Friday, March 31, 2006

A new look, and a video

well, it's no surprise I changed my look.

April is upon us, so it's time to shed the greens and make way for some fresh pastels. I may have a few kinks to work out yet; let me know if you notice anything kooky.

oh, and by popular request... and because Susie said I COULD post it....

here's that video of some crazy hotel action from DC. The video makes me laugh, but add in the fact that You-tube can never quite get the sound matched up to what you're seeing, and it makes it that much more interesting.

enjoy, and see y'all at the parade.

The History of Things

so as I said, I had a weekend with my girlfriends in DC.

originally, I was going to FLY in, just for the weekend, but Troy's boss can be a real wanker, and he ended up having to work like 100 hours that weekend, so I actually ended up driving to jersey with Rhena, leaving her with my folks, then driving down to DC (sans Rhena) then driving back up to jersey so I could drive back down to NC (yes.. WITH Rhena)

It was ultimately a LOT of work for everyone involved, including my parents, but it was very worth it. and when I say worth it, I mean even worth me driving around DC proper for an hour and a half looking for Fucking-shitbagged New Hampshire Avenue, so I could finally find the rat-bastard hotel. TOTALLY rolled off my back once I saw the girls. oh, AND the 10 pounds of moosemunch Susie brought... but that's just between you and me.

As for the girls... we have a bit of history, so I find it very appropriate that we met in our Nation's capitol... where history just freaking OOZES out of practically everything you look at.

and as for our history; it may not be decades or anything, but during our time as friends.... we have gone through pregnancies, infertility issues, childbirth, child rearing, too many martinis, dogs, happiness and heartache. Those are but paltry examples; for we have shared OUR LIVES with each other these past few years. and that's really all I can say about that. I trust these girls with my secrets, and they know when to kick me in the ass, and when to cry along with me. They accept me for the crass and non-intentionally-obliterating bitch I can be, and I don't need to filter when it comes to saying how I feel about anything. so yeah. we's got history.

And DC. It was an emotionally good time for me to see the sights as well as be with my friends. The last time I was in DC, I was in the ninth grade. Back then I remember being very humbled by all that I saw. the history of sacrifice, power and greatness. It inspired me as a young adult on the verge of my future in that I, too, could be capable of great things.

As an adult and as a parent, and even as a woman.. this weekend rekindled that humbling spirit in me. I weeped at the war memorials. I gave thanks to my God for the freedoms I have, and that my husband and father, who have each served in branches of our nation's military... fufilled their obligations without physical harm. As a woman and mother myself, I cried for all the women who lost boyfriends, husbands, sons and daughters. and once again, I was thankful for Troy and my father being unharmed.

But again, I was inspired by the great people, past and present, who dedicate their lives to making America what it is. and please... I KNOW we're not a perfect nation, and I KNOW there are equally as many corrupt politicians only eager in satisfying their personal agendas. SO spare me the comments where you bash anyone in particular. We're still a complex nation with many many freedoms, and given the number of citizens (legal or otherwise) with the number of opinions that we have.. I think the United States of America is doing ok.

And again... I don't want this to turn into a political debate of hate for certain politicians or laws. No system is perfect, and not every kid likes the rules. And seriously... if you think being an American sucks... try working for THEN tell me about what sucks. So can it for now, or go hang out with Johnny Depp in France.

SO anyways... back to inspiring and happy shit. It was good.

And as for the girls again... we had fun. or at least I know I did. Conversation flowed easily, there were no uncomfortable moments, and there was plenty of good food.

Friday night had us walking around where we finally ended up in Luigi's. shit-yeah, dawg!!! I needed me some pasta, and my manicotti was on the spot. The place itself had a nice history, and having just come from Jersey where the italian food is the best fucking shit on earth.... I can say that they served up a good plate of food. The place was crowded, I envied Susie's wine, and we laughed. and we ate, and we laughed some more, then I ate even more. good times.

shortly afterwards, once back in the hotel, there was a little pj-party humping going on. I'm still waiting for Susie to say it's ok before I hotlink the video... but I know our friend Kelli in Texas would be jealous of the action Susie was providing.

Saturday we woke up WHEN WE WANTED TO.... cause there were NO CHILDREN! and NO DOGS!!!! And NO HUNGRY HUSBANDS!!!! so when we finally moseyed our way out the door, we hit up a place called Lindy's.

I still think our waitress was TOTALLY hitting on Susie, and I could have sworn she licked her lips a little when wiping up Ang's water spillage. But nonetheless.... we had a good old-fashioned grubbin' breakfast, and managed to NOT eat scrapple.

For our final meal together, we ate at Fran O'Brien's, in the Hilton Hotel. we all had steak, and damn... that steak was good. My baked potato was especially wonderful as well... but that's just cause I guilted our fun waiter, Mario into adding cheese and bacon to it. but you had to be there to understand. which unless you're Ang, Susie, or Mario.. you won't. so I'll stop. once again... no scrapple. good times.

Below are some random pics from the weekend... but I hit on the important stuff. it was a good-for-the-soul kind of weekend... where everything just kinda goes right, even when it isn't really.

So thanks to my good friends, and thanks to DC for the memories. we must do this again soon.



Ang--- poor thing kept having to smile for me! she was a good sport about all the pics, though!

Susie... actually pausing from taking her OWN pictures...

