shit sandwich

so yesterday was one of those shit-sandwich kind of days... with really really good bread.


confused?


well, basically, the beginning and END of my yesterday was awesome... minor crap in the middle.


day started off with troy bringing me donuts. cause I said I was craving on. ask for one.. get 12!! how can I NOT love that man???

did some errands, got my back cracked, had some lunch. all good and dandy.

took rhena to the pool. this is where things were not nice.


I mean, the pool was fine and everything, but at one point, when time decided to stand still.. rhena slipped in the kiddie pool and fell backwards into the water.

during this millennium-long second, I saw her entire face, underwater.... looking up with fear. blue eyes WIDE open, as was her mouth, inhaling the water.

I hear no sound during this eternity; just her eyes getting bigger as she kept going backwards.

I finally saw my arms slowing snatching her out of the water and holding her like it was the first and last time I ever would.

If a person with no heart was timing us, everything probably happened in three seconds.. but to me... I have seen three years go by faster.


and it's true. I saw myself three years ago, planning my wedding to troy, our actual wedding day, our honeymoon, me going back to work, me quitting my job, me getting pregnant, and every minute of my life with rhena in it since her birth. all of those thoughts and memories crammed in the space between my arms and her tiny tiny precious perfect body... her tiny tiny precious perfect body underwater looking at me, unable to breathe.

Rhena was fine.. she didn't even cry.... coughed once or twice for effect, then was clamoring to be let back down for more splashing. again.. the whole falling, underwater, and me grabbing her took all of about three seconds... but I can honestly say I don't ever recall being so scared in my entire life.

we stayed at the pool for another hour or so.. then slowwwwly walked home (ole grey mare ain't what she used to be anymore). had a great evening together and with troy, and even spent some quality down-time with my girlfriends down the street.


oh yeah!! even had a PACKAGE waiting on the front step when we got home!!! full of FUN STUFF!! things! for me!!! but more on that another time.


so whatever. yesterday at the pool shook me up, but all in all... in a good way. It made me thankful for my diligent habits with rhena. what if I WASN'T watching her and soaking her cuteness in? who would have pulled her out of the water? It made me appreciate her life, her place in MY life, and even so much for me to appreciate the One Within. maybe sometimes it takes the idea of loss to remind you how good you have things.

I'd LIKE to think I don't need a lot of three-second-near-death experiences to remind me how generally fucking good my life is. I certainly don't go LOOKING for them to happen. But... the bottom line is that sometimes shit DOES happen.... and you can either bitch and moan about the shit, or enjoy the really really good bread it's served on.


have a great weekend, gang.

Definition of a Bizzle

so I know in the past, I've talked about my Twinkie before...


but tonight... well.. tonight is the kind of night that reminds me what a bizzle is.


Let's just say... on some chance... you have a friend that you keep missing online, haven't SPOKEN to in well over too many weeks, haven't SEEN in months, accidently forget-slash-get distracted from your IM conversation and forget to e-mail back to apologize or at least explain you did NOT just go throw up your last internal organ....

and she STILL calls you from her very very very favoritest band's concert with a great song playing in the background????


well, my friend.. if that happens.. you know you got yourself a bizzle.

Big Wimp

ok. I know you guys are sick of my bitching, but can i TELL YOU about the biggest son-of-a-fucker blisters I have on my pinky toes?????


THEY HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. now that THAT'S out of my system.....


I've been very busy this week. cleaning, errands, shopping, maintaining some shred of sanity... all taking up the ticks on my tock, if you catch my drift.


BUT... despite feeling a bit run down and out-of-the-loop with my favorite bizzles... I'm feeling accomplished.


all of the baby showers I have been invited to for our street of screams (I mean extremely fertile neighborhood) have been bought for, and wrapping supplies purchased.


birthday present for 4-yr old's b-day down the street this week? check!

shampoo purchased so I stop using rhena's hair wash? ditto. check and check (got conditioner, too)

food is in the fridge.

clean underwear are in my drawers. (hah.. that's kinda funny.. drawers... underwear... hah!)

restaurant is BOOKED for thing two's christening in December. booked booked booked!!! and I'm excited about the menu!

I even spoke with the CCD people today and confirmed that I will be teaching again next year.. minus a few weeks for popping out a child, that is! I'll be back in full force for 2nd grade. Now I'm just hoping my niece's first communion is not the same time as my class'. Cause she's my godchild, and I plan on going to her communion. I'd just hate to not be there for 'my kids'. but family's first.


ok. time to stuff my face. gotta keep the wheels turning afterall!

Resurface

hey all.


so I'm a few days late with my "posting tomorrow" promise.


Things are fine here; just been busy.


First off; went and saw GI Joe yesterday. actually it's GI Mark. or was it Brian? either way.... the appointment was lengthy, as I have a lonnnnng history of stomach issues that we discussed. When all was said and done, I walked out of there with permission to take one of my current pills TWO times a day instead of one. (for those keeping track, that's about 10 pills a day I'm taking now)

oh well. I know there's a potential end in sight, or at least that's what I'm banking on. Some jackass said something to the effect the other day about how a woman they know STILL had problems with nausea after her baby was born, but before they could finish, my hands were over my ears and I was singing LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, ignoring whatever horrors they tried to tell me.

cause you know what? I ain't hearing it. I KNOW crazy shit happens all the time and people probably DO have long-term effects from pregnancy (other than children, that is).... but I'm just trying to get by right now, and do NOT need to hear about how things MIGHT or COULD be. I MIGHT be skinny again, too... but you don't see me planning on it. but I digress.


so yes. working towards November... pills in hands.... or in stomach, would be more appropriate, I guess.


In other news, I've begun wearing a pink band. My cousin Rachel sent me a bracelet in the mail the other day with a funny card. I forget how separately in tune we are at times. I had JUST been thinking last week that I want to buy some cancer-awareness band... or do SOMETHING that outwardly shows my support for her as she fights her battle, but I wasn't sure which one to get, as Rachel has cancer in more than just her breast. but not a day (maybe two?) after pondering that, I got a pink one from her in the mail.

SO. I'm wearing the band. currently around my ankle, cause it fits there nicely, but I imagine if I start to get the michelin-pregnancy bloat like many women do... I'll switch it to my wrist.

I thought I would talk today about my feelings about my cousin having cancer, but it turns out I can't. For quite a while now, I have been in a trance-like stupor (I suppose is the best description) and have been unable to fully articulate the depths of emotions and thoughts that I have that stem from a loved one going through what she's going through.

But then, I wonder... do I NEED TO? DO I really NEED to talk about how *I* feel? does it MATTER? I'm sure everyone has someone in their life that their heart is aching for in some way. and no matter the cause of suffering; be it addiction, cancer, death, infidelity, illness, infertility.. WHATEVER.... that does not make one suffering more 'worse' than another. Nor should one's heavy heart trump someone else's. at least that's what I think. I dunno.

and I guess that's what it boils down to. I don't know. I don't know how to properly express what's in my head and heart. I DON'T know how to be supportive enough for Rachel.

And let's face it... I'm no Johnny Cash. I'm not the man in black, and I lack the ability to write a song about why I do the things I do. shit.. I lack the ability to even BLOG about the things I do half the time!!!


BUT... I am a girl with a pink band. and that band has more than a reason or cause behind it... it has my heart behind it.


and JUST because I'm having a hard time closing this post; which is odd, because it's not like it's actually going anywhere.... I'm going to copy a poem by e e cummings that I read recently in the book "In Her Shoes"....


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)




love you, Rachie.....

Whole lotta love

just letting y'all know the Johnson Hiz-zouse is bouncin with love today.


I gots love for my cousin, who I'm going to blog about tomorrow.... for a new deli troy and I went to today... for a mocha mousse cake I ate for dessert, for our neighbors for inviting us to dinner tomorrow night, and of course for the boogster. can't forget Rhena. she was like six shades of adorable today, and all just melded into me remembering why I have this parasite inside of me. but more on that another day.


TODAY... my top notch-come-and-get-my-love-award goes to SUSIE. why? cause it's my bizzle's birthday!!!!


I'm sending her lots of love, and you should too. WHEN she gets off her she-THINKS-she-has-an-ass-but-her-shit-is-tiny-next-to-mine-ass and actually blogs, she's a great read. She's funny, she's insightful, poignant, and witty. She's a lot of other great stuff about her, too, but I don't want to give away all her secrets, cause then I'll have to get jealous that you'll be up her shit.


so no comments for me today.... go visit Susie and giver her some b-day loves. and while you're there.. Take the time to read some of her posts. you'll be glad you did.



happy birthday, bizzle!

XXOO

Thirteen Reasons

so has anyone seen the movie Thirteen?


Troy and I decided to have a movie-night last night, and we watched it.


To say it was disturbing for me to watch would be an understatement. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, the fact that I'm a parent, or the fact that I'm a parent of a GIRL, but watching this movie about a thirteen year old's journey into drugs, promiscuity and violence really hit home and more than often, made me weep quietly.


