boogie.

and more importantly, the huge huge... and I mean BIG impact I have on her life.

now don't get me wrong... this isn't the first time I've thought about this... this was definitely a topic of discussion between Troy and me before we even went down the road to kids...

but lately... well... she's just become this little PERSON, so now more than ever, it's been super obvious of how important it is for me to be setting a good example. This little sponge watches EVERYTHING I do, and listens to everything I say. (why exactly, I'll never understand... I don't even listen to myself most times....) But the point is.... I am her primary example for just about EVERYTHING.

thankfully, I think I still have a *little* while before she figures out that I don't make my bed every day and should more than likely deep-clean the shower more often than I do..... but stuff like kind words, eating healthy, and showing others how much I love them, (and cutting back on the impatience and sarcasm) needs to be on the radar 24/7. And while I DO recognize that this is shit that should have been important to me all my life... and in many respects HAS been important to me, just not always outwardly obvious.... I can't say it's had as much personal meaning until lately.

Anyways... Boogie... if you ever read this (which BTW, you SHOULDN'T be reading this crap until you're much much older... Mommy uses waaaay too many curse words in here for you to be reading) again... if/when you should ever read this... just know that I'm watching. I'm watching you watch me, and I promise to make it worth your while.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Another Monday Match-up

well... here we are... another monday!!!

last week, I was busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest... and this week is shaping up to be more of the same. ....But onwards and backwards.... or at least that's how we roll in these parts!

I'd like to announce that this here post just so happens to be post #200 for me.... whuppidity do!!! You'd think that with my flare for bitching, I'd have more posts by now, but I guess my flare for distraction and laziness have also had a factor in this, too.

anyways... hooray for me!

on to the match-up!!!

I'm making my last-ditch effort to get these 100+ christmas cards out the door on-slash-by the 15th. This should prove to be a TEENY bit more challenging than one would think. you see... all of the PICTURES that I wanted to include in the cards are still at the photoplace, waiting to be picked up.... which I can't do until troy gets paid on the 15th. .So on the 15th, I should be a TAD bit busy cutting, stuffing and sealing 100+ envelopes so I can scurry to the post office... hoping maybe just maybe shit will get to people on time. or at least before valentine's day.

anyways... my match-up this week has to do with these little friends of mine... these Holiday Cards.

do you




and by 'stuffing', I mean... do you write the form letter that tells everyone what you've been doing with yourself for the past year, or do you just sign the damn things and send them out?

I personally can see the merits of both sides here, as well as markers of why I shouldn't do the other. But I'm curious.... what's the general thought line out there??? do you LIKE getting letters from people???

I know our dear pal Martha would be saying that only a hand-written note is acceptable in terms of etiquette, but let's face it... the bitch had some time in jail to get caught up on stuff.... and it's not like she's putting ALL that much work into the Apprentice.... so clearly she can take her hand-written shit and do something useful like make me some cookies.... I mean.... REALLY!!!! ....Mama's gonna be up late signing cards, and this week's version of PMS can only be quelled by cookies. fistfuls and fistfuls of cookies.

so which is it, gang..... Letters in the Holiday cards, or NO LETTERS?????


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

sugar cookies

you know it's going to be an interesting day when you turn the corner at 8am and see your daughter breaking into a tin of sugar cookies.

Maybe she was trying to get a jump start on celebrating JohnBoy's birthday????

yeah... maybe... or she's just like her father. Probably a little of both!

Happy birthday, JB!

Why so down, Mrs Brown???

so I've been wondering just what the funk is going on over here.

I've been kinda feeling like I'm in a bi-polar crossroads of some sorts. I feel very happy with life right now, yet utterly unimpressed and quite blah.

I feel like I have lots to say, yet don't feel like talking to anyone.

I feel very gross and unattractive right now, yet am quite content with who I am and what I look like.

I'm feeling homesick, but am loving my house and neighborhood more and more each day.

Is this part of the processing path to Stepford? Am I doing some kind of brain-dump of my former self so I may fit the role of suburbia better?

I'd say I need a break, but I don't know from what. Actually, that's not true. I know what, or rather WHO I need a break from, but every once in a blue moon this person reads my blog, so I can't be all "yeah... so-and-so annoys the SHIT outta me!!!" or anything like that. And even if I DID go on and on about my level of irritation for this person... and really call them out for the fuckernut they can be.... what good would it do???? I just make myself look like an ass for going off on some human, and even more like an idiot for not being able to rise above their continuously SELF-CENTERED, insipid, RUDE and belittling comments all the time. but I'm not. I'm not going to go off..... I'm going to go to bed and call it a night and hug my husband and then wake up and spend the entire day with Boogie.

and I'm going to smile.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Merry Matching

ok, ok... so I've been slacking on the posting in a big way, but hey... last week was really busy!

I had a great birthday week... thanks to all who posted their wishes to me!!! I received some great stuff... starting with a necklace from Tiffany's (my girlfriend from jersey is the best, isn't she???) on Monday! Gotta love starting the week with Tiffany's! The week progressed with more cards and gifts (really cool T-shirt, a CD of christmas music, some moosemuch, flowers, and more candy) a DATE with Troy on wednesday night (saw Walk the Line... interesting flick... I enjoyed it!) and a hair cut on Thursday (got it all chopped off.... and as much as I love love love it, I think it borders on MOM-HAIR) and I can't even remember what happened on friday.

We had our Annual Christmas Social on Saturday.... it was a good time. We had 32 or 33 people here, not including Troy and myself, so it was quite festive. I may or may not have had a few glasses of wine and shots of VO..... but I definitely did not remember to take pictures. ooops!

We did take one picture of the two of us before the party started, but I'll share that later this week... after all... today is match-up day!


each monday, I wonder what is better of two things. Mind you... I know I wouldn't change my mind about something (for example... there is absolutely NO WAY IN HELL you would get me to have anything other than white non-blinking lights on my tree. PERIOD. Although that *WAS* the most popular choice, so I guess this is a bad example. But Jody mentioned fire... real live fire, and I think Carlotta had some musical lights, which both are cool in my book.... but definitely still not changing my mind with the non-blinking white christmas.)

My point is... just because I'm a stubborn ole cow and will not change my likes or dislikes... that doesn't mean I'm not curious to what other people think. so once again, on a monday... I find myself pairing up stuff for public opinion.

ok. so Monday. let me get back on track here.

For today's merry match-up.... I'm appealing to your mouths. What tantalizes your tastebuds????? this week, I present:


now given the bunch of lushes that tend to read my site, (and yet not assuming there isn't a designated driver or two out there) I'm leaving the level of 'spike' up to you. I mean... for all I know, your favorite thing to drink is Brandy.... but if you HAD to add a mixer to it, would you prefer the Cider or the Nog?

So which kicks more ass, gang??? Keep in mind there are SOOOOO many facets to be explored here.... ability to fill a person up, dietary needs, regurgitation factor, ease of preparation, availability, then of course... personal taste.

so which makes your spirits bright (figuratively OR literally???)


Thursday, December 01, 2005

Happy New Year

well, it's that time of year again.... the beginning.

Yes, I realize that today is DECEMBER 1st, and not January 1st... but for me... this is a new year.

Yesterday I ushered out the old (younger) me by going on one last date with Troy. I made coffee cake. I invited a friend over for lunch, and I got my boo-hoo-hoo call from my dad.

(side note... the boo-hoo-hoo call has happened every year on the day before my birthday for as long as I can remember. My Gram Czernikowski used to call us every night before our birthday and proceed to 'fake cry' about how sad she was that we would no longer be such and such age. She really took 9 going on 10 especially hard, and had a field day with becoming a teenager. Come to think of it, 19 going on 20 was a bit over the edge, too, but by then she could have been taking meds, so who knows??? In all seriousness, though, as much as we teased her about it, it is a tradition I refuse to let go of, even though she passed away a number of years ago.)

so yeah... yesterday was complete as far as I was concerned once I got my boo-hoo-hoo call. Everything else was just gravy in my book. Or better yet; ice cream... I really don't like gravy.