See??? I was there, too! not bad for a self-portrait if I do say so myself!

Ang paying homage to the Late Julia Child at the Smithsonean

Susie being the domestic Goddess that she is... ironing her SEX-AY blouse before dinner.

finally--- the three of us. again... thanks for the memories! XXOO

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Day of rest

so I'm finally back in the home digs here in Charlotte.

I LOVE seeing my folks, but I definitely can appreciate being back in my house, in my bed, around my stuff, and oh yeah.. my husband.

Rhena was an absolute DOLL for the trip. she fussed once or twice, but hey... I wasn't the queen of the buttercup parade, either. Going to bed around 11pm, waking up at midnight to pee, then REALLY waking up at 2:30am so you can get ready for the 10+ hour drive ahead of you tends to really take a hit on my pleasantness factor. who knew?

but the bottom line is that we got in safe and sound, and *I* caught up on some very needed sleep. after some very needed chinese food, that is.

I'm feeling very lost with all of my TV shows... me and the DVR are going to have a lot of catching up to do. I haven't watched American idol in two weeks... I know in my heart I'm not missing much, but it sure is fun to poke fun at the kids.

As for today, we're slowly getting unpacked and organized. Rhena's not feeling the morning nap I'm trying to impose on her, so I think my time on the laptop is limited. but that's ok. like I said, there's chores to be done, and food to be shopped for. all the fun shit everyone looks forward to when they come back from vacation. NOT!

the review of DC is coming, along with a few pictures. right now, though... it's time to get rhena and teach her to feed me moose munch. priorities, gang... priorities! the suitcases can wait!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Back, but not really

so... I'm back from my weekend with the girls.... but I'm only back in NJ... not home in NC.

The weekend was wonderful. I really had a good time with my friends. I *was* still sick, but I was feeling a bit better, and that combined with the warm company made for a great weekend.

pictures and a video will be forthcoming, but for now know that it was a good time, and Rhena was VERY well behaved for Grandma and Grandpa.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I'm convinced

I'm absolutely convinced that my body has something against me doing anything fun.

over the past week, I have gone from a slight cough to producing big loogies of green crap from my fog-horn coughs, a runny nose, and the inability to swallow. fucking A!!!!

Rhena and I got in ok... but I woke up at 2:30 am, so it made for a long day. only 11 hours (approx.) driving with stops for gas, but still... that's a long day.

I konked out by 8pm last night, and didn't even get to see chicken little get voted off American Idol. good. irritating little lisper. I'm sorry I missed it though.

I have to go to wal-fart today to get diapers and some teething shit for rhena... but I really feel like ass. I'm going to curl up in a ball now and hope that when I wake up again, that this impending-sick-death feeling will have passed.... and by the time I'm done driving another 4 hours tomorrow to DC that I will be past the torture-is-better stage I'm at right now. cause just ONE weekend away without rhena it would be nice to not be sick.

stupid body.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A long road

so most of you know that by this time tomorrow, I hope to be on my final leg of the NJ Turnpike, getting ready to be home. I plan on leaving between 3 - 4 am, so clearly, I have quite a long road ahead of me.

I just got off the phone with my 'twinkie' friend. We were talking and gossiping about a party she had last night, and sharing guffaws at some of the antics we witnessed from some of the other guests.

at one point in our conversation, her caller id blipped, and she said she was going to check it out, and that she would be right back.

an hour and a half later, she called me back. (I hung up after about 3 minutes)

Turns out the call was from her brother. Her brother whom had discommunicated himself from her family too many years ago (over 10, if I recall correctly). Her brother whom she , as of a month ago, honestly had no clue whether or not was even alive.

I am SO HAPPY for her. Tears easily washed through my eyes as I told her how happy I was for her, because I really and truly can not imagine my life with my brother (and all things associated to him for that matter) not in it.

When I think of my brother, I think of all the memories, and again, I'm flooded with emotion, because I just can not imagine my life without him being part of it.

In the past ten years, I was a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding, I gave the commencement address at graduation for Embry-Riddle, my niece Dara was born, I was Dara's Godmother at her Baptism, our Grandma Czernikowski died, I met Troy, Delaney was born, I got really stupid drunk in some bar in pennsylvania, I broke up with troy, I got back together with troy, Troy and I got engaged, Damian was born, we moved to nevada, Troy and I got married, I got pregnant, Derek got drunk in reno, Rhena was born, Derek and Dawn were Godparents at Rhena's baptism, we moved to NC, disneyland. There's been laughter, there's been arguments, there's been some name calling, and there have been hugs. and moments of sanity and clarity where I realize there's another person in the planet who GETS me cause we went through the same shit.

I can not imagine those memories not existing. I can't imagine NOT knowing my nieces and nephew. my sister in law. I weep at the thought of not having any of them. I cry even more at the thought of THEM not knowing Troy. The wonderful man I married. Who brings me joy every day (and makes me choke on his farts and irritates me with his childlike antics... but also makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the room... the man who holds my hand at all the times I need him to, and makes me a better person.) And the man who gave me Rhena. How can anyone know anything about me and not know my baby girl? I just can't imagine.

My cousin went through a period where she had no contact with her Brother, but then one day, somehow, they reconnected.

