Friday, October 17, 2008

If you're ghetto and you know it, clap your hands!

I am full on APPLAUDING over here.

I know. I AM GHETTO. I am SO GHETTO in so many ways.... go ahead and ask around... I'm sure any person that knows me could come up with at least ONE example of how I am ghetto. but I'll save you that trouble and offer up some of my better moments in a friendly round of "Have you ever...."

so.. without ado, I ask you, dear reader....

Have you ever -

  • smuggled travel sizes of vodka, a knife, sugar packets and lemons into club so you could do 'free shots' in the bathroom?
  • used the same make-up pencil as a brow liner, EYELINER, AND lip liner?
  • pretended you were pregnant when in actuality you were walking slow because your 'bump' was really 4 opened cans of beer that you wanted to bring back to your seats in a concert and not chug in the beer garden? (fyi.. this works very well if you also have a friend that is willing to flirt unmercifully with the beer garden security as you try to wobble by unnoticed...)
  • been in church with your two kids by yourself with no diaper bag, have your youngest make a gigantic poop, go to the bathroom, pluck the poop out, flush it, and put the diaper back on him? Did you also stick an apple-scented antibacterial wipe in between his pants and diaper hoping the people around you wouldn't smell the trace poop/skid marks left on the diaper?
  • use an iron (as in CLOTHES IRON) to straighten your hair? (ok.. I've actually never done that but my college roommate in the dorms used my iron to straighten HER hair and I haven't gotten over it. I mean.. SERIOUSLY!)
  • refuse to pay $20 for a pair of shoes for your daughter's halloween costume because you could spray paint a pair she already has? ok, maybe that's not so much ghetto as frugal... but still.. it's not like we can't afford the $20 shoes.
  • poured 'store brand' V-8 juice into the V8 container because your husband will only drink brand name juices and you know there's no WAY on this green earth that he can tell the difference?
  • stayed at the IP, prefunked, or had the buffet at Spearmint Rhino? (believe me.. if you have... I don't need to explain this one!)
  • bought your daughter (and let her WEAR) boys' underpants because she liked Thomas the Train so much, and saved them so your son can wear them some day now that she's outgrown her love for Thomas?

anyways.. I'm sure I could go on, but I actually need to spend the rest of today's nap time putting another coat of red glitter spray paint on rhena's old shoes.

happy weekend, gang!


Anonymous said...

Hm never thought of putting a scented wipe in the pants. Does that make me MORE ghetto?

How about not being allowed in a bar because you are still carrying a glass with liquor in it that you stole from the last bar you went to?

Saved the little bag of crackers they give you when you order soup in a restaurant by putting them in your bag. It's for the kids but still.. who am I? My mother?

Watched Real Housewives of wherever and LIKED it.

$20 shoes for a kids' costume? No.

Kelli said...

Here I am going.."! ooh! I did buy Kendal boys cars underpants...but no, I didn't save them." Not ghetto here, I guess. And actually kinda shocked about it! :)

Mom2Amara said...

Does it count that when I'm in a hurry at the mall, I just pretend my mommy fat is a pregnancy so I can park in the pregnant mom parking so I can run quickly into a store?

I know I should feel guilty for it. But they didn't have that kind of parking when I was preggers, so I figure I'm just getting my due :)

Marianna said...

I've ironed my hair with an iron. This was pre-flat-iron days. Oh yes, the memories...


Jenni said...

i almost sprayed a pair of G's shoes last year for a costume. Ended up not needing shoes (now that's just REDNECK, not wearing shoes out in public). I'm much more redneck probably than ghetto...

the rest just cracked me up! love the V8 one--that's totally frugal and sensible to me.

Christi said...

PERFECT! I've been trying to find a cheap pair of shoes for Taryn's Halloween costume, but to no avail. Spray paint, here I come!

Erin said...

I have kept this post in my feed reader for days now, just so I can keep reading it over and over - and it keeps making me laugh. Classic stuff! I love it!

Liza said...

I haven't done any of those things, but that list is hilarious!!