Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I love the Nightlife....

.... some days bedtime can't get here fast enough.

all day, I've been thinking about what to title this post... debating about something to do with Karma, and my ass being bitten..... touch on the irony of how I was just touting my "friday" mentality, yet today hit me like the worst monday hangover imaginable.

oh well... no matter. It is finally Bedtime in the Johnson house, and by this I mean my Poopy is asleep.

and now.... I breathe.

Today wasn't that bad, when you take out my exasperation of Rhena refusing to sleep. I keep telling myself that I need to remember that she is growing and changing at an exponential pace, and I must adjust her activities/day accordingly. This does not mean that I'm letting her call the shots.... it just means that I have to re-assess what I'm doing, and make appropriate changes. constantly.

and that's what's burning my craw, I think... the constantly changing thing. I mean, by nature I like things to be fresh and new.... I'm a hater of stale, for sure. But in uncharted territory... I cling to patterns like stink on shit. And once again... I find myself desperately wanting to create a form of normalcy in the chaos of motherhood.... and not doing a very good job of it.

But it's good. I bitch about how I miss work, and miss flexing my brain... but when the pot boils... I'm getting my share of flex here. With each successful Bedtime, I review my what went right and wrong in the day, and I set about imagining how I can make the next day smoother.

Overall, I find that the days I fight the hiccups and snags in 'my plans' are far more frustrating then the ones I just kinda go with the flow. So I know... DUH.... why not just be that way every day??? Probably because in my bi-polar brain, I crave control as much as I do spontaneity. and I suppose it's like having my own little mother-olympics... although no medals get awarded. Not that I WOULD win any medals, if indeed there were medals.... but just to compete in events like "Get more than 2 things done before lunch" and "Get through a whole day with no one crying" gives me a sense of purpose... if not adrenaline at the thought of accomplishment.

So each night... I'll make my plans for the next day.... tweaking and finessing so that I may just may get it right one time. As for the likelihood of getting it right... ....I doubt I ever will.... and deep down I'm ok with that.... cause even though Control-Freak Carrie will be bitching and moaning... Stale-Hater Carrie will be thriving, and enjoying what some folks call LIFE.


The Life of Bill said...

Wish I could help with the "getting it right" thing if you figure it out, let me know-always open to new advice! Just wanted to say that is a GREAT picture and couldn't figure out how to leave a comment on it.

greekchickie said...

I think you're a great mom... and your plans for having the next day right? You've got a pooping kiddo. No day will be right ever again... lol.

Hugs to you! Nite nite... I like the nite life, baby! (I like that song!)

CheekyMoo said...

Change slows down. I think.

I'm PMS'y like and can't think of anything to say other than I feel ya dawg. So in honor of the finale of another season of American Idol, that gave me many laughs and things to make fun of, I'm going to use the best game on earth for comments tonight. Judges comment generator. And for you, I'm doin' it Paula style, cause I know you feel her dawg, aight?

Glaaaaadiator! I have to tell you, I am forever your girl. The good news is that you picked the right song for your galaxy, you projected an array of colors, and you really look straight up tonight. If you keep this up, you're well on your way to the Lakers halftime show.

Pieces of Me said...

I dont think it is possible to plan your entire day right when you have a child and it turn out the way you planned...that is why it is good to be spur of the moment and let things happen...thats life! you are a great mom and you are "getting it right" by being one! Change is what makes the world go round...although I hate change! hm...ironic!

Porq said...

WHAT?? When I read your blog the first time I thought the lead-in line said "BEER FAST ENOUGH".

After reading the blog I didn't see anything concerning beer???

I re-read the blog and saw "HERE FAST ENOUGH".


By the way, when are you gonna teach the chillun to fetch? I got derek's number one to fetch beer!!


Oh yeah.. really cool picture!!

Melissa said...

LOL!! Plans...what are those exactly?

Angela said...

You are a great mom, don't you worry. Plus, you have earned a gold medal in "being a great friend."

Boy, that was pretty sappy (even though it is true!)! Maybe I should see if Hallmark is hiring?

Kelli said...

What a cutie!

Girl, you just described me perfectly. All of us crave a little routine, I think...especially since THERE IS NO ROUTINE in motherhood.

I think you're doing a hell of a job!!

dnyduck said...

You are a GREAT mom Carrie! And I don't think any of us will ever have any type of normalcey or true plans ever again. It's hard I know. Some days you just want to scream and say I quit. But then there are those days that you wouldn't trade for the world.

Thanks for the pep talk over at my blog. After I got to work yesterday, I felt better about Kevin leaving. Then I got home last night (later than normal of course) and I was ready to quit....quit being a mom, a wife, the care taker of 2 pain in the behind dogs and 2 annoying cats. But once things settled down again, I was fine.

And thanks for reminding me that I am NOT living in my parents house with Devin (w/o Kevin) in FERNLEY. THANK YOU GOD!!!


Wethyb said...

I wish I could stay at home with Gracie. I'd "change" that if I could, but, alas, nothing's ever exactly how we'd like it huh?

Susie said...

Girl you are so on the monye. I'm trying to learn that the only thing I can control is my reaction to everything. Do I freak out becuse Liam didn't make it through all 28 aisles of the grocery store without screaming? No, I just get the goddamn necessities and try to gte the rest another day. Two successes: #1 I did get out of the house and buy what I absolutely needed and #2 I didn't create and expectation beyond Liam's means. It's all give and take. You are doing AWESOME! XOXOs