Friday, September 29, 2006

Three pounds forward, four weeks back

well... it's friday... and all I can say is thank goodness.

yesterday was one of those afternoons that reminds me that this pregnancy can really do a humdinger on my head... especially when the hormones are allowed to have a say in anything.

To recap... I had my 34 week appointment yesterday. I was sort of excited, cause we're heading into the final stretch, and I was enjoying the fact that I still had one more appointment left before my lower body becomes the latest exploratory region for anyone with rubber gloves.

(Call me silly.. but I've been enjoying not having to take my pants off in my enlarged state)

anyways... turns out I had to wake Rhena up from her nap so I could make it to the appointment on time. for anyone not knowing Rhena.. this in itself is a BAD IDEA. You see... Rhena... like her momma... does NOT like to be pried from sleep. when able to wake up on our own.. we can be very pleasant people. however... whomever dost wake the slumbering beast.... well, let's just say they're in for a real hell ride for the next HOUR or so.

SO if you can tell where I'm going with this... rhena was a real skootch the whole appointment. screamed and cried when I had to do my urine sample, cause.. who the hell knows ... cause we were in a bathroom??? And while I'm at it.. why on earth do doctors' offices bathrooms have such a tendency to ECHO??? I mean... seriously. most of the time if you're at a doctor's office, you're not feeling well, and add in bathroom time to that, and well, echoing is just not pretty. And rhena screaming to an echo was no fun either.

(I won't even really get into how I ended up pissing on my own hand and spilling half my sample on my thigh... I'll just let you run with that one....)

so it turns out the doctor I was scheduled to see had to go deliver a baby. This didn't bother me so much, cause I like knowing that in the back of my head that babies coming out of vaginas take precendence over scheduled appointments. but the extra time with a pissed off child waiting for another doctor to see me did not make the day go quicker, if you know what I mean.

so yadda yadda yadda... finally stuff gets rolling, and I'm happy to report that I actually gained weight this appointment. 3 pounds, to be exact. This makes my total gain to this point at 14 pounds, which is pretty good for all the puking I've been doing. so hooray! progress!

Unfortunately, the next part of my exam didn't go as well. turns out my belly is only now measuring 30 cm.... which is a whole centimeter less than I was two weeks ago, and approximately FOUR less than what I SHOULD be measuring for someone who is 34 weeks pregnant.

so basically... even though I finally gained some weight... my belly shrunk.

given my frazzled state from rhena yesterday afternoon, and the hormones that tend to run amok during pregnancy... I did not receive this news very well. I manned up as the doctor measured me no less than six times, all with a furrowed brow. I manned up when each person that came into the room muttered a concerned "only 30 cm? oh..." and even again when they told me to come back next week for an ultrasound.

I cried like a baby when I called troy on my way home, though. and when I talked to my mom once I got home.

cause you know... with all the shit I've been dealing with with the puking and the medications, and rhena being an UBER pain in the ass yesterday... I just kinda broke.

Today... I'm fine. I know in my head that things must not be at a state of emergency alarm, because they would have made me have an ultrasound like right then, or even today. The fact that it can wait a week makes me feel like this is only a precautionary measure for the One Within.

I DO maintain some quiet reservations wondering if all the anti-puke meds have anything to do with this backwards development in the baby's growth.... but right now they're still quiet. I figure there'll be plenty of time to stress next Thursday if indeed anything is majorly wrong.

and again... I'm happy about the weight gain. that's a good sign. But alas... I'd be lying to say if my heart wasn't just a teeny bit heavy with concern for the One Within.

oh well. next thursday will be here soon enough, and I'm sure Rhena will keep me busy til then. In the meantime... I'll be the one laying low, and secretly rubbing breast-enlargement cream on my belly.

have a good weekend, gang....

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Body by Chex Mix

I SERIOUSLY have a problem.

it's called chex mix, and I've been eating the shit out of it like it's my JOB. I've eaten no less than three bags of the "chocolate lover's Turtle flavor" this month alone. BY MYSELF. and MOST of the time, mowing down at least half a bag in one sitting.

and you KNOW it's just naaaaaasty when I puke it up later... but here I am... chomp chomp crunch. *poof!* another bag bites the dust!

I mean, I suppose there are worse things I could be inhaling at break-neck speed... like, say.... deep fried oreos??? (which, by the way, I have never had, but my girlfriend told me she saw a sign for them and now I'm utterly intrigued by the idea......)

other than my strange and totally wrong-proportioned eating habits.. not much is shaking here. Fall TV shows have begun again, so my movie watching and book reading has declined to the point of me MAYBE reading like one chapter of a trashy easy-reading book a week. IF THAT. and netflix is surely getting their money's worth out of us now, as we MIGHT watch one movie a week. MIGHT. most of the time it's HALF a movie, and then it sits around for another three weeks til we watch the second half.