I don't want to give away too much of the movie, but I have to say I'm thankful that there are such raw and ugly movies out there that make me take pause. There was a part of the movie, towards the end, when the mother was kissing the main character's scabs and scars that made me outright bawl. I can't imagine Rhena ever feeling such little regard for herself that she would hurt herself in the ways portrayed in this movie. as a mother... a mother so very in love with a beautiful and innocent child such as rhena... I cried and cried.

because let's face it. there's going to be a day when rhena will be making her own choices. and sure, she does now, but not choices on whether to do drugs, to escape, to belittle herself sexually for anyone.

and I think back on my life, and there is NO WAY I would have done the shit these girls depicted in the movie were doing. Even in my 20's and 30's... I can't fathom doing some of the things these THIRTEEN year olds were doing. Those CHILDREN. those BABIES.

now that's not to say that all kids will be like that, but who's to say they CAN'T? What can troy and I do to prevent Rhena from venturing down such a dark dark road? What can we do to make her love herself so options like those would be out of the question?


and more importantly... even if she makes it through her teenage years without becoming a drug-addict-whore of some sorts (either totally or in part)... will our love and examples be enough to get her through her twenties? through her life?

I look at some of my behavior in MY twenties, and will it was G-rated compared to this movie, I'm sure in many ways, my parents would be literally crushed inside if they knew what I did. and then I look at the behaviors of some of my friends. how would THEIR parents feel if they knew what really was going on? I imagine not so great, because I look sometimes through the eyes of a parent and ruefully wonder "what if it was Rhena?"

Parenting is not easy. soon-to-be-birthday girl Susie was just talking the other day of getting through the onset of 2-year old independence. Admittedly, this age is tough. I'm feeling the toughness on a daily basis most times. But yet.. holy shit... the idea of the future scares me even more!

I definitely give credit to my parents for giving me as much freedoms as they did. I mean.. how did they know I wouldn't fuck it all up? And I *want* to let Rhena have the independence and ability to think for herself like I was allowed to growing up... but holy worry-warts, batman; movies like Thirteen kinda scare the shit out of me.

oh well. one day at a time, right? In the meantime.. hats off to the parents of older 'kids' out there. whether your child is 13 or 35, I'm beginning to see that in many ways, Rhena turning two is going to be a walk in the park.

Feeling Blunt

So I've been listening to the james blunt cd a lot lately. A LOT.

It's good. not great-oh-my-god-everyone-should-go-buy-this-good..... but good. I'm feeling it. (yes, I know it's well over a year old.. I'm just getting around to it now)

however.. one of the side effects, I must admit.. is it's REALLY making me miss Grey's anatomy. I know... weird, right? there's a number of songs on the cd that make me think of the show... and this shit-hot weather and that music is REALLY making me look forward to fall.


so what else?


I bombed in bunco last night... I was doing REALLY well... on my way to winning some serious cash, then whammo.... I got on a losing streak. bleh. so no money for momma. snacks were VERY good. and mmmm... there was a cheesecake. mmmmm.... cheesecake.

had my 24 week appointment today. Anyone want to atke a wager on how much weight I gained???

EIGHT POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!


I know, I know... crazy! that's TWO pounds a week since the last visit!!! textbooks say I'm supposed to be gaining at a rate of one-pound a week right now, so I asked the doc if I should be worried. since as of last appointment I was still down two pounds overall, he said he was not worried, rather pleased with my progress, and that my body was making up for lost time, and doing what it needed to do. Overall weight gain at this point is 6 pounds.

we also discussed the pukemaster 2000 regime I've been having. long story short, I am being referred to a GI specialist now. Doc says that while it may just be possible that I'm having a suck-ass time because of the pregnancy, he doesn't want anything major to be overlooked. so me and GI Joe should be getting it on within a week or so. I really won't have more info until then about that... so we shall see what happens. I'm pleased with the go-forward plans. or at least until the next time I puke, then I'll be cursing the daylights out of everyone again... ;)


ok. That's really about all. thank you all for the well wishes, both with bunco (it's a dice game, btw, Liza!!!) and the baby. all is much appreciated.


ok again, ok. rhena has one of the new phones that I bought today, so I ought to go intercept her before it gets lost, or she calls china. or she calls china THEN loses the phone. cause that would be bad.


have a good night, all!

Enchisnottas

yeah. another day, another box of tissues.


this stupid stupid cold is running its course. My throat hurts, though not as much as it did this weekend. The only real fun lately is that my left nostril has been the mad producer of snot lately, while the right nostril seems to be a bloody mess every time I blow.

I'm so hot, I could totally date myself. not.


So the good news is that tonight is BUNCO night! whe-hoo! a night out of my house, gossiping and eating other people's food! The hostess lives right next door, so the even better news is that if I eat too much, it's only one door away from throwing up in my own toilets.

Though I MUST SAY... if/when I get to the point of wanting/needing to throw up, I seem to produce much quicker when using someone else's toilet. somehow envisioning my face where my neighbors take a shit always helps get the juices going. and forget public toilets. if I so even as much as come eye-to-eye with the flusher, I'm puking for sure.

then again.. this is not to say that thinking of TROY taking a shit doesn't help me throw up any slower. Love him I might... but he does have a nasty ass.

but I digress. all this potty-mouthing just reminds me that tonight is chicken enchilada night. I figured since I was getting a night out with the girlies, that I'd let troy pick what I'd make for dinner tonight. OF COURSE he picked enchiladas. which is fine. it's been a while since I made them, and I'm actually hoping that the extra 'kick' of seasonings might be able to break through the snot-barrier taste-indifference I've been having since the weekend.

but then, of course.. I start to wonder if it's such a good idea to be eating something spicy when I'm still having the puking issues. which then, OF COURSE, makes me think that maybe the enchiladas may help me finally poop a nice log, instead of the popcorny pebble-shits I've been having like FOREVER.

poop or puke? puke or poop? I *AM* faced with such dilemmas here in preggo-ville, aren't I?

in other news... I'm off to see the chiropractor again today. I went yesterday, and did not get any cracks. My main goal is to get some more mobility in my back.. or increase my range of motion again. I've noticed it's really decreased since getting pg, so I'm hoping cracker-man can loosen me up and teach me some new stretches so I can remain semi-flexible for the next 3 1/2 months. A good ole-fashioned-make-my-ears-tingle-back-crack would also be swell, but first things first.


and as if you really care what else is going on... I'll tell you I have another appointment tomorrow for baby-stuff. I *DO* plan on discussing what in hell is up with the meds/me still puking regime I have going on. also hoping to see a weight gain from last month. As of week 20, I was still down 2 pounds. I'm positive I have put on a good 5 pounds or more since last month, what with the carbs-are-my-friends diet I've been following lately. so we'll see.

of course, the biggest thing is that I hear that the baby's all coozy-shmoozy inside, and there's no health issues for either of us. cause as much as I bitch about everything, especially this damn stupid stupid cold and the puking... all that matters is that Thing 2 is doing well.

so I'll keep you posted!

oh, and wish me luck in Bunco tonight... The worst case is that I'm out $5, but hey.. I could be a big winner and come home with $20! c'monnnnn big money!

Fun with numbers

yeah... so this is what happens when my nose is stuffy and I can't sleep.

First off.. I apologize for my extremely WHITE belly you're about to see below. it's obvious I was using Estee Lauder's self-tanner on my belly when I was PG with rhena. This year? not so much.

anyways, I thought it would be fun to do a side-by side comparison from when I was preggo with rhena and this round of being knocked up. the angles are a little off, but you get the idea.

I suppose I should be slightly alarmed that I held on to the same clothes for two years... goes to show just how much shopping I do.. yeah right!

oh well... the next 'compare' should be at around 27 weeks... I'll try to actually get it during the same week next go-around.

Pee Pee Puke

now before my mom (and all you other 'moms' out there for that matter) start freaking out....


I ought to tell you that this is NOT about me throwing up again. In fact... I did NOT puke today. hooray!


I DID, however, make some chicken soup... and when I asked Rhena if she wanted to help me make the soup... she promptly replied,

"Pee Pee Puke"


*snicker*

I love that kid. Granted.. anyone else listening to her will think she has an obsession with bodily functions... but *we* know she's just my little boogie, and likes her some chicken soup.

The Sick House

ug.. welcome to the terror dome.


Troy is having stomach issues.


Me? well, I THOUGHT my throat was sore from throwing up yesterday, but it was sore all through the night and still now this morning. lovely.


Rhena? god bless her, she's doing fine.


speaking of blessing.. gotta get ready for church so we can pray that rhena doesn't get sick, too.


have a great day, gang. ours is going to be a very lazy one in these parts.

Hurricane Rhena

do you ever have those days that you feel like you're walking in the wake of a mini hurricane?


like no matter what you do or where you go, shit is all jacked up???


today is one of those days for me.. or at least started off being so.


boogie woke up this morning, and when I went in to get her... her face was covered in dried blood. blood on her pj's, blood on the sheets. blood on the blankets, blood on Mr. Pink. SO I stripped her crib (mind you I'm NOT going to even elaborate on how REDONKULOUS (three levels worse than ridiculous, by-the-by) I looked breaking a sweat trying to get that stupid-ass mattress out of the crib when it was hooked on the metal spring supports and then got stuck on the bumper, and did I tell you the angle I was trying to pull all of this shit out hurt like a SONOFABITCH on my uterus and did I mention changing her crib sheets makes me sweat? I HATE SWEATING!!!!)

so I take the sheets to the laundry room and holy mildew batman... SOMEONE (cough cough troy cough cough) forgot to switch the clothes into the dryer, so the clothes in the washer were more funky than George Clinton. which means they needed to be rewashed, which means sheets would have to wait.

so after THAT mess was taken care of, there was the downstairs edition of "what in hell did troy make himself for breakfast and why oh why is every inch of the counter covered with something" game that I just LOVE playing. fast forward (with a number of milk spills in between) about 2 hours later, and rhena's cuddling up on me sucking her thumb. ok.. I can dig it.. child wants to nap!

so I lay her down in the stripped crib, after, of course, setting up a make-shift sheet/blanket combo that would be suitable for princess tired-ass.

what? did I say tired? cause it would so happen that as SOON as I closed the door, she started in on a half-hour long operetta of whelps, barks, screams and blasting off.

