Thursday, November 30, 2006

what a week

dear internet....

sorry I haven't been around lately. turns out being a parent of two kids is harder than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong... I'm enjoying the hell out of my babies.... it's just... well.... it's a little exhausting.

My hormones have been in high gear, so take everything you read here with a grain of salt.

this past week has been very busy. there have been many firsts, with highlights including being peed on by Master Daniel, and the very next day being the target of a jet-stream of mustard-colored clotted cream from my darling boy's ass.

I experienced my first emotional breakdown on Saturday (a whole week earlier than it took me to break down with rhena!) and I also had my first post-partum poop.

There have been very very dark moments when I sincerely doubted my ability to survive the day, much less the next 18+ years.

I weeped with sorrow that Danny and Rhena were getting royally screwed with my parenting skills, cause how in hell am I going to balance my time between two children and basic personal hygeine?

There have been times during this past week that I wanted to divorce troy, others still that I wanted to cause him bodily harm. Those moments were fleeting, though, and definitely outnumbered by the times I wondered how everyone else in the world is surviving without Troy as their husband.

my breasts have become freakishly large. and scabbed, and yeah.. every time Danny's nursing, it feels like someone is trying to staple my nipple to sandpaper. over and over and over again.

I fought back tears as I said goodbye to my parents on monday morning. but inside I was scared. scared of how in hell I was going to manage without their safety net. scared.... but ready.

I have become obsessed with my weight and size of my stomach. not healthy, I know, but I can't help it. I'm not going to starve myself or anything, because let's face it.. I'm constantly hungry and I love food way too much. I do know I need to stop being so hard on myself. it's only been 9 days, I know.... but still. my stomach is distracting.

but not all is doom and gloom. There have been moments of pure bliss this past week, too. holding both of my children and knowing there is nothing but pure love in my arms is something I try to do several times a day.

Hearing Danny's quiet wheeze as he sleeps next to me has got to be close to what heaven sounds like. but I could be biased.

friends, family and neighbors have been SO generous. there has been a steady arrival of gifts, both large and small. we as a family feel very loved. I as an individual feel beyond blessed.

and I HAVE managed to shower every day. I may not be sleeping much, but at least I feel clean.

anyways. there you have it. sort of. I'm giving myself another week or two before I expect the fog to clear slightly and I swear pictures are coming.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

We did it

well.. we all survived his first day.

who's that? oh yeah.. HIS first day!

That would be Daniel Richard, our new not-so-little little boy.

Eventually I'll get around to telling you about how I made a complete ASS of myself talking when on lots of drugs, and how I threw up like it was my job in the operating room. I imagine I'll be spending future days pondering about how LARGE my son's ball sack seems in comparison to his tiny tiny little penis, and just how difficult it really is to clean said genital area when covered in a mucous-based tar-colored shit.

(for those of you who aren't in the know, like I wasn't in the know a few days ago... might I suggest taking a walnut, dipping it in blackish green latex paint, and using a papertowel to wipe clean. Add screaming child who maintains continuous ability to stick own feet in his own still-covered-in-shit-asscrack, and now you know the experience of cleaning up Danny's diaper...)

but like I said... there's time for that later.

Right now, I'm here to say that it was all worth it. the puking, the cramping, the stress, the more puking, the pebble shits, and everything. I'm completely in love, and while I'm still slightly nervous about how it's going to be to raise a boy into a good man like his father.... I absolutely can't imagine if he was a she.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

It's BABY!

Well it's the day we've been waiting for! Carrie went into labor on her own last night (woohoo just like she really really wanted) around 11pm.

They got to the hospital around 1am...

and around 3am...


was pulled into the world!

The big guy weighed in at 9 lbs and 21 1/2" long.

No wonder she was so sick - he was taking up every available inch of space in there! I'll post more details when they're available...but for now...

VERY BIG and HEARTFELT CONGRATULATIONS to Carrie and Troy and Rhena!!

And Welcome to the Fever, Danny!


Monday, November 20, 2006

The Countdown

well, we're getting close to the 24-hours-to-go mark.

funny... I've had 2 weeks to prepare, and by every definition I'm ready, but today I have a list of shit to do?