SO today I welcome in my new year with resolutions and a positive spirit. Granted, I'll be welcoming a new haircut at about 12:30 today, so that in itself does wonders for the spirit!!!

But seriously... it's a good day. A fine way to start a new year. Things in my life are really fucking good right now. I have a wonderful husband and a daughter that makes my heart explode with happiness. I've been blessed with a loving and supportive family, and I have really awesome friends who have gone the distance more than once with me.

resolutions??? maybe a little less conversation, a lot more action???

No--- I'm not planning to go to vegas anytime soon... just that I'm going to really work on being more active and slow down on yapping about shit that I'm not happy about.

that's definitely my biggie resolution this year. others include curbing my profanity, being that Rhena should be talking for real soon, and I really don't want her first words to be "sonofafuckingmotherfucker!!!!!" Probably not so good.

let's see... be more thoughtful to others, be more knowledgeable regarding worldy events and local politics, procrastinate less, and continue to recognize and appreciate the abundance of goodness in my life. yeah... that should work.

So Happy New Year to me, and happy new year to you!!! I'd say more, but my boogie is awake, and I have a package that arrived yesterday to open.....

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Note to self

only eating one envelope of apple raisin oatmeal, a caramel creme latte from Dunkin Donuts, some french's fried onions, way too many emerald brownie-glazed walnuts and pecan pie glazed pecans, and topped off with practically an entire bag of cheddar munchies and a diet sprite over the course of one day is NOT a good mix, and will most definitely result in vomiting profusely at 3:30am followed by frequent and violent bouts of diarrhea.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

House Bound

Next time your child decides to take your keys and head for the door....

dress them like THIS....

I guarantee they won't be wanting to go very far.***

***No, the glasses are not from Elton John's personal collection... they're actually from Barbie's newest line at Target. Fancy that! (and NO... they're not the jacked-up chemical burn-inducing kind that target used to sell. these just cause blindness when broken and jabbed into a child's eye)

****and YES, I will make my daughter wear the birthday girl hat every day from now up to and including my birthday next week.

*****Also... forcing the hat and sunglasses as a means to keep your child from running away will probably work better with teenagers. Rhena actually seemed to LIKE the hat and glasses....

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Mating Season

yup... I said it.

out loud.


I was reading a friend's blog today (while furtively working on finishing my invites to the Christmas Social) and she casually mentioned something about not having very many girlfriends.

SO this, of course.. got me to thinking.

Mating, for people at least... can mean so much to so many different people.

I mean, for me personally... when it comes to mating....I think about when I need to dig out the spoils from my Victoria's Secret stash so I can lure my husband away from work long enough to try to impregnate me. Nooooo... we are not currently trying to get pregnant.... I'm just saying that that's what I think of when I hear the word mating. I think of getting knocked up. pure, unadulterated Discovery Channel stuff.... or maybe a little Animal Planet??? at the very least.... it's primal, it's quick, and we get the job done. Except with fancy panties, of course.

And for all intents and purposes, I'd say a lot of other people think that way too.... I know for a period of about 7 years, my brother and sister-in-law had some furvor to produce every two years or so.... and some other people are like that too... certain amount of time goes by, and tick tick tick... get er done!

Now, mentally stretching back to my single days, I remember this internal yearning I would get each late fall for some semblance of a relationship. Aaah... the holidays with a boyfriend... dare to dream! Well.... actually, come to think of it... I'm lying. I never had a yearning to be in a relationship. I mean, sure, every once in a while it would have been nice to have someone to cuddle up next to, but thinking back, I never really was into that whole relationship thing until a guy or two before troy. Good thing I met him when I did... any sooner, and I doubt we would have lasted a month.

but I digress. my point is that come the Holiday season, in the single world, I know it is common to want to settle down (hunker down??) with someone for the cold weather... then come the spring and summer... with the fresh cut grass and boys not wearing shirts while they play volleyball... well, relationships just seemed futile at that point of the year.

But now... as a mom barely surviving in the blueprint for Stepford.... I see another mating ritual that happens... and it seems quite opposite of the Singletons (thank you, Bridget Jones). It's a mom-mating season, and by my observations, I think the season is over. In the spring and early summer... mothers and children were EVERYWHERE. Each mom and child perfectly preened and able to do the Queen Elizabeth wave... on every block.. every street... every corner... (wait... not the CORNERS... that was my OLD neighborhood... we don't do corners here...) But you get the point.

Mothers and Fathers with their offspring were just about everywhere you looked, and seemed to be holding an invisible sign that whispered "be my friend".... And as much as I found it utterly charming of what a friendly neighborhood I was living in... I have to admit... it was kind of creepy. But now.... there is a change that hangs in the air. Our weekly playgroup rarely gets a percentage of the original participants... people don't "stop to chat" in the grocery store or on the sidewalk.... heads are down, and the walks have become brisk. Most notably... the waving has damn near stopped.

So this leads me to two theories. One is that people have found out I'm a raging bitch who doesn't hand wash her baseboards and wears clothes from Old Navy and Joyce Leslie instead of Ann Taylor and Neiman Marcus. Maybe someone told someone who told someone who heard it from someone that I don't wash my floors every week, and vacuum even less? Maybe there's a secret coalition out there to take away my pearls and banish me from Stepford????

Maybe. But maybe I'm onto something with the mating thing. I mean... this time of year is BUSY. B-U-S-Y buuuuuusy! I know *I* sure as hell don't want to stop and chat in the grocery store, and dragging rhena's ass to playgroup each week is increasingly difficult when I think of the Christmas shopping I could be getting done instead of watching somone else's two year old double fist doughnuts and break toys while they blow snot on pianos. Jeez... the more I think about it.. staying home with a severe head cold sounds better than playgroup some days!!

Maybe I'm sending off a signal that says "back the fuck off... I probably hate you"... but the thing is... I've DONE that before, and it doesn't work. Remember... I'm from Jersey... I've got that look down pat! But nope... southern folk eat that shit up.... must be all the BBQ they eat... I think they're something in BBQ that draws southern folk to bitchy notherners.

but whatever it is... I'm still putting my bets on the seasonal thing. which is pretty funny. I mean, not funny hah-hah.... but funny ironic in that in the midst of the Season that is supposed to be about goodwill and happy horseshit and glad tidings... this commune of happy that I live in is hunkering down and avoiding people like the flu.

oh well. I was thinking about wearing my pearls to playgroup this wednesday, just to test the waters.... but this week is already cancelled due to lack of interest.

Guess I'll take that time to go food shopping. I suppose it would be nice if I actually had something to cook on thanksgiving.

have a great weekend, gang!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Season Check

ok, ok... due to some minor complaints of how early I've begun my Christmas attack on this blog....

I'm posting this VERY AUTUMN picture of Rhena to prove I know what season it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have more presents to wrap.

fa la la la laaaaaa...... la la la laaaaaa.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Jingling Baby

I TOLD you it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!!!

Turns out playgroup was cancelled today... so me and boogie are going shopping. (I know, I know... Boogie and I... Boogie and I are going shopping....) Time to knock off that list and maybe buy a turkey so we can eat like savages next week.

Hope all is well with you, and don't forget to vote in this week's match-up.

and one final side note... today is my brother Derek's birthday..... every year on his birthday, I'm fluttered with many emotions. First and foremost... utter amazement of just how OLD he is getting... second... that he's survived this long without causing TOO much worldly harm... and finally.... HAPPY ANTICIPATION knowing thet MY birthday is only 2 weeks and a day away... hooray!

