I have Issues.... part 742

ok--- the title might be *slightly* misleading, as I sure as hell don't have 742 posts yet... but nonetheless.... issues I have a' plenty.


so here I was, all caught up in the fervor of my new kitchen... which I absolutely freaking LOVE, by the way....

so I'm baking.... and I realize that I'm coming down with a case of OCD.... that's right... OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER.

I am to a bottle of windex what a fish is to water.

must.... make..... kitchen aid.... shiny!

again... I repeat.... I have issues.


I could try to justify it by saying how the kitchen is new, and I want to keep it nice and clean, yadda yadda.... but I find myself thinking about the kitchen when I'm in another room.


I dream of dinner parties where I'm the host, and people enjoy the food so much they feel they should invite me over for a sampling of their cuisine. But the shit is--- I DON'T WANT TO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE COOK FOR ME!!!

(least of all, the scrapbooker, as I've had her kitchen fare, and let's just say chef boy r dee has more flavor.... but I digress....)

I hear about recipes that are just SO GREAT!!! and I'm like.... yeah---- how can I make it better????


Have I missed my calling??? should I have been attending culinary school instead of wasting all those years in aircraft engineering??? I can definitely see daily applications of something like a degree in the culinary arts.... and hard as I try... I have yet to find practical applications for differential equations in my new life as a stay at home mom.

But me as a chef??? it's all a crock... it's not like I'm that good of a cook.... and with all my stomach issues.... I can't eat any seafood, and if we had a semester on beef, I'd have to take time out from class to get my stomach pumped so I didn't shit all over myself.

but I love my kitchen, and moreso... I love cooking in my new kitchen. I'll admit that once, just once... it would be fun to have all the cameras set up and film me a la Rachel Ray..... but then I would just find myself doing annoying things like saying "E.V.O.O." and "YUM!"

I'll also admit that I'm happy my girl Martha is out.... now THAT bitch can cook! I have nothing but respect for the lady--- I mean... While Rachel Ray can cook, I still think I could take her out in an alley. Now with Martha--- after time in camp cupcake... let's just say I'd be scared if I used the wrong fork with HER in a dark alley!

but enough of my babble--- the dishwasher cycle is over, and I've got a hankerin' to clean.