I guess it's different when preparing to 'go at any time' vs. knowing you're leaving at such and such time.

today I'm feeling inclined to finally address and send all the thank you's from the afternoon tea that was thrown in my honor 100 years ago.

I'm going through shutterfly and making sure all the albums have been sent to the inlaws

e-mailing some people

making sure my DVR is going to record the office and Grey's and Medium while we're in the hospital (god forbid I miss a tv show!!)

some of rhena's laundry, so "Gamma" and "Hoo-Hoo" don't have to go in search of clean PJ's this week, or be doing laundry on the day we come home with the new baby.

gotta switch Rhena's car seat form my car to my dad's car, just in case they need to take her anywhere while we're gone.

what else? oh.... eat everything in sight cause I'm not allowed any food or water after midnight tonight. (yeah.. that should make me just a real peach tomorrow morning)

I dunno what else to say, internet. I mean, I DO... I have like a jillion thoughts in my head as far as wonders and fears for how this will all turn out... not the cutting open business... just the whole "holy shit we're gonna have 2 kids" thoughts....

but for now, there's things to cross off my list, and time to be spent with Rhena.

oh. in case I don't post again today... everyone be on your best behavior. Susie's going to be a guest blogger tomorrow to let y'all know the details of the One Within. I want everyone to give her a warm and appreciative welcome, ok?

ok. til the next time....

Saturday, November 18, 2006

One day closer

every day that passes that I don't go into labor is just one day closer to Tuesday.

I'm happy to have our 'drop birth' date (I was gonna say 'drop dead' date, but that just doesn't sound appropriate here)

Tuesday seems far enough away that anything CAN still happen, but yet close enough that I'm not going to kill any neighbors cause it's too far away.

Now, looking back at the fact that my due date was November SEVENTH, I can't help but shake my head and wonder what's up. Is there something inherently wrong with me that I can't do this? I mean, over the course of nine+ months, you'd think the netherlands would have gotten the memo.... but apparently not?

Then on the other hand... I can't say I really mind, either. sure... right now I'm big as a fucking house, and moving around is a bit uncomfortable... but the puking has been at bay for THREE WEEKS as of tomorrow. This is beyond phenomenal for me... I mean, what a nice way to go out!

and of course there's that huge part of my brain that says... no labor = no pain... so putting off just one more day (for the past two weeks) has worked out ok, too.

But I'm ready. ready to meet the One Within... ready to see Rhena's face when she meets her little brother or sister for the first time.... ready to see Troy hold our child.... the one we made for all the right reasons.

SO I'm going to bed smiling tonight... knowing that even if tonight goes by without rushing to the hospital... tomorrow I'll wake up and be one more day closer.

Friday, November 17, 2006

A word from our Sponsor

hello world.

it's me, the baby. no... I'm not really typing this, but I probably could, based on how gestationally old I am already.

I wanted to tell you a few things about how shit's rolling here in the womb, so you can understand why I really haven't fealt like coming out.

first of all... it's nice and warm in here. I keep hearing mommy talk about a cold front coming through outside (supposed to get into the 50's in the next few days) so I'm in no hurry to deal with that. in here, it's all summer, all the time. me likes the balmy weather, ya dig?

Second..... I am WELL FED in here. I've been getting a constant stream of chocolate flavored fluid for the past 9 months (give or take a week and a half) and lemmee tell you... its GOOD!!!! I keep hearing mumble jumble about stuff called MILK... but unless it's brown and served with banana bread, over ice cream, or helping me wash down these things called BROWNIES I keep hearing about... I'll take what's on the menu in here.

Also, I don't know if mommy mentioned this yet, but by the sound of things, I'm a pretty big baby. (about 8 pounds 12 ounces??) Now, I'm no doctor, but if any of you have seen a woman's tidget before... they're not too big. Well.. at least mommy's isn't from what I can see from in here. Now... for all of YOU trying to imagine what *I'm* being expected to do.. I want you to run out to your nearest golf course and try to ram your head into the nineth hole. IF you can get your head through without looking like a conehead... go on ahead and see if the rest of your body fits through to the other side, will ya? then get back to me and let me know how you did it, cause the other day I was hanging out in here and some doctor lady with gloves was knocking on my door, and could barely fit her finger through my door. people.. lemme tell you.. until I see some decent sun light, I ain't goin NOWHERE.

