Day One

I used to be a girl scout. As anyone that has pretty much eaten a cookie before... you know that being a girl scout, among other things, means selling cookies.


Now, my memory is pretty foggy, but I do remember selling a LOT of cookies when I was a kid. like a LOT a lot. It was probably more due to my parents' connections with like.. EVERYONE... but as pre-arranged as the purchases might have been, I was always obligated to go through the motions of knocking on each door and mustering up the gumption to ask so-and-so if they would like to buy some cookies.

I never liked it.

Call it an out-of-place gene or SOMETHING, but despite all my hours of working retail and tending bar pushing and pimping this and that product or drink (and doing it REALLY WELL) , I have NEVER been good at fundraising. I KNOW in my head that the two are really not that different...and by all measures I'm a great salesperson... but I just fall flat when it comes to fundraising.

SO for the past two months, I have kept quiet. ok, ok.. more like "for the past two months I have been physically training to do a 39.3 mile walk but I've been paralyzed with fear in terms of telling anyone about it and/or asking for them to contribute to my cause."

but today is different. Day one, right? Today is the first day of a new month, and I have made a vow to myself to no longer keep quiet. to stop being afraid of rejection, and yes.. to ask for help in something I believe in.


let me rewind just a little.

back in May, after seeing my cousin rachel in new jersey... I decided that I did not want to wait another year to get involved in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer that was going to happen here in Charlotte in October. My original thought was to just inquire about it this year, and do it NEXT year, as Danny would probably still be nursing when the 2007 walk would happen, and how would I make that happen... it would be really difficult, and so on and so on.


But then I went home in May and saw my cousin. all thoughts and notions I had about doing something out of convenience for myself were out the window.

Cancer shows no mercy to personal schedules.

Cancer doesn't give a shit if you want to nurse your child.

My cousin, my childhood best friend... for all intents and purposes.. my sister rachel has cancer. She didn't get the option of 'putting it off for another year til things settled down'.


what a small, ugly, selfish piece of shit I felt like.




so that pretty much settled that. With resound, I signed up to be a walker in the Charlotte Walk. I started training. I told one or two people about it, and with each time, I cried. Even now, just thinking about the walk I tear up.

The words escape me to properly describe my feelings about walking for breast cancer... but then again, maybe there never WERE any words. It's kinda just instinctual. and like breathing... I HAVE to walk. plain and simple. I just have to.


So everything is great. I've aligned myself with a cause I feel deeply connected to... but yet... I'm stuck. or rather.. I HAVE BEEN stuck.

new month... new attitude. Day one.


So as short as short can be, or at least as *I* can be... I'm walking in October, and I need sponsors. there. I said it.

I WANT MONEY.


Actually, I want for people to want to help. I want people to believe that a greater good will come of monies donated and people unified in a hope for the future. I want people to look at their children or mothers or wives or friends and for them to not know the fear that cancer can create.


But today is only day one.


________________________

for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here: