sophmore

so today was Rhena's last day of her first year of preschool.

she? excited.


Me? emotional.


for all its moments of busy and idle (idol?)... may has gone by quickly. I mean.. here we are, and it's almost memorial day. on the back ass of the month, I'm looking back and seeing a new deck, new furniture, an upcoming road trip, a new website in the works, and well.. just STUFF.


This week seems to have been the culmination of BUSY.. because as I said.. today was Rhena's last day of school, and with the exception of the recital this weekend.. the last day of dance class.

Ever the 'good student', we have been signing cards and wrapping appreciation gifts. As I wrote the notes to Rhena's preschool teachers, I became very emotional. I mean.. how could I express the gratitude and respect I had for these women who have been in charge of Rhena for 6 hours a week for the past 9 months?

I know on many levels, I will ALWAYS hold teachers in a high regard. my mother taught for 100 years, and knowing how much of her SOUL she gave her 'kids' each year... I can't help but hold a special place for teachers. even the ones that might just be going through the motions. Teaching is HARD. and what INFLUENCE they have on our society's children... I can't do anything but want to give them positive encouragement to keep their drive going.

but then again.. I wonder if it's the 'first child' syndrome. my BABY just finished her first year of schooling. ok.. PREschooling. but still. as a parent who changed my life and made sacrifices to stay at home to raise my children... it's a pretty big step to sit back and let someone else drive for a while... even if just 6 hours a week. I imagine it's something similar to a parent going back to work and leaving their child with someone else. granted, I could be wrong, but in my mind... in either situation... that's HUGE.

to put trust in someone to mold your child... well.. it's significant. especially the first real time you do it.


so yeah.. I KNOW that has something to do with it. and between that and the basic appreciation I have as being my mother's daughter... we've been all about the teacher-love this week. (and other various times earlier in the year, too.. should that not be obvious.) just this week is the big guns.

On one level.. this process has been very validating. like.. "I DO care!" and "I *AM* a real parent!" To understand that I am appreciative of rhena's teachers is like understanding that I DO parent her even when I'm not around. I AM concerned as to how she spends her time. and, of course.. how people perceive HER when I'm not around to remind her to stop picking her nose. I mean.. sure.. I knew that... but again... first time in the big leagues here, gang. I'm just saying.

I really do hope this is not the only time I will feel this way. I mean.. this emotional shit is EXHAUSTING... so that bit sucks. really.. headache from the crying. BLAH!


I guess what I mean to say is... I hope I will ALWAYS.. no matter what grade, what activity, what age or situation... I hope I will always be mindful, respectful and appreciative of the people in this world that influence my children. and that I feel the same level of earnest appreciation come the days when the Moo Moo goes to school.

I'd like to think that I will be. in the past year alone I've had a few moments of clarity that have helped me to be more selective of with whom and on what I spend my time, and allow to expose my children to. But I'd also like to think I can get through a week without cursing or getting frustrated about SOMETHING or other. There's some saying I could probably use here to illustrate.. something about shitting in one hand and wishing in the other and seeing which fills up faster, but I don't even know what the hell that really means right now... so I'll leave y'all to just figure that out on your own.


anyways. we did it. we had help.. but I'm happy to say that we survived Rhena's first year of school. I'll save my academy thanking speech for the preschool graduation next year... but I will for sure take the time to say yay. bring on summer.


today was a good day.


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