And then there were two

no gang.. I did not have the baby yet. relax. we still have another 7 weeks to go!



what I mean to say is... then there were two.. as in two years gone by.


Two years ago yesterday is when the monster was born. no longer an unidentified kicking object in my womb.... I had my very own living, kicking, screaming, pooping and eating baby GIRL in the world.

Hard to believe that Rhena is two years old.

hard to believe because there's times I feel as if she is 56... and I'm her staddababba counterpart as we make our way through the day... kavetching about the heat and oohing and aahing at pretty things.

hard to believe because I swear it was just yesterday that I was wondering if I'd ever even meet the right guy to marry, let alone want to raise children with him.

hard to believe cause in these past two years, I have never been so dead tired and alive at the same time.


yes... life with Boogie can do that to you.



Part of me would like to write a letter to my baby, but we all know I won't ever ever let her read this trash I spew on here... at least not until she's like 40 and starting to date. so with that in mind, I will not leave you with a long monologue of my thoughts for Rhena. I will, however... say that thanks to Rhena.. I'm no longer afraid.

Two years ago, if anyone asked me, I would have told them I was shit scared of having a girl. To me.. girls meant trouble. and emotions. and makeup and dance classes and really fucking expensive weddings.... to name a few things.

turns out I was probably just shit scared of having a BABY... cause even now when I think about it, it intimidates me.

But yet.. with Rhena... those imaginary and predestined fears never amounted to much. I mean.. sure... I still have fears.. like the idea of her starting school, and the day that will come when she won't give her mama a kiss.. or worse yet, when she becomes just like me... a staunchly independent headstrong young woman dead set on going out on her own.

But my fears of having a girl never really came about, because I didn't have a girl. I had a Rhena. and perhaps if I were a better writer I could articulate what having a Rhena is like... but the truth is... I don't want to.

Like any parent.. the relationship I have with my child is unique and quite a precious commododity. and while part of me wants to tell every damn soul about it.. another big part wants to hold and and squeeze it, and never have to share it with anyone cause I want it all for myself.

so yes.. two years ago, I had myself a Rhena, and I am no longer afraid. I'm no longer afraid, cause in the past two years, with her kisses and her hugs and her tears and her sweet sweet moments of quiet.... Rhena has showed me that no matter what happens.. she's my baby, I'm her mama, and together we can get through anything.


Here's to another wonderful year of Rhena.....