Day late and a box short

ok.. I don't know it this counts for being more interesting, but *I* always like hearing myself bitch.. so hear goes nothing.

our garbage men. and women. even the halfsies.... are on my NERVES.


but I should be more specific. The garbage service has been fine enough. every week we get our green monster emptied, so I can fill it with more and more odorriffic diapers from rhena. ew.. and rotten discarded food in summer heat. good lord.. no wonder I'm puking so much!

anyways.. no major complaints with those folks cause our shit (literally) gets picked up each week. the time is never the same throughout the day, but hey.. more power to them; they want to mix up their day by changing the route every week??? rock on, my friends.... as long as they keep taking my crap away, I'm happy.

however.. the recycling crew is past my last nerve. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY are they making it so difficult for me to RECYCLE??? TWO weeks ago, they never picked up the recycles. and our shit was FULL that week. so I started an extra box of recycles, because the original bin was overflowing.

well last week they finally came, and thankfully they took everything. but THIS week... they didn't show up again!! WTF!!! Now... I know I'm not always the most in-tune person, but we DO get the news here under my cozy little rock I've been under, and there has been no talks of sanitation strikes in the area. now town announcements saying we're changing the pick-up schedule. nothing.

(ps.. I'm a LOT more irritated about this than I'm conveying; I just happen to be mowing down some Vermonty Python ice cream while typing.. and how can you really be THAT mad when you have so much happiness in your mouth???)


anyways.. they finally came just a little while ago, but did NOT pick up the large box I had broken down and placed next to my recycle bin. I guess if it's not officially IN the green container, and they're not a week late, they refuse to take anything else. asswipes.


and I mean that nicely, but seriously... if I'm going to recycle, then I'm going to recycle. just somebody fucking let me DO IT, you know?

oh well. I'll try chopping up the box into SMALLER pieces for next week, and maybe if they're stacked on TOP of the green bin they'll get taken.

speaking of taken.. I had to put the ice cream away. I think I ate half a pint just now. and as good as it is... why tempt the spirits of my digestive tract into giving me more to purge?


oh, and speaking of PURGE.. I may as well purge my soul with yet another way of how I'm a bad mother. I put rhena down for her nap early because she was being a total pill. when I just came in from recycle-a-go-no, I saw that she indeed was NOT "all done" with her waffle earlier this morning... and had merely emptied the contents of her special morning waffle-bag on the front steps. yup. pretty much the whole thing. right there. on the steps. not in the baggie. cause the baggie was given to me a few hours earlier with the proclamation that she was "all done!" and thrown away, of course. (but not recycled, cause the bin was outside not being picked up, you see)


so perhaps her incessant crying was NOT because she was tired full and cranky and needing a nap... rather hungry and pissed off that her asshole mommy who was too consumed with doing chores, bitching about the recycles and eating ice cream.... put her to bed hungry.


I really do suck at this sometimes.

Walk in the clouds

ok.. so it wasn't even cloudy, but boogie and I went for a walk this morning.


took a few pictures.... and up until she started getting cranky... we had a good time.


other than that.. I finally changed the looks of this place. note the pills to go along with my NEW medical regime.... yesterday the doc prescribed yet another pill to help me stop puking; I'm currently taking about 9 total doses of four different meds each day. we'll see if this one does any good.


last night Troy and his friend installed our ceiling fan, which has been sitting on my dining room table for about 3 months now. (or at least two....) I'm digging it... it has a remote!


well, I spent rhena's nap working on the template, and now she's awake and ready to eat, so that's what I suppose we shall do.


perhaps I will actually write something interesting tomorrow. (perhaps)

Did you know?

did you know that even CLEAR puke can smell and taste horribly?


it's true.



that's all for now. I'm exhausted today.

HBD Mom

that would be Happy Birthday, Mom.


Today is my mom's birthday. we were lucky enough to see her last week and not only enjoy her company, but also over-expose her to rhena. And we went out to dinner to celebrate, too, but who's keeping track?


today also happens to be my girlfriend Renee's birthday. She lives in Seattle. I called her, naturally.. to wish her a happy birthday, and we were able to get caught up for about a half hour. she was busy, and I didn't want to talk TOO long, but we had some catching up to do.

for starters... I told her I was pregnant.


I'm so embarrassed at how many of my FRIENDS don't know I'm pregnant. there's a handful or two that read my blog, and since I came out a few weeks ago, they may have learned of my hidden castaway... but GOOD friends that I love still have no idea about me being knocked up.

I really have no good reason; I mean sure.. LIFE has been in the way, and that nagging puke thing keeps happening... but really. I take the time to update this blog every so often.. you'd think I'd take the minute to e-mail or call some friends.

wait... wasn't I just yelling at myself about this a few weeks ago? yeah... I was. shame on me.

I DID end up getting caught up with that girl "CC" from high school the other day. if you count getting caught up as her e-mailing me (btw, I was right.. she's like super smart and got a masters in like nueroscience and shit...) and then me e-mailing her back saying how I change diapers every day.

actually, we haven't spoken SINCE high school, so I was able to jazz up my life story with tales from college, seattle and reno. not that my life now isn't exciting.. because in so many ways it is, and I'm enjoying the hell out of it... it just seems low-key compared to all the shit I did just a handful of years ago.

but again. that's just how I see shit. if you asked me a few years ago when I was handling multi-million dollar projects for amazon and boeing.. I probably would have said it was the same shit, different day as well. in fact.. I KNOW I would have said that, cause I actually HAVE said that in the past. I know full well there's plenty of folk out there that can not and WILL not handle being a SAHM, and perhaps in someone else's eyes, what I accomplish on a daily basis can be considered nothing short of admirable. perspective. all about perspective.

but I'm happy in my current flight pattern.. even when the skies are turbulent (threw in the airplane references as a throwback and nod to the degree in aircraft engineering... I'm so savvy, huh?)

so anyways... I'm still way behind in getting caught up with friends. I finally spoke with my cousin.. (ok.. exchanged e-mails) and I'm actually due to check in on her soon to see how things are going. Now I have Renee crossed off my list. of course, that still leaves Debbie (who probably thinks I'm the biggest jackass cause I haven't returned her calls or e-mailed me or anything... in fact I ought to e-mail her tonight. not now, though, cause rhena's waking up from a nap) Melissa, Marilyn, Katia, Patricia, Megan, and Lyndon, to name a few...


bleh. oh, and I didn't forget about the winners of cze-bingo and my 800 friends who just had babies in the past 3 months... I have packages and cards and all sorts of good shit to send out. And Susie's b-day is coming up, too. can NOT be late with her... she's my bitch and takes care of me. I refuse to let THAT one get off track.

anyways. time to get my derailed ass in gear and take care of the babe. speaking of derailed.. anyone seen the documentary called Dark Days? it's about the people who live in the tunnels of the trains in NYC? interesting shit that makes you think, lemmee tell you. always good to check out how some other folks live and make you realize that life is indeed good.

so spread the word that life is good, and while you're at it... mind telling my friends for me? they really do deserve a phone call....


happy birthday again to my mom. she is living proof that even Trolls can give birth to goodness. love you!

Paging Ben Dover... Mr. Ben Dover, please

dude... I KNOW y'all have been waiting at the edge of your seats for the fart story, haven't you?

It's ok... no need to lie about it. I mean, shit. let's face it, by the very nature that brings to you read my blog, there within you lies a beast that enjoys a good fart story now and then. You'd probably even get a giggle or two (once you stop gagging, that is) from this golden oldie....


but to be honest... the fart story which I'm personally still laughing about probably isn't as funny to someone who wasn't there. (Plus, the Fartress in this case is my mom, and she'll kick my ass and not buy any more presents for Rhena if I sell her out like that)


So anticipating that the best reaction I might get out of y'all is a "hah" or a "hee"... I'm going to not embellish this time. I DO promise to let y'all know if I accidentally fart in my next obgyn appointment when the doc has their entire ARM up my crotch checking on the baby.

and I still fear the shitting-while-giving-birth stories. Luckily, I never dilated past 6cm, so there was no pushing to be had with Rhena.... they just cut her out. with Thing 2, I'm going to attempt to actually pass it through my tidget. (ATTEMPT, people... no promises!)