*sigh*

ok, fine. so I get her, and it turns out, she wasn't tired.. she wanted to crap. and THAT she did. ALL OVER HER ASS. that motherfucker was so nasty, I knew I needed a shower just after changing her, so that's what I did. Got rhena all squared away, and popped in the shower.

just as I was shutting the water off... rhena comes zipping around the corner looking slightly blue, saying 'uh-oh' and smelling of pina colada. Turns out she had found one of troy's FULL canisters of Bed Head Manipulator, and decided to spread the love. all over.

once again, I'll spare you the intimate details, but let's just say I will have the most full-bodied carpet with a strong-all-day-hold in pretty much all of north carolina. and that's AFTER the 20-minute clean-up job.

did I MENTION this shit smells like a tropical drink which I was really really wishing I was able to guzzle??? but alas.. no alcohol for mama... must not deform the one within.

a few games of chase-rhena-cause-it's-fun-watching-mommy-sweat-today later, and we were finally on our way to see "DAHYEE" so we three could have lunch.

now we're back home again, and boogie-two-shoes is fast asleep. lots of stuff still needs to be done around here... like the laundry, and finding the counter tops again.... but I think that can wait til my little moosh can 'help' me. right now I'm enjoying the quiet after the storm, and if I can just get the one within to stop kicking the ever-loving piss out of me.. I may even take a small nap.


happy friday, gang. watch out for hurricanes!

Superhams Return

no... this is not a spoof on the newest Superman movie... nor is it my newest idea for a porn title.


this is, indeed.. my truth.


why?


because I'm hitting that stage of the pregnancy where my boobs are getting LARGER.


yes.... you may or may not remember the hams... depending on your level of testosterone, that is. but alas... as much as I thought I could fight them this time around... the jugs be a fillin'. and filling and spilling they are. like everywhere.


i swear last night I went to bed, took off my bra and thought I had two cantaloupes hiding under my tank top. MELONS, I tell you!


I mean, I'm not shocked.. I KNEW this would happen... (at least eventually when the milk came in) I guess it's just cause with Rhena, my boobs exploded on the scene like the MINUTE I got pregnant, and now, here we are.. more than halfway through, and they've decided to kick off the reunion tour.


The former victoria's secret employee in me wants to bust out the tape measure (get it?? BUST out??? oh... I really do slay!) and see how big they've gotten... but the cheap realistic-parachute-sized-bra-fearing girl in me feels ignorance might just be bliss. Besides... doesn't the 4-boob syndrome look hot with the 80's retro layered daft punk look all the stores are sporting these days?

(ps.. if I EVER, and I mean EVER start sporting four boobs or show up somewhere looking like Pat Benetar.. SOMEONE PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE shoot me!!) (well, unless, of course, we're hosting a white-trash or 80's themed social... in which case the 4-boobs look would be SO rockin, and/or me and david bowie can get jiggy, so please don't shoot me in my own house.. that would be just plain rude.)


I digress. sadly, my boobs have NOT... which is my spot today, though.

I *imagine* it might just might have to do with all the bagels I've been eating. and the pasta. and rice. and other bland starchy foods that aren't as harsh when being regurgitated, that is. they should be called carb-OH-MY-drates... cause again... the rack is back.


and for all you mosquito-biters out there that are thinking I should quit my bitching, and how you'd just give whatever to get some ham thrown your way... just remember it's not your back breaking under the pressure of boulder mountain above your belly-donut.

In other news... I had to turn word verification back on... I've been getting a long run of spammage lately, so back to the "qdzzles" to be able to post your comments. I know it's a pain in the ass, so I apologize. I appreciate the comments from my readers, though... (and not the penis-enlargement-house-broker ads (yes.. I DO get spammage like that.) (no.... I have no idea why in hell I want a large penis house either...))


so yeah. letter verification is back on for the time being.


in GOOD news... I'm going to be acquiring some books soon. I found links to two old books that i had when I was growing up, and I am fucking STOKED about getting them again. I'm not posting links or saying names because these books are out of print, so I need to buy them from a third-party seller, and I don't want any penis-enlarging real estate agent to come in and snatch up my books before I can. no sirree, bob.... I'll post more after they're in my grubby little hands!

all I can say is that one is about beans and another is about trees, and I'm going to pay too much money for them. The only people who MIGHT guess my books are my mom, dad, or brother... cause they were pretty obscure even back then. but I LOVED them. love love loved them. and they're going to be mine. mine mine mine.


I'll also be ordering "The Snowy Day" for rhena and thing 2. CLASSIC book. I saw it mentioned in a magazine the other day, and I remembered it instantly. not so much the story itself (the book probably sucks for all I know) but I do remember sitting on our back porch when it was balls-ass hot out, reading this story. (yes, I know it's a winter book, but you can still read shit in the summer, smart-ass!) I definitely remember the illustrations.

perhaps I'm trying to zone-in on Rhena's head and get her books that she'll remember some thirty years down the road. because that would be cool. to think that someday rhena will remember reading books with me and hopefully want to share those books with HER children (should she choose to go down that road, cause if she doesn't I'm TOTALLY cool with that as well) And then there's the part of me that knows that I WAS a happy kid, and I want to share that with her, too.


so yeah. books are coming. In the meantime, she seems perfectly happy to have Boo-Boo-Pea read to her over and over again... and that in itself will be something *I* will remember another 30 years down the road.

Day late and a box short

ok.. I don't know it this counts for being more interesting, but *I* always like hearing myself bitch.. so hear goes nothing.

our garbage men. and women. even the halfsies.... are on my NERVES.


but I should be more specific. The garbage service has been fine enough. every week we get our green monster emptied, so I can fill it with more and more odorriffic diapers from rhena. ew.. and rotten discarded food in summer heat. good lord.. no wonder I'm puking so much!

anyways.. no major complaints with those folks cause our shit (literally) gets picked up each week. the time is never the same throughout the day, but hey.. more power to them; they want to mix up their day by changing the route every week??? rock on, my friends.... as long as they keep taking my crap away, I'm happy.

however.. the recycling crew is past my last nerve. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY are they making it so difficult for me to RECYCLE??? TWO weeks ago, they never picked up the recycles. and our shit was FULL that week. so I started an extra box of recycles, because the original bin was overflowing.

well last week they finally came, and thankfully they took everything. but THIS week... they didn't show up again!! WTF!!! Now... I know I'm not always the most in-tune person, but we DO get the news here under my cozy little rock I've been under, and there has been no talks of sanitation strikes in the area. now town announcements saying we're changing the pick-up schedule. nothing.

(ps.. I'm a LOT more irritated about this than I'm conveying; I just happen to be mowing down some Vermonty Python ice cream while typing.. and how can you really be THAT mad when you have so much happiness in your mouth???)


anyways.. they finally came just a little while ago, but did NOT pick up the large box I had broken down and placed next to my recycle bin. I guess if it's not officially IN the green container, and they're not a week late, they refuse to take anything else. asswipes.


and I mean that nicely, but seriously... if I'm going to recycle, then I'm going to recycle. just somebody fucking let me DO IT, you know?

oh well. I'll try chopping up the box into SMALLER pieces for next week, and maybe if they're stacked on TOP of the green bin they'll get taken.

speaking of taken.. I had to put the ice cream away. I think I ate half a pint just now. and as good as it is... why tempt the spirits of my digestive tract into giving me more to purge?


oh, and speaking of PURGE.. I may as well purge my soul with yet another way of how I'm a bad mother. I put rhena down for her nap early because she was being a total pill. when I just came in from recycle-a-go-no, I saw that she indeed was NOT "all done" with her waffle earlier this morning... and had merely emptied the contents of her special morning waffle-bag on the front steps. yup. pretty much the whole thing. right there. on the steps. not in the baggie. cause the baggie was given to me a few hours earlier with the proclamation that she was "all done!" and thrown away, of course. (but not recycled, cause the bin was outside not being picked up, you see)


so perhaps her incessant crying was NOT because she was tired full and cranky and needing a nap... rather hungry and pissed off that her asshole mommy who was too consumed with doing chores, bitching about the recycles and eating ice cream.... put her to bed hungry.


I really do suck at this sometimes.