Happy birthday, big bruddah. you know I love you.....

peace out, kiddies.... time to SHOP!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Shooting at God

Last night in my CCD class, we were reviewing the 10 commandments with my second grade class. At first I thought I'd be sweating through the questions regarding adultery and coveting neighbors' wives and goods etc... but the big one they fixed on last night was killing. They all understood that it's wrong to kill someone, but then the questions and "what if" scenarios began. What if you're being attacked and someone is hurting you and you try to protect yourself and they die? What if you're starting a race and your gun shoots somebody? Are all soldiers going to the bad place???

wow. the first two examples were pretty easy.. after all, accidents happen and they use blanks to start races..... no... not corks... they're just blank bullets that make noise but have no projectile. No... when you hold the gun up in the air to start the race, it's not a sin. What? no... God doesn't think you're shooting at Him.. it's a race. it's ok.

But the war talk started. I can honestly say I wasn't prepared to answer these kids. How do I teach "thou shall not Kill" without taking away the honor of all the millions of soldiers whom have fought for and defended my freedoms? So slowly... carefully... we proceeded.

I told the children that being in the Armed Services is a job. And as long as they are following the orders in which they are given, then they are not going to go to the Bad Place, even though some people might die. That whomever CREATED the war was to blame, not the people affected by it.

The kids seemed to understand enough that killing is wrong, but they were definitely hedging on the grey areas. I guess I was, too. How can I proclaim that killing is wrong, yet selfishly enjoy all the freedoms which have been fought for so I may enjoy? I mean... how the hell (I mean BAD PLACE) do you answer a question like that????

In the end, I said some metaphors and examples of situations which *sort* of quelled their questions... but it definitely left me with questions of my own. Of course... I didn't have much time to dwell on my own thoughts in class, cause then another child asked about killing turkeys for thanksgiving, and if we eat turkey are we saying it's ok to kill animals.

I glazed over that one real quick by telling the child that some people believed that, which is why they only eat vegetables, and that's a personal choice for each of us to make.... then changed to the next commandment.

between you and me, though.... when it comes to meat... well.... sorry Tom Turkey.... but if you care to discuss my thoughts on the topic more, I'll invite you over to my house for dinner on the 24th....

Monday, November 14, 2005

Monday's Match-up....

ok... so according to last week.... the general populous of readers here tend to lean towards the bread. Not saying that a good portion of you don't enjoy the red stuff.... just when push comes to shove... y'all want carbs. I personally would have had to vote for stuffing, too (or DRESSING... thanks, Carlotta). I don't think I've ever eaten cranberry sauce with the exception of having it spread on a chicken and brie pizza. (very good, btw... spread the cran sauce over a boboli or the likes... top with grilled chicken and brie cheese. Bake til cheese melts. perfect for an appetizer for a large group. yum!)

Anyways......... this week, I present yet another Holiday dilemma. LIGHTS.

In my unending quest to be the first recipient of the Nobel "getting Shit Done" Prize.... I started decorating the house for Christmas this past weekend. So far, things are coming together quite nicely. Tomorrow I plan on 'fluffing' the tree (it's a fake one and looks a bit mushed after being in a box all year) and hanging the lights.

Now I know how *I* want my lights to look.... but what gets YOUR chesnuts roasting??? This week... for fear of one of my relatives making a racially inappropriate comment... we'll leave the color of said lights up to you. What I really need to know is...




Now if you're one of the three people who still have your bubbling lantern lights from the 50's.... you should just say Blinking, and go back to eating your TV dinners and waiting for the fire department to show up for your hazard-ridden tree.

so which shall it be, gang???? I find it utterly intriguing as to what really makes the season bright for you. Again... for your tree.. I don't care if you prefer colored or white lights.... I'm more curious if you're a blinker or solid-glow.

so without further ado....

ding, ding.....

Friday, November 11, 2005

Keep on Truckin'

yeah... so once again, life imitates art, or art imitates life.... whichever the saying is.

I think right now my life is feeling a bit like a Monet... you know... from a few yards back, it looks all great and pretty, but when you get all close it looks a bit fuzzy and out of shape?

yeah... Monet.. party of one??? My table is now available!

but alas.... as BJ and the Bear and other various super-smooth characters from the 70's proclaimed with ease... I shall "keep on truckin'.... " .... I just wish I knew where I was going.

I guess what I mean to say is... lately I've been busy in a don't-feel-like-I'm-getting-anything-done kind of way. Neglect has been the word of the day since about last Friday or so... but yet I've been busy every day and literally crash exhaustedly each night when it's time for bed.

perhaps I just have a case of the 80-percents. You may not have heard this terminology before, but I know you know what it is. it's when you've got a shitload of stuff going on, and you've been working on all of said shitloads... and I mean busting-your-ass-every-day-really-WORKING on those loads of shit.... but each day you wake up, you still have those loads to work on. NOTHING IS COMPLETE. Ergo, you're left feeling like each day is a complete burn-out, as you continue to spin your wheels and nothing gets crossed off your list.

Don't get me wrong.... I know what the problem is... I have too much shit going on. I should just strap my A.D.D. ass down with some duct tape and focus on one thing at a time... but whoever came up with that plan obviously did not have a toddler toodling around... much less a toddler like Rhena.

At the very least... The basic shit of this house is getting done. Laundry, cooking, (some) cleaning, feeding, changing, showering, sleeping.... but that needs to be done every day, and that indeed does take up about 80% of my day. That's on the list eternal. Therefore.. in my free time... I'm left to do everything else.

Let's just say I'd pay at least a dollar to see Superman be so damn "super" if he had to take care of a kid and husband all day. fucker.

Again... I've said this before, and I'll say it 1000 more times... I love my job. I love my boogie, and I appreciate that I have the 'cush job' of staying home with my child. (sorry... I'm still holding on to a teeny bit of bitterness for the people that think staying at home is easy) No... letting go of the bitter... seriously... I'm fucking lucky. I know this. We are financially in a position that affords me to stay home and raise our child in a matter which is important to my husband and I. Actually... strike that. I'm not lucky. WE WORKED FOR THIS. This is not luck.

Troy and I both worked to get where we are today. We have scrimped. we have saved. we have moved away from our families to get better incomes and move to lower cost-of-living regions. We took extra jobs. we paid off our credit cards. we forego little luxuries like me getting my hair done every 4-6 weeks, and trade for every 4-6 months. We bought our house figuring on Troy's income alone, even when we were both working full time, knowing that some day, whether through birth or adoption, that we would be raising a child, and I would not be working.

So no... I'm not LUCKY to be staying at home. This is my and my husband's choice. (side note... we HAVE been fortunate enough to receive help and support from our family and friends in some or various capacities ((emotional, physical, financial)) at every stage of our lives, so yes... I do acknowledge that there has been some luck/fortune involved with us getting to where we are today.) Hmmmm... so much of letting go of the bitter! HAH!!!

so AGAIN... before I digress any further.... yes. I love my job, I love my life. I just have a ton of shit going on right now. My in-box is full, so to speak.

But that's all fine and dandy. Right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, but at the rate I'm going, with this get-a-little-bit-of-everything-done-each-day plan.... December should have me up for a Nobel Prize. There *is* a Nobel Prize Category for "Getting Shit Done", right???????

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Definition of a Clusterfuck

no... I'm not going to actually DEFINE the word clusterfuck to you... but can I TELL you that some people really need to get their shit together???

I mean... let's face it. not everyone is a good leader. As much as it's fun watching people get 'fired' or find out who just isn't "a good fit"... no one really needs the Don or Martha to tell us who sucks ass at being a leader. unfortunately... sometimes it's just painfully obvious.

now last night struck a chord with me in particular. Not sure if I told you all or not, but I've been volunteering as a second grade teacher for the religious education (CCD) program at my church. SO last night was a class night.

Turns out that a mysterious 'letter' went home to some parents but not others. Said letter mentioned how last night would be a presentation for both the children and their parents regarding appropriate 'touching' for in the home and life in general. Imagine the surprise when little Johnny's mother shows up with her other toddlers in tow, to drop little Johnny off, only to find out that they indeed were NOT free for the next hour or so, and they were to stay with Little Johnny (and subsequent screaming toddlers) for the next hour in an already crowded room. Let's just say there were A LOT of pissy parents.