But due tot he fact that this next kid is NOT a first born, (and by Czernikowski family logic, only the first borns are the favorite) and I AM going to try to go old school with the delivery (as old school as you can get with the maximum amount of drugs allowable, that is)... and well, I just fear the Czernikowski Prophecy that second borns get shit on.

I REALLY don't want to shit on this kid. Which... I suppose is silly... I mean.. kids have no qualms about shitting on ME..... I know Rhena never had a problem with sharing the shoots with me.... on me.... BLEGH!

but still. not wanting to shit on the next one, which means it'll probably happen. AFter all.. my mom's maiden name is Murphy, ya know.


Did I have a point to this post? hell if I know.


Parental visit was good, though. really low key, cause it was freaking HOT outside. But we enjoyed each other's company, I think. I don't recall any fights, though daddy DID get in trouble once or twice.

We went out to dinner to pre-celebrate my mom's birthday (it's actually tomorrow), and one night, mom and dad took over the bedtime routine so Troy and I could go see a movie.

In a THEATER.

AT NIGHT.


IN PUBLIC!



It was cool. We saw Superman Returns, and I have to say that I enjoyed it. Granted, I could be biased, cause I was in the zone of apply-it-yourself-imitation-butter-scented-oil on my popcorn and everything.. and you know.. the whole in public at night with no kid thing had me on the verge of euphoric as well.

But Supey was pretty bad-ass in this movie. I told Troy he needs to get a cape. I know it was in the tizzy of the movie that I said such a thing, but I'm afraid he just might. Then again.. that could make for something FAR better than a fart story!


I'm pissed that we have to wait til MAY of NEXT YEAR to see the next spiderman movie, but I guess that'll be about right when I'm due to see another movie in public. *sigh* I'm such a jet-setter!


but again.. the visit was good. mom and dad spoiled rhena, and did their best to take care of me and troy while they were at it. I'm looking forward to the next visit already.

ok. speaking of ben dover.... I attempted to make Kenny look pretty today, and failed miserably. so now I need to find the nail polish remover and either re-paint him, or just hang my head in misery that my feet will never ever be pretty.


have a great weekend, everyone!

room to grow

today has been a busy day.


Rhena has been up my ass like a lightbulb in pakistan... but this too shall pass. I keep telling myself growth spurt, growing pains.. something... anything just to remind myself that her temperment today will soon pass.


ask my folks and they'll say she's cranky cause she misses them, I'm sure... but today... even a little bit of Prep H won't get her off my ass.


in the in-between times, I've been collecting data so I can draw out the plans to have this deck extended... we are wanting to get approval from our homeowner's association (read controlling "bastards that make everything difficult" association).

so in between cleaning, collecting data, e-mailing troy to see if he can get me a copy of autoCAD, keeping rhena at bay and pissing every three minutes.... I remembered that I'll be exactly 4 months away from my 'due date' tomorrow. that's calendar months, gang.. not the crazy lunar pregnancy weeks or fetal time or however the hell people keep track of their growing parasites. plain and simple... I'm due Nov 7th (so they say) and tomorrow is JULY 7th, which means 4 months to go before I can get really bitchy up in here (cause you KNOW this kid is gonna be late....)


so I took a few pictures.

mind the fact I TOTALLY cut off my head and spared you my flabby arms in most pics. I may be busy and look like ass today, but I still have some shred of pride left, and refuse to post pictures that show my arms looking like jello on limbs. and rest assured... I DO still have both arms as well as my head. though the head part may be questionable some days.


I'm pretty happy with my belly growth so far... I really think I'm showing now, and yet thankfully not showing like a tank on a picnic table. I'm sure all the puking I did in May and June has kept me from getting to be a sideshow freak of weight... but I carried the same with rhena size-wise, so I know the days where I can only wear maternity clothes are coming. I'm just a late bloomer, I guess.

anyways... here is Me, hosting Thing 2, at 5 months (22 weeks for the preggo counters):




the headless mommy

crouching mommy, hidden baby

full frontal, with my arm as a bonus!

so again... all is well, and Thing 2 is just cooking right along. I have begun to be able to see the back wall of my belly-button again, so I wonder how long it will be before there's no indent left at all. I give it about 5 more weeks.

ok. that's all the time I have right now. the parental recap is still coming; perhaps tomorrow. highlights include going out to eat, a few accidental farts and me going to a MOVIE!!! (first time since december 1st!!! (the movie, that is.. not the farting...) ) exciting shit, gang... you don't want to miss it!

peace ouuuuuut!

Remember THIS place?

being that I was on a roll with remembering high school yesterday.... I thought I would dust off the old photoblog and add some pictures that WEREN'T just a profile picture, background or header for a new template.


speaking of templates... anyone have a suggestion for what the digs should look like this month? I'm feeling uninspired! No need to do any work... just pick a topic/theme ( like pizza, dogs wearing clothes, a certain color, etc. ) and I'll do the work.


speaking of work... Rhena is calling. a recap post of the parents' visit to come shortly.

enjoy the pics!

Boogie; sporting the ratty pool-hair.....

independence

hey gang. hope the fourth day of the seventh month has been good to you.

So I imagine that the 4th of July means different things to different people, and whether those different things to different people run of the patriotic vein or not... today definitely makes me be cognizant of independence. I mean.. Makes sense.. independence day and all, right?


anyways... blahbitty blah.


haven't blogged since last week, cause the folks have been in town. It's funny.. or not funny funny as in funny like a clown (although clowns are pretty freaky to me, but just quoting from goodfellas)

ANYWAY... I find it funny that I have spent my whole life trying to claim my independence from my folks, and now... one or two (or 20 or so) years later.. I'm just trying to enjoy them.

now before you go off thinking they're gonna die or anything.. all seems to be well with the parentals. sure, mom's knees pretty much suck for her... but they're pretty vibrant and I doubt they'll be pushing daisies anytime soon.

but I was just thinking today, on our country's day of celebrating independence... that it's no longer my main priority in life to prove to everyone how I'm my own person. Every once in a while I even catch myself taking pause to reference from whom and where I came from. again... far cry from my staunchly independent self just a few moons ago.


so yeah.. been thinking about that kind of stuff today, and out of nowhere, I get an e-mail (today) from a girl I went to high school with. I'm going to call her CC.... simply cause I don't think it's cool to use other people's real and full names on my blog without their knowledge. Turns out she chanced upon my blog, and she took time to send me an e-mail. Now, I suppose that's not anything shocking or spectacular... my maiden name is czernikowski, and I imagine I'm quite easy to find on the web if you can string those 12 letters in the right combination.

The particular point to my verbal spew tonight is that CC is one of those people from high school you just never forget.

everyone can remember SOMEONE from high school. whether because they were pretty, or fat, or funny, or the biggest dork, or the biggest whatever... there will always be individuals that stick in your head, regardless of how long it's been since you were in high school, or whether or not you kept in touch.

CC was one of those people for me. Now before y'all go assuming she has a third eye or walked like a farm animal or some other weird characteristic (cause let's face it, that's the kind of shit NO ONE can forget. sorry to disappoint; she was and still is, I imagine... a very lovely young woman. nothing crazy to make her stick out, I swear!!)... I remember her because one day... very close to graduation, in our second period advanced English class... I was a very opinionated bitch to her, and I think I hurt her feelings.


so let's set the stage. a few of us were talking about what we were going to do after graduation (meaning college and career paths, etc) and CC or someone else said something to the effect of missing everyone from high school. I, ever being the bitch I can be... coldly said something to the effect of not thinking I'll miss anyone because the only thing we had in common was that we were born in the same town. I remember CC looking as if she were personally struck that I said such a thing.

now.. the mind.. Especially one like mine which has done my fair share of killing brain cells.. tends to distort memories and reshape in such a way that often we remember things the way we want to remember them. SO taking what I say with a grain of salt... just understand that this is how I remember how shit went down.


some 15 years later, I still remember that conversation. again.. not verbatim, but yet... it has stuck with me all these years because it is the truth. It was how I felt at the time, how I felt through college, and pretty much how I feel now, some what.. 15 years later?

BUT... and here's the rub.... the statement I made was absolute and cold. I have since learned SOME tact (ability to EXERCISE aforementioned skill still may be not my strong suit... but I have nonetheless learned about it). AND.... all these years later... I see my younger self and my younger peers with different eyes.