Walk in the clouds

ok.. so it wasn't even cloudy, but boogie and I went for a walk this morning.


took a few pictures.... and up until she started getting cranky... we had a good time.


other than that.. I finally changed the looks of this place. note the pills to go along with my NEW medical regime.... yesterday the doc prescribed yet another pill to help me stop puking; I'm currently taking about 9 total doses of four different meds each day. we'll see if this one does any good.


last night Troy and his friend installed our ceiling fan, which has been sitting on my dining room table for about 3 months now. (or at least two....) I'm digging it... it has a remote!


well, I spent rhena's nap working on the template, and now she's awake and ready to eat, so that's what I suppose we shall do.


perhaps I will actually write something interesting tomorrow. (perhaps)

Did you know?

did you know that even CLEAR puke can smell and taste horribly?


it's true.



that's all for now. I'm exhausted today.

HBD Mom

that would be Happy Birthday, Mom.


Today is my mom's birthday. we were lucky enough to see her last week and not only enjoy her company, but also over-expose her to rhena. And we went out to dinner to celebrate, too, but who's keeping track?


today also happens to be my girlfriend Renee's birthday. She lives in Seattle. I called her, naturally.. to wish her a happy birthday, and we were able to get caught up for about a half hour. she was busy, and I didn't want to talk TOO long, but we had some catching up to do.

for starters... I told her I was pregnant.


I'm so embarrassed at how many of my FRIENDS don't know I'm pregnant. there's a handful or two that read my blog, and since I came out a few weeks ago, they may have learned of my hidden castaway... but GOOD friends that I love still have no idea about me being knocked up.

I really have no good reason; I mean sure.. LIFE has been in the way, and that nagging puke thing keeps happening... but really. I take the time to update this blog every so often.. you'd think I'd take the minute to e-mail or call some friends.

wait... wasn't I just yelling at myself about this a few weeks ago? yeah... I was. shame on me.

I DID end up getting caught up with that girl "CC" from high school the other day. if you count getting caught up as her e-mailing me (btw, I was right.. she's like super smart and got a masters in like nueroscience and shit...) and then me e-mailing her back saying how I change diapers every day.

actually, we haven't spoken SINCE high school, so I was able to jazz up my life story with tales from college, seattle and reno. not that my life now isn't exciting.. because in so many ways it is, and I'm enjoying the hell out of it... it just seems low-key compared to all the shit I did just a handful of years ago.

but again. that's just how I see shit. if you asked me a few years ago when I was handling multi-million dollar projects for amazon and boeing.. I probably would have said it was the same shit, different day as well. in fact.. I KNOW I would have said that, cause I actually HAVE said that in the past. I know full well there's plenty of folk out there that can not and WILL not handle being a SAHM, and perhaps in someone else's eyes, what I accomplish on a daily basis can be considered nothing short of admirable. perspective. all about perspective.

but I'm happy in my current flight pattern.. even when the skies are turbulent (threw in the airplane references as a throwback and nod to the degree in aircraft engineering... I'm so savvy, huh?)

so anyways... I'm still way behind in getting caught up with friends. I finally spoke with my cousin.. (ok.. exchanged e-mails) and I'm actually due to check in on her soon to see how things are going. Now I have Renee crossed off my list. of course, that still leaves Debbie (who probably thinks I'm the biggest jackass cause I haven't returned her calls or e-mailed me or anything... in fact I ought to e-mail her tonight. not now, though, cause rhena's waking up from a nap) Melissa, Marilyn, Katia, Patricia, Megan, and Lyndon, to name a few...


bleh. oh, and I didn't forget about the winners of cze-bingo and my 800 friends who just had babies in the past 3 months... I have packages and cards and all sorts of good shit to send out. And Susie's b-day is coming up, too. can NOT be late with her... she's my bitch and takes care of me. I refuse to let THAT one get off track.

anyways. time to get my derailed ass in gear and take care of the babe. speaking of derailed.. anyone seen the documentary called Dark Days? it's about the people who live in the tunnels of the trains in NYC? interesting shit that makes you think, lemmee tell you. always good to check out how some other folks live and make you realize that life is indeed good.

so spread the word that life is good, and while you're at it... mind telling my friends for me? they really do deserve a phone call....


happy birthday again to my mom. she is living proof that even Trolls can give birth to goodness. love you!

Paging Ben Dover... Mr. Ben Dover, please

dude... I KNOW y'all have been waiting at the edge of your seats for the fart story, haven't you?

It's ok... no need to lie about it. I mean, shit. let's face it, by the very nature that brings to you read my blog, there within you lies a beast that enjoys a good fart story now and then. You'd probably even get a giggle or two (once you stop gagging, that is) from this golden oldie....


but to be honest... the fart story which I'm personally still laughing about probably isn't as funny to someone who wasn't there. (Plus, the Fartress in this case is my mom, and she'll kick my ass and not buy any more presents for Rhena if I sell her out like that)


So anticipating that the best reaction I might get out of y'all is a "hah" or a "hee"... I'm going to not embellish this time. I DO promise to let y'all know if I accidentally fart in my next obgyn appointment when the doc has their entire ARM up my crotch checking on the baby.

and I still fear the shitting-while-giving-birth stories. Luckily, I never dilated past 6cm, so there was no pushing to be had with Rhena.... they just cut her out. with Thing 2, I'm going to attempt to actually pass it through my tidget. (ATTEMPT, people... no promises!)

But due tot he fact that this next kid is NOT a first born, (and by Czernikowski family logic, only the first borns are the favorite) and I AM going to try to go old school with the delivery (as old school as you can get with the maximum amount of drugs allowable, that is)... and well, I just fear the Czernikowski Prophecy that second borns get shit on.

I REALLY don't want to shit on this kid. Which... I suppose is silly... I mean.. kids have no qualms about shitting on ME..... I know Rhena never had a problem with sharing the shoots with me.... on me.... BLEGH!

but still. not wanting to shit on the next one, which means it'll probably happen. AFter all.. my mom's maiden name is Murphy, ya know.


Did I have a point to this post? hell if I know.


Parental visit was good, though. really low key, cause it was freaking HOT outside. But we enjoyed each other's company, I think. I don't recall any fights, though daddy DID get in trouble once or twice.

We went out to dinner to pre-celebrate my mom's birthday (it's actually tomorrow), and one night, mom and dad took over the bedtime routine so Troy and I could go see a movie.

In a THEATER.

AT NIGHT.


IN PUBLIC!



It was cool. We saw Superman Returns, and I have to say that I enjoyed it. Granted, I could be biased, cause I was in the zone of apply-it-yourself-imitation-butter-scented-oil on my popcorn and everything.. and you know.. the whole in public at night with no kid thing had me on the verge of euphoric as well.

But Supey was pretty bad-ass in this movie. I told Troy he needs to get a cape. I know it was in the tizzy of the movie that I said such a thing, but I'm afraid he just might. Then again.. that could make for something FAR better than a fart story!


I'm pissed that we have to wait til MAY of NEXT YEAR to see the next spiderman movie, but I guess that'll be about right when I'm due to see another movie in public. *sigh* I'm such a jet-setter!


but again.. the visit was good. mom and dad spoiled rhena, and did their best to take care of me and troy while they were at it. I'm looking forward to the next visit already.

ok. speaking of ben dover.... I attempted to make Kenny look pretty today, and failed miserably. so now I need to find the nail polish remover and either re-paint him, or just hang my head in misery that my feet will never ever be pretty.


have a great weekend, everyone!

room to grow

today has been a busy day.


Rhena has been up my ass like a lightbulb in pakistan... but this too shall pass. I keep telling myself growth spurt, growing pains.. something... anything just to remind myself that her temperment today will soon pass.


ask my folks and they'll say she's cranky cause she misses them, I'm sure... but today... even a little bit of Prep H won't get her off my ass.


in the in-between times, I've been collecting data so I can draw out the plans to have this deck extended... we are wanting to get approval from our homeowner's association (read controlling "bastards that make everything difficult" association).

so in between cleaning, collecting data, e-mailing troy to see if he can get me a copy of autoCAD, keeping rhena at bay and pissing every three minutes.... I remembered that I'll be exactly 4 months away from my 'due date' tomorrow. that's calendar months, gang.. not the crazy lunar pregnancy weeks or fetal time or however the hell people keep track of their growing parasites. plain and simple... I'm due Nov 7th (so they say) and tomorrow is JULY 7th, which means 4 months to go before I can get really bitchy up in here (cause you KNOW this kid is gonna be late....)


so I took a few pictures.

mind the fact I TOTALLY cut off my head and spared you my flabby arms in most pics. I may be busy and look like ass today, but I still have some shred of pride left, and refuse to post pictures that show my arms looking like jello on limbs. and rest assured... I DO still have both arms as well as my head. though the head part may be questionable some days.


I'm pretty happy with my belly growth so far... I really think I'm showing now, and yet thankfully not showing like a tank on a picnic table. I'm sure all the puking I did in May and June has kept me from getting to be a sideshow freak of weight... but I carried the same with rhena size-wise, so I know the days where I can only wear maternity clothes are coming. I'm just a late bloomer, I guess.

anyways... here is Me, hosting Thing 2, at 5 months (22 weeks for the preggo counters):




the headless mommy

crouching mommy, hidden baby

full frontal, with my arm as a bonus!

so again... all is well, and Thing 2 is just cooking right along. I have begun to be able to see the back wall of my belly-button again, so I wonder how long it will be before there's no indent left at all. I give it about 5 more weeks.

ok. that's all the time I have right now. the parental recap is still coming; perhaps tomorrow. highlights include going out to eat, a few accidental farts and me going to a MOVIE!!! (first time since december 1st!!! (the movie, that is.. not the farting...) ) exciting shit, gang... you don't want to miss it!

peace ouuuuuut!