Now, for some people... an hour is not a lot of time. meetings run late... traffic can stall your journey...the doctor or dentist that keeps you waiting an extra half hour past your appointment time in the waiting room even though you show up 20 minutes BEFORE your scheduled appointment like they requested.... in fact, I know for sure that a MINIMUM of an hour of each of my days is wasted on something beyond my control.

But on this one, I think I have to side with the parents. I mean... I will gladly devote all 24 hours of my day to my child if needed. but if I KNOW I have a one hour break from said child, and this is a regular and scheduled event... imagine my dismay if I get blind-sided with this when walking through a door on a monday evening. now... I know I know... sometimes accidents happen, so you, as a parent, need to be prepared at any hour.... but the point is... not all of the parents got letters saying what the plan was for the evening... and NONE of the teachers were notified.....

I suppose this is what pissed me off the most... cause as little Johnny's teacher, I am the one the parent comes running to the first time they have an issue or question. now if *THEY* don't know what's going on, and *I* don't know what's going on... and the 'organizers' of said program are nowhere to be found... well.... it just doesn't make for a good time.

Eventually, everything got worked out, but not without a number of firey tempers to be smoothed. I mean... in the grand scheme, I suppose this is really no big deal, but given the fact that this is the second instance of a 'program' that was scheduled for the parents and their children and I as their teacher did not receive any knowledge of said programs until afterwards or the day of... well, it makes for a pretty frustrated teacher.

oh well... I sent an e-mail requesting that they at least include the teachers on any communication that goes home to the parents. I mean... the directors want of copy of everything WE send home... fair is fair, right?

I still haven't heard back yet, so we'll see what happens. All I know is that there's two big 'events' coming up for my class this year... the kids will make their first Reconciliation and First Holy Communion... two pretty important Sacraments to us Catholics. If the communication continues to be as bad as it was last night throughout the year.. clusterfuck won't even be HALF the description that will be needed.

Monday, November 07, 2005

It's beginning...

to look a lot like a match-up!!!

actually, my house is beginning to look more and more like a war zone, but hey... the holidays are upon us, so I can't see why this year would be any different for me.

That's right... I've begun not only the regular preparations for Thanksgiving/Christmas... but I've hit my stride with preparation's for this year's Christmas Social. The Save the Date announcements are almost all created and delivered..... I've begun working on the favors... and have been mentally doing the layouts for the actual invites. Still to do are the rules for the gift exchange, the actual creation of and delivery of the invites, determine and buy the grand prize for the gift exchange... send my in-laws ' birthday gifts (late since beginning of October.. ugggg) start writing our Christmas cards, buy Christmas presents, buy a turkey and all the food stuff.... ummm.. and what else?? oh maybe SLEEP?????

It's just really difficult to find the zen of the impending holidays when it's been in the upper 70's all week. QUITE the change from the frigid brown state of Nevada we were in last year. I mean... I realize there are some people out there that DESPISE the holidays... so they just never ever get into the mood-slash-spirit... but I'm not one of those people. I eat this season UP!!! ahh.... too many thoughts to write about here regarding that... but anyways...


I figured with all the world shifting in high gear towards the next month and a half... I might as well, too.

so today... I ask you, my dear readers... to answer a deep... IMPORTANT question.....

which kicks more ass????




I know... this may be an easy one for each of you to answer... but globally... I'm really curious which would be the preferred side dish to your thanksgiving meal. Mind you, I didn't say turkey, cause I respect those of you out there that just chomp on veggies for fun.

So whatever it is that stuffs your gourd this month... which is your preferred condiment/accompaniment with dinner??

important shit, here, people.... I gotta know!


Monday, October 31, 2005

Can't...... stop.......... SMILING.....

ok... so I *THOUGHT* I could wait til tonight, but I lied.

Here's my Boogie... in all of her Halloweeny-Bandstand-Sock Hop-Whatever-you-call-it-she's-frigging-adorable-Costume...... forget candy.... I'm just gonna chew on Rhena's leg all day!

costume check!!!! ...making sure her skirt is on straight...

Waiting for a nice fella to ask her to dance....

That's all, folks!!!! have a safe and happy Halloween!


Ok... I'm back again.... our friend Melissa was visiting us from Seattle since wednesday, so I've been busy hanging out with her. But back to Halloween!

The good news is.... the jack o'lantern survived Mischief Night.... kinda happy it did, considering it was my first pumpkin-gutting experience. Well.. at least the first I can honestly remember. I really didn't care for the pumpkin innerds, though. Looked like wet hair, and the smell was kinda gross. I mainly watched troy do all the work (hey, I took the pictures... THAT was work!) but I did help remove the seeds from the hair on the hat of the lantern. Again... not a huge fan of the wet-hair-smelling-gross innerds. I think I like my pumpkin best from a can, thank-you-very-much!

here's a few pictures from Saturday.... quite the wholesome fun here in the Johnson house, if I do say so myself.... well... minus the whole big-ass carving knife and everything..... but other than that... pretty wholesome! Rumor has it that we're going to roast those pumpkin seeds, too.... anyone want to join in the chorus of koom-bay-ya? Yeah... me either.

Well, enjoy the pictures, and have a trickity-treaty kind of day. I'll have more pictures tomorrow or late tonight of Boogie in her gear.

Sunday, October 30, 2005


.... to the poor guy who was jogging through our development this morning. When I slowed down on the way home from church for Troy to open the window and yell... "Hey dude... you can run faster than that!!!" we HONESTLY thought you were our neighbor.


but hey.... thanks for the laugh!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Crafty Bastids!!!

so I was driving around today, listening to some crappy pop-current-rap radio station when I noticed something different about my radio display.

I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about... you know.. it's called RDS or something.... where the digital display for your radio console tells you what station you're listening to, and they also show the artist and song name? or at least 80% of the time, the station shows like 80% of the information....

for example... it has taken me 5 trips to Kindermusik class, the grocery store, playgroup and target to see bits and pieces of information enough for me to figure out that the song I've been digging lately is called "Gold Digger" by Kanye West. (please... don't ruin my little world and tell me the song has been out for a year now.... I'd like for once to think I'm still within a 3-month current rule???)

either way... the song got my attention cause it sounded like Ray Charles mixed in as a backtrack... only to find out it's Jamie Foxx who's singing it, which now is making me think that the song IS a year old, cause Jamie played that role in Ray HOW long ago????

but I digress. this RDS thing is nice.... when it works, that is. sometimes the station does not send out the digital info... and sometimes my car only displays partial information. for example... for a while, I only saw "Gold" when the song played... then I got a "KANYE" and "DIGGER" another time.... so detective that I am, I put it all together to figure shit out.

but all hoorays aside for me... the RDS system is nice. keeps me *somewhat* in tune with what's going on in musical America.... or at least the 5 most popular songs of the week, cause you KNOW the radio stations around here play the same shit over and over again......

but TODAY...... the crafty Bastards at my I-guess-you-could-call-it-my favorite radio station stopped displaying info about the music I was listening to. Today... they were sending out promotional information for their station. telling me to listen to the station to win $5000. (which, by the way... came in as a clear and complete sentence.. unlike the partial shit-ass info they send for the songs...)

So I'm torn on this topic. while I think it's ingenious to push out commercials WHILE the music is playing... I find it rather retarded that they're telling me to listen to their station. I mean... what's the point of THAT message when I'm ALREADY LISTENING TO THEM????? Now, if they figured out how to send that info for when I'm listening to a DIFFERENT STATION.... I'd be impressed. They'd probably find themselves in a lawsuit, too, but I'd still give a whup-whup for the set of balls that would take.

but back to my torn-ness. I find it crafty.... but think they should find a better message to pump out. Like shopping at one of their sponsor's stores or something. (capitalizing money monger in me, sorry.....)