now with all you folks out there encouraging mommy to try castor oil or sex.... shut the hell up, will you???? the idea of my mom and dad having sex TOTALLY grosses me out... and ewwww.... being right THERE for it? SICK! Also.. that crapping thing sounds like a bad idea. Mom may be a woman, but she ain't no lady when it comes to the hind quarters, if you get my drift. also, I've been kept awake for probably at least 6 months worth of hours during my stay here listening to her intestines. they're a very mean place, and I've done my best not to piss them off while I'm here. Rumor on the inside here is that they are very violent, and given the 31 weeks of puking I witnessed.... let's not stir the pot, ok?

anyways.. that's about all for now. I'm comfortable, and know I have a ride set for Tuesday. If things start to suck in here, I promise I'll come out sooner, but in the meantime... just cheer for Michigan against Ohio tomorrow. Thought it would be nice for Daddy to be in a good mood, too.

peace out, and see you on the flip side, gang...

The One Within

Thursday, November 16, 2006

They say the waiting is the hardest part

somehow, I think a guy said that, cause seriously... wouldn't the whole... PUSHING A BABY OUT be the hardest part?

of course, I still wouldn't know, cause this baby's still hanging in me like I'm passing out free drinks.

so yeah. me. still pregnant.

and you? how have YOU been, dear readers?

really, there's not much for me to say other than my appointment went well yesterday. the baby is doing great.... all checked out to be fab-u-loso inside. speaking of inside... Boney-maroney doctor was up to her old tricks again, and after having her entire arm up in me reading braille for some underprivledged kids... she came to the conclusion that I'm still barely 1cm dilated.


so now we're in the process of trying to get on the hospital schedule for tuesday the 21st for a c-section. This will have given me 2 full weeks to go into labor on my own, and if still nothing's shaking loose by tuesday, well then, by golly, we're just gonna go right in and take the damn thing out.

and that... is basically that.

oh well.. today is one of those crappy days, and rhena's napping, so I think I'm going to follow suit. I'll let ya know if anything happens, o-b-k-b?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Nothing to see here

sorry. no news.

no contractions, no waters breaking... just a whole lot of being big and farting like a trucker.

I'm pretty hot, huh?

anyways.. I have an appointment tomorrow, so we'll see what they say then. I'm supposed to get another ultrasound, and an exam. I imagine after having a doctor's entire arm up my crotch that I should be able to get SOME news, but who knows....

til then... I remain pregnant.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I did it!!!

no... not give birth or anything really newsworthy like that....

I sent out an e-mail yesterday postponing the Christmas Social.

It killed me to do it, but ultimately, I know it was the right thing to do. For the sake of the baby's health, allowing myself to recover just a little, and my overall sanity (which we already know is on shaky ground) I spoke with Troy and we agreed to postpone the Social.

I feel better about things now. A little selfish, maybe, but also thinking that I'll be thanking myself on the 2nd when at 8pm I'm having a hormonal and sleep-deprived all-out breakdown that I don't have to stick my fat belly into something presentable and serve drinks to my neighbors. time will tell.... but I have a hunch I really will be happy to have a quiet house that night.

Speaking of quiet.... the house is right now, so I'm actually going to lay down and take a nap. Even if it doesn't make my hips feel better, it'll be something fun to do other than pee every 20 minutes.

hope y'all are having a great weekend.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The good, the bad, and the baby

well gang..... I had another appointment today, and still no sign of the One Within coming out soon.

this is both good and bad.... but probably not for why you would think. or for what you may think I think. I think.


the good news is that all is fine. the baby continues to be very active. This may or may not be directly related to the amount of chocolate I gorge myself on regularly, but it sure is a mover. and a kicker.. but we won't get into that now.

