Friday, July 09, 2004

"It's the Plumber---- I've come to fix the leak!"

So I like to troll around on the internet when I'm not pushing cold creams on the wrinkled faces of Reno....

There's a group of girls I've come to know--- quite a bunch, they are, they are! Anyways--- we co-miserate about the trials of pregnancy, spouses, relatives, strangers.... well, hell--- we talk about everything.

Anyways, given how far along a lot of us are, the topic today turned to leakage. Yes, dear reader... I said it. LEAKAGE.


I don't care what who says---- I understand it's a NATURAL process, and when a woman breast feeds, she ends up over-flowing, if you will. But some girls are starting to leak early.... and one woman said she STILL leaks occasionally, and her kid hasn't hit the tap in over a year!!!! Natural or not--- I still find this whole idea pretty nasty!!!

We already know my aforementioned 6 pound gain has me feeling like a cow--- but to REALLLLLLY resemble one???? this is got to be in the evidence files that God really has a sick sense of humor.

MOOOOOOOO!But yes--- we're back to natural and all that happy horseshit. what IN HELL looks natural about this picture??? (Marilyn Manson, please hold your comments at this time.....)

I thought the single-boob pump contraption was intimidating, but this thing--- whoa, nelly----- now I know what a few of the guys I studied engineering with have been up to.

THIS IS NOT A CELL PHONE, PEOPLE!!!! Must we REALLY have a hands-free model????

I just---- I just..... I just don't know what to say. I'm baffled at the concept that in addition to this piece of bondage, that my local Babies R Profit store has about TWENTY different contraptions like this on a shelf. WITH ACCESSORIES!!!!

If I'm going to leak, then fine--- I'll do it for the good of my country. (or at least for the good of kid that better come out in 9 weeks or less) But after looking at pictures like this... I think I'm going to do the most natural thing of all.....

I'll stay at home in my tub until my boobs stop leaking. I mean--- after all.... that IS why they invented take-out, right?

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