Dear Telemarketers,

I'm writing this letter as a general observation-slash-complaint-slash-what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-people to my "friends" who work for telemarketers.


First off--- Do you have families? Assuming you DO, and you were not spawned from some pod off the coast of Long Island, again--- assuming you DO have or at the very least COME from a family, I'm going to garner a guess that you have at least once in your life shared a meal with them.

Now I agree that not all families carry the Brady or Cleaver genre, but I'm going to tell you that even if YOU don't like your family enough to share dinner with them, catching up on the day's events.... I DO. and your call is disrupting some quality time. KNOCK IT OFF! I DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED AT 6 PM WHEN MY HUSBAND IS GETTING HOME FROM WORK AND I'M TRYING TO FINISH COOKING DINNER!!!! I WANT TO SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND FUCKING ENJOY A MEAL WITHOUT DISRUPTION, DO YOU HEAR ME?????


I digress.

And to you, my dear telemarketers, I ask you.... Do you have Children? If you do... are they babies? If you don't have children.... I'll get to you later. But if you DO have children who are not babies, I'm going to assume that at one point they WERE, and take it one step further to assume that at some point in the first year or two of their life, you made a flailing attempt to get said baby to FALL ASLEEP. (if you never put your child to bed, I will take this time to call you a heartless bastard, and you deserve to be tossed in a pod off the coast of Long Island)

SO--- (again--- you childless people excluded) KNOWING what a difficult task it is to get a baby to go to sleep, I'm going to tell you that your calls between the hours of 7 and 8pm keep waking my daughter up and piss her off royally. KNOCK IT OFF!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED BETWEEN 7 AND 8PM BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET MY DAUGHTER TO FALL ASLEEP!!!! I'VE BEEN WITH HER ALL DAY, SHE'S BEEN A PILL, AND MOMMY NEEDS SOME TIME TO HERSELF!!! YOUR CALLS KEEP WAKING HER UP AND MAKING HER SCREAM AND CRY WHICH THEN TAKES EVEN LONGER FOR HER TO CALM DOWN AND FINALLY GO TO SLEEP, DO YOU HEAR ME????????

To the childless people.... call my house again, and I will wish quadruplets and a never ending stream of late-night phone calls on your ass. Don't mess with me people... I know gypsies, and I'll really do it.


And to you swell folks at whatever timeshare you're trying to promote who call and ask for the decision maker of the house..... KNOCK IT OFF!!!! IF YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME AND DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MAKES THE DECISIONS IN OUR HOUSE, THEN WHY IN HELL ARE YOU CALLING US??????? YOU PEOPLE ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME, DO YOU HEAR ME?????

Look, folks--- it's real simple.

Stop calling me.

We as Americans are inundated every day by endless forms of advertisement. it's in the papers and magazines we read, on billboards on our roads, on our radios, on our televisions, it comes in the mail, both snail and electronic, and even my five types of pop-up blockers can't filter out them all. Is nothing sacred?


I realize that you need a job, and I respect that you're trying to make money to support your livelihood and perhaps even support a family. But drug dealers are just trying to make a buck, too, and nobody's forcing me to like them.

Well, I could go on and on, but ironically, my phone just rang and woke Rhena up. It was an 800 number, and of course, the gentleman was looking for some other family. At least this one apologized. That's nice, but I'd rather he offered to babysit, or put Rhena back to sleep.