I did watch Green Street Hooligans last night, though. interesting flick... VERY graphic fight scenes. like makes-Fight-Club-look-like-a-bunch-of-pussies-sitting-around-drinking-tea kind of graphic. I was ducking and weaving and saying OOF! and OH! like the old batman shows on more than one occasion.

It got troy and I playing the 'what if' game afterwards, too. Like... "what if we're out sometime and some guy comes up to you and grabs you really hard? how would you wnat me to react?"

It lead to an interesting conversation regarding how so many women differ on their thoughts... from the "if any man even LOOKS at me funny you better kick his ass" type, to the "under NO circumstances is fighting ok" type.. to the middle road types.

I'm more in the middle of the road place. I mean, situation is everything, so it's hard to say how you'll react unless the picture is right there, but I told troy that I would expect him to remain respectful and in control at all times.... whether meaning towards me, another woman, another man.... doesn't matter. "Contain and Maintain" I believe is what I ended up labeling it. basically, I guess I feel that if a strong word can correct behavior, I see no need for punches to be thrown. but again... depends on the situation.

Of COURSE this got me thinking to Rhena, and in which case I'd say all bets are off, cause momma bear would rip some new assholes if anyone tried to hurt my baby.... but once again... situation is everything.

oh well.. I thought talking about fighting would make me less hungry, but unfortunately is hasn't.... cause Hooligans sounds like Houlihan's... which was a restaurant that I remember getting a stuffed chicken breast at once like, I dunno.. 10 years ago... and now I'm thinking about food again.

and the chex mix is gone.

oh well. at least Grey's Anatomy is on tonight. surely watching that whore-bag character Meredith hook up with the married guy again will make me lose my appetite.

one can hope.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

to-MAY-to, to-MAH-to

Yeah. that's right. tomato. as in "I was just kidding when I said we would go apple-picking and make all sorts of delicious baked good for the next few days... I really meant that the orchard is run by a bunch of fuckernuts and forgot to spray so the apples were bad and by the way no one was there to run the market cause they were busy with a funeral so we had to go to a different farm 10 miles down the road and get to pick TOMATOES. Tomatoes that were mostly fallen off the vines and riddled with small gnatty bugs and covered in a deep, mushy, mud, which you would surely decide you need to stomp through and run very very fast in opposite directions from me in."

you know.. TOMATOES.

SO yeah... apple picking was a bust yesterday. and now I have us some 2 pounds of tomatoes that I have no freaking idea what to do with because all I've been thinking about for weeks is making APPLE BREAD????

something tells me that tomato bread just won't be the same.

I'm thinking I can pawn some off at Bunco tonight, but seriously... then I have to carry tomatoes to the other side of the neighborhood, and to be quite honest.. I got my fill of trying to carry a bag of tomatoes, take pictures of my darling sweet baby and quickly waddle (my version of running these days) after aforementioned sweet baby girl as she sprinted away through fields of mud, bugs, and squishy red tomatoes. I'm so over those damn tomatoes right now, I don't even want to think about cooking them tonight. yeah. tomatoes.

So in other news... life has been carrying on.

I've been happy to read other mommy-blogs lately, cause it seems there's an outbreak of two year olds being.. well.... TWO all over the place. This makes the competitive bitch in me so very happy, cause I've been feeling like a failing piece of shit lately. wait.. did I say FAILING? I mean FLAILING. hmmmph. same thing.

Rhena is a true delight, and I would never talk bad about her... at least not with anyone who doesn't have established that I love this child with every ounce of my living body and soul. but let's face it... some days are harder than others. and some times during those some days, I question if I truly could have missed the seven signs of the impending apocalypse, and what, oh WHAT did I do to deserve the personal visit from Satan?

I fancy parenting a 2 yr old to be somewhat like taking care of bi-polar patients. and I'm not trying to be cutting or sarcastic by saying that... I really do think there must be some similarities. the outbursts are unpredictable, and generally unwarranted... (well except for the basic existing conditions that she's two and cutting some bitch-ass molars, oh, and can't fully communicate what she's thinking and that's probably frustrating, and well you know... the sun is or isn't out, so that can set her off as well...)

but yeah. some days I wonder if the Johnson house is going to be one less in the census by the end of the day. And then.. hormones all askew that they are.. I begin to feel like *I'm* the shithead cause what the hell am I doing so wrong that my child clearly HATES ME SO..... and no one ELSE seems to truly believe they gave birth to a category 5 tropical storm who just so happens to also be related to some main characters in Dante's Inferno.

and then as quick as I can run to the bathroom for another good ole fashioned round of morning sickness (wait.. did I say morning sickness?? I meant ENTIRE PREGNANCY SICKNESS), my little boogie woogie can turn on a dime and be so fucking adorable I could just eat her up and I dunno... FORGET that my ears are still ringing and that last kick she delivered will probably leave a bruise?

anyways... like I said, it's good to see that there's some other kids out there that are being two for their parents, too. the more "reality" I see out there, the less likely I am to seriously consider putting The One Within back where I got it. And the less I consider THAT, my friends.. the more likely that Troy and I will remain happily married.

take care, gang...