Remember THIS place?

being that I was on a roll with remembering high school yesterday.... I thought I would dust off the old photoblog and add some pictures that WEREN'T just a profile picture, background or header for a new template.


speaking of templates... anyone have a suggestion for what the digs should look like this month? I'm feeling uninspired! No need to do any work... just pick a topic/theme ( like pizza, dogs wearing clothes, a certain color, etc. ) and I'll do the work.


speaking of work... Rhena is calling. a recap post of the parents' visit to come shortly.

enjoy the pics!

Boogie; sporting the ratty pool-hair.....

independence

hey gang. hope the fourth day of the seventh month has been good to you.

So I imagine that the 4th of July means different things to different people, and whether those different things to different people run of the patriotic vein or not... today definitely makes me be cognizant of independence. I mean.. Makes sense.. independence day and all, right?


anyways... blahbitty blah.


haven't blogged since last week, cause the folks have been in town. It's funny.. or not funny funny as in funny like a clown (although clowns are pretty freaky to me, but just quoting from goodfellas)

ANYWAY... I find it funny that I have spent my whole life trying to claim my independence from my folks, and now... one or two (or 20 or so) years later.. I'm just trying to enjoy them.

now before you go off thinking they're gonna die or anything.. all seems to be well with the parentals. sure, mom's knees pretty much suck for her... but they're pretty vibrant and I doubt they'll be pushing daisies anytime soon.

but I was just thinking today, on our country's day of celebrating independence... that it's no longer my main priority in life to prove to everyone how I'm my own person. Every once in a while I even catch myself taking pause to reference from whom and where I came from. again... far cry from my staunchly independent self just a few moons ago.


so yeah.. been thinking about that kind of stuff today, and out of nowhere, I get an e-mail (today) from a girl I went to high school with. I'm going to call her CC.... simply cause I don't think it's cool to use other people's real and full names on my blog without their knowledge. Turns out she chanced upon my blog, and she took time to send me an e-mail. Now, I suppose that's not anything shocking or spectacular... my maiden name is czernikowski, and I imagine I'm quite easy to find on the web if you can string those 12 letters in the right combination.

The particular point to my verbal spew tonight is that CC is one of those people from high school you just never forget.

everyone can remember SOMEONE from high school. whether because they were pretty, or fat, or funny, or the biggest dork, or the biggest whatever... there will always be individuals that stick in your head, regardless of how long it's been since you were in high school, or whether or not you kept in touch.

CC was one of those people for me. Now before y'all go assuming she has a third eye or walked like a farm animal or some other weird characteristic (cause let's face it, that's the kind of shit NO ONE can forget. sorry to disappoint; she was and still is, I imagine... a very lovely young woman. nothing crazy to make her stick out, I swear!!)... I remember her because one day... very close to graduation, in our second period advanced English class... I was a very opinionated bitch to her, and I think I hurt her feelings.


so let's set the stage. a few of us were talking about what we were going to do after graduation (meaning college and career paths, etc) and CC or someone else said something to the effect of missing everyone from high school. I, ever being the bitch I can be... coldly said something to the effect of not thinking I'll miss anyone because the only thing we had in common was that we were born in the same town. I remember CC looking as if she were personally struck that I said such a thing.

now.. the mind.. Especially one like mine which has done my fair share of killing brain cells.. tends to distort memories and reshape in such a way that often we remember things the way we want to remember them. SO taking what I say with a grain of salt... just understand that this is how I remember how shit went down.


some 15 years later, I still remember that conversation. again.. not verbatim, but yet... it has stuck with me all these years because it is the truth. It was how I felt at the time, how I felt through college, and pretty much how I feel now, some what.. 15 years later?

BUT... and here's the rub.... the statement I made was absolute and cold. I have since learned SOME tact (ability to EXERCISE aforementioned skill still may be not my strong suit... but I have nonetheless learned about it). AND.... all these years later... I see my younger self and my younger peers with different eyes.

Perhaps I DID have more in common with my schoolmates than I brazenly avoided giving them credit for. I mean.. we were all essentially a bunch of stupid kids on the verge of trying to figure out our lives. We shared... whether or not we knew it.. the same anxieties of the opposite sex, our own successes and what the future would hold.

But I was too hell-bent on declaring my independence (and good riddance) to anything and everything Sayreville (yes.. to this day, I'm still not a huge bon-jovi fan for that reason.. I simply declared his music as CRAP many years ago, and never thought to give it much of a chance) anyways.. too hell bent on declaring independence to think about MISSING anyone.

Don't read me wrong, gang... this is not a blog in which I profoundly say I did it all wrong and want to go back.... I LOVE my life. I'm SO HAPPY with who I am and where I am that I can't possibly believe that the path which has brought me here can be anything BUT the right path. And to be perfectly honest... I DIDN'T miss anyone. I've never had a desire to go to a class reunion, and have never uttered the phrase "I wish I could do it again."


FUCK THAT. But still... I'm a little older (wiser? softer?) now... and the last chamber of my heart that still beats warm blood recognizes that there WERE good people that I went to high school with, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't just SLIGHTLY curious of what has become of everyone. I AM curious of what CC has done in her life. I see her as a doctor of some type. she was always very smart, and had a quiet friendly calm about her... I see that translating into good bedside manner.


but whatever. I ramble.



CC's note was an interesting surprise for me today, and reminded me how I learned that day that even when going forward, you don't need to be a bitch to the ones you're leaving behind. of course I never admitted that out loud until tonight, but somehow the feeling I got after that conversation that day always sat in the back of my brain whispering "you don't have to be such a bitch about it, Carrie!!" as I forged ahead with my independence.

now I'm not saying I've always been nice... cause you KNOW my ass is still bitch royale on wheels..... but I do try to not burn any bridges... so to speak.


so anyways. that's my ramble for tonight. I'm proud to say I'm an independent woman. YESSSS, I'm also co-dependent..... I'm married, and I no longer have a professional money-paying job, my parents still do SO MUCH for me, etc etc...... but I firmly believe I am still independent. The funny thing is that I always have been a little bit of both my whole life. I just didn't realize that it was possible until just a few years ago. I guess it's better late than never, huh?


Happy independence day, gang.... may your freedoms ring loud and clear.

PAH- rentals

yeah... so that's just my fancy way of saying that the folks are a comin to town!


They're hitting the road this morning; how early, I have no idea... and depending on how crazy my dad makes my mom... they'll either arrive this evening or tomorrow.


I'm hoping the old man doesn't piss her off too much and they can actually make it in one trip; but he does resemble my grandfather in many ways (and when I say that I don't mean he looks and acts dead... I mean he's a shitty... er... not exactly the best.... driver. Downright scary at times, truth be told.... ) so yeah. they may get to virginia and be at the point where someone needs a drink or shit'll get postal.... or they might just might feel the force of Rhena and keep on trucking.


I have a feeling they're going to do it all in one shot... being that 2 days ago, with rhena playing right in front of me, she fell and whacked her nose on the coffee table, resulting in her first major bloody injury. I have a feeling my mom thinks I'm slipping a little.

oh well.. either way; it'll be nice to have them here for the visit. again... provided they actually both make it here.


speaking of miss boogeypants; it sounds as if she's waking up, so that means breakfast time here in the Johnson Manor. plus I ought to do a little more housework so my folks don't think I live like a diva eating bon bons ALL the time. You know... only when my child needs to be watched and noses need protection.


have a great day, gang; I'll check in when I can!

Half way from the middle

I've been thinking a lot lately about the term "halfway" and "middle".


It all started last week when I hit the halfway mark for this pregnancy. I realized, that despite my 'nosey' characteristics and deft ability to socially be in the middle of things.... I'm really not all that comfortable there.



sure... a lot of people may find comfort being smack dab in the middle, or find the halfway point of things to be refreshing. to them it marks a significant completion, and and a logical point to take a break.

me? not so much.


I may not exactly be claustrophobic, but I have a hard time being right in the very middle. I personally LIKE to be able to see either where I came from or where I'm going, but only like to focus on one at a time.

not quite the adventurous gal I used to be in my 20's... I know for certain the 'edge' is not for me. I have too much going on in my life to be risky and be 100% extreme about things... yet again... I have too much going on in my life to be completely PASSIVE about things and NOT take at least SOME action.


Perhaps I feel most comfortable in the 15 - 35% and 65-85% zones. Like 10 percent completed with something or only 10 percent LEFT to do... pshaw... the shit may as well still be on the drawing board or in the bank. but the 15-35 zone seems as if there's enough there to really be recognized as effort, and the 65-85 zone still leaves room for change, and reminds us clearly that it ain't over yet.



I've thought and thought about this, and I realized that I really do feel this way about pretty much EVERY aspect of life. driving somewhere, my feelings towards political issues, cooking and/or eating a meal, vacation, this pregnancy, hell.. even the years I spend on this planet. I truly am most 'alive' (or functional, energized, empassioned, happy?) at the quarter-marks.


Now that's not to take away from the merits of beginnings. Beginnings are EXCITING!! full of POSSIBILITIES!!! but they're also typically lacking in structure, have TOO many questions unanswered, and are just not solid enough for my likings.