Perhaps I DID have more in common with my schoolmates than I brazenly avoided giving them credit for. I mean.. we were all essentially a bunch of stupid kids on the verge of trying to figure out our lives. We shared... whether or not we knew it.. the same anxieties of the opposite sex, our own successes and what the future would hold.

But I was too hell-bent on declaring my independence (and good riddance) to anything and everything Sayreville (yes.. to this day, I'm still not a huge bon-jovi fan for that reason.. I simply declared his music as CRAP many years ago, and never thought to give it much of a chance) anyways.. too hell bent on declaring independence to think about MISSING anyone.

Don't read me wrong, gang... this is not a blog in which I profoundly say I did it all wrong and want to go back.... I LOVE my life. I'm SO HAPPY with who I am and where I am that I can't possibly believe that the path which has brought me here can be anything BUT the right path. And to be perfectly honest... I DIDN'T miss anyone. I've never had a desire to go to a class reunion, and have never uttered the phrase "I wish I could do it again."


FUCK THAT. But still... I'm a little older (wiser? softer?) now... and the last chamber of my heart that still beats warm blood recognizes that there WERE good people that I went to high school with, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't just SLIGHTLY curious of what has become of everyone. I AM curious of what CC has done in her life. I see her as a doctor of some type. she was always very smart, and had a quiet friendly calm about her... I see that translating into good bedside manner.


but whatever. I ramble.



CC's note was an interesting surprise for me today, and reminded me how I learned that day that even when going forward, you don't need to be a bitch to the ones you're leaving behind. of course I never admitted that out loud until tonight, but somehow the feeling I got after that conversation that day always sat in the back of my brain whispering "you don't have to be such a bitch about it, Carrie!!" as I forged ahead with my independence.

now I'm not saying I've always been nice... cause you KNOW my ass is still bitch royale on wheels..... but I do try to not burn any bridges... so to speak.


so anyways. that's my ramble for tonight. I'm proud to say I'm an independent woman. YESSSS, I'm also co-dependent..... I'm married, and I no longer have a professional money-paying job, my parents still do SO MUCH for me, etc etc...... but I firmly believe I am still independent. The funny thing is that I always have been a little bit of both my whole life. I just didn't realize that it was possible until just a few years ago. I guess it's better late than never, huh?


Happy independence day, gang.... may your freedoms ring loud and clear.

PAH- rentals

yeah... so that's just my fancy way of saying that the folks are a comin to town!


They're hitting the road this morning; how early, I have no idea... and depending on how crazy my dad makes my mom... they'll either arrive this evening or tomorrow.


I'm hoping the old man doesn't piss her off too much and they can actually make it in one trip; but he does resemble my grandfather in many ways (and when I say that I don't mean he looks and acts dead... I mean he's a shitty... er... not exactly the best.... driver. Downright scary at times, truth be told.... ) so yeah. they may get to virginia and be at the point where someone needs a drink or shit'll get postal.... or they might just might feel the force of Rhena and keep on trucking.


I have a feeling they're going to do it all in one shot... being that 2 days ago, with rhena playing right in front of me, she fell and whacked her nose on the coffee table, resulting in her first major bloody injury. I have a feeling my mom thinks I'm slipping a little.

oh well.. either way; it'll be nice to have them here for the visit. again... provided they actually both make it here.


speaking of miss boogeypants; it sounds as if she's waking up, so that means breakfast time here in the Johnson Manor. plus I ought to do a little more housework so my folks don't think I live like a diva eating bon bons ALL the time. You know... only when my child needs to be watched and noses need protection.


have a great day, gang; I'll check in when I can!

Half way from the middle

I've been thinking a lot lately about the term "halfway" and "middle".


It all started last week when I hit the halfway mark for this pregnancy. I realized, that despite my 'nosey' characteristics and deft ability to socially be in the middle of things.... I'm really not all that comfortable there.



sure... a lot of people may find comfort being smack dab in the middle, or find the halfway point of things to be refreshing. to them it marks a significant completion, and and a logical point to take a break.

me? not so much.


I may not exactly be claustrophobic, but I have a hard time being right in the very middle. I personally LIKE to be able to see either where I came from or where I'm going, but only like to focus on one at a time.

not quite the adventurous gal I used to be in my 20's... I know for certain the 'edge' is not for me. I have too much going on in my life to be risky and be 100% extreme about things... yet again... I have too much going on in my life to be completely PASSIVE about things and NOT take at least SOME action.


Perhaps I feel most comfortable in the 15 - 35% and 65-85% zones. Like 10 percent completed with something or only 10 percent LEFT to do... pshaw... the shit may as well still be on the drawing board or in the bank. but the 15-35 zone seems as if there's enough there to really be recognized as effort, and the 65-85 zone still leaves room for change, and reminds us clearly that it ain't over yet.



I've thought and thought about this, and I realized that I really do feel this way about pretty much EVERY aspect of life. driving somewhere, my feelings towards political issues, cooking and/or eating a meal, vacation, this pregnancy, hell.. even the years I spend on this planet. I truly am most 'alive' (or functional, energized, empassioned, happy?) at the quarter-marks.


Now that's not to take away from the merits of beginnings. Beginnings are EXCITING!! full of POSSIBILITIES!!! but they're also typically lacking in structure, have TOO many questions unanswered, and are just not solid enough for my likings.

And endings sure can be great. I don't know a soul alive who doesn't appreciate closure or accomplishment. But meh! once it's done, it's done, gang. and while that is oh-so-appealing when thinking of laundry, going to the dentist, and changing one of rhena's stink-bomb diapers.... it most cases it signifies that the journey is over. The path has been chosen and you have no more freedom. It's absolute... it's final.

True middles represent biding time and or major work to me. nothing to see here, folks.. just keep it moving. no light at either side of the tunnel... just plodding along until your next mile-marker.


oh well. I'm smack dab in the middle of this pregnancy lately... and that's probably why I've been thinking. the 'newness' has worn off... (and thankfully it would seem the puking has started to wear off as well!) and it just feels like I have a LONNNNNNNG way to go before sweet child o mine makes his or her arrival. Believe me.. I'm HAPPY to be here, and to know the child within is healthy and has survived the journey thus far.. just feels like I'm kinda spinning my wheels at this point.... and would perhaps rather be about another 10 weeks along. or maybe 5 weeks less. no.. strike that... I've been puking too much with this kid.. I'll go for the FURTHER along. besides.. I am kinda looking forward to meeting this kid.


scared SHITLESS of that last leg of the journey ( when will my water break? WILL my water break? Will I be allowed to go into labor on my own, or will some doctor prescribe my child's birthday? will my cervix actually dilate this time? will I have to have another c-section, or worse.. is this child gonna come tearing out of my CROTCH??? holy mother fucker... will I get the same amount of DRUGS as I did with Rhena?????)


so yeah. looking forward to meeting the next player on team Cze-Johnson... but... uh... I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to thinking about what has to be DONE to meet said child.


but whatever. I have plenty of time to obsess about the delivery. and that seems like a distant dream anyway. After all.. I am only half way there.

Wondering

if we have a boy... at what point can I paint his room peanut-butter brown and hang huge posters of rock legends like Led Zepplin, Jimmy Hendrix and Pink Floyd?

Furthermore... is the brown and concert-poster theme considered gender nuetral?



yes, people... this is the shit I think about when we have rain for five fucking days in a row.

It was 20 years ago today

......Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.
They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile.


yeah.. that Sgt Pepper. what a guy, right? Although now come to think of it, it's got to be like more that 40 years ago today, cause I remember listening to that song growing up.



no matter... the band is playing, and I'm blogging.


oh... speaking of blogging....

It's my blogiversary.



The Fever has been in effect for 2 years now.


lots of stuff has come and gone during these past two years, but yet... when I look back at my very first entry.... I have to say shit's kinda still the same.


here I am... pregnant again, and weird shit is going on with my body. Derek STILL doesn't blog very much, and I still don't really talk about politics all that much. oh, and I'm craving kettle corn.


but as much as all of that seems similar, things are much brighter in my afterworld. I've met a LOT of great people, have truly been touched by the generous spirit of strangers, and read some damn funny shit along the way. I've learned a few things, and perhaps maybe even passed on a morsel or two (if at the very least what NOT to do in many situations). I've been spammed, gotten hate mail, and still seem to get least one hit a day from people with butthole fetishes. (people.. I can't make this shit up.... the freaks just find me, they really do)


anyway... I appreciate all of you who have caught the fever; either for a little while, every once in a while, or check in on my lazy ass regularly. Knowing someone is out there makes me feel just that much better.


so have a piece of cake... and eat all you want; the kind I'm giving today is fat free (ok, AND calorie and taste free, too, but shit, kids.. use your imagination a little, and hey.. at least my cake is good for your diet!)


so from all of us here in Cze-Johnsonville, thank you for reading.