A lot happened during the absence, and I imagine it was difficult at first, but the point is that now they are together again as a family and have the present and future to build upon. I still can not fathom the flurry of emotions that occur in a situation like that; because surely loss, anger, resentment, sadness, and confusion were very real and present during the time of absence. Those emotions suddenly meeting up with shock, relief, happiness, love, and longing can really put things into a spin. But I guess eventually all settles down and you take a look at where things are and which way to proceed.

I know for my cousins, there was no other choice but to proceed together and not miss any more time with one another in each other's lives. I strongly believe that if I were ever out of contact with my brother, that I would leap at a chance for reconnection. Whether I speak of my memories with him of the past ten years or our FIRST ten years on this planet... it makes no difference. He is my brother, and he belongs in my life. For all intents and purposes, I can go so far to say he IS my life. He is family.

I wish that for my friend. I wish her family the chance to know and grow with one another. To not dwell on the period of absence as much as focusing on the fact that they have the now and what's ahead. I wish her and her family safe journeys on the long road ahead, but mainly happiness and comfort that once again they are on that road together.


see you in a few days, gang. next post from me will be in jersey, then another after I get back from DC. safe journeys to you in the meantime!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Weighing In

So boogie had her 18-month check-up today. It still boggles me that she's a year and a half old already. I'm so doomed for when she gets to double digits.

but speaking of double digits... I have to admit I'm very proud of the pooper. She has maintained the ability to stay in the lower 10th percentile for weight!!! I do realize that that's pretty low, and that's NOT what I'm proud about... what I'm celebrating is that she's no longer in her downward trend, and has seemed to find a place on the chart (mind you ON the chart... another reason to be happy) and actually stay there for the past 2 checkups.

So fully clothed, the nurse said her weight was 21 pounds, 10 ounces. of course, today is actually a cold day, so I donned rhena in her heaviest sweater, jeans, and onesie I could... but nonetheless... she broke 21 pounds.

And it's funny... I obsess about weight like the number really matters. Well, maybe not funny funny, but just a trend I notice in myself.

I've always been a number freak. could explain the reason why I went into engineering, but I know it doesn't come close to explaining the obsessive behavior I get when it comes to dealing with my weight. Like three or five pounds really matter???

When I was pregnant with Rhena, my weight was all over the board. mainly in the downward trend, but then there was a week where I would gain six pounds, then loose 4 the next.

and the numbers are just plain bullshit, anyway.... what one person can do to 135 pounds can be another person's nightmare. And even if my weight in numbers is lower than when I got married, that doesn't mean shit fits the same. oh, no. the numbers. all smoke and mirrors.

and with certain numbers doesn't necessarily come happiness. The more weight I lose, the more I feel inclined to lose even more. and I KNOW there's others out there just like that. which is FINE to some extent. but when you constantly find yourself five pounds away from happiness, regardless of the weight you're at... it might be time to find a new thing to make you happy.

and the more I think about my OWN fucked up sense of self-image, I begin to wonder what little baby Rhena will grow up to be like. I mean... I know for DAMN sure Hollywood isn't exactly producing any great role it's even more obvious the onus is on me. which I'm *totally* cool with... but after yay-so-many years of depreciating my own physical value.. is it too late for me to turn over a new leaf? Does acceptance of one's self always equate to slovenly appearances?

all in all, I'm comfortable with myself. sure there's things I could and SHOULD change, but I'm not about to go out and do the steps to facilitate those changes... so I should forego my right to bitch. But we all know I like to bitch about SOMETHING (ok... anything.. everything) and so I do.

Then you add in the social sphere of camaraderie of bitching about one's weight, and I'm unstoppable. I can go on for at LEAST an hour with comparisons of my ass to all sorts of Map Objects. (and yes... I'm feeling a little tired at the moment, so I WON'T carry on about the size of my ass, but you can all check it off your Cze-Bingo cards, cause I did indeed blog about my ass)

so anyways.. the whole social "I'm fat" brigade. I know I willingly participate in conversations where I insist my ass is akin to a double whopper with two time zones... but at the end of the day... it doesn't really bother me THAT much. but it's habit, and makes for fun conversation. it really does.

But alas... the older Rhena gets, then more I really think about the things I'm saying and the impact they have on her. If I go on and on about my ass being so HUUUUGE, and yet secretly am comfortable (and if not comfortable, then at the very least content to the point of no action necessary) with my bubbliciousness, then what message am I sending to Rhena? That it's ok to bitch and not take any measures to make changes? hmmm. not good.

maybe I'm sending the message that it's socially acceptable (maybe expected?) to depreciate oneself? hmmm. that's not so good either.

SO it all boils down to the fact that I'm realizing that these little things we spew out into the world are so much more than our children. The Sopranos used one of my favorite Spiderman lines last night in the coming attractions:

"With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"

no shit, brother. no shit. I hope I'm up to the part.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Hard to Digest

so I totally forgot to write about Rhena turning 18 months old yesterday. ASIDE from the fact that I'm amazed a year and a half has gone b y so quickly, I was thinking about how uncanny it is that Rhena will always have a half-birthday on St Patty's day. .....I sense trouble (or at least a number of hangovers) for her in the future if she's anything like her dear old folks.

So anyways, I was going to do a nice little tribute to her in today's post... kinda like how some bloggers write letters to their kids on certain milestones... but we all know I'm never going to let rhena read this crap I spew (too many curses) and frankly, today I got a MAD case of the shits, so I have no energy to be prolific.

