Dear Victoria's Secret

To Whom it may concern-


thank you so much for sending me your recent swimsuit catalogue. You must have heard that I have lost a lot of weight recently and thought I might be interested in resuming my purchasing habits from your company.


While I appreciate the regard you have for my purchase power, I assure you that someone made a critical error when including me in the distribution list.

Perhaps you did not get the memo.



I HAVE KIDS.


Kids that like to be carried, that like to pull and tug and grab on to just about anything attached to me so that they may get a better position somewhere within a half-inch of my body.


your teeny-tiny suits showcased on the teeny-tiny models are indeed NICE... but pretty fucking impractical for my life. perhaps some day, in some alternate universe, where I, too, can stand alone with beach tousled hair ... not a soul to be seen near me pawing at me for some form of snack... I may just purchase one of your patches of fabric. I mean swimsuits.


oh... and the jeans on page 60? yes.. I do have an ass that could rock them bitches. but alas.. I have to do silly things like MOVE and BEND OVER and I dunno... WALK!!!!

so no thanks.

I don't think I'll be ordering anything today.