MUAH!

Monitor Spying

now before you all think I've turned into one of those nuts who walks around with Rhena's baby monitor trying to listen to what's going on in other people's houses... I'm not.


In fact, I only did that ONCE.. and that was when we lived in nevada. I used to be able to hear our neighbor's tv all the time. it was weird. Then I saw that movie "white noise", and now I'm not trying to listen to anything but rhena over our receiver.

Although.. I have to say that it'll be interesting to see what happens come this fall.... did I MENTION that pretty much half of the women on my street are pregnant and are due this fall? I shit you not, people... I am part of a chain of FIVE houses in a row that have pregnant women living in them... all of us due between september and november. Then lets' not forget the chick across the street, who's bringing HER side's tally to THREE all on her own.


yeah. triplets. Holy mother of baby shit... that's a lot of kids.

we joke on our street that we're just going to set up a chuck wagon for meals come fall, vs trying to get different people to make whatever for whoever like we normally do here in stepford.


so I say it'll be interesting, cause with all these monitors that will be working, I'm wondering if I'll be picking up on other people's house-speaks... or worse... other people will be able to hear us!


oh well.. I was just thinking about that all this morning because I'm sitting here listening to troy and rhena in her room.

he got home last night, so he had the honors of waking her up today. and if there's one thing I love to eavesdrop on, it's troy playing with rhena.


they're SO goofy together.... and it's such a delight to hear. I hear shit like the theme from jaws, and squeals from rhena. they really do make a funny pair.


oh well. daddy's home. let the fun begin again.

weekend recap

ok.. so I know we're actually about to head IN to another weekend... but I thought I'd share a few pics from this past weekend.


as I said earlier, Troy, boogie and I went to myrtle beach, SC for the weekend. it was just for overnight, but we had a good time, and really filled up the days that we were there.


On our list was much swimming (in the pool.. NOT the ocean. apparently Princess Boogercup does NOT like the ocean or sand. AT ALL.) we checked out an area called barefoot landing, which was kind of a boardwalky kind of place with a bunch of shoppes and restaurants located on some lakey area.

we ate, we shopped, we went on the merry-go-round... twice. well... *I* didn't go on it... with my track record of puking, I didn't want to risk it, cause it looked like it was spinning pretty fast.


the next day there was more swimming, a quick morning nap, then off to an area called broadway at the beach, which was similar to the barefoot landing place. we went to the Ripley's aquarium, which illicted many WOWs from rhena... had lunch at Margaritaville (yes, troy ordered the cheeseburger in paradise, and rhena's menu was a mask that made her into a parrothead) did a little more walking, then drove back home.


and now-- the pics: (more to come... I don't have time to upload them all right now)

"daddy... that wave is getting closer.... are you SURE we should be standing here like this?"

ok... this is more like it. no more of that ocean and sand shit, ok???

just a rocking the night away by the general store...

__________

more to come.... stay tuned

EDIT: ok, I lied. blogger's being a piece of crap, so that's all the pics you get for now.

Old, New, Borrowed and Blue

Have you seen this button in my sidebar yet?


if you click on that button, it will take you to a website that has been set up to pay tribute to all the souls that slipped away from us as a result of the terrorist attacks on 9/11.

Essentially, this tribute is aiming to get 2996 blogger volunteers... with each blogger paying tribute to the LIFE of one of the 9/11 victims. That's right... one blogger for every person that died.

I'm still learning more about the whos and whats of this.. but all it takes is a blog, and one post remembering and honoring one person's life on September 11th of this year.

I believe I've mentioned it in the past, but I'm not one to agonize and mourn death. Death is sad and often cruel. I am the type of person that would rather celebrate the day a person was born than to mourn the anniversary of the day they died. This tribute seems more in the spirit of how I roll... except that the tribute will occur on the day the person died.

but that's ok.


I wasn't in new york or dc or on a plane the day of the 9/11 attacks. and while I can't even BEGIN to imagine how I would feel had I had a first hand account of the events that took place; I know that there are people who survived and will never be the same. I'm one of them.

I don't take life for granted, and I certainly recognize that not everything is in my control.

but whatever. it doesn't really matter what I think.

I implore you, if you're a blogger... to go and at least click on this link. Search your heart, and if you can... please sign up to take part of this tribute.

home

hey gang...

just a quick post to let y'all know I'm back in town.


Troy, boogie and I were down in Myrtle Beach, SC for the weekend. It was a very quick trip, but much fun was had by all.


lots of pictures forthcoming... I'll probably put them on the photoblog. give me til tomorrow, though, as today is going to be busy getting unpacked and reacclamated without overloads of snack food, fudge, and sand.


I hope everyone had a good father's day... I send a special nod to Bill, Daddy and Derek.. who are my only regular male commenters that are dads. I think. Either way... I firmly believe that any man can donate sperm, but it takes a special kind of guy to be a father... so again... hats off to the men who have stepped up to the plate out there.


ok. more later. happy monday!

Alive and Kicking

hey all.

thanks for the good vibes for my appointment yesterday. All went well; my 'watches' remain to not be of any concern, and all the new red spots I started noticing are indeed pregnancy related, so no cause for alarm on those either.


while I was there, I also decided to man up and have my lump-of-shit removed.


I'm going to be honest with you... I was scared. They compared the numbing needle to be similar to the kind you get at the dentist, but last I checked.. those bitches HURT!!!


But all is well. the needle hurt no more than when I quickly put my glasses on and accidently jab the lump-o-shit mole behind my ear, and from start to finish, it was probably less than 24 minutes. like for the WHOLE appointment.

Seeing my removed lump-o-shit sitting on the exam tray afterwards really gave me the willies. it looked like some creature; just sitting there... all lumpy and shitty looking. SO GLAD that thing is off of my head!

The doc shoveled up the lump and put it in a crate (test tube) and will have it sent to the lab for tests, just to make sure all is well. but other than that; it's just me, a bandaid and my very flat-non-lump-o-shit-having area of skin behind my ear for the next 8 months. sweet!


as for the kicking; I do believe the one within has begun to kick me. I mean, it's been about 2 years since I last fealt this way when mexican food was not involved... so I'm a bit rusty as to what actual kicks are supposed to feel like, but I think they're happening. so that's pretty cool.


And apparently this thing 2 of mine is a lucky thing. I won a contest over at the Haus!!!! Let's hope this kid can really show me some love and help me win some money at Bunco tonight!

have a great wednesday everyone!

aaaah, the deck.

as previously mentioned, I've been in a bit of a holding pattern as of late.


seems as if my emotions have kind of shut me down in a lot of aspects, and in many other senses... I've just been kind of waiting.

waiting for this baby.


waiting for rhena to stop teething.


waiting for the deck guy to do something.



yup. Deck Guy has become a sore topic in johnsonville lately. My parents, during their last visit here in April... did as they normally do (and when I say normally, I'm not saying it in a way that should connote that we in any way EXPECT this behavior, just in a sense that my parents are regularly going beyond our imaginations with all that they do for us)

anyways.. while they were here, they went about finding ways to spoil us. shitloads of toys for rhena. food out the ass. a bunch of things for the house, including one of those lattice-enclosed structures for keeping your garbage cans outside so it's per homeowner's association rules and really nice to look at to boot.

in addition to this, my folks arranged for the same guy to extend our deck by four feet. yeah. go ahead... you can say it; Pretty Fuckin Sweet, huh?

so despite us saying no, the deed was dealt and set up and monies exchanged.


That was back in April.


our deck still looks the same.


despite my folks shelling out some cashola for this dude to come and get the job done; no materials have been dropped of, and no deck has been enlarged.


so this pisses me off, cause even though we don't NEED the deck bigger; it's the principle. my parents doled out money; the guy should do something.

