TOTALLY one of those days

This morning was one of those perfectly stepford mornings.

Both kids were up, fed, dressed and ready (as well as in the car and buckled!) 15 minutes before we typically fly out of the house to get rhena to school only a few minutes late.

I was wearing my contacts! and a skirt! the sun was shining, and with LESS than 50% humidity.. we were ready for another day in the mid-80s.

Came home, hand-washed some dishes, and began making a pumpkin spice cake. Boy child was happy! music was playing! and yes... the sweet smells of pumpkin were beginning to make their way through the house.

I said something on twitter that I half expected to see a cartoon woodland animal show up and start singing to me. kinda like this:

I know.. Blame Rhena. all these damn Disney princess videos I'm having to watch are starting to creep into my everyday thinking. it's freaky.

So I KNEW all was too good to be true... the cakes? came out perfect. There was even a little extra batter to make 6 muffins/cupcakes.

Then... then I started the cream cheese maple frosting. And danny came and hugged me. (hear the birds? c'mon.. I know you do!)

screeeeeeeeeeeech!

yes. this is where my perfect morning came to a shit-assed stop.

literally.

Danny took a MAN-sized crap, and the smell not ONLY overpowered the once-delightful aroma of pumpkin spice in my kitchen.. but kinda crept up my nostrils and CHOKED ME. like JOLT TO THE BRAIN make you GAG CHOKING!!!!

fine.

we have perfection in cake form... this will not stop me.

change Danny's diaper, SCRUB hands in antibacterial.. and resume.

cream cheese. butter. maple syrup. powdered sugar... mmmm. mmmmmm. uh... HUH! ACK! what the??

GAAAAAH!

Danny crapped again.

seriously. I KNOW!

so anyways. take him upstairs... get him all cleaned up... come downstairs, SCRUB HANDS.. get back to my frosting.

hmm... frosting is just about filling up the kitchen aide (decided to do a double batch, cause mmm.... cream cheese frosting! with 100% pure maple syrup!).. but the frosting is... runny. hmph.

maybe add some more powdered sugar. taste. ok.. a BIT sweet.. but not bad. still runny... still runny. holy what the.. DANNY!

again my boy shits.

go upstairs AGAIN and get the boy cleaned up. At this point.. my nose feels permanently STAINED with poop smell. I'm verging on gagging, and crap smell has taken over both floors of the house. SCRUB hands again (getting slightly raw now) and get back to frosting.

I decide to let it sit in the fridge for a bit while I slice one of the cakes and chop pecans for garnish. sure enough, it firms up a bit... only to turn into a sloppy mess when I put some on the cake.

it was ugly, people. and at this point.. Danny, who apparently is now like 6 pounds lighter, decides he's HUNGRY and will not let go of my leg.

Where are my birds? where are my cartoony woodland creatures that will bring my prince and make my feet look cute? I'll tell you where they are....

thank you. thank you very much. Now.. for your information.. I'm going to go eat my perfect spice cake and wash it down with a shot of cream cheese frosting.

outside.

where it doesn't smell like poop.