I was fine earlier today.. just crampy in a I-ate-those-hotdogs-too-fast kind of way, but after a family walk around the neighborhood, I realized there was gonna be some thunder down under.

I'll put out a little warning for those who are faint of heart or could be experiencing pregnancy-induced-high-nausea at the time.. you may not want to read this. Hell, any normal person probably doesn't want to read about my adventures in toilet-ville... but I just have to vent.

I really think God has a jacked-up sense of humor when it comes to shitting. I mean... I get the fact that it gets gross and nasty and smells bad.... but the pissing out of the ass???? perhaps the cruelest gift yet.

I mean... everyone's been there. quarter-sized drops of sweat forming on weird places like YOUR WRISTS.... the heat flash that starts at the base of your spine and sloooooowly crawls up your back and over the back of you head like a hood on a sweatshirt. The holy-shit-was-that-a-taco-I-ate-or-a-bag-of-FORKS?? stabbing pains in the gut.

Side note... mainly to my father, but maybe also to my brother or mom.... is there a dumb joke that has a punchline of "come on ice cream!!" ??? because I assure you on Rhena's pretty little feet that every time I've got the runs, that saying pops in my head. any explanation to this would be appreciated!

so anyways... the shits suck. what I do hate, however, that the worse the shit is, the more pain you experience, but the less color the shit itself is. Anyone else have that??? that you actually shit CLEAR LIQUID??? I mean... damn it all... for the pain and smells I'm going through... I ought to get some rainbow concoction as a prize.

oh well. perhaps the fumes got the better of me today, cause reading back, this post doesn't make much sense. I'm just really tired of shitting tonight. and besides... I gave you a chance to stop reading, so if you're shaking your head as much as I am right now... you only have yourself to blame.

as for me... I'm off to dispell yet another level of evil from the southlands.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Luck of the (greek) Irish

well.. first off... happy St. Patty's Day, everyone!

In other news.. we finally have our first winner of Cze-Bingo!! Marianna of My Big Fat Greek Blog... aka Greekchickie... cashed in with her 5-in-a-row yesterday afternoon. Take a look:

Now fear not... there's still 4 more ways to win! Everyone's got a chance at the four remaining puzzles, cause no one has falsely claimed bingo on those patterns yet! Sorry, Marianna, but Cze-Bingo is officially over for you. Now that you're a winner, sit back and rest on your laurels. oh, and cheer on everyone else, cause no prizes will be sent until all the puzzles have been achieved!

on a last note.... I would like to extend her wishes to everyone for a happy and safe celebration of all things Irish today. if you have any shots, raise one up for the Old Man Murph.... and know that these Irish Eyes are Smilin' on you.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Good riddance

Is it me, or does anyone else find it EXTREMELY odd that Chicken Little is STILL on American Idol???

I mean... don't get me wrong.. I was happy to see Whore-bagger go already, but good lord, people.... THE KID HAS A LISP!!!!

Oh well... it's been a tiring past few days; and unfortunately because of that, I've lost my verve for shredding on pretty much every person affiliated with AI. maybe next week.

oh wait... next week I'll be driving to NJ. oh well. I'll find a way to bitch.... I always do!

anyways; American Idol has been my train wreck for the past five years. I can't help but watch the HORRID singers during auditions, then as the season progresses, I can't help but watch as Randy LITERALLY makes himself and others dumber the more he's on air. I can't help but watch Paula embarrass anyone and everyone who was ever a cheerleader in their lives, and SImon... well.. I don't mind him so much, but seriously.. the Eddie Munster hair needs some fixin'.

Ryan Seacrest is on the show, but I still can't figure out why. it's not like anyone ever LISTENS to him. I mean, if you're going to get into a pissing match with Simon every week, at least make it worth watching. I swear watching those two go back and forth is worse than two sorority girls fighting over lipgloss during spring break.

but I continue to watch. I continue to watch as people like Kelly Pickler and Bucky Cowboy make normal people wonder aloud if EVERYONE from North Carolina lives in a trailer and considers dining at Cracker Barrel a fancy supper.

it literally makes my head hurt. but... I continue to watch.

oh well. my own fault, I know, but hey.. I never claimed to have a lot of common sense.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


so today had to have been one of the best half hours to be Rhena's mom.

I can NOT even begin to describe how FUCKING EXCITED she was to be at swim class today. the joyful shrieking began as soon as we stepped out of the locker room and she saw the water.

I mean... she was happy before then. but she always gets happy when she puts on new clothes. see?

but dude. if she could ever hone the power of Randy Jackson.. I ASSURE you she was FEELIN' IT, DAWG!!!! cause DUDE!!! IT WAS THE BOMB!!!!!!

From the beginning of class to the very last song, my little petunia kicked and splashed and laughed in delight. She clapped!!! cause look how fun my teacher is when she SINGS!!! and when I CLAP I SPLASH!!! hoooooooooo hoooooooooooo hoooooooo heh heh heh!!!!

sorry... I was putting myself in Rhena's head there for a minute.

but good times, seriously.

I still think the locker room is much like the discovery channel, but when my baby has THAT good of a time... hell. it's worth it.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Back to the Grind

well... I had a nice weekend.

I know some of you were wondering why no posts this weekend, but hey. I was busy.

Before I get into my daily rant about whatever... I want to call your attention to my SIDEBAR.