Monday, September 25, 2006

break the seal

hey gang....

I swear I'm still here... just been slow to the take lately.

not a whole lot going on.. though I guess enough has been going on to keep me from actually getting online and posting.

My teaching CCD started last week, Rhena's been running around like a chicken.. the One Within has been getting bigger... and time just keeps a tickin'.

today we had a failed attempt at apple picking, but since this is a lame break-the-seal kind of post, I'll save today's recap for tomorrow.

right now, I'm tired.. thinking about puking, and have to get caught up on last night's episode of Flavor of Love. so tomorrow.... more tomorrow.

Monday, September 18, 2006

And then there were two

no gang.. I did not have the baby yet. relax. we still have another 7 weeks to go!

what I mean to say is... then there were two.. as in two years gone by.

Two years ago yesterday is when the monster was born. no longer an unidentified kicking object in my womb.... I had my very own living, kicking, screaming, pooping and eating baby GIRL in the world.

Hard to believe that Rhena is two years old.

hard to believe because there's times I feel as if she is 56... and I'm her staddababba counterpart as we make our way through the day... kavetching about the heat and oohing and aahing at pretty things.

hard to believe because I swear it was just yesterday that I was wondering if I'd ever even meet the right guy to marry, let alone want to raise children with him.

hard to believe cause in these past two years, I have never been so dead tired and alive at the same time.

yes... life with Boogie can do that to you.

Part of me would like to write a letter to my baby, but we all know I won't ever ever let her read this trash I spew on here... at least not until she's like 40 and starting to date. so with that in mind, I will not leave you with a long monologue of my thoughts for Rhena. I will, however... say that thanks to Rhena.. I'm no longer afraid.

Two years ago, if anyone asked me, I would have told them I was shit scared of having a girl. To me.. girls meant trouble. and emotions. and makeup and dance classes and really fucking expensive weddings.... to name a few things.

turns out I was probably just shit scared of having a BABY... cause even now when I think about it, it intimidates me.

But yet.. with Rhena... those imaginary and predestined fears never amounted to much. I mean.. sure... I still have fears.. like the idea of her starting school, and the day that will come when she won't give her mama a kiss.. or worse yet, when she becomes just like me... a staunchly independent headstrong young woman dead set on going out on her own.

But my fears of having a girl never really came about, because I didn't have a girl. I had a Rhena. and perhaps if I were a better writer I could articulate what having a Rhena is like... but the truth is... I don't want to.

Like any parent.. the relationship I have with my child is unique and quite a precious commododity. and while part of me wants to tell every damn soul about it.. another big part wants to hold and and squeeze it, and never have to share it with anyone cause I want it all for myself.

so yes.. two years ago, I had myself a Rhena, and I am no longer afraid. I'm no longer afraid, cause in the past two years, with her kisses and her hugs and her tears and her sweet sweet moments of quiet.... Rhena has showed me that no matter what happens.. she's my baby, I'm her mama, and together we can get through anything.

Here's to another wonderful year of Rhena.....

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Just a drop

it may not be much.... but Boogie peed one tiny drop of pee on the big girl toilet today.


(pretty fucking cool)

in other news, more scandal is to be had with insurance and zofran. apparently there is NO federal regulation that states that a patient can only receive X-amount of the puke-soother in Z-amount of time. My insurance are just cheap ass lying motherfuckers trying to save a dime. did I mention lying? and cheap? fuckers.

so whatever. I've been on a different med this past 2 weeks, and things started off super groovy. I actually had 9 days in a row without puking. then two days in a row of massive hurls. Then another 4 days off from puking, only to be hit up like a hungover grad student today.

yes... I puked. yes.... it was nasty. as in leftover-baklava-from-this-weekend's-greek-festival-out-my-nose nasty. told you..... nasty.

and who knew that one bite of a hotdog could produce THAT much vomit??? surely not I. well.. maybe I did, but seriously.. what normal person thinks about shit like that? wait... don't answer that.

in other news.. I put on a pair of jeans today that I used to wear after rhena was born. and they fit me. I find it slightly disturbing that what used to be a regular part of my wardrobe for about a year now currently fits a woman who is seven months pregnant. perhaps I should make a better effort after this thing comes out on getting back into shape. one that isn't santa-like, that is.

but whatever... I'll deal with that in roughly 8 weeks. right now I'm dealing with the fact that Boogie-child is turning TWO. Boogie-child-made-a-drop-of-pee-pee-on-the-big-girl-potty is turning TWO!!!!! How in hell we both made it this far I'll never know... but I'm sure glad we're still together. I really do love that kid.

more to come in the following days as I prep for the buggy-butterfly-garden-stepford-extravaganza party, and attempt to use fondant icing for the first time. oh, and you know... work on not puking and stuff.

peace out!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Remembering One

I've made mention before that i was going to take part in the 2996 movement.

