Day Eight - Middle of the Road

So I'm finally connected here at the inlaws. well, actually, I got connected a few days ago, but Troy has been monopolizing the laptop for work, and beings how he brings in the money that pays the bills... he gets the laptop by default.


but what a reflective past few days it's been.


So driving out here to the midwest really opened my eyes to what middle-america is really like. Not that I believed that everyone lives in their version of stepford, but you see enough cornfields and dilapidated barns and adult bookstores (with ARCADES!) right next to some holy roller evangelist churches with like 3 or 10 huge crosses out front to remind the adult book (and ARCADE!!!) buyers how sinly they are to kinda wake you up and realize that maybe John Cougar Mellencamp might have been a better penner of our national anthem?

Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to cash in the home-owners-association-approved split-rail fences and move to this wonderland where roadside produce stands run on the honor system, and the locals bleed red, white, and blue.... no... I'd much rather hang with my house-puking bunco hens than Jeb and Cleetus and Sally Jo. But it's good to step out of my norm every now and then.

I think that's what the walk has been making me do, too. well, no... actually, I *KNOW* it's making me step out of my norm.

When it comes to pretty much most topics... I'm a middle of the roader. I like my ability to be able to see and argue both sides of pretty much anything. And perhaps this ability to view many angles prevents me from being very vocal about my beliefs. Strike that... we all know my ass is vocal about everything... I just mean that as much as I like to spout off about shit.. I'm not trying to change the world. I'm just an ego-centric girl from jersey who likes to talk to anyone who'll listen. But I'm not about to tell people they're wrong for what they think.


now again... This does not mean I'm failing to recognize my innate ability to roll my eyes and call people fat assed white trashed negligent pig farmers for the slightest infraction such as talking on a cell phone instead of minding their child.... yes. I AM judgemental. and I DO spout off about how stupid I think many many people are. but I do NOT claim that those folks are wrong for their stupidity. I just like to call it as I see it.. you know... without coming right out about who's right or wrong... though I'm sure if you've made it this far y'all know I'm always right....

but that's besides the point.

my REAL point is that doing this whole breast cancer walk is forcing me to step out of my middle-world-comfort-zone and champion a cause. you know... TELL people about it. and then tell MORE people about it. and then, of course... ask them to help me.

gah!! WHY is the last part so difficult???


Here, in my private audience of blinking coursers and faceless readers, I can say whatever the hell I want. and in my little bubble of never-rejected, I can pretend that the people that don't donate just might not know about the walk or my blog, or are already involved with a walk of their own. you know... middle-of-the-road. I'm doing my part by blogging about it.. but there's really no risk of rejection here. more than nothing, but definitely not commensurate of the effort I should be putting forth for something I feel so strongly about.


So the GOOD news is that (on the subject of middles) ... the donations have surpassed the 50% mark. I'm still beside myself. Really... when I think of how much has been put up so far by so many.. and so QUICKLY!!!! seriously... one week in and already halfway there!!!!

The bad news, or at least in my mind... is now is where the hard work begins. I have to step out of my comfort zone and really show my shit. well, not like show-me-your-shit-mardi-gras-style... but now is when I have to face the people I've sent e-mails to about the walk and ask them what they thought, being that they never responded.

But maybe that was a mistake I made. by sending the e-mail, I gave people an out. delete, delete, delete.... I can think that hotmail screwed up my outgoing message, and they can pretend they never saw it. avoid, avoid, avoid.

SO anyways.. my long and drawn out point is that I recognize I've been safely playing in the middle of the road, and like the chicken... it's time I crossed the road. I just hope that when I finally stick my neck out, that I don't choke.



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