For those of you who are Cze-Bingo Impaired, I have added some info that will help you play along. I have begun to list the squares that all of you may check off... along with the link to the post in which the topic was mentioned. MIND you... you all still have plenty of opportunities to cross off squares. leaving the cool comment, commenting every day for a week (yes, that's SEVEN days in a row!) , having a link to me in your blogroll, or even campaigning to get 20 unique commenters to leave a comment on one post. (NO... this does not mean the post must exceed 20 comments... I'm looking for 20 different folks leaving a comment. on one post.)


oh how the sweet sweet justice comes around! Remember a few posts back when my dear old pop made mention of what a FRIGID BITCH I AM??? HAH! that dumb old Polack called Cze-Bingo on Friday for 5-in-a-row and DOESN'T HAVE IT!!!!

SO that means he is NO LONGER QUALIFIED to win the 5-in-a-row!!! I promised to lay much much shame and ridicule on those who falsely claim Cze-bingo... but I think the irony speaks for itself in this case.

Oh, and Gina is ALSO not allowed to win the 5-in-a-row puzzle, cause she biffed it earlier too.

So... as the sidebar states... all puzzles are STILL up for grabs!

And regarding the sidebar... if you feel I've made mention of something that would call for a square being crossed off, but I DO NOT have it listed... e-mail me, or leave a comment. Being that I'm the judge and everything, I can give you the official ruling.


now that THAT'S out of the way.....

On Friday I made MENTION of New Jersey, but I didn't really blog about it. I will do so today, however... because it turns out I'll be going there next week!

I'm pretty excited, because at first, it seemed as if my trip to DC was going to be doomed due to lack of babysitting. However... after a serious bout of cursing, near run-in with tears, and a very needed IM session... I've decided to scrap the plane ticket, and drive with Boogie up to Jersey. Thankfully, my folks will watch Rhena while I have a very nice child-free-adult-cultural-but-no-drinking-cause-I-gave-it-up-for-lent-weekend in our nation's Capital.

It's going to be a pain in the ass to drive, but there'll be plenty o' benefits to being home. First off is really the FOOD, but I have to say it's seeing my family. but seriously. I can't wait to EAT! I mean, you know... have dinner with my folks and my brother and his crew and other relatives.

Also, having the peace of mind that Rhena's with family helps me a great deal, too. and I just LOVE Jersey. I mean.. I love living here in our big ass house... but going home is good. resets the batteries if you will. cause you know.... every once in a while... even a bitch like me needs a mom and dad, too. and pizza. and music. and a damned dunkin donuts that carries the apple-crunch flavor. and more family.

so yeah. headin' up to the Garden State so I can go away to DC for a weekend. makes sense to me.

ok. that's all for now. I have CCD tonight, so I have to get my stuff ready for tonight. Also... Rhena starts up her swimming classes again tomorrow, so be on the lookout for an adorable baby with a new cabana set!

Friday, March 10, 2006

Sunny days and Disco ways

so you ever have one of those days that you just KNOW if someone was following /watching you, that the soundtrack would be really frigging AWESOME???

so today is TOTALLY one of those days for me. today is a DISCO DAY.

let's face it... coming from a girl who dedicated her blog for at least three months to a disco theme and purely song titles... it should be no surprise on how I dig those groovy beats from the 70's.

I mean, I'm sure some of you are thinking that my taste in music may be questionable, but you don't hear me bagging on your weird niche for country or 80's music.. or at least not today, anyway....

but seriously. it's not like I grew up in studio 54, or had a roller-momma and leisure-suit daddy growing up. On the contrary.. my folks exposed us to all sorts of music growing up.. from classical to the classics. and I appreciate it all... but I love me some disco!

and I can't quite explain my 'fervor' for the fever of Disco... it's just there.

maybe before 1972, my soul resided in a blue-satin, feathered-hair-havin' dancing queen. maybe just maybe I frequented the clubs as a hot-to-trot little thing in my twenties but died of a drug overdose in late 1971. so full-well knowing the music I loved and died with was only just beginning, I re-incarnated myself into a little girl destined to be born in the suburbs of Jersey in December of '72. maybe.

but maybe not.

maybe I just have a thing for disco. well, not MAYBE. I definitely do. no doubt about it.

and when people ask me WHY I have such a ZEN for disco... I really don't have an explanation. it's just there. like some people REALLY like chocolate. and other people REALLY like breathing. Me? I like disco.

My biggest theory (other than the drug-overdose-die-before-my-true-prime-reincarnation-theory) is that as a child of the 70's, I just associate the disco music with happy and carefree times of yesteryear. As a teenager-now-adult, disco tapped into some mental security blanket that made me feel safe and happy, much like the way I felt throughout my entire childhood. safe and happy.

and I *kinda* give myself psychological props, cause on paper (or monitor) that SOUNDS understandable.... how can the one thing that triggers someone inward to a safe and calm be the one thing that invigorates and liberates me the most?

It doesn't make sense. honestly, for as long as I can remember, I have always found my escape in music. Whether I was 12 years old making up new dance moves for the latest duran duran video (because I was positive that Simon LeBon would notice my stellar routine and want to marry me...) or 18 going to the 18-to-party-21-to-drink nightclubs with my cousin Rachel to catch the latest 'freestyle' artist that was performing that week, or throughout my 20's and even now.... the music set me free.