more good news is that despite being overdue, the docs are in no hurry to speed things up. I know... for all the bitching I've done thus far, you'd think I'd want to hurry up and have this kid already... but to be perfectly honest... I'm totally ok with the way things are right now. I STILL haven't had a full-on puke session since that last Sunday, so I think this actually ties or beats or is pretty damn close to my longest streak of no puking since approximately week EIGHT of my pregnancy. YES... I'm waking up at night choking on the vomit that has creeped up my esophagus, YES.... my hips are aching as if someone ripped my legs off and shoved them back into my pelvis backwards, and YES.... I'm peeing every 15-45 minutes because this kid keeps thwacking at my bladder... but I HAVEN'T BEEN PUKING!!!!!! and BECAUSE I haven't been puking, I've been laying off the heavy-duty-anti-puke medication (zofran), which ALSO means I have been able to SHIT every day!!!!

people.... minus the hips, the night-chokes, and peeing... I feel fucking AWESOME!!!!

but aside from that, I'm especially happy that my doctors are not trying to intervene, because I really really want this baby to come out when it's ready. For as anal as I can tend to be... I really was against scheduling a c-section and essentially 'picking' my child's birthday, based on schedules and convenience. And so I'm getting my wish.

I signed up for a VBAC, and I'm being given the chance to let my body go into labor on its own. sweet. Of course the flip side of this is that the day is coming that I may have to push a child out of my tidget, and that in itself scares the living daylights out of me. BUT... this baby will come when it's supposed to.... and to me, that's pretty magical.

so we all understand.. I'm happy things are just in the flow right now. I'm actually enjoying my mom being here. Sure, we get snippy with each other, and both of us will be the first to say the other is a pain in the ass at times.... but it's really nice having her here. Seeing her interact with Rhena is something I USUALLY only get to see a handful of times a year. So to see the way they play, to see the way Rhena adores my mom, and moreso the CONSTANT outpouring of love from my mom to Rhena... and to see it every day??? well, frankly.... I feel Blessed.

But like anything, all goodness can't come without a price. The longer this baby stays inside, the longer my mom remains away from my dad. and while each of THEM will be the first to say that the other is a pain in the ass, they truly are a good team. They both manage to drive each other crazy and keep the other in line, and while they're each awesome individuals, they are really at their pinnacle when together. I guess that's what 39 years together does to a team. yeah... 39 years. crazy, right? tomorrow is their anniversary. I feel bad they won't be together to celebrate.... but worse because it's because of me.

and another thing that's been weighing heavy on me is our annual Christmas Social. This year will be the 8th year in a row in which this party has been held. It's been slated to be held this year on December 2nd, and I'm afraid that the longer this baby stays inside, the less feasible it is for us to have this party.

This social is MY SHIT, people. I DO NOT want to cancel, I really don't. but even if this baby is born like RIGHT NOW AS I'M TYPING... it will still be less than a month old by the time we have a houseful of drunk strangers milling in and out of our house. Stubborn, obstinate me is saying fuck it.. have the party anyway... besides, we've already told everyone about it, we can't just cancel now....

But the "feeling-very-fortunate-to-have-even-gotten-pregnant-and-carry-a-baby-to-term-AND-be-allowed-to-have-said-miracle-come-on-its-own-terms-and-by-the-way-did-we-mention-that-we're-done-having-children-after-this-one-so-is-it-really-smart-to-jeopardize-the-health-and-well-being-OF-AN-INFANT-a-beautiful-innocent-defenseless-INFANT-for-the-sake-of-some-friends-and-neighbors-having-a-good-time??" side of me is thinking we should postpone the social til like January or something. Especially thinking that this baby may not even show up until the 22nd!!! Somehow having a big neighborhood brewhahhah doesn't sound like a smart idea when your baby is 10 days old.

bah humbug.

oh well. I guess in the end, I'm getting what I wanted.... and a little more to boot. Perhaps this child's first lesson to me is that having Christmas Spirit leans a little more on the side of forgiveness, understanding and patience, and a little less towards staunch ability to keep commitments. I hope our friends can see it that way, anyway. Either way, I'm sure that however this year's social shakes down, it'll help us figure out who's worth getting an invite next year.

til next time; Semper Fi to all those with a Marine in their lives.... THANK YOU to all the Vets out there (past and present) .... and Happy 39 years to my folks.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


as I sit here listening to Rhena NOT take her nap, I'm wondering if it'd be considered rude to leave my blog address on our answering machine so folks would stop calling to see if the baby has come out yet?