And endings sure can be great. I don't know a soul alive who doesn't appreciate closure or accomplishment. But meh! once it's done, it's done, gang. and while that is oh-so-appealing when thinking of laundry, going to the dentist, and changing one of rhena's stink-bomb diapers.... it most cases it signifies that the journey is over. The path has been chosen and you have no more freedom. It's absolute... it's final.

True middles represent biding time and or major work to me. nothing to see here, folks.. just keep it moving. no light at either side of the tunnel... just plodding along until your next mile-marker.


oh well. I'm smack dab in the middle of this pregnancy lately... and that's probably why I've been thinking. the 'newness' has worn off... (and thankfully it would seem the puking has started to wear off as well!) and it just feels like I have a LONNNNNNNG way to go before sweet child o mine makes his or her arrival. Believe me.. I'm HAPPY to be here, and to know the child within is healthy and has survived the journey thus far.. just feels like I'm kinda spinning my wheels at this point.... and would perhaps rather be about another 10 weeks along. or maybe 5 weeks less. no.. strike that... I've been puking too much with this kid.. I'll go for the FURTHER along. besides.. I am kinda looking forward to meeting this kid.


scared SHITLESS of that last leg of the journey ( when will my water break? WILL my water break? Will I be allowed to go into labor on my own, or will some doctor prescribe my child's birthday? will my cervix actually dilate this time? will I have to have another c-section, or worse.. is this child gonna come tearing out of my CROTCH??? holy mother fucker... will I get the same amount of DRUGS as I did with Rhena?????)


so yeah. looking forward to meeting the next player on team Cze-Johnson... but... uh... I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to thinking about what has to be DONE to meet said child.


but whatever. I have plenty of time to obsess about the delivery. and that seems like a distant dream anyway. After all.. I am only half way there.

Wondering

if we have a boy... at what point can I paint his room peanut-butter brown and hang huge posters of rock legends like Led Zepplin, Jimmy Hendrix and Pink Floyd?

Furthermore... is the brown and concert-poster theme considered gender nuetral?



yes, people... this is the shit I think about when we have rain for five fucking days in a row.

It was 20 years ago today

......Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.
They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile.


yeah.. that Sgt Pepper. what a guy, right? Although now come to think of it, it's got to be like more that 40 years ago today, cause I remember listening to that song growing up.



no matter... the band is playing, and I'm blogging.


oh... speaking of blogging....

It's my blogiversary.



The Fever has been in effect for 2 years now.


lots of stuff has come and gone during these past two years, but yet... when I look back at my very first entry.... I have to say shit's kinda still the same.


here I am... pregnant again, and weird shit is going on with my body. Derek STILL doesn't blog very much, and I still don't really talk about politics all that much. oh, and I'm craving kettle corn.


but as much as all of that seems similar, things are much brighter in my afterworld. I've met a LOT of great people, have truly been touched by the generous spirit of strangers, and read some damn funny shit along the way. I've learned a few things, and perhaps maybe even passed on a morsel or two (if at the very least what NOT to do in many situations). I've been spammed, gotten hate mail, and still seem to get least one hit a day from people with butthole fetishes. (people.. I can't make this shit up.... the freaks just find me, they really do)


anyway... I appreciate all of you who have caught the fever; either for a little while, every once in a while, or check in on my lazy ass regularly. Knowing someone is out there makes me feel just that much better.


so have a piece of cake... and eat all you want; the kind I'm giving today is fat free (ok, AND calorie and taste free, too, but shit, kids.. use your imagination a little, and hey.. at least my cake is good for your diet!)


so from all of us here in Cze-Johnsonville, thank you for reading.


MUAH!

Monitor Spying

now before you all think I've turned into one of those nuts who walks around with Rhena's baby monitor trying to listen to what's going on in other people's houses... I'm not.


In fact, I only did that ONCE.. and that was when we lived in nevada. I used to be able to hear our neighbor's tv all the time. it was weird. Then I saw that movie "white noise", and now I'm not trying to listen to anything but rhena over our receiver.

Although.. I have to say that it'll be interesting to see what happens come this fall.... did I MENTION that pretty much half of the women on my street are pregnant and are due this fall? I shit you not, people... I am part of a chain of FIVE houses in a row that have pregnant women living in them... all of us due between september and november. Then lets' not forget the chick across the street, who's bringing HER side's tally to THREE all on her own.


yeah. triplets. Holy mother of baby shit... that's a lot of kids.

we joke on our street that we're just going to set up a chuck wagon for meals come fall, vs trying to get different people to make whatever for whoever like we normally do here in stepford.


so I say it'll be interesting, cause with all these monitors that will be working, I'm wondering if I'll be picking up on other people's house-speaks... or worse... other people will be able to hear us!


oh well.. I was just thinking about that all this morning because I'm sitting here listening to troy and rhena in her room.

he got home last night, so he had the honors of waking her up today. and if there's one thing I love to eavesdrop on, it's troy playing with rhena.


they're SO goofy together.... and it's such a delight to hear. I hear shit like the theme from jaws, and squeals from rhena. they really do make a funny pair.


oh well. daddy's home. let the fun begin again.

weekend recap

ok.. so I know we're actually about to head IN to another weekend... but I thought I'd share a few pics from this past weekend.


as I said earlier, Troy, boogie and I went to myrtle beach, SC for the weekend. it was just for overnight, but we had a good time, and really filled up the days that we were there.


On our list was much swimming (in the pool.. NOT the ocean. apparently Princess Boogercup does NOT like the ocean or sand. AT ALL.) we checked out an area called barefoot landing, which was kind of a boardwalky kind of place with a bunch of shoppes and restaurants located on some lakey area.

we ate, we shopped, we went on the merry-go-round... twice. well... *I* didn't go on it... with my track record of puking, I didn't want to risk it, cause it looked like it was spinning pretty fast.


the next day there was more swimming, a quick morning nap, then off to an area called broadway at the beach, which was similar to the barefoot landing place. we went to the Ripley's aquarium, which illicted many WOWs from rhena... had lunch at Margaritaville (yes, troy ordered the cheeseburger in paradise, and rhena's menu was a mask that made her into a parrothead) did a little more walking, then drove back home.


and now-- the pics: (more to come... I don't have time to upload them all right now)

"daddy... that wave is getting closer.... are you SURE we should be standing here like this?"

ok... this is more like it. no more of that ocean and sand shit, ok???

just a rocking the night away by the general store...

__________

more to come.... stay tuned

EDIT: ok, I lied. blogger's being a piece of crap, so that's all the pics you get for now.

Old, New, Borrowed and Blue

Have you seen this button in my sidebar yet?


if you click on that button, it will take you to a website that has been set up to pay tribute to all the souls that slipped away from us as a result of the terrorist attacks on 9/11.

Essentially, this tribute is aiming to get 2996 blogger volunteers... with each blogger paying tribute to the LIFE of one of the 9/11 victims. That's right... one blogger for every person that died.

I'm still learning more about the whos and whats of this.. but all it takes is a blog, and one post remembering and honoring one person's life on September 11th of this year.

I believe I've mentioned it in the past, but I'm not one to agonize and mourn death. Death is sad and often cruel. I am the type of person that would rather celebrate the day a person was born than to mourn the anniversary of the day they died. This tribute seems more in the spirit of how I roll... except that the tribute will occur on the day the person died.

but that's ok.


I wasn't in new york or dc or on a plane the day of the 9/11 attacks. and while I can't even BEGIN to imagine how I would feel had I had a first hand account of the events that took place; I know that there are people who survived and will never be the same. I'm one of them.

I don't take life for granted, and I certainly recognize that not everything is in my control.

but whatever. it doesn't really matter what I think.

I implore you, if you're a blogger... to go and at least click on this link. Search your heart, and if you can... please sign up to take part of this tribute.

home

hey gang...

just a quick post to let y'all know I'm back in town.


Troy, boogie and I were down in Myrtle Beach, SC for the weekend. It was a very quick trip, but much fun was had by all.


lots of pictures forthcoming... I'll probably put them on the photoblog. give me til tomorrow, though, as today is going to be busy getting unpacked and reacclamated without overloads of snack food, fudge, and sand.


I hope everyone had a good father's day... I send a special nod to Bill, Daddy and Derek.. who are my only regular male commenters that are dads. I think. Either way... I firmly believe that any man can donate sperm, but it takes a special kind of guy to be a father... so again... hats off to the men who have stepped up to the plate out there.


ok. more later. happy monday!

Alive and Kicking

hey all.

thanks for the good vibes for my appointment yesterday. All went well; my 'watches' remain to not be of any concern, and all the new red spots I started noticing are indeed pregnancy related, so no cause for alarm on those either.


while I was there, I also decided to man up and have my lump-of-shit removed.


I'm going to be honest with you... I was scared. They compared the numbing needle to be similar to the kind you get at the dentist, but last I checked.. those bitches HURT!!!


But all is well. the needle hurt no more than when I quickly put my glasses on and accidently jab the lump-o-shit mole behind my ear, and from start to finish, it was probably less than 24 minutes. like for the WHOLE appointment.

Seeing my removed lump-o-shit sitting on the exam tray afterwards really gave me the willies. it looked like some creature; just sitting there... all lumpy and shitty looking. SO GLAD that thing is off of my head!