But then, I get pissed at the thought, cause I'm like... DUDE.... I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M LISTENING TO!!!!!! and then I think... well, SHIT... if they can send out whatever info they want... why can't the fuckers send out USEFUL information... like the weather or traffic forecast.... and if there's an Amber Alert or hurricane warning or something... will THAT information get sent out????

I'm betting not... which pisses me off. Instead... I get told to listen to their station. Which, naturally, I only get told to do WHILE listening to their station. I mean, I appreciate their eagerness and I think it's great that they're running a promotion that could win me $5000 dollars.... but I honestly would rather just go back to my shitty partial information of what song came out a year ago.......

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Ten minutes in Heaven

some days things just work out perfectly.

Today, I had ten minutes of pure delicious-ness that I won't soon forget.... and for once, I'm not talking about food.

This morning, my little boogie cuddled with me for ten minutes.

let me repeat that, cause I doubt you can even begin to understand just how awesome this is to me....



At this point, there are a few voices in my head that are refusing to just shut up.. they're the ones that tell me that she cuddles up to me every night when we say her prayers, and then how could I forget of all the times she clings to me like the forgotten dryer sheet....

but this time.. this morning.... something was different.

there were no tears.... there were no ulterior motives.... she wasn't tired and ready for bed.... she just gave me some loving. BY CHOICE.

Readers... I assure you... having that little booger just lay quietly with me under a blanket for ten minutes was like a week's vacation. Every inch of my body felt refreshed and as if it had a drink of pure sunshine and flowers. My spine unraveled, knots loosened, and my forehead uncreased.

for ten whole minutes, I knew my place in the world, and it was no where else but right next to me.

for ten minutes... I was not needed as much as just enjoyed, and the silence was a symphony in my heart.

for ten minutes, I wasn't worried about her weight, or my weight, or hurricanes or bills, or what was for dinner, or the zit on my forehead, or laundry, or anything at all for that matter.

for ten whole minutes... I was in Heaven. I was under a blanket, laying right next to my beautiful baby girl, and we were quietly enjoying each other's company. Heaven, I tell you.... pure Heaven.

Monday, October 24, 2005


ok... this post is already lame, and I haven't even written a full sentence yet. ok, well, maybe now I have... but you know what I was saying.

Let's see... it's monday AGAIN. I have to admit, the match-up has kinda lost that lovin' feeling for me... but maybe it's cause I just haven't had the energy to think of a really good pairing. It could also be because I've been siding with the minority contenders lately, and I hate seeing my dudes lose week after week?

Nonetheless.... we need to slap some more contenders in the ring and see who prevails.

Being that we're a week out from Halloween, I ought to stick with the ghouls and goblins theme... but now that I said Goblin, I can't get the spiderman villains out of my head....

But alas... The Green Goblin is NOT in the ring this week. who to pick... who to pick???

...I was wanting to do a Freddy vs Jason matchup... but there was a movie already made to that effect, and I'm sure at least SOMEONE out there watched it... even if was in a drunken stupor or because you were sick on the couch and couldn't find the remote.... I realize that bad movies do eventually get watched. (speaking of... if anyone DID actually watch the movie... who won???)

so rather than talk about all the people I'm NOT putting in the match-up this week... I'll just go ahead and get back to basics.

this week, I give you:


I feel bad for not knowing any werewolves personally.... other than Teen Wolf and An American Werewolf in London.... but it's not like I'm on a first-name basis with them. Vampires do get a bit more billing... there's Lestat, Dracula, the King Vamp dude from Salem's Lot.... so for all intents and purposes of this match-up....

Let's just assume that the werewolf in the ring is the biggest, baddest MEANEST mofo you can imagine (as far as werewolves go) and Dracula is along the lines of Bram Stoker's pal. or some other comparable bad-ass... not some wussie old clowny fart like Grandpa from the Munsters.

don your garlic and silver bullets, kiddies...... and stay away from dark places......

so who would it be?


Friday, October 21, 2005

Greased Pigs and other baby fun

Well... the time has begun for yet another change here in Johnson-ville. Apparently the child whom I gave birth to has decided she is more akin to a greased pig than a little lady in training.

ok, enough with the eye rolls.... me saying that Rhena coulda shoulda woulda been a lady in training isn't THAT far fetched, is it????

wait... better not answer that.

anyways... so the new FUN FUN FUN GOTTA DO IT EVERY TIME thing here is that Rhena refuses to sit still for a diaper change.

So I'm sure every parent goes through this, but this does not remove my right to bitch about it.


seriously... as soon as the diaper is off... she sets into action... twist, >>FLIP!!<< , stand up... and run away. this wouldn't be SO much of an issue if she weren't on a changing table some three feet up in the air???? or those fun times when her ass is still covered in shit.... yeah... good times indeed. I'm sure it's just a stage that she'll finish when she learns to... oh, I dunno... USE A REAL TOILET.... but for now.. it's new... and extremely difficult.

I assure you I have tried many methods to keep the little booger occupied and somewhat distracted from the fun fun fun of the baby rodeo... but all roads eventually lead to her streaking through the quad a la Will Ferrell in Old School. I will ALSO assure you that putting a diaper on a standing baby who INSISTS on doing the running man is no easy feat either..... I mean, seriously... throw some leg warmers on this kid, and we have our own little showing of Flashdance going on.

The good news in all of this is that Rhena thinks it's all HYSTERICALLY funny, and hearing her laugh really is the best thing ever..... I just wish I thought she was laughing WITH me... and not AT me.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Open Invitation, and other stuff I keep forgetting

ok... so I've been meaning to say this for a while... but for all of you who though Nessie could kick the Jersey Devil's ass.... I and the handful of other people with a clue openly invite you to spend a night in the Pine barrens wearing a t-shirt that says "I voted for Nessie".

Seriously. I mean... I need to make it known that if the Devil ever comes down to Georgia (yes, I know I'm in North Carolina.... but you have to PASS THROUGH here to get to Georgia...) anyways... if he ever heads south, I want him knowing I gave props, and he can skip dropping a reign of hell fire and spiked tails on our house.

Nessie. sheesh.

ok... so my bad... I was supposed to come up with a different monster match-up each week this month. oops. Truth is... I've been waaaaay too distracted to really sit down and blog these days. I mean... right now... I SHOULD be talking about all the stuff I've been forgetting to tell you-slash-write about... but all I can honestly think about are the different charlie brown movies.

Yeah. I know. I can't really explain it.... but here's a diagram of how things work in Carrie's world.....

well, then again... I guess I forgot the whole "make this stupid diagram" bubble.... but y'all get the idea. I'm DISTRACTED PEOPLE!!!!

and of course... now I've completely forgotten what I had wanted to say before when I said I was going to talk about stuff I keep forgetting. talk about irony.

oh well..... there's always later. besides.... the dryer buzzer just went off, so it must be time to wash the floor......?????

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Home again

It is SO GOOD to be back home again.

Been on the road (air, train tracks, what-have-you) for the past week with Rhena.... but am finally back in Charlotte.

We had some good times along the way, despite being sick the entire week. We are both on antibiotics now, though, so I think we'll be feeling good in no time.

The short of it is that I went to visit my inlaws, and sandwiched a girls' reunion thing over the weekend. All in all, my take away was on the plus side. Rhena spent time with her grandma and grandpa, I had my first night away from Rhena since she was born (actually two nights, but who's counting??), I had a little fun, and I got to know my friends a little better. I can without a doubt say that I left the girls' weekend liking everyone more than I did before the weekend. Now..... that's not to say that I DISLIKED anyone before the weekend as much as I'm saying that meeting and seeing them in person made me like them even more. So it was good.

On the downside... I was sick as a dog, and was really feeling like crap the whole weekend. I did NOT get to eat and drink my way through Chicago, but I imagine my bank account and waistline are pleased with that. I, on the other hand, was left feeling slightly disappointed. Combine this with a HUGE hotel screw-up (long story.. we ended up getting bumped from our hotel that was downtown to accommodations that were 18 miles out....) the maximum exposure I was having to estrogen, and then that damn cold making me sneeze and blow my nose every other second... well... the weekend was also a little bit of a bummer.