Having gone through this before with Rhena (she was 8 days late), I know deep down that folks are just being nice and I really do feel appreciative that all of stepford is checking in on my well-being. it's just... well...

you know that old saying about if you have to ask about how much something is, you probably can't afford it? well.. if you have to ask me if I've given birth yet, maybe it's cause I HAVEN'T, or I'm really just not that into you to let you know otherwise???

bah. sorry. I'm just being grouchy. I never got my fried chicken yesterday, so maybe that's the root of it all. Momma's gots to have the grease every now and then to keep the smile on the face, ya know.

and speaking of smiles... I have to say out loud that I'm DAMN impressed with myself for not ripping into the 2-pound box of chocolates I bought a week ago for the nursing staff at the hospital. TWO POUNDS!!!! CHOCOLATE!!!! IN MY HOUSE!!!! FOR A WEEK!!!! untouched!

yes... I am going to the hospital with a thank you gift for people I haven't met yet nor have had any services rendered from. (yet) I figure it doesn't hurt to butter up the staff that will be in control of my drugs, and how quickly I get them, though. cause you know we here at the fever are BIG supporters of not feeling childbirth.

and on the subject of not feeling..... I am in no way shape or form feeling like what I ate for lunch was enough food, so I'm about to go troll for some leftover halloween candy. there's GOT to be some hidden somewhere, even if it's just a shitty bag of m&m's......

peace out....

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Thanks, but still no baby

thanks for checking in.... but nope... no baby yet.

That's fine. my 'due date' was only yesterday, so for sure we're under two weeks max now. Plus, dare I ever type this out loud... but I haven't had a full-on puke session since LAST sunday. (mind you, I'm getting up 1 -3x a night because I'm choking on the vomit in my throat....) but no hard-core puke fests in a week and a half. That's right gang... today is day TEN of no major puking!!!! How could I NOT be in a good mood?

other than that, all computer systems seem to be restored to their proper working order in the Johnson house. I even played a little Call of Duty last night on xbox live. Troy just sat and shook his head as I got obliterated by my competition.... but by my third game, I actually killed four other people. I was proud!

the weather today is one of those days where if I had the right mind, (and no child) I'd stay in bed all day. grey with a slight chill, then the occasional sun peeking through at full blast to remind you that you do indeed live in the south.... but not enough that you don't feel guilty for not being out and about basking in it. this is fried chicken weather, people..... actually, we could be having a hurricane today and I'd still think it's fried chicken weather. I just hear Bojangles calling me. (perhaps my digestive system is subconciously trying to clean itself out so I don't shit all over this next child if indeed forced to push it out???)

I dunno... nor do I want to think about it much more. I'd prefer just to focus on the fact that today is day 10 with no pukes, and in roughly or less than two weeks, we's gonna have another baby up in here. If I allow myself to actually think about the whole nature show of pain and pushing and ripping, tearing, cutting and blood and rings of fire and associated things that go hand-in-hand with child birth, I may just pass the fuck out.

so yeah... day 10, and T-minus 14 days.


Monday, November 06, 2006

Together Again

well thank the heavens.... my pirating days are over. (my days of spelling shit wrong, are NOT, however, so feel free to continue on with the editorial comments on my typos)

anyways... we still don't have the wireless router set up, so I'm currently taking up half of the living room with wires and my belly so I can connect directly to the modem.

but despite my size... I'm feeling fast. this connection is much faster than our old service.... even though I had to wait a week to get it (grrrrrrr)

I'm curious to see if the wireless connections will be as speedy. we'll see later, I suppose.

anyways... other than that... all is the same here at the Fever. still no baby.... stilllll feeling like a bloated cow. but I ain't saying anything I haven't said the past few months, now, am I?

alrighty gang. look for me to be trolling a blog near you. I have much catching up to do!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Bandwith Pirate

ok... just checking in really quick on someone else's wireless network to let y'all know that there is still no baby.

in other news, Troy decided to switch up our internet provider et all, and accidently had them cancel our old one about a WEEK before the new one will be up and running.

(I know.... don't get me started!)

in the meantime, I will pretty much NOT be online, cause when I am, I'm breaking all sorts of rules here in stepford. In fact, I wouldn't doubt it if I get a letter from the homeownerss' association fining me for the five minutes I've just pirated.

but for now... no baby.

happy november.