_________________

hmmm. that's interesting. and a little freaky if I do say so myself.

deck guy called while I was typing. anyways... sounds like he's going to have someone else do the job, and we'll actually get a start date figured out when he calls tomorrow. interesting. perhaps I should start typing about troy getting another raise or winning a boat or something. hah!


In other news; my mole check-up is today. remember that mole from last year? stressed me out, yes it did, yes it did. well.. it turned out that the appointment went well last year, and the mole I was worried about was nothing TO be worried about. the ever-cute and skinny doc gave me a few watches (as in keep an eye on these spots) and told me to come back next year. being THIS year.

being today.


I have been keeping an eye on the ones I was supposed to, but a batch of new spots has shown up. red and weird shaped spots. tiny, like freckles, but RED. not sure if baby moles start off red, or maybe this is a pregnancy thing, but I don't remember any red spots with rhena. (further proof in addition to all the puking I've been doing that this child is truly a monster) anyways.. I plan on asking about them today.

what else.

I'm 19 weeks along today. or tomorrow. same shit, actually. I actually laughed when they told me my due date changed to Nov 7th. dude... my original date was nov 8th. Do I need to remind everyone that Rhena was over a WEEK late? like one day is going to make a big difference at this point?

oh well. bottom line is that I'm close to halfway there. almost another week down with no puke, too. (fyi-- for those of you not privvy to my pukes; I have been throwing up A LOT since april. I got to a point where I was chucking 3-4x a day, and am now on heavy-duty meds to try to keep things at bay. I ALMOST had a run of 2 weeks with no puking, but I puked last week. no pukes since then, though, so that's good.)

well.. I guess I ought to get ready to start today... as a shower still needs to be had, rhena needs to eat, and I have to have some lump of shit looked at.



peace out, kiddies.

Displacement

so lately I've been feeling a bit out of whack.


Now that my 'secret' is out, I'm sure you're all "well, duh.. you're preggo, of COURSE you're out of whack"

but it's a little more than that. I mean, sure the hormonal imbalance has something to do with it, but the out-of-whackness seems to be creeping into all aspects of life.


I'm not quite in synch with my friends lately.... I'm even pretty much a week behind (if not more) in ALL of my e-mails. my girlfriends here in town are all off on diets and exercise regimes and one-night-out-for-drinks-and-a-movie together, and I'm here not wanting to go to the pool cause I'm pissed I spent $70 on a bathing suit that just doesn't fit me right yet.

perhaps it's the shift to summer, and my lack of scheduled events for the booger has left me with too many weeks of "uh... what should we do today" days. I do admit, I work better on a schedule. (please, if anyone goes back in time, do NOT tell my 20-something self I just said that. she would be so disappointed in me!)

so what to do, what to do. OBVIOUSLY, I need to find some shit to do. and it's not like there's a shortage of things that NEED to be done... just bleh. haven't felt like doing them.

(so BASICALLY, CARRIE..... you're saying that you have a ton of shit to do, don't feel like doing any of that shit, but are bitching and moaning cause you're bored and feel like there's nothing to do)

hmmm... when I put it THAT way..... perhaps I should have labeled this post as REGRESSION... as in back to teenage years, when I was always saying that I had a ton of shit to do, didn't feel like doing any of that shit, but bitched and moaned cause I was bored and felt like there was nothing to do.

on a productive note... I finally started reading again. started it last night, and am now on page 98. it's a far cry from my ability to devour a whole book in less than a day days... but it feels good to read again. we actually finally bought davinci code, too. perhaps after I tune up the brain with a little James Patterson, I'll push a little harder and go for the code.


One of my friends in NYC mentioned going to a pottery place with her son... I think I may do that with the boogie... you know... so I can have something scheduled.


of course there's always returning e-mails.


My cousin wrote to me last week, and I've been wracking my brain for the right words to use in replying to her... which is stupid, because she is like my sister, and I should just e-mail her, but instead I internalize and stress over the shit she's going through, and yet waste another day not talking to her. stupid stupid stupid. I really need to e-mail her.


I have another friend who e-mailed me almost a month ago. and yet another whom I haven't spoken to since december. Perhaps I'm ashamed at how long I've let myself go without contacting them. well, not perhaps.. that's a definite. I'm embarrassed. and it's not like I don't love these girls... I really do. yet. silence.

maybe talking to my long-time friends is what I DO need to set my ass straight and get me out of my out-of-whackiness. it's just hard knowing I'm going to have to start off each conversation with "I'm sorry I'm a distant bitch who hasn't called or written in forever; I swear I love you and have been thinking of you, but I'm a LAZY and distant bitch, and oh yeah, hormonal cause I'm 4 months pregnant, and by the way I'm sorry you had to find out about me being preggo through someone else or worse by reading it on a random blog post.. but I swear I do love you and miss you and have been wondering how you've been?"

oh well. bite the bullet, right?

I TOTALLY shouldn't do this today, but oh well...

yeah.. so i'm looking at the calendar and I just realized that today is 06/06/06... the release date for the new version of the Omen. creepy, yet so cool that they worked it to be released today.



I myself decided to do my own little release today, and not for any spiritual reasons... just thought it was time.


of course, NOW looking at the date, I'm thinking... eh... maybe I could have waited til my 2 year bloggiversary... and am I really THAT superstitious? today isn't really evil, is it?

but whatever. I already changed my profile picture, so too late.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I'm pleased to announce that starting in November, the Fever will be under NEW MANAGEMENT.

That's right.... there's been a re-structuring of some sorts here in Johnsonville, and we will be taking on another manager. The new manager's name and specifics will not be released until he or she officially begin their term here at the Fever. Rhena will continue to be acting Chief, she will just share authorative power when the time arrives.

I appreciate your support during this transitional time, and hope you will give a warm welcome to the new manager come November. UNTIL THEN... business as usual!

here goes nothin'

ok. trying out a new template.


hoping it's not going to make everyone's shit crash. I imagine if it does, I'll hear about it soon enough.

if everything's coming up dandy for you, leave me a comment so I know I fixed whatever it was that was causing shit to go bizzarro.

thanks.

For the Love of the Job

You ever notice how there are just some jobs that not everybody can do? I imagine that can be said about pretty much any job, due to skill sets or other educational requirements. but SOME JOBS... well, let's face it... they ain't for everybody.


Today, I'm thinking particularly about teachers, and more specifically, about my mom.


NOW, I know I've mentioned my mom on my blog before, and most of the time it's in some side comment where I'm defending some outlandishly stupid behavior I've done that my mom will most likely flip out about. I've probably depicted her as a VERY old-school, over-protective and firmly resolved tough bizzle. If I HAVE, it's because, well... she IS. She IS Irish and Hungarian, after all, AND is from Jersey. TRUST me when I tell you she is not one to mess with. Throw in a heaping dose of some stereo-typical Catholic attributes, and you'll have my mom as portrayed in a made-for-tv movie.


BUT... like any good and TRUE-to-life character... my mom is much more than that. The woman has some layers, people. Deep, complex, colorful layers that even I, after 33 years, am only beginning to understand the half of.

Some of the layers to my enigmom run in her professional sphere... she is a teacher.

my mom has been teaching for God knows how many years. seriously. I don't even know. Before I was born, I can tell you that. I remember her working in a nursery school, and I remember one other stint in a school in a town called woodbridge, (I Think??? all I really remember is the windows and the sinks in her class) she was a teacher for some junior-high/middle school kids for a while.... but for the past 21 years, she has been teaching in the same Catholic school.

let me repeat that. TWENTY ONE YEARS. in the SAME PLACE. Mostly first grade, with a few grade changes here and there, but for the majority of those 21 years, she has been a first grade teacher.

Now, I dunno about you, but I remember MY first grade teacher. (Mrs Counsman) I also remember a LOT about that particular school year. I mean, I remember some things here and there about kindergarten, but my strongest and first memories from school are from my first grade year. So even some what.... 28? years later, I remember shit that went down that year.