Take it back? certainly not. Do it again? in a heartbeat!!!

Again... all in all... there were tons of positives from the weekend. I am truly happy I was able to meet the 8 women I did for a weekend away. They are all amazing women, with different stories and different thoughts. They are caring, supportive, funny, generous and classy. (well, at least when they want to be!) It's unfortunate that the eight women I met were only half of our full group, but I still feel fortunate to have met the ones I did.

The cold? yeah... me having a cold sucked big ass. The hotel??? yeah... that pissed me off, too. But in one way... I guess it was good that I was a very simmered down version of myself. I took the time to listen to and observe these women... my friends... in person. And for what that's worth.... well... like I said... I just like them all the more now.... and friends like these...... well, they only come along once in a coon's ass hair on a dog leg's tied up and left wet age, I reckon!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

It's so easy to fall in love....

We found a pumpkin patch, and I... in turn.... found a new reason why Autumn is my favorite season. Here's to new family traditions.....

Friday, October 07, 2005

Much to do about everything

dude.... I'm knee-deep in to-do lists.

9 more thank you notes to write from Rhena's party.
Mail the thank you notes.
stop eating dark chocolate reese's peanut butter cups.
Burn a few CDs and mail to friend.
Create the playlists for those CDs first.
Mail belated b-day gift to girlfriend in Seattle. (shit.. another hit for the post office...)
finish BUYING the rest of the belated b-day gift for said friend.
fold about 6 loads of laundry so I have CLOTHES TO WEAR to the post office.
REALLY stop eating dark chocolate reese's peanut butter cups.
Feed Rhena 3 million calories a day so she gains weight by her next appointment.
defrost and prepare something for dinner.
buy food TO defrost and prepare for dinner.
be home all day to wait for repaired dining room table to arrive (sensing some conflict here...)
Prepare my CCD lesson.
ok.. break down and hide that stupid bag so I stop eating dark chocolate reese's peanut butter cups.
finally send out pictures from Booger's birthday. (shit... there's the post office again)
feed rhena again.
REALLY shower this time.... not just turn the water on and forget to get in.

I'm sure I could go on... but the longer I do, the less of my list that gets done.

Happy Friday, gang..... don't forget to shower!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The jean gene

yeah.... so let me introduce you to one of the few things in this world that can make you break into a sweat, cry, feel comfortable, sexy, dressed to kill or get some work done. They can also make you smile allllll over when you have the right ones, and make you spend a lot of energy trying to get into another pair... be it a different size or someone else's.

They are jeans.

Now, I could depict in detail my personal love-hate relationship I have with denim, but I imagine that if you're a woman reader... you have one of these relationships of your very own.

Guys.... well, I imagine that as long as your balls are comfortable, you really don't care how jeans fit..... but I assure you... my quest for he perfect jeans is somewhat akin to that of finding the Holy Grail.

I mean... seriously... Three cheers to my juicy ass. I DO love that I have curves. It's NICE that in certain cultures (new jersey, my husband, and half the ghettos in the United States, to name a few) an ass of my stature is actually revered. Songs have been made about asses like mine. but alas.... I still fall short in my quest for jeans.

Sure.. there's the 'curvy' styles, and I could always sell out and drop $70 on a pair of JLos... but I could also vomit incessantly as I sport some bling and insist that I'm just 'Carrie from the Block'... other words..... no.

so yeah... my challenge has been to find a pair of jeans that will withstand my mountainous rear, click back in to my waistline so I don't have a five-inch gaping hole above the crack of my ass, oh, and can I get a pair that I DON'T have to wear platforms in? And while I'm asking... do you think we can get the Gap or Express or Nordstrom's to watch (read "entertain, sedate and pacify because when I'm jean-shopping she strangely resembles a demon-child") Rhena for me so I can sweat and grunt and cry (either usual sadness or for just once tears of joy) by MYSELF without a stroller taking up 9/10ths of the dressing room? maybe????

As luck was having it today... I actually swooped into Express (second home for girls-with-asses, BTW) and snagged a pair of jeans that were on sale for $29.50. not bad, considering ticket price was $59.50. I didn't dare to try them on in the store... not only did I have Rhena with me, but even more horrifying... another mom. ....Not that I didn't think she's proffer the standard cosmiseration that all women share while shopping for jeans... but did I really want to risk having a nervous breakdown in front of her??? sorry... but I actually want to KEEP her as a friend for at least a year before I go scaring her like that.

So I swooped, I snagged, and the purchase was bagged. came home, put rhena down for a nap, and did some stretching exercises before I engaged in battle.

The end result was that the jeans fit ok. I could button them.... BONUS..... and more importantly, I got them up over the bubble some people refer to as my ass. No sweat was broken... so I thought.... eh. I'll keep them. GRANTED..... if I do so much as MOVE or THINK about moving, the crack of my ass will come shooting out like a drunk sorority girl on spring break... but hey....for thirty bucks???? I'll just wear a longer shirt.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

History Lesson

No.. today's post is not about the horrible horrible sense of voting I think my readers have.... I'm not going to lecture you on how I think the Lock Ness is a big wet PANSY-ASS compared to the Jersey Devil.... (but that's ok... free world.... free reign on voting, too.... I still love you all)

I'm actually more interested in what brings you here. (but enough about me... let's talk about me!!!!)

Seriously, though... I know I've been blogging for over a year now, and during that time, I HAVE asked my readers WHY they blog.... but never really pieced together how all of you got HERE. I know a good chunk of you are here cause you met me somewhere else... like in real life, or at babycenter.

There's another huge chunk that know of me cause I stalked you long enough at your blog to make you venture over to here to wonder who the hell I actually was.

Then there's another percentage that came here because you saw my comments on another person's blog, and well, whaddaya know.....

hmmm... actually... I think that just about covers everyone.... oh well. I THOUGHT I would have an interesting post with fun comments today. Guess I was wrong.

scrambling...... scrambling.... think....of.....another....topic......

Uhhhh....Rhena woke up last night at 2am. Apparently she was pooping and thought everyone needed to be awake, too. I thought we were in for the long haul when she INSISTED on talking to me through the clean-up process. Luckily, though... she was able to settle back down and fall asleep as soon as her ass was pamper-fresh again.

it was odd... as she hasn't woken up like that in the middle of the night since what... MARCH? so I'm hoping it was just a one-time thing. Coupled with the fact that I found PUKE in her crib this morning... I'm wondering what exactly she was up to last night?

Do we have a future rock-star on our hands???? Lord help us. I mean... she DOES like music, and has a more-than-healthy appetite for mirrors..... hmmmm... me wonders.

oh well. I guess I don't have much to say today. well, at least not yet. I'm thinking I'm due for another culture day here soon. weather is starting to get cooler, and there's a fresh batch of exhibits that need to be checked out.

oh, ok.... speaking of cooler.... does anyone out there have any nice traditions they do with their loved ones in the fall? I'm thinking about starting a fall tradition here in cze-johnson land, but being that I don't really have any going on... I want to do something good, you know? I mean... it's got to be reasonable... Troy and I can't very well take Rhena skydiving or anything.....

I remember as a kid going to Orchard Farms in Jersey (not sure the name of the farm , actually) to their Pumpkin Patch and getting a pumpkin to paint for halloween. The also sold apple cider donuts which were pretty damn good by anyone's standards. I think I'd like to find a pumpkin patch here in North Carolina (preferably one WITHIN an hour driving distance) and take booger for her own memories. Anyone have any good pumpkin recipes?

yeah... so that looks like that's all you're gonna get today. besides... my future rock star needs someone to dance with her as the monkey keeps a beat.

have a great day everyone....

Monday, October 03, 2005

Monday Match-up... Monster Mash

ok... it's October. Time to resurrect the Match-up.

