Friday, May 30, 2008

Full Circle

life is funny.


ok, maybe not like funny HA HA.. just that wistful, make you go hmmmm kind of funny.


As y'all know.. I'm up here in jersey with the kids. yesterday, we went to see my grandmother. she's like 92 or something. old... very old.


anyways.. we went to her house, and as I drove there, it reminded me of all the times I used to go there growing up. it took me back to a time when I thought her back yard was the most ENORMOUS garden I'd ever seen in my life. how I'd stare with wonder at all the knick-knacks on the walls and always see something different each visit.

Seeing Rhena and Danny walk in to her house made me realize that Lion King wasn't too far off when they sang about the 'circle of life.' I saw the wonder and awe in their eyes. Even more poignant was holding my grandmother's hand as she walked out the door to the back yard. just like I hold danny's over a step. or being patient as she tried to express what her thoughts were but kept losing them mid-sentence like Rhena trying to tell a story.


I know each life must come to an end, but how frail, simple and childlike she looked to me just made me take pause. Watching my mom was tough, too. I knew she had a bunch of shit going on up there in her head and heart. But I didn't say anything. I just watched and took note. I probably shouldn't even say anything now, out of respect for the privacy of her relationship with her mother.. but it did make me want to make sure i say what I need to say to my mother in the here and now... so should we ever get to that point where I saw yesterday.. well... I guess I hope I would just hold her hand more and take in the wonder of it all.


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6 comments:

Wethyb said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Marianna said...

This is beautiful...
M~

raisingtheboys said...

You said it quite well, my dear. You are a fine writer. And it sounds like a tender moment for you of realization for you. Isn't it AMAZING the new realm of compassion our children awaken in us?

Kelli said...

That was really beautiful, Carrie. My grandfather is 92 and my grandmother is 89. I know exactly what you were feeling yesterday.

Liza said...

i get those moments of nostalgia and feeling like everything has come full circle too. It really makes me miss my grandparents. I have all of these wonderful memories with them and I know that Timmy won't get to have those moments. I guess I'll just have to make sure that new moments are created.

Christi said...

My grandaddy has Alzheimer's, and when I go to see him it never ceases to amaze me how all of my child-rearing skills work equally as well with him. Oh, and the kids love to find the jars of candy at her house just like we did!