So that gets me thinking about my mom.... 21+ years of creating foundational memories for 15-30 kids at a time... that's a pretty big audience. no pressure, huh?

but anyways... all of that is really an aside. What I've seen over the past 21 years is a woman who not only goes to work every day, but brings home her work each night, too. whether it's the papers she grades, the lesson plans, letters to parents or the report cards... there was always SOME paperwork that had to be done.

and the children. I'd be lying if I said that every year wasn't a new batch of characters in our house. Each year, we'd hear about the child who can't stop crying, or wetting their pants, or experienced death in their family, or anything and everything. Every year, and every child.. my mother would teach, nurture and LOVE these children as if they were her own. She would emote her frustrations to us when she knew certain children could do better but were too lazy, she would anguish over the children that were experiencing trouble at home. She would beam with pride when 'her kids' did something good. Again... it was if each year we had a bunch of foster children in our family... they just didn't physically live in our house.

Now maybe some people say she did more than she needed to, and put more of herself into her job than she was required.... but now, as a parent.... I can definitely say I wouldn't want Rhena to be taught by anyone OTHER than the likes of my mother. Especially at the age of 6 and 7... I want to know that Rhena is in the care of someone that really loves what they're doing... and not just checking off tasks.


and it's not just that my mom went above and beyond her 'job requirements' for the 21+ years. She did it in circumstances that anyone with a professional job would just shudder at.

For example... as a working professional... over the course of 21 years, would you find it acceptable that your salary only increased approximately 12 thousand dollars? How many years would YOU stay at a job without even GETTING a raise?

How many days a week can you stand on your feet all day and not even get to take a lunch?

Do your employees shit their pants or throw up on you? Because apparently that's a common occurrence every year in the first grade.

DO you get told to go to professional workshops on your days off and not even get reimbursed for the time or money spent at said workshops?

Have you ever been told that you can't attend a funeral service because someone else from your company is going?

Do you have to pay for your own supplies?

Have you ever had to wait two months to see your grandchild because taking off during that time of year just wouldn't be good for your employees?

Perhaps you've been berated by the parents of one of your employees because you did not provide said employee with a snack that said parents forgot to give to employee that morning.


I could go on. The shit my mother has dealt with over the years has been horrible at times to down right ridiculous. Yet... for so many years... she stayed. Why? because of the children. because she's a teacher, and no matter what has been thrown at her, she believes what she does is important, and carries on.

This past week, my mother was finally offered a contract stating the conditions in which the school would have her work next year. Please ignore the fact that there are only 2 weeks left in this school year, thus making it virtually impossible for her to find employment elsewhere should she find the terms presented as unacceptable.

What she was 'offered' was to teach 27 children (FIVE of which would be special needs children), CHANGE to third grade, with NO monetary increase on her salary. Nothing says appreciation like completely changing your job role, taking on more responsibility, and doing it for the same shit money you're getting now.

can I get a big FUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!

I admire the hell out of my mother. I can NOT even begin to post about how much I look up to her and how she's set the bar in so many ways for how I believe HUMANS should be. But when it comes to teaching... she is second to none in my eyes. Sure, she's tough as nails, but she's GOOD. She constantly does whatever she can to get through to her kids... reaches out to parents so that the learning doesn't stop in the classroom, and too many times puts those kids' needs before those of her own.

She has dealt with shitty administration and suck-ass work conditions and real jack-fuck parents over the years. and unfortunately, moreso than ever... the shitty administration and suck-ass work conditions and jack-fuck parents have gotten worse.


I see it so much, even in some of the random people I meet that are parents. They expect the teacher to coddle and teach and nurture their child, but get downright pissy at the teacher when the child in unable to meet basic expectations in school. For example... we have some friends that got angry at their child's teacher when a book report was assigned in the 5th grade. ANGRY. because said child has been getting book reports since the third grade, and 'these teachers don't even tell the kids how to DO a book report.. they just expect the kids to know how." (let's ignore that parents just admitted that said child has been getting book reports assigned for the previous 2 years... that kind of ignorance even hurts ME to think about)


ANYWAYS... my point is this. As a teacher, you may be in charge of 20+ children at a time, yet will be expected to treat each child as if they are your only responsibility. Not everyone can do that, or for that matter, do it well.

I may be biased, but I know my mother does it, and does it really damn well. But alas... she has decided not to do it anymore.

After this recent 'contract offering'... she said no. No to the terms they presented, and no to the shit that comes along with it. SO in two weeks, my mom will have her last day of school.

and you know what? I know inside she's heartbroken.


True, she's proud of herself for finally saying 'no more' to the shit end of the stick she's been dealing with for so long... but she's a TEACHER... and I know she knows there's more in her to give.


And so the bittersweet story goes, right? The ole girl still has more fight in her. Maybe just maybe she can hang on for one more year.

But selfishly, I say NO MORE, and HOO-FUCKING-RAY that she's not going back. Why? BECAUSE the ole girl still has more fight left in her, and I want it for me. for my daughter, for my husband and brother and sister-in-law and nieces and nephew and my father and for any future child I may have.

I'll be DAMNED if some unappreciative institution breaks the spirit of my mother or tarnishes her career in any way. She has given SO MUCH of her time, her love, her energy, of HERSELF... and I know she's done it because she loves to do it, but it's high time she does it for people that will tell her how much they appreciate what she does and love her for it.

For the love of the job, my mother has done tremendous things in her years. I can not even BEGIN to say how proud I am of her, and how she has forever changed my perception of teachers in this world.

Selfishly, I am SO HAPPY she's not going back to school next year.... cause those rat-sab motherfuckers just don't appreciate her the way I feel they should. I DO feel bad for her in that it has come to a point where she drew her line and said no more.

But I take comfort in the knowledge that my mother is not done teaching yet. True.. she may not be in a classroom every day next year, but people like my mother will NEVER stop teaching. and God willing... I pray I will never stop learning from her.


I love you, mom... and I'm SO PROUD OF YOU.

Busting Out All Over

and I'm not saying that just because I went bathing suit shopping yesterday, either.


well, ok.. maybe a little.


SERIOUSLY. bathing suit shopping is tough.



I went with my girlfriend, and while I only tried on two, she must have tried on like 30. It can be quite the depressing thing; lifting, pulling, squeezing, tucking, sucking.... and that's in the privacy of a fitting room!


of the two I tried on, one was a brown tankini number that made my shoulders and boobs look delicious. yes... I said it. DELICIOUS. the color brown went WONDERFULLY with my skin tone, and the way the straps cut in just so, I could have taken a few pictures of myself. however, from the area in which my breasts stopped and below... it was not so yummy. the bottoms came up too high and cut into places I didn't even know I HAD fat rolls, and the torso seaming was a little crooked and really accentuated my love handles. cause you KNOW that shit is sexy. so you know I passed on that one.


the other one I tried on and decided to purchase is another tankini, and it's nice. it's pink orange and white, though. just not sure I'm loving the colors. The cut works pretty well, though, and I imagine that with a tan I should be able to "work it out," as Randy Jackson likes to say. It's just that right now I put it on and think of cotton candy. maybe I WILL return it. I dunno.


Troy says he likes it (speaking of, he's back in town) but then again... he's been with me long enough to stay very clear of opinions on bathing suits. so who knows... he could probably hate it... he's just avoiding any hormonal outbursts from me. smart fella, I tell you.


so this weekend is the Taste of Charlotte. we went last year, and I enjoyed it. it wasn't a HUGE food offering like other places I've been to, but it's nice enough. and besides.. they have kettle corn. what more reason do I need?


so that's about it. I have a ton of errands to run today (BLAH) and one may just be returning the suit. we'll see. if I keep talking about cotton candy and sweet things, you'll know I decided to keep it.

have a great day, everyone.

I'm dilated!

oh relax people... I just went to the eye doctor's this morning. and yeah... note to self... bring SUNGLASSES next time you decide to have your eyes checked in the middle of the day without a frigging CLOUD in the sky!!!



let's just say driving home was NOT fun.


oh well... I'm off to possibly buy a bathing suit today. I say possibly, because there's no promises that I won't break down in a crying fit of bodily shame and start throwing up everywhere. I'll be bringing my Twinkie friend... and her boobs are MUCH bigger than mine, so she'll have an even harder time finding something that fits right. (hey-- don't hate me cause I know and exploit the fact that misery loves company!)


to tide you over, here is my child.. eating corn on the cob for the first time. She's really a funny bird to watch in person, cause she just eats the SHIT out of the corn. I mean, really digs in and goes to town. I admire that kind of gusto when it comes to food. she's definitely my kind of girl.

anyways... enjoy:

and just for fun... in action:

hmph

so today's the last day of may! wow. I can't believe tomorrow is june already.