I mean... I realize that with Halloween looming about, it's easy to celebrate doom and gloom... but the key word is CELEBRATE... not brood.

So anyways.. in honor of the month of October...(and my new blog look to boot) I've decided to re-institute the Monday Match-up... but this month will be all about Monsters. And villains and creepies and crawlies.... you get the idea. No nice guys this month.... only bad asses. (and NO, Cheeky... I'm NOT pinning you up against yourself this month. Bad ass you may be... but monster you are not. tough twiddles.)

I know I don't have any new readers since the last time I did a match-up... in fact, I'm almost positive there's a great deal LESS these days (and with good reason... lately I've been pretty depressing and stale to say the least...)

so yah yah yah..... back to the Match-Up. Don't think I need to re-state the rules. I Match.. you comment... someone wins. easy!

This week I want to focus on legendary Monsters. I originally wanted to Godzilla against something, but then I realized Godzilla would kick EVERYONE'S ass... so I had to broaden my search. SO being the egotistical maniac that I am... I had to figure a way to make it all about me.... or at least partly with some reference to me.

I digress.

This week.... I present a challenge in Mythical Legends..... I give you:

The New Jersey Devil


The Loch Ness Monster

if you've never heard of either of these creatures, I invite you to first... get out of the rock you've been hiding under for so long.... and second... click on their names to take you to informative websites. Like I said earlier... anything goes when it comes to criteria you feel is important for winning. Fear the water, so Nessy sends you screaming? fine. we'll take it. Did the Blair Witch Project and last season's Sopranos send you over the edge that states that NOTHING that happens in the woods can be good??? Let it out, my child.... your fears are safe here.

so have at it. let the comments fly. ( or swim... depending on who you're pulling for...)


Sunday, October 02, 2005

Day of Rest

And on the Seventh Day... she rested.

ok... so maybe that's not exactly how it goes, but damnit... I'm pooped.

Troy has been working late the past few nights, and when he works late, I usually stay up until he gets home. Thusday night he got home at 1:30am... ug. Friday was another late night cause the CEO of the company he works for was in town, and last night we had more company over. Couple in a VERY wiggly baby girl in church this morning, and bitch bitch bitch... I'm tired.

but oh well. the GOOD news is that the guy who troy works with is with his wife right now on the way to the hospital... looks like she's about to have their baby girl. This makes me happy for a number of reasons. First, and most selfishly... the fact that this guy isn't at work today means that Troy will only put in a half day today, and we might actually get to see each other today. (longer than 15 minutes, that is.....) But the other happy stuff is that a new baby is coming into this world, and oh... what a miracle that is.

Another reason why I'm happy is actually for the couple having the baby. Their last child was born at thirty weeks, and that little boy had a helluva first year. From being in the NICU from day one, to getting gangrene of his intestines... this poor little boy has had more surgeries than some adults. These days, he's the happiest little fellow you could imagine... really a sweet boy.... and a TOTAL boy at that. I suppose once you go under the knife a few times, you tend to lose fear for the every day stuff like heights, running, PAVEMENT.. etc etc etc.

But my point in all of this is that Susie (wife in labor) was due to have this baby on October 6th. Being only 4 days early this time means baby girl has a higher probability of being healthy from the get go.... and THAT thought makes me happy. After what they went through with the last one, they deserve an easy go this time around.

Which leads me to my final thought today. Well.. final thought for YOU guys... I may actually manage one or two more thoughts again in real life before today is over.... but I digress....

Anyways... this new baby makes me think about life in general.... especially mine. Sometimes shit is hard. and sometimes that shit sucks, and you don't think you're going to get through it, and it consumes you and you obsess about it.... but sooner or later.... things change, and things start going good again. Our figurative "day of rest". We relax. we enjoy. we recharge.

Granted, this philosophy would lead one to believe that we can count on things going to the shitter again, but that's ok in my book. To me, it just means I have to really enjoy the good times when they're good, and not lose pace when things are bad.... cause eventually shit will turn around and be good again. So that's my though. may not be profound, but what do you expect... I said I was tired.

enjoy the weekend, kiddies......

Friday, September 30, 2005

Welcomed Distraction

ok... I've been getting to emotional up in here lately. I fear I'm scaring everyone off with my mooshy side.... so to bring things around again.... JohnBoy threw a tag in my direction.

You know I hate these things... I really do..... but this is a low-maintenance one, and like I said, I needed a little change of pace, so.... i present THE TAG:

The Rules:

  1. Go into your archive.
  2. Find your 23rd post.
  3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
  4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
  5. Tag five other people to do the same.

(Yeah, bitches... it says FIVE people! HAH!)

so... for a blast from yester-year... I give you an excerpt from my 23rd post.... "grass is always greener on the other side of the cervix"

But to really soak up and live the word JEALOUS... well, that might be a
bit extreme.

hmmm. profound. I'm such a deep thinker, huh?

oh well... there you have it. the link is there if you're curious to what I was talking about... and I mean... c'mon.... who could resist? Grass? Green? Cervix???? That's important shit, people!

now my fun part.... inflicting work on others!

for my five people, I Tag:

SUSIE .... cause she hasn't been feeling like posting lately, so here's a gimmie.....

SLACKER..... just cause I'm jealous he's probably got a good weekend lined up.....

KARI.... cause I know she'll be passing it on to Jewl and Mary.....

CHEEKY.... cause I'm just plain curious what will be coming out of her mouth on a regular basis...


LIZA... cause I like her new look, and I know she'll hit up Beth.

and for those of you who I read and didn't get tagged... who are you kidding... you know one of these folks is gonna tag you, so might as well start looking now and be ready! :)

ok... the booger calls. time to get tagged for a diaper change!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

SO you see... it's like this

So recently, I've been down in the dumps. unable to post. poopy. at a loss for words.

Lots of ways to describe it, but the bottom line was that lately I"ve really been in a personal void. I think I kinda shut down as a means of protection... at least that's what I think I did.

You see readers, recently, someone very near and dear to me admitted to me as well as themself that they have a drinking problem. I say 'they' because it really doesn't matter whether it's a man or a woman. The point is that they have a problem, and it needs to be fixed.

And who it is really is immaterial at this point, because I love this person, and the fact that they are hurting hurts me. it also Hurts me to no end that I can't help this person. I mean, sure... there's the support factor... I get that.... but I CAN'T FIX THEM.

I'm sad for not noticing or doing anything sooner. I'm doubly sad for having had drinks with this person. Did I make their situation worse? Was I an enabler? Why has it taken this long? Could I have done something different?

Readers... I assure you I'm not looking for the answers to these questions. I know what they are, and I accept them. It's actually harder accepting that I'm asking these questions in the first place, never mind what the actual answers are.

But alas... as quick as the ink was dry on the above answers... new questions surfaced. And they're ugly questions. They're selfish questions. How is this going to affect me? Am I still allowed to drink around this person? I mean... I wouldn't think about it now... but are we talking NEVER? How will this affect our relationship? Like I said... ugly, selfish questions.

And don't get me wrong... I'm completely engulfed in an urgency to devote myself to supporting this person however they may need me... but at night... those fucking monsters whisper my thoughts out loud and the selfishness shames me.

I imagine there's books out there that state certain stages of the healing process.... hurt, shock, remorse, anger, shame, forgiveness.... or something of the like. So I know I'm just going through the process of working through the situation with this person... but that doesn't make it any easier. My sharp memory of each of these emotions (hurt, shock, remorse, anger and shame) is providing the greatest challenge for the last step... forgiveness.

I HAVE forgiven the person with the drinking problem... but I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for the feelings I've been having. Those selfish, ugly feelings. And again... I beg you to spare me the comments where you tell me my feelings are natural. I know they are... I really do. I don't have to like them though.

I don't like that my trust in this person has been shattered. I hate the awkwardness. and I'm dreading the first time I'm with this person in a social setting where others are drinking. Will they crack?