This is a small effort on my part to pay tribute to one.... just ONE of the too many persons that died on September 11th five years ago.

Robert T. Twomey is dead now because of the terroist attacks on the World Trade Center.

He was 48 years old, and is survived by his wife Marie and their two sons. There was a very nice write up of him in Newsday and due to my hormonal state, I doubt I could do much better.

I can't do the justice here that Mr Twomey deserves. When I think of losing my husband, or worse, Rhena and my unborn child losing their father... I get angry. and this post shouldn't be about anger. it should be about remembering just one of the many great lives that were still on this earth on September 10, 2001.

one by one... they shall not be forgotten.

Robert Twomey is not forgotten.

Rest in peace, sir. I believe I would have liked you.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

counting down

yeah.. so I've been a lame blogger lately. my bad.


it's officially september, which means I've been in high gear getting ready for the next 3-4 months.

right now my dining room table has a mix of packages that I have yet to write thank you's for, the favors for rhena's upcoming birthday party... all the gear for me to make two very fabulous butterfly cakes (including some fondant and icing dyes) for said birthday party, favors for the christmas social, and about 6 other projects I'm also currently working on.

the belly continues to grow as the weeks begin to pass. I'm now down to nine weeks, which is a HELL of a lot better than 9 months left.

as for me personally.. I feel pretty good... just not very chatty. I think it's that nesting thing, cause I've been organizing and cleaning and THROWING things away. but in the same token.. for all that's been going on... I have nothing to say. well, other than I'm positive that this is a girl. I mean, I have no ultrasounds to prove it, but I just have that feeling it's going to be another girl.

I HAVE been enjoying Rhena... after all.. who couldn't? trust me.. it's not all roses, though. she may be one hell of a cute kid, but lately when she's pissed off... EVERYONE knows about it. her fits are somewhat akin to the lyrics from Johnny Cash's "boy named Sue" where he talks about kicking like a mule and biting like a crocodile....and those moments are definitely difficult. but like any stage.. I tell myself that this too shall pass.

here's the boogie herself in a non-about-to-turn-two-screaming-fit. like I said.. she sure as hell CAN be cute.

but really that's it. CCD is starting up again, and stepford is all abuzz with parties and baby showers and bunco and dinner invites. and me... well... I just have a lot more cleaning to do.

Friday, September 01, 2006

All is well

just wanted to post quickly to let y'all know that all is well here in Johnson-ville.

the only impact we had from the hurricane was a slightly cool front (today's high is only 75... quite the delicious temperature compared to the 90+ we've been having) oh, and a little rain yesterday. no nothing to sneeze at.

as for me personally... I am now on a new anti-nausea med, which seems to be working... as I have not officially thrown up since monday. Thanks to all for the well wishes, really. I do appreciate them all!

side effects have been putting me through the ringer, as I have experienced dead-tired drowsiness as well as restless twitchiness. this is day 3 on the med, though, so I think my body is just about getting used to it.

there are and were a lot of special days that happened this week... Troy and I celebrated our third anniversary. so weird to be saying that. part of me feels like Troy and I are old souls that have been together forever, so three years feels like nothin'. but yet... there's really times when it feels like just yesterday we were holding hands at the alter as we exchanged our vows.

but maybe that's the makings of a good marriage... that mix of old-souls and new-love? I know it works for me.

speaking of work... my brother and sister-in-law have been married for ten years today. kudos to them for making it look easy.

another good thing about today is our dear friend Liam (star and total baby heart-throb of Raising Liam) turns TWO today. Rhena's had a crush on Liam before I even knew she was a Rhena, so you know this kid is handsome.

so there you have it. birthdays, anniversaries, new drugs, and no hurricanes. all is well!

oh, and for the files of you-KNOW-I-have-to-share-this-cause-I'm-always-talking-about-it.....

I'm pooping again! not sure if it's the change in meds or the kick-ass date rolls I got in a package from one of my favorite bloggers yesterday... but I had my first non-popcorn shit since like March today.

amen, I say.. all IS well!!!!!!