I'm nowhere even NEAR ready to begin a new template for june. all I keep thinking about are the italian ices in our freezer downstairs cause it's hot as fresh shit outside. blah!


I have some 'corny' pictures to upload.... maybe I'll do that later. (we gave Rhena corn on the cob this weekend, and she just went bugnuts eating it. pure comedy, and of course.. because I'm biased... cute as hell.)


speaking of comedy--- Last comic standing started up again I see. I enjoy that show. I watched a good chunk of it last night in between being pissed off at different blogs that have been getting hate-posters. I just don't get it. if you read something you don't like on someone's blog... why do you have to make a point of telling that person how they offended you? I mean, I imagine there are some cases where any normal person would feel compelled to object to certain writings... but on the little shit that is just a person speaking their mind... what's the point?

it's almost as if let's say, I make a lot of comments about Mariah Carey being a sleezy fat buffet-raiding hoebag... if you don't agree with me, that's fabulous!!! if you think I'm being mean to the (overpaid bitchy slut of a whore) pop-star, and it makes me a bad person for doing so... what good is it for you to tell me to leave poor poor (outlandishly obnoxious behavior for someone who mostly sounds like a dolphin when she sings or a truck stop chain smoker when she speaks) Mariah alone? Hearing from some random person defending the civil rights of (which by the way when you go out in public dressed the way she does, it just screams for someone to make a comment) a person they don't even personally know just really fuels my fire to do it all the more.

or if someone wants to move somewhere... why does it become public debate?

I dunno. I don't mind when people disagree with me. in fact, most times I welcome the difference of opinions. but when those different opinions turn into mean words that lay blame and start claiming rights and wrongs.... I just have to wonder what good that does.


oh well. my thoughts are all over the place right now. Maybe I was just looking for a good way to sneak in some mariah-bashing, and I tried to guise it as some deep thought. I'm thinking so, cause once I got in my fair share of bashing, I kinda ran out of steam on whatever point I was trying to make.


and maybe that's the ticket, you know? if everyone just took a few minutes a day to rip on Mariah, there'd be less fighting? I know I sure feel better! well, except for still wanting the italian ice. best get on that before I keep typing more dribble.

Here we go again

... or should I say there HE goes again....


Troy is off for another few days. It is now 5:18am, and I just gave him a kiss goodbye as he's heading to the airport. (yes.. he's driving himself... there's no way rhena and I were going to become functional this early to drive him to the airport.)

He's off to miami to meet up with the boss from the new(old) job. Oh? didn't I tell you? yeah... he quit the new job that caused him to be gone 2 weeks, and is back at the old place. the good news is that he ended up getting a raise by coming back, and I got a shitload of household labor-type tasks done when he was gone.

I think he's hoping I'll mow the lawn again.... the 'timing' of these trips seems to be right on the money with when the green monster in the back needs to be tamed. just kidding, mom and dad.... he just mowed on friday, and will be back this thursday... I will NOT be mowing the lawn during this trip.

yesterday, or I guess I should say over the weekend, we had a nice memorial day. Sunday troy and I spent a good deal of time reflecting on all of the men and women who have served in our nation's military. We spoke of what a mind-fuck serving can be, and how depending on the time and branch that you serve, you may never be the same person again after leaving.


I'm thankful for the marine I married, and thankful for my Dad, who also did his time for Uncle Sam. I appreciate everyone through the years that have sacrificed either part or all of their lives so that I may sleep easy tonight as an American citizen. I also respect all of the families and loved ones that stood by their soldiers' decisions to serve. You know the saying that it takes a village, right? well... for all the brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters and friends who selflessly chose to support their soldier instead of saying "no... don't do it" ... thank YOU also for helping make the wheel go round.

So yesterday, today, and everyday.... we here at the Fever say you are NOT forgotten. Past and present, and especially for the future... you are appreciated and respected. I know I sure as hell salute you. OOOOO-RAH!

I've got a secret!

ok.... so wanna know what it is?



here goes.




I'm not really a bitch.



ok, ok... shut the hell up. seriously.... c'mon... STOP LAUGHING FOR CHRISSAKES!!!!!!



I mean, I really am a bitch, and given the right blend of hormonal imbalance, I can definitely make a regular bitch look like a soft rabbit napping....


but in real life... I'm not always a bitch.


In fact... for the most part of the day, I'm a big ball of lovey mush. I blame Rhena, actually.... she tends to have this way about her that makes me forget about why I'm pissed off or why I'm not in anything BUT a good mood.

case in point... prior to this weekend, I had been feeling a bit on the funky side. out of it, if you will. disconnected. I resolved to stop trying to go go go and be around and be a part of what everyone else was doing, and just kind of relax and let the weekend, as well as my husband and daughter... just kinda soak back into my life.

well, it seems to have worked, cause tonight, as we were saying prayers.... I sat in the rocker holding my boogie for a good ten minutes in silence just smiling. I breathed in her freshly bathed head and listened to her just laying still in my arms. Although she said nothing... I heard SO MUCH. as I looked in her eyes, I heard laughter and love, and hope and promises.


and I kept smiling. No disconnection, no discombobulation... just me, her and ten minutes of silence. Of course, at that point, she farted.... because she truly IS my daughter, and no moment can ever be TOO sweet in our lives.

but it WAS sweet. because it's her, and it's how we roll. but symbolically speaking, it really got me thinking of how things are in real life. sometimes you just gotta let go of the stinky stuff, you know?

I dunno. I guess the bottom line is that my arms are only so big, and when it comes down to it, I'd much rather be holding on to my sweet baby fart machine than on to a bunch of drudgery, drama, and bitchiness.

so I guess what you as a reader need to take out of my little self-discovery here is that if you have any bad news to give me... you're best off giving it to me during Rhena's awake hours. Without my little suger-cup-rosey-pants to distract and brighten my mood, you could face the dangers of a beast likened to Godzilla on steroids with underwear chafing a hemorrhoid.

Out and About

so today boogie and I went downtown for some culture. Last spring I got into the habit of trying to check out culture-like shit here in Charlotte, so I thought it was time to kick that back into gear again.


Last week, we had our strawberry outing (which, by the way... one of the pictures I took from that day was featured in today's newspaper... and yes.. we bought 5 copies of the paper, thank you very much!)


anyways.. this week, boogs and I headed to Discovery Place, to check out the Dead Sea Scrolls. we never got to see them when my folks were here for easter, so since the exhibit is in its last few days, I wanted to get off my ass and get down to see them.


it was very cool. The exhibit itself was very informative, and I found it to be highly interesting... not just from a historical and scientifical standpoint, but also from a religious sense of awe. To be in the presence of artifacts so old, and to read some of the translations from these biblical doctrines... well, it was quite moving. Rhena was a peach and very well behaved the entire 3 hours we were at the museum.

I dunno. it's hard to explain how great I feel when I take rhena to an exhibit as rare as the Dead Sea Scrolls. I mean, it's not like I've been scouring museums for rare digs and shit... but I guess all of these little outings I do with her are very cool to me in so many ways. Mostly, because I have the power to share knowledge with her. I know for damn ass sure I don't have all the answers, but I have been able to show her places that DO have answers.

I know I can definitely thank my parents, for when I was a kid, we were ALWAYS going, seeing and doing. museums, day trips, even historical shit while on a summer vacation. I appreciate all those years of exploration... for they must have shaped me into the adventurous person I find myself to be today. And I hope the same for Rhena. that she learns to ask "what else" and seek out all that is available to her.

so anyways... it's late and I'm rambling. today was a good day, though. We got out of the house.. we got some culture... even got a few loads of laundry done. To quote another cultural icon... Col. John "Hannibal" Smith, from the A-team...

"I love it when a plan comes together"...

yeah... I went there.

ok.

I HAD to do it.


see that bandwagon? yup. me. on it.



over at Sweet Juniper, I read about and threw in my submission for the world's shittiest mix tape.


of COURSE, after I layed down my fresh beats in their comments, I read more rules, so I had no idea there was not supposed to be a theme, or that I was supposed to find links to the mp3s.