In the clubs.. I was no longer anyone's daughter or sister or student. I was a wisp of paper flowing to whatever direction the windy beats would take me. I was an enigma. I no longer had to have the right answers or say the right words, because I was caught up in the music. Each layer and riff and beat would enter my ears and take over my body until the lights would come on.

As a mom now living in make-shift Stepford, sometimes it's hard to connect with those feelings I had in my 20's. when I was in college, I took a creative writing class, and I actually captured my thoughts about music. I wrote it in Spring of '94, but still have the assignment. here's what it said:

People are watching me. I know it. I'm not always aware of them, but I know it. Some are blatant about it, crowding around me, pointing with their ooh's and ahh's. Others are discreet. They pretend to occupy themselves with something while they sneak glances at the spectacle. That's ok, though. I'm not here for them, I'm here for me.'s like a drug, really, this music; these tribal, electronic sounds I experience. They call to me; they get inside. Before long, my heart pumps to a 16-count, and my legs begin to kick. I can't control my actions.... I'm moving my arms now. I can't tell anymore whether I'm hearing the music, or if it's coming from me. I feel alive, as laser-bright colors stream through me like electricity. maybe I'm dead... I think I'm floating. My hips won't stop shaking. It's got control of me now. This feeling wants to get out, to explode; but my body provides limitations, so I sweat. I open my mouth and my spirit screams free. This is Euphoria. This is Saturday night, and I'm dancing.
Let them watch.

Again... as a mom now, I don't get much time to get out there and shake it, but any time I hear a good disco song... it burrows in and gets things moving... even if only just a flutter some days. it reminds me of who I am... even when I'm buried deep down under layers and layers of real life.

so yeah. I love me some disco music. plain and simple.

Now turn up the music and Dance!! dance, dance, dance!!!!!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Playing Games

well.. I have to hand it to Susie.

not only is she referring people to my blog to get an easy point by complimenting my win last month in her Name That Tune game.... but she's also trying to get me to comment in my own comment section to get a point. tricky. I like her style.

I ALSO notice that the last post is dannnngerously close to 20 comments. but the trick was that they have to be from different commenters.... so don't think you'll be getting that square just yet. BUT... all of you SHOULD be kissing susie's ass for campaigning for the comments for me so y'all CAN cross that square off. Talk about a team player!!! y'all could learn something from her! ;)

and yes.. yesterday I DID NOT say Anyways three or more times. you know... I DO like for some people to get squares every now and then.... sheesh! I mean... even though my dad might call me a frigid bitch (oh, and I think Susie did, too.... which by the way.. thanks guys... you make me feel so loved!) anyways.. even though my dad called me a frigid bitch it doesn't mean I don't want people to have fun in Cze-bingo! so mark your cards already!

what else... oh yes. my post.

today I caught myself being a little sneaky. Not sneaky as in weasely-sneaky... just sneaky in a trying-to-manipulate-the-situation-sneaky.

today, ladies and gents... today was my turn to host playgroup. GAH.

now... I've said it before, but seriously.... there are TOO many kids in our playgroup. and they're animals.

As much as I almost even LIKE each of the moms by themselves.... the moms have this strange ability to turn into completely different people when around each other (I call it the Estee Lauder effect... back from my make-up mafia days when I worked with a group of women that were so far up each other's asses I had a hard time deciphering where one stopped and the other started). It's like... one can't shit without the other one wiping their ass. does that make sense???

when these particular women get together... they are worse than the Heathers from "Heathers". which is ALSO ultimately fine...but there's no way in fucking hell you're going to see me nestling into anyone's ass any time soon. because as some people have noticed... I'm really not into kissing anyone's ass. ESPECIALLY in a group setting.

There happens to be a main Heather in our playgroup. and she also happens to not ever attend playgroup if it is hosted at a location away from our neighborhood. I know this because she has a very important activity that she does with one of her other animals... I mean children... and due to timing, it's not logistically possible for her to attend any 'satellite location' playgroups.

so today... I hosted it at the mall.

sneaky, I know... but my reasoning is that if the Main Heather didn't attend, then perhaps the other Estee Lauder Girls would ALSO not attend, and it just might be me, Rhena, and the three other moms I actually like from playgroup.

sneaky. see?

but honestly... I don't care. I'm cordial and pleasant and will make my small talk with each of the moms... but that's the extent of it. I have a tiny feeling that some of the moms don't like that I don't do the whole southern-bullshit-fakely-sweet behavior... and others yet are probably miffed I don't go out of my way to make everything about them.... but you know what I say to people like that? FUCK 'EM!

and really.. thats just how it is.

there's certain games I'm willing to play.. and others yet I know I have to regardless of how much I'm stewing inside.... but shit like that is usually reserved for family and GOOD friends.

again... they're nice enough as individuals. I respect them as women and as moms and as living breathing humans sharing this planet, and the same neighborhood at that.

but when I see a normally independent, smart and funny individual turning into a YES-girl... repeating things and saying other things for the sake of being liked or accepted by another individual who couldn't give two shits about anyone other than themselves... well... it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and I start to lose respect for the wannabe.

I have seen it. we ALL have. mainly in high school, but I can guarantee you that if you put a group of women together, this phenomenon happens.