The doc shoveled up the lump and put it in a crate (test tube) and will have it sent to the lab for tests, just to make sure all is well. but other than that; it's just me, a bandaid and my very flat-non-lump-o-shit-having area of skin behind my ear for the next 8 months. sweet!


as for the kicking; I do believe the one within has begun to kick me. I mean, it's been about 2 years since I last fealt this way when mexican food was not involved... so I'm a bit rusty as to what actual kicks are supposed to feel like, but I think they're happening. so that's pretty cool.


And apparently this thing 2 of mine is a lucky thing. I won a contest over at the Haus!!!! Let's hope this kid can really show me some love and help me win some money at Bunco tonight!

have a great wednesday everyone!

aaaah, the deck.

as previously mentioned, I've been in a bit of a holding pattern as of late.


seems as if my emotions have kind of shut me down in a lot of aspects, and in many other senses... I've just been kind of waiting.

waiting for this baby.


waiting for rhena to stop teething.


waiting for the deck guy to do something.



yup. Deck Guy has become a sore topic in johnsonville lately. My parents, during their last visit here in April... did as they normally do (and when I say normally, I'm not saying it in a way that should connote that we in any way EXPECT this behavior, just in a sense that my parents are regularly going beyond our imaginations with all that they do for us)

anyways.. while they were here, they went about finding ways to spoil us. shitloads of toys for rhena. food out the ass. a bunch of things for the house, including one of those lattice-enclosed structures for keeping your garbage cans outside so it's per homeowner's association rules and really nice to look at to boot.

in addition to this, my folks arranged for the same guy to extend our deck by four feet. yeah. go ahead... you can say it; Pretty Fuckin Sweet, huh?

so despite us saying no, the deed was dealt and set up and monies exchanged.


That was back in April.


our deck still looks the same.


despite my folks shelling out some cashola for this dude to come and get the job done; no materials have been dropped of, and no deck has been enlarged.


so this pisses me off, cause even though we don't NEED the deck bigger; it's the principle. my parents doled out money; the guy should do something.

_________________

hmmm. that's interesting. and a little freaky if I do say so myself.

deck guy called while I was typing. anyways... sounds like he's going to have someone else do the job, and we'll actually get a start date figured out when he calls tomorrow. interesting. perhaps I should start typing about troy getting another raise or winning a boat or something. hah!


In other news; my mole check-up is today. remember that mole from last year? stressed me out, yes it did, yes it did. well.. it turned out that the appointment went well last year, and the mole I was worried about was nothing TO be worried about. the ever-cute and skinny doc gave me a few watches (as in keep an eye on these spots) and told me to come back next year. being THIS year.

being today.


I have been keeping an eye on the ones I was supposed to, but a batch of new spots has shown up. red and weird shaped spots. tiny, like freckles, but RED. not sure if baby moles start off red, or maybe this is a pregnancy thing, but I don't remember any red spots with rhena. (further proof in addition to all the puking I've been doing that this child is truly a monster) anyways.. I plan on asking about them today.

what else.

I'm 19 weeks along today. or tomorrow. same shit, actually. I actually laughed when they told me my due date changed to Nov 7th. dude... my original date was nov 8th. Do I need to remind everyone that Rhena was over a WEEK late? like one day is going to make a big difference at this point?

oh well. bottom line is that I'm close to halfway there. almost another week down with no puke, too. (fyi-- for those of you not privvy to my pukes; I have been throwing up A LOT since april. I got to a point where I was chucking 3-4x a day, and am now on heavy-duty meds to try to keep things at bay. I ALMOST had a run of 2 weeks with no puking, but I puked last week. no pukes since then, though, so that's good.)

well.. I guess I ought to get ready to start today... as a shower still needs to be had, rhena needs to eat, and I have to have some lump of shit looked at.



peace out, kiddies.

Displacement

so lately I've been feeling a bit out of whack.


Now that my 'secret' is out, I'm sure you're all "well, duh.. you're preggo, of COURSE you're out of whack"

but it's a little more than that. I mean, sure the hormonal imbalance has something to do with it, but the out-of-whackness seems to be creeping into all aspects of life.


I'm not quite in synch with my friends lately.... I'm even pretty much a week behind (if not more) in ALL of my e-mails. my girlfriends here in town are all off on diets and exercise regimes and one-night-out-for-drinks-and-a-movie together, and I'm here not wanting to go to the pool cause I'm pissed I spent $70 on a bathing suit that just doesn't fit me right yet.

perhaps it's the shift to summer, and my lack of scheduled events for the booger has left me with too many weeks of "uh... what should we do today" days. I do admit, I work better on a schedule. (please, if anyone goes back in time, do NOT tell my 20-something self I just said that. she would be so disappointed in me!)

so what to do, what to do. OBVIOUSLY, I need to find some shit to do. and it's not like there's a shortage of things that NEED to be done... just bleh. haven't felt like doing them.

(so BASICALLY, CARRIE..... you're saying that you have a ton of shit to do, don't feel like doing any of that shit, but are bitching and moaning cause you're bored and feel like there's nothing to do)

hmmm... when I put it THAT way..... perhaps I should have labeled this post as REGRESSION... as in back to teenage years, when I was always saying that I had a ton of shit to do, didn't feel like doing any of that shit, but bitched and moaned cause I was bored and felt like there was nothing to do.

on a productive note... I finally started reading again. started it last night, and am now on page 98. it's a far cry from my ability to devour a whole book in less than a day days... but it feels good to read again. we actually finally bought davinci code, too. perhaps after I tune up the brain with a little James Patterson, I'll push a little harder and go for the code.


One of my friends in NYC mentioned going to a pottery place with her son... I think I may do that with the boogie... you know... so I can have something scheduled.


of course there's always returning e-mails.


My cousin wrote to me last week, and I've been wracking my brain for the right words to use in replying to her... which is stupid, because she is like my sister, and I should just e-mail her, but instead I internalize and stress over the shit she's going through, and yet waste another day not talking to her. stupid stupid stupid. I really need to e-mail her.


I have another friend who e-mailed me almost a month ago. and yet another whom I haven't spoken to since december. Perhaps I'm ashamed at how long I've let myself go without contacting them. well, not perhaps.. that's a definite. I'm embarrassed. and it's not like I don't love these girls... I really do. yet. silence.

maybe talking to my long-time friends is what I DO need to set my ass straight and get me out of my out-of-whackiness. it's just hard knowing I'm going to have to start off each conversation with "I'm sorry I'm a distant bitch who hasn't called or written in forever; I swear I love you and have been thinking of you, but I'm a LAZY and distant bitch, and oh yeah, hormonal cause I'm 4 months pregnant, and by the way I'm sorry you had to find out about me being preggo through someone else or worse by reading it on a random blog post.. but I swear I do love you and miss you and have been wondering how you've been?"

oh well. bite the bullet, right?

I TOTALLY shouldn't do this today, but oh well...

yeah.. so i'm looking at the calendar and I just realized that today is 06/06/06... the release date for the new version of the Omen. creepy, yet so cool that they worked it to be released today.



I myself decided to do my own little release today, and not for any spiritual reasons... just thought it was time.


of course, NOW looking at the date, I'm thinking... eh... maybe I could have waited til my 2 year bloggiversary... and am I really THAT superstitious? today isn't really evil, is it?

but whatever. I already changed my profile picture, so too late.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I'm pleased to announce that starting in November, the Fever will be under NEW MANAGEMENT.

That's right.... there's been a re-structuring of some sorts here in Johnsonville, and we will be taking on another manager. The new manager's name and specifics will not be released until he or she officially begin their term here at the Fever. Rhena will continue to be acting Chief, she will just share authorative power when the time arrives.

I appreciate your support during this transitional time, and hope you will give a warm welcome to the new manager come November. UNTIL THEN... business as usual!

here goes nothin'

ok. trying out a new template.


hoping it's not going to make everyone's shit crash. I imagine if it does, I'll hear about it soon enough.

if everything's coming up dandy for you, leave me a comment so I know I fixed whatever it was that was causing shit to go bizzarro.

thanks.

For the Love of the Job

You ever notice how there are just some jobs that not everybody can do? I imagine that can be said about pretty much any job, due to skill sets or other educational requirements. but SOME JOBS... well, let's face it... they ain't for everybody.


Today, I'm thinking particularly about teachers, and more specifically, about my mom.


NOW, I know I've mentioned my mom on my blog before, and most of the time it's in some side comment where I'm defending some outlandishly stupid behavior I've done that my mom will most likely flip out about. I've probably depicted her as a VERY old-school, over-protective and firmly resolved tough bizzle. If I HAVE, it's because, well... she IS. She IS Irish and Hungarian, after all, AND is from Jersey. TRUST me when I tell you she is not one to mess with. Throw in a heaping dose of some stereo-typical Catholic attributes, and you'll have my mom as portrayed in a made-for-tv movie.


BUT... like any good and TRUE-to-life character... my mom is much more than that. The woman has some layers, people. Deep, complex, colorful layers that even I, after 33 years, am only beginning to understand the half of.