Surely time will tell, and as more time goes by, my thoughts will change and my selfishness will stop. I'm excited and scared for the new relationship that will evolve with the person. I wonder if they will like me as much. I wonder if I will like THEM as much. I'm positive I will, with no question, love this person equally... if not MORE out of respect for them facing and tackling (and BEATING) such a consuming issue.... I only hope they will be able to say the same of me.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

No Monsters Allowed

funny how some sayings stick with you.

When I was a little girl, I firmly believed there were monsters in my closet. Naturally, this made it very difficult when it came down to sleeping at night.

My dad ingeniously wrote a sign that read "No Monsters Allowed" and taped it to my door, assuring me it would no longer be a problem, being that monsters were no longer allowed in my room.

Call me stupid, naive, or just plain young... but it worked.

Lately... the sign hasn't been working. Perhaps my monsters that hide in my closet in my adult life can't read... or perhaps they're too busy keeping me up at night to stop and read a damn sign. Either way... they're here, and they ain't leaving til I do something about it.

So one by one... I shall fight. and slowly but surely--- I will get through them all.

First one on my list right now is finishing up the thank you notes from Rhena's birthday. Of course, I had to make them myself... to match the invites, naturally..... but alas... the words still need to be penned, and envelopes sent.

So my dear readers... I bid you peace. I thank you again for the kind words of support during my little hiatus. I'll probably need more support in my journey ahead... but I'm ok with that. Nobody said fighting monsters would be easy.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Under Construction

lately, there's been a lot of changes going on in Johnson-ville.

The first and most important, is that Booger is now a year old. NO... I didn't do some long sentimental post to her, and I haven't shown any pictures of the party yet. Perhaps this makes me a bad internet mother, but I couldn't give two shits right now.

Let's just say I've had my own personal hurricane whip through my life and now, together with my husband and daughter... we are rebuilding.

I will be back, and I imagine within a few days, considering I've been pretty much gone for over a week already.

Thanks to those who have expressed concern. it's appreciated.

My thoughts and prayers are sent to those in the path of Rita, especially my dear friend Kelli and her family.

Monday, September 12, 2005

3 days down...

ok, gang--- just thought I would pop up for air and let y'all know that I am indeed winning the battle of the boob.

I've now got 3 days down with no nursing. The hams feel like rocks, and I'm kinda looking like a run-down porn star, but Troy has been appreciating the gratuitous view when I get undressed each night.

Seriously, though... all is going well. I'm really hoping the hams will settle down in size.... exactly how long it takes for these bitches to dry up is beyond me... I've heard everything from a few days to a week or two. But other then spilling out of my tent... er... BRA, and mild soreness... it's not bad.

Susie should get a prize for tipping me off to the distraction faction..... it's been working. not so much for ME... but it's helping rhena's day pass.

speaking of the booger.... I had to do it.

everyone else I know has either had their own website to post videos, or have been using this YOU-Tube thingy...

so not to be outdone....The booger has made the big time.

here she is, taking a few VERY wobbly steps on her own.

If you're getting a red x cause my link-slash-code sucks.... here's a link to the site.

in other news, we now have our "mommy blogs too much" and goodnight johnboy gear, so I'll be posting pics soon. In the meantime, pop on over to my photoblog and check out booger in her tough-girl skater gear... CHAW!!!!

arright. Troy's grandmother is visiting, so I must entertain.

T-minus 5 days til booger's birthday and party. good shit. straight up good shit.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

A Tale of Two Titties

This is a public service announcement brought to you by The Hams....

Dear Blog-Land....

Hi! We're the Hams! We decided to take over Carrie's blog for the time being, because we've already consumed her entire day and thought one more thing would be fun.

So we're getting bigger, you know??? Carrie thinks that if she ignores us that we'll just go away, but we have news for her and you... WE'RE NOT. That's right.... we're actually FEEDING off her ignorance. We're getting bigger, STRONGER... and solid as ROCKS!!!!

We think her daughter Rhena misses us, so we're causing Carrie PAIN. big, constant, hit-a-bruise-with-a-baseball-bat PAIN. That'll teach her for trying to make us go away!!!

But that's not enough, see.... we're refusing to fit into ANY of her bras!!!! during the day, all of her bras a re TOO SMALL!!! that's right... even those 34DD tents she bought from Victoria's Secret.... nope. TOO SMALL!!! She thought she could outsmart us by moving up a band-size to a 36DD..... but those bras look even funnier, cause it rides up her back and doesn't sit flush to her rib cage!!! they're so big in the band and small in the cup... she looks like an absolute CLOWN!

SO anyways... we're here, and we're not going away. Carrie thinks she can slowly get rid of us by easing into the whole wean thing... but we're slick to her game. We're going to make her feel like she went cold turkey!!!

We have a few more tricks up our sleeves... wait... we don't have sleeves. well... let's just say there's more in the bag for Carrie.... we're just not telling what we're gonna do yet.

So stay tuned..... we have only just begun the fight!


The Hams

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Playgroup, Dirt, and Leaves... OH MY!

so today was the first day of a playgroup that Rhena and I joined. It was a bit of a clusterfuck with kids running around everywhere, but Rhena seemed to enjoy it.

Plus, the mom that was hosting it had a dog... and as Rhena would say... "dey!! DOYDEY yayyay DOY DOY DOY YAY!!!"

for those of you not understanding Rhenese... that translates to "I like dogs, so I guess we can hang out here for a while, mom!"

Today definitely marks a first for the Booger.... today she actually TOUCHED GRASS. Now when I say she touched grass... I'm NOT talking about POT.... (seriously.. I mean... who calls it GRASS anymore?? PLEASE!)

and no... I have not kept Booger in a bubble. she indeed HAS been around grass before. The big step here, gang, is that today was the first time she touched said grass without screaming and crying like I put her on a bed of needles.

today my friends... RHENA GOT DIRTY. we're talking wet jeans... muddy knees, dirty hands.. the works. She picked up every leaf she came across, and to my relief, handed about 80% of them to me. the other 20% really tried to find their way to her mouth, but then the dog came by and the poor thing ended up getting a number of them on her back and head.

Now, if you know me... you'll have some idea of the magnitude of comfort this action plays in my life. I am JUST NOT A GIRLY GIRL. And frankly... the idea of having a girl who is into dancing and frilly shit and princess crap is tough to swallow. Yessssss..... I'm up for the challenge, and will gladly accept Rhena's likes and dislikes..... but this disco-lovin' momma is praying for a tomboy.

I DO want her to know the rules of hockey, I DO want her Granpa to teach her how to spit, and I DO want her to be able to hold her own on a playground. and yes... I know there's little ballerina girls out there who know about hockey, can spit, and can hold their own ANYWHERE.... My brother has two of them... and they are my favoritest girls in the world that I did not give birth to!

But the dirt today was reassuring.

As for the moms.... it was definitely good to meet some new people here in my neighborhood.... but they all know each other already, so I'm really odd-(wo)man out. Coupled with the fact that I had to be near Rhena at all times, I found it very difficult to feel at ease around these ladies.

They were nice... don't get me wrong.... but as I get older, I find it increasingly difficult to keep having to start new friendships. Be funny... but not too annoying. Be witty, but not a wise-ass. Be nice... but don't get walked on. it's tough!

But alas... I have no choice. I have no stable set of friends here, and this is the price you pay when you move somewhere new. I definitely see how easy it is to fall into the trap of only talking about your child. As a person wanting to fit look for some commonality, which typically is the child and or your mothering experience thus far. The more you do it, the easier and easier it becomes to just talk about the child, and before you know it... you've forgotten who YOU are.

So how to find that balance of speaking in a language that other people understand, making sure I represent myself for who I AM, and not just who's mother I am, and trying to keep up with a group that has known each other for years? It's not easy... I know that much.

I think I clicked with one or two ladies today. maybe not even a click... maybe more like a "cli". and I'll take that... it's definitely a start.

and the dirt. ahhhhh... the dirt. Days like these makes this momma proud.