And... not to lie or anything.. in the past I have also been guilty of toying with someone ... just to see how far they will go. And that's wrong, and I know it. Which is why I now just pretty much try to avoid situations where I see the Estee Lauder Effect happening.

so today... Main Heather did not show up... and the Estee Lauder girls were social. It was actually a nice time today.. as much as I hate to admit it.

but then again... maybe I'm just in a good mood because I have a date tonight. but more about that tomorrow.

have a great day, gang!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

from the absurd and beyond

so as if South Dakota didn't have you all scratching your heads enough....

here's a little doozie from the "oh no she di'int" files.

When the daughter of Madonna asked her dear old mum whether or not she was now gay for kissing Brittney Spears at the awards show 3 years back... our former "virgin material girl" profoundly responded:

“No, it just means I kissed Britney Spears. I am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star. And I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her.”

um... yeah.

cause shit like this REALLY makes me want to go out and buy one of your children's books, M.



wow wow wow.

just read a post over at Johnboy's place, who sent me over to Amanda B's place, and moreso the SLEW of comments that ensued.

so much of what I feel was covered by several people in the comments.

but for the record.... I can not, in any ounce of my heart, take away someone's right to choose what to do when faced with a pregnancy.

I mean.... no one asked me my opinion of what should be done at the point of conception, (or just prior to) so who am I to tell someone what to do with the fetus growing inside?

I mean, seriously. as much as I have an ego, I'm not God.... nor do I pretend to be.

and I know this might be a tough topic for my parents to swallow, cause I *AM* Catholic, and as a Catholic, I believe I am to respect life.... ALL LIFE... because life is a gift from God.

but our Free Will is ALSO a gift from God, so who am I to tell someone else what they can and can not do? (grain of salt, here... I CAN and WILL tell Rhena she can not play with knives or play with toasters in the bathtub etc etc etc).

but my point is this. It's not my place to tell someone if they're right or wrong in regards to having an abortion. I believe that we shall ALL have our day of judgment, and maybe just maybe my support for the freedom to choose will be what sends me into the fires for eternity..... but I'm still going to eat meat, and kill bugs, and politically be pro-choice.

and why? because I can.

ps... anyways, anyways, anyways.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

In Case of Cze-Bingo

I know I posted this in the RULES.....

but let's make it a little clearer.

if you believe you have CZE-BINGO...... you must post a comment saying so.

for official reasons, I would like you to post remotely in the following context:

I have the pattern of (insert pattern here)
My card number is (insert card # here)

feel free to make fun of everyone else at this time if you really feel you're the winner. However... please remember that any and all official Cze-Bingo claims will be verified by yours truly.

if you have FALSELY CLAIMED Cze-bingo.... not only will you be disqualified from that particular pattern, but I will make fun of you to no end. You will, however, be able to attempt to win another pattern if any patterns remain left to be won.

Once you win at Cze-bingo, I kindly ask you to rest on your laurels. I have the same prize for each pattern winner, so it will not behoove you to 'hold out' for one pattern over another.

One final reminder... only posts and activities from March 1st, 2006 and newer are applicable towards the game.... so be careful and don't make any false claims!

oh... and ps... anyways anyways anyways!!!!

Attention Shoppers!

We're having a meltdown in the freezer section!
attention shoppers, we are having a meltdown in the freezer section!


so today Rhena did REALLY well in church. and I should have really reviewed the words of "the Gambler" by Kenny Rogers... but nooooo. I pushed for more. I decided to go FOOD SHOPPING after church.

so aside from the fact that I had heels on, and Rhena was well beyond being ready for a nap..... hello?? SUNDAY???? the food store was MOBBED!!!!

to make matters worse, every aisle has some HUGE ASS DOLLY full of boxes and boxes of food that needed to be shelved.


so mix that all in with Rhena needing a nap, too many people trying to squeeze through a narrow walkways (thank you stock boy with your huge ass dolly!) and aisle after aisle of some IDIOT stopping their cart RIGHT NEXT TO SAID DOLLY SO NO ONE COULD PASS, and more than a handful of old folk getting in WAY TOO CLOSE to rhena cause oh! what a pretty girl she is, and OH! isn't her dress just DARLING? and did I mention that try as I might I couldn't fucking find the OJ with lots of pulp and calcium added???? IN ANY BRAND??????

yes, ladies and gentlemen... we hit a nerve right there in between frozen foods and the OJ display. Rhena decided to try out her hyperventillating whine with a touch of sobbing when ALL I WANTED WAS SOME DAMN ORANGE JUICE. WITH PULP! AND CALCIUM!


oh well. at the moment that I realized I was no longer furtively searching the orange juice, and somehow was now being pissed that none of the lemonades had lots of pulp (or calcium, either!!) I realized it was time for Rhena to get out of the cart, and for me to have a snack.

I also just grabbed a big orange container that even now I have no idea if it's even OJ... I could very well have myself a huge container of tangelo-grapefruit-from-concentrate-and-no-pulp-juice-aide... but at this point I don't care.

boogie is sleeping, I had a snack, and we're not in the food store anymore. phew! happy sunday!

oh! as a side note... apparently there is no race today, so if anyone was hoping I was going to rant on about my dislike for something... it's going to have to wait til next sunday. sorry!

oh... and double PS.... anyways anyways anyways!

Saturday, March 04, 2006


so it appears that yesterday just kinda got away from me.