Some of the layers to my enigmom run in her professional sphere... she is a teacher.

my mom has been teaching for God knows how many years. seriously. I don't even know. Before I was born, I can tell you that. I remember her working in a nursery school, and I remember one other stint in a school in a town called woodbridge, (I Think??? all I really remember is the windows and the sinks in her class) she was a teacher for some junior-high/middle school kids for a while.... but for the past 21 years, she has been teaching in the same Catholic school.

let me repeat that. TWENTY ONE YEARS. in the SAME PLACE. Mostly first grade, with a few grade changes here and there, but for the majority of those 21 years, she has been a first grade teacher.

Now, I dunno about you, but I remember MY first grade teacher. (Mrs Counsman) I also remember a LOT about that particular school year. I mean, I remember some things here and there about kindergarten, but my strongest and first memories from school are from my first grade year. So even some what.... 28? years later, I remember shit that went down that year.

So that gets me thinking about my mom.... 21+ years of creating foundational memories for 15-30 kids at a time... that's a pretty big audience. no pressure, huh?

but anyways... all of that is really an aside. What I've seen over the past 21 years is a woman who not only goes to work every day, but brings home her work each night, too. whether it's the papers she grades, the lesson plans, letters to parents or the report cards... there was always SOME paperwork that had to be done.

and the children. I'd be lying if I said that every year wasn't a new batch of characters in our house. Each year, we'd hear about the child who can't stop crying, or wetting their pants, or experienced death in their family, or anything and everything. Every year, and every child.. my mother would teach, nurture and LOVE these children as if they were her own. She would emote her frustrations to us when she knew certain children could do better but were too lazy, she would anguish over the children that were experiencing trouble at home. She would beam with pride when 'her kids' did something good. Again... it was if each year we had a bunch of foster children in our family... they just didn't physically live in our house.

Now maybe some people say she did more than she needed to, and put more of herself into her job than she was required.... but now, as a parent.... I can definitely say I wouldn't want Rhena to be taught by anyone OTHER than the likes of my mother. Especially at the age of 6 and 7... I want to know that Rhena is in the care of someone that really loves what they're doing... and not just checking off tasks.


and it's not just that my mom went above and beyond her 'job requirements' for the 21+ years. She did it in circumstances that anyone with a professional job would just shudder at.

For example... as a working professional... over the course of 21 years, would you find it acceptable that your salary only increased approximately 12 thousand dollars? How many years would YOU stay at a job without even GETTING a raise?

How many days a week can you stand on your feet all day and not even get to take a lunch?

Do your employees shit their pants or throw up on you? Because apparently that's a common occurrence every year in the first grade.

DO you get told to go to professional workshops on your days off and not even get reimbursed for the time or money spent at said workshops?

Have you ever been told that you can't attend a funeral service because someone else from your company is going?

Do you have to pay for your own supplies?

Have you ever had to wait two months to see your grandchild because taking off during that time of year just wouldn't be good for your employees?

Perhaps you've been berated by the parents of one of your employees because you did not provide said employee with a snack that said parents forgot to give to employee that morning.


I could go on. The shit my mother has dealt with over the years has been horrible at times to down right ridiculous. Yet... for so many years... she stayed. Why? because of the children. because she's a teacher, and no matter what has been thrown at her, she believes what she does is important, and carries on.

This past week, my mother was finally offered a contract stating the conditions in which the school would have her work next year. Please ignore the fact that there are only 2 weeks left in this school year, thus making it virtually impossible for her to find employment elsewhere should she find the terms presented as unacceptable.

What she was 'offered' was to teach 27 children (FIVE of which would be special needs children), CHANGE to third grade, with NO monetary increase on her salary. Nothing says appreciation like completely changing your job role, taking on more responsibility, and doing it for the same shit money you're getting now.

can I get a big FUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!

I admire the hell out of my mother. I can NOT even begin to post about how much I look up to her and how she's set the bar in so many ways for how I believe HUMANS should be. But when it comes to teaching... she is second to none in my eyes. Sure, she's tough as nails, but she's GOOD. She constantly does whatever she can to get through to her kids... reaches out to parents so that the learning doesn't stop in the classroom, and too many times puts those kids' needs before those of her own.

She has dealt with shitty administration and suck-ass work conditions and real jack-fuck parents over the years. and unfortunately, moreso than ever... the shitty administration and suck-ass work conditions and jack-fuck parents have gotten worse.


I see it so much, even in some of the random people I meet that are parents. They expect the teacher to coddle and teach and nurture their child, but get downright pissy at the teacher when the child in unable to meet basic expectations in school. For example... we have some friends that got angry at their child's teacher when a book report was assigned in the 5th grade. ANGRY. because said child has been getting book reports since the third grade, and 'these teachers don't even tell the kids how to DO a book report.. they just expect the kids to know how." (let's ignore that parents just admitted that said child has been getting book reports assigned for the previous 2 years... that kind of ignorance even hurts ME to think about)


ANYWAYS... my point is this. As a teacher, you may be in charge of 20+ children at a time, yet will be expected to treat each child as if they are your only responsibility. Not everyone can do that, or for that matter, do it well.

I may be biased, but I know my mother does it, and does it really damn well. But alas... she has decided not to do it anymore.

After this recent 'contract offering'... she said no. No to the terms they presented, and no to the shit that comes along with it. SO in two weeks, my mom will have her last day of school.

and you know what? I know inside she's heartbroken.


True, she's proud of herself for finally saying 'no more' to the shit end of the stick she's been dealing with for so long... but she's a TEACHER... and I know she knows there's more in her to give.


And so the bittersweet story goes, right? The ole girl still has more fight in her. Maybe just maybe she can hang on for one more year.

But selfishly, I say NO MORE, and HOO-FUCKING-RAY that she's not going back. Why? BECAUSE the ole girl still has more fight left in her, and I want it for me. for my daughter, for my husband and brother and sister-in-law and nieces and nephew and my father and for any future child I may have.

I'll be DAMNED if some unappreciative institution breaks the spirit of my mother or tarnishes her career in any way. She has given SO MUCH of her time, her love, her energy, of HERSELF... and I know she's done it because she loves to do it, but it's high time she does it for people that will tell her how much they appreciate what she does and love her for it.

For the love of the job, my mother has done tremendous things in her years. I can not even BEGIN to say how proud I am of her, and how she has forever changed my perception of teachers in this world.

Selfishly, I am SO HAPPY she's not going back to school next year.... cause those rat-sab motherfuckers just don't appreciate her the way I feel they should. I DO feel bad for her in that it has come to a point where she drew her line and said no more.

But I take comfort in the knowledge that my mother is not done teaching yet. True.. she may not be in a classroom every day next year, but people like my mother will NEVER stop teaching. and God willing... I pray I will never stop learning from her.


I love you, mom... and I'm SO PROUD OF YOU.

Busting Out All Over

and I'm not saying that just because I went bathing suit shopping yesterday, either.


well, ok.. maybe a little.


SERIOUSLY. bathing suit shopping is tough.



I went with my girlfriend, and while I only tried on two, she must have tried on like 30. It can be quite the depressing thing; lifting, pulling, squeezing, tucking, sucking.... and that's in the privacy of a fitting room!


of the two I tried on, one was a brown tankini number that made my shoulders and boobs look delicious. yes... I said it. DELICIOUS. the color brown went WONDERFULLY with my skin tone, and the way the straps cut in just so, I could have taken a few pictures of myself. however, from the area in which my breasts stopped and below... it was not so yummy. the bottoms came up too high and cut into places I didn't even know I HAD fat rolls, and the torso seaming was a little crooked and really accentuated my love handles. cause you KNOW that shit is sexy. so you know I passed on that one.


the other one I tried on and decided to purchase is another tankini, and it's nice. it's pink orange and white, though. just not sure I'm loving the colors. The cut works pretty well, though, and I imagine that with a tan I should be able to "work it out," as Randy Jackson likes to say. It's just that right now I put it on and think of cotton candy. maybe I WILL return it. I dunno.


Troy says he likes it (speaking of, he's back in town) but then again... he's been with me long enough to stay very clear of opinions on bathing suits. so who knows... he could probably hate it... he's just avoiding any hormonal outbursts from me. smart fella, I tell you.


so this weekend is the Taste of Charlotte. we went last year, and I enjoyed it. it wasn't a HUGE food offering like other places I've been to, but it's nice enough. and besides.. they have kettle corn. what more reason do I need?


so that's about it. I have a ton of errands to run today (BLAH) and one may just be returning the suit. we'll see. if I keep talking about cotton candy and sweet things, you'll know I decided to keep it.

have a great day, everyone.

I'm dilated!

oh relax people... I just went to the eye doctor's this morning. and yeah... note to self... bring SUNGLASSES next time you decide to have your eyes checked in the middle of the day without a frigging CLOUD in the sky!!!



let's just say driving home was NOT fun.


oh well... I'm off to possibly buy a bathing suit today. I say possibly, because there's no promises that I won't break down in a crying fit of bodily shame and start throwing up everywhere. I'll be bringing my Twinkie friend... and her boobs are MUCH bigger than mine, so she'll have an even harder time finding something that fits right. (hey-- don't hate me cause I know and exploit the fact that misery loves company!)


to tide you over, here is my child.. eating corn on the cob for the first time. She's really a funny bird to watch in person, cause she just eats the SHIT out of the corn. I mean, really digs in and goes to town. I admire that kind of gusto when it comes to food. she's definitely my kind of girl.

anyways... enjoy:

and just for fun... in action: