Tuesday, September 26, 2006

to-MAY-to, to-MAH-to

Yeah. that's right. tomato. as in "I was just kidding when I said we would go apple-picking and make all sorts of delicious baked good for the next few days... I really meant that the orchard is run by a bunch of fuckernuts and forgot to spray so the apples were bad and by the way no one was there to run the market cause they were busy with a funeral so we had to go to a different farm 10 miles down the road and get to pick TOMATOES. Tomatoes that were mostly fallen off the vines and riddled with small gnatty bugs and covered in a deep, mushy, mud, which you would surely decide you need to stomp through and run very very fast in opposite directions from me in."

you know.. TOMATOES.

SO yeah... apple picking was a bust yesterday. and now I have us some 2 pounds of tomatoes that I have no freaking idea what to do with because all I've been thinking about for weeks is making APPLE BREAD????

something tells me that tomato bread just won't be the same.

I'm thinking I can pawn some off at Bunco tonight, but seriously... then I have to carry tomatoes to the other side of the neighborhood, and to be quite honest.. I got my fill of trying to carry a bag of tomatoes, take pictures of my darling sweet baby and quickly waddle (my version of running these days) after aforementioned sweet baby girl as she sprinted away through fields of mud, bugs, and squishy red tomatoes. I'm so over those damn tomatoes right now, I don't even want to think about cooking them tonight. yeah. tomatoes.

So in other news... life has been carrying on.

I've been happy to read other mommy-blogs lately, cause it seems there's an outbreak of two year olds being.. well.... TWO all over the place. This makes the competitive bitch in me so very happy, cause I've been feeling like a failing piece of shit lately. wait.. did I say FAILING? I mean FLAILING. hmmmph. same thing.

Rhena is a true delight, and I would never talk bad about her... at least not with anyone who doesn't have established that I love this child with every ounce of my living body and soul. but let's face it... some days are harder than others. and some times during those some days, I question if I truly could have missed the seven signs of the impending apocalypse, and what, oh WHAT did I do to deserve the personal visit from Satan?

I fancy parenting a 2 yr old to be somewhat like taking care of bi-polar patients. and I'm not trying to be cutting or sarcastic by saying that... I really do think there must be some similarities. the outbursts are unpredictable, and generally unwarranted... (well except for the basic existing conditions that she's two and cutting some bitch-ass molars, oh, and can't fully communicate what she's thinking and that's probably frustrating, and well you know... the sun is or isn't out, so that can set her off as well...)

but yeah. some days I wonder if the Johnson house is going to be one less in the census by the end of the day. And then.. hormones all askew that they are.. I begin to feel like *I'm* the shithead cause what the hell am I doing so wrong that my child clearly HATES ME SO..... and no one ELSE seems to truly believe they gave birth to a category 5 tropical storm who just so happens to also be related to some main characters in Dante's Inferno.

and then as quick as I can run to the bathroom for another good ole fashioned round of morning sickness (wait.. did I say morning sickness?? I meant ENTIRE PREGNANCY SICKNESS), my little boogie woogie can turn on a dime and be so fucking adorable I could just eat her up and I dunno... FORGET that my ears are still ringing and that last kick she delivered will probably leave a bruise?

anyways... like I said, it's good to see that there's some other kids out there that are being two for their parents, too. the more "reality" I see out there, the less likely I am to seriously consider putting The One Within back where I got it. And the less I consider THAT, my friends.. the more likely that Troy and I will remain happily married.

take care, gang...


gina said...

well, MY KIDS NEVER acted this way. no . no. no.

HAHA but here is some good news. mine are 5 and 7 and i cannot even remember the terrible twos. they have blessedly faded

hang in there mama. you are doing great! go cook some marinara or something

holy chaos said...

That is a good idea, gina! i don't remember the terrible twos, either... except with one child... but now she is the nicest, most laid back child that i have!

susie said...

Oh I look forward to the day I FORGET the bad twos and only remember the sweet twos. If I live that long.

Wethyb said...

Uh yah...Baby Girl isn't even 2 yet and is already acting 2! So we're right up there w/ ya girl!

Anonymous said...

Dude- I have a two year old AND a bi polar husband!


My 2 year old is so freaking ANAL it isn't even funny!

Jewl said...

You can't possibly have given birth to Satan because I clearly did....

I am so glad (okay so that is so Blog cheesy but whatever), that we found each other....At least at the end of the day I can read about how I am not the only one walking around my house on egg shells as to not trigger the beast. Oh yeah, and know that I am not the only one feeling like a shitty mother... That is always good too...

Porq said...


You ain't seen nothin' yet!!

Wait till the group gets to be teenagers!!!!

Little kids = little problems
Big kids = BIG PROBLEMS!!

But ya still love 'em!!!


Laina said...

Ah, yes, the Jekyll and Hyde effect. Gotta love that. It's nature's greatest tool--just when you're ready to abandon them to their own devices in the wilderness somewhere, they do something so adorable that you can't imagine life without them. It makes you wonder if that happens with any other species.

Dottie said...

It truly must be the season for it. I was myself pondering the demise of my sweet 2 year old and it's replacement with the not so sweet 2 year old. And I HEAR YOU on the molars, they are AWFUL!!!

I keep remembering what my mother always says "And this too shall pass" but then I remember that I have a fourteen year old daughter and it really isn't going to pass for a long, long, long time.

Salsa, I vote for salsa with the tomatos. :)

Jenni said...

what?? there's 2 year molars?? I thought we were done till the damn things started falling out. DRAT.

Hang in there, Carrie-bear. I know there has to be an end somewhere. I just know it. :-)