I feel just a TEENY bit bad about telling you all to come here and comment every day, and yet I don't have a new post for you... but then again... I really don't feel all THAT bad. so deal with it.

I realize it's been a while since I've mentioned Rhena... just because of the whole cze-bingo thing and everything. but I need to just break the seal already and tlel you all what an amazing little person she is.

now... I know everyone's rolling their eyes, because really--- who wants to hear yet ANOTHER PARENT touting the wonders of their child?

to spare you SOME of the it's-so-damn-thick-in-here-I-need-a-pair-of-boots feelings... I'll say this. Rhena is amazing to me because I look at her and think... huh! we made that!!! I mean. that little body came OUT of ME!!! fucking amazing!

I mean, so I guess besides my amazement in general for the creation of another human... I look at her and watch all the things she does. I can see her think. and that... well that's pretty damn cool, too.

she makes monster noises, she teases me by pretending to chew my nose. she has a fake laugh (yes.. already! she knows when she has an audience, and she certainly hams it up!)

she runs, she jumps, and oh so much more.

and lately... she's been VERY lovey. hugs, kisses, and a few extra snuggles on the couch here and there.

and all of that... every day that's filled with EXCITEMENT!! and NEWNESS!!! is what amazes me the most. She is literally the coolest science project I have ever had in my life.

so anyways... there's your post about Rhena. now I can freely talk about her cause her 'contest seal' has been broken.

oh and by the way... anyways anyways!!!

have a great weekend. Tomorrow is Sunday, and since it's a popular day for something I don't like.. I may very well be blogging again.


Thursday, March 02, 2006

your Questions Answered

I can see y'all have been trying verrrrry hard to get me to comment in my own comments, but it ain't gonna happen.

for the questions that have been asked... I have made additions-slash-clarificatioins to the RULES.

Please note that any words I use or DO NOT use in the RULES do not apply towards the game, as the RULES were posted before the game began.

so click on the RULES and scroll down to have your questions answered.

by the way...

anyways anyways anyways!!!


exorcising the demons

well... I see we had a very good turnout yesterday for the Cze-Bingo kickoff.

My Old man called me a frigid bitch... in attempts of checking off the "cool" square. I can't really give him and flack for that, being that... well... I AM a bitch!

anyways... my brother came by earlier today just to leave his comment for the day. me thinks he's trying to get his 'leave a comment every day for a week' square marked off.

as for me... I'm trying to get the 'make house not look like a fucking pigstye' square checked off.

I FINALLY got around to putting the sheets on the bed in the guest room, and cleaning that bathroom.

I still have 2 more 'main' sections of hardwoods that need attention, and I'm debating whether or not to vacuum during my little break here.

the laundry.... I don't know. I think we must secrete some funky "make clothes double in size once in the hamper (or on the floor sorta near the hamper cause God forbid someone actually LIFTS the LID off the damn thing)" syrum or something. anyways... my point is this. we've got a lot of frigging clothes. and they always need to be washed!!!

I really don't get it, either... I mean... it's not like i'm back in the having-a-social-life days where I used to change outfits like 6 times a day? I dunno.

what else... I was kinda upset no one took my bait for a bribe and played Susie's contest yesterday. though neener neener neener... I ended up winning the month of February anyways, so no corner squares for you!

oh... speaking of nothing, but I was just reminded... can I get a HELL YEAH that the Office is back on tonight??? sheesh! I mean, God Bless America and everything, but Lord Almighty, I was OVAH those Olympics!!! tonight I rest intent knowing my fix of Steve Carell will be met. LOVE that show!

have I said ANYWAYS three times yet?? hmmmm. yes.

ok. that's all for now. I must tend to my fish in this stupid fish-tycoon game I downloaded... and then clean. for the house does not clean itself.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006


ok... so by now everyone's had a chance to e-mail me and get their game cards... so it's time to begin!

Any posts from here on out will be applicable towards checking off a square.

Good luck to all who have entered... may the Gods of Cze-bingo be with you!

speaking of contests.... I have a way that I may be able to be bribed!!!

If you'd like for me to blog about a certain subject (say something in a very coveted CORNER SQUARE) why don't you hop on over to SUSIE'S PLACE and particpate in her contest today??? It's her name that tune contest, and she should be posting this week's round at 9am. Be sure to leave her a comment and tell her I sent you!!!!

now the bitch of it all is that I (oops... guess I"m not giving up cursing for Lent!) anyways... the bitch of it all is that Mass starts at 9am, which means I ought to be leaving in about a half hour, which ALSO means I won't be playing in Suser's contest today.

on TOP of that, I have to skee-daddle to to a get together at 9:30, so there's no way I'll be getting any points. which really sucks cause I WAS in the lead. fuckernuts.

anyways... today is just one of those days that I really think giving up drinking for Lent is a bad idea. but since I already screwed the pooch on the cursing thing... I ought to do something tough.

so what else??? oh!! as for the outgoing links square... header and footers are NOT included. sorry. so don't even try to play that shit. anyways.. I talked about drinking already, so you can go ahead and check that one off.

I'm not very pleased with my template. I may be changing it again. stupid "hello" service made the banner all grainy and distorted, so I may have to switch it up again.


I need to get holy. seriously. I need me some Jesus!

go play Susie's game, and good luck to all the Cze-bingoers!!!

Happy March!