I must say, however.. I'm glad I went with the theme. finding five random bad songs is one thing, but to find 5 bad songs that are all in one genre or have that teen-aged sense of PURPOSE (however misguided and falling short).. well, that just makes for super-bad. You KNOW my ass was having a hard time keeping it to five songs.... I could fill hours and hours with crappy misguided music.


Rhena's finally starting to wake up, so I'll have to edit this post later to add in my mp3s... but here's my submission:


Cze-Johnson Fever's "Hangin Tough in the Suburbs of Jersey" Mix Tape

Track 1 - Ice Ice Baby, by Vanilla Ice (1990)

Track 2 - Parents Just Don't Understand, by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince (1988)

Track 3 - Treat 'Em Right, by Chubb Rock (1991)

Track 4 - Rump Shaker, by Wreckx-N-Effect (1992)

Track 5 - Baby-Baby-Baby, by TLC (1992)



Bonus Track (not on my official submission) - I Get Around, by TuPac (1993)





so tell me readers.... what would YOUR shitty mix tape have???



____________


edit: so they recently threw a new rule into the mix... the songs have to suck even while you're drunk. yes. you KNOW I could do this all day.....


anyways... my new submission, based on the new rules:

Cze-Johnson Fever's "Making the Drunk Unborn Cry For Mercy" Mix:

track 1 - Mexican Radio - Wall of Voodoo

track 2 - Rico Suave - Gerardo

track 3 - I'm Your Lady - Celine Dion

track 4 - Barbie Girl - Aqua

track 5 - Miss me Blind - Culture Club

bonus track - I want a New Drug - Huey Lewis and the News


I'll be slowly adding links to the songs for your own listening displeasure. you know... in between making sure Rhena isn't stabbing herself with sharp objects.

Hmmm

you ever have one of those days/weeks where you have a ton of shit going on, but when people ask you what you've been up today, you kinda blank out and tell them nothing much?


I mean.. I KNOW I've been doing shit... just seems like it's pretty uneventful stuff. you know... stuff like killing fireants, paying bills, cleaning. boring, everyday kind of stuff that fills up the day but leaves you sorta empty?

I imagine there's some celebrity out there that needs a good ass slap... or at least a nice dose of smack talk from yours truly... but again... I got nothin.

I DID, however, finally figure out what the prizes for Cze-Bingo will be... so I can finally begin to do that. Originally I was going to make a CD of some sorts... but alas.. I knew I needed something grander. something a little more... STUPID. if I can get my materials this week, I'll be sending them out early next week.

well, Troy's about to head off to work, so I'm going to be a good wifey and make him a latte. I just can't resist being nice to him when he's got a dress shirt and slacks on.


peace out!

better mood

(FYI... this is NOT an update to the Bowel Crisis 2006.... unfortunately, my colon is still full of rock-hard pebbly shit, and is not making any overtures of a grand exit any time soon. Though thanks for the suggestions. I'm thinking of hitting up Starbucks for a double espresso prune latte??)


This post is actually about me getting out of the funk I've been in.


You may not know this, but I've been in a piss-poor mood this week. Rotten. Spoiled. just plain FUGLY.


I attribute it to hormones, to Troy being gone, to having a way-lame mother's day, and just a shit week on top of it. I can't shit, I've been crampy, and I've been trying to clean my house and paint and get shit done before troy gets home, but by the time Rhena goes to bed, I'm too tired to do too much, and damn all those season finales that are JUST so much more interesting than scrubbing my floors! (and while I'm at it... can I get a HOO-fucking-RAY that DENNY is now finally DEAD???)


ok. so me. pissy.


but today I'm better.


Today Troy comes home, and he's bringing with him some sort of surprise for me. He told me what STORE he bought the presents in, but not what all he got me. Not the same as a box of See's candies.. but I'm thinking they'll be better for my figure, anyway.

so knowing that there's an end in sight to the single-parent days... I'm in a better mood. YES... he'll have to go back for probably another THREE weeks next time... but the point is that he's on his way home today.

And really... other than the standard inability to take a good crap... what do I have to bitch about? some women have their husbands gone for MONTHS at a time.

and BOOGIE! I have BOOGIE! We went to a local farm the other day and picked strawberries... and while I have to say that the day itself was fun, and the berries were delicious... NOTHING makes me smile more than looking at some of the pictures I took that day.

so my dear readers... on this fabulous friday... I inform you that I am hereby removing the stick from my ass. I ALSO hope to soon be removing the SHIT from my ass... but for now... stickage is gone.


If you have a stick troubling you or know someone with a stick problem... might I suggest you direct them to the pictures below??? They really work wonders.


Happy friday, Gang!

________________________

on our way!

that's a LOT of strawberries to pick!

my own little strawberry shortcake

footloose and fancy free

not bad for an hour's work with a 1 1/2 year old!

Dear Ronald-

I'm sorry, but our relationship is over.


You used to be THERE for me! I mean.. I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but we had this agreement... and yesterday.... you broke it. You left me... and no action whatsoever. I mean... I have NEEDS, you know!


You're just not worth the aches and pains if I'm not getting what I truly need out things... and I'm sorry, but you really let me down.


NO MORE will I go to you when I need you. NO MORE will I proudly exclaim how good you are behind closed doors. I have been let down, and I just can't continue with this masochistic behavior if I'm the only one holding up my end of the deal.


From now on... when I need to take a good healthy shit... I'm going to Bojangles.


It's over, Ronald. over.


no longer yours,
Carrie

on a day like today

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the empty skies, my love,

To the dark and the empty skies.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth

And felt your heart beat close to mine

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command, my love

That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you

I felt your heart so close to mine

And I knew our joy would fill the earth

And last till the end of time my love

It would last till the end of time my love

The first time ever I saw your face,

your face, your face, your face

How is it that one song can completely encapsulate the thoughts and feelings I have about my husband, yet still be applicable in summing my thoughts of my dear sweet baby girl? both SO different... one in a romantic love way, the other in a rendered helpless with awe of a human life so innocent way. Yet, so very much the same in that it overwhelms me with joy that could truly fill the earth.


I guess it might just be one of those things that only a mother could understand....




from everyone here at the fever.... Happy Mother's Day.

I heart party hats

ok... something has to be said about how friggin cool it is that rhena lets me put hats on her and take stupid amounts of pictures.


I really have an arsenal of pics going... wigs, sombreros, party hats, skater caps... but most are archived in the laptop... which is in oregon. Perhaps I'll bypass the typical 'year in review' stuff this year and just post all my pics of rhena in hats.

However.. just cause it's friday, and we get jiggy like that... here's a little something to kick off your weekend.

Viva la party hat!

Random Poop

I say random, cause my thoughts this morning really are. I say poop, cause I have to. (just in case you wanted to know)



Today we're off to get boogie's hair cut. I think it's high time we saw her eyes again.

gotta go to the post office.


Troy scared the SHIT out of me last night when he called at 12:59 to discuss the season finale of the office. except he didn't really scare the shit OUT of me. (see first sentence) The time zone thing threw me for a loop, though, and I freaked out with the late night jingle.

I dreamt last night (and actually WOKE UP because of it) that my character in Urban Dead was under attack by a group of zombies. I *almost* came downstairs to login and check things out. ALMOST. apparently my bed is too comfotable for even zombies.

why is it that I get a limit increase on my credit card the day AFTER most websites offer free express upgrades on mother's day gifts? I'm not even going to discuss how much I just spent so shit can get to my and troy's mom on time. the good news is that what we got them from rhena was on sale, so it's kinda like we bought it last week and had it shipped regularly. kinda.

The office??? my jaw is still hanging. good episode.

tonight is bath night. for rhena.. not me. that's about how deep the excitement rolls in these parts.

I still need to take a crap, so I guess since rhena's starting to wake up, I'll get her and have some coffee. nothing says gimmee clean pipes like a good ole cup o' joe.


-- have a great day, gang! it's friday! whe-hoo! get your bath on!

To Be Fair

well, yesterday was interesting. I enjoyed taking the time to think about each of my commenters.. and while I may not have come up with anything too profound... it was a good exercise for me to really take stock of my friends and family.


To be fair today.. I have decided that I will answer all of the questions I asked of my commenters yesterday. some of the questions were deep.. some not as much. But once again.. the brain being on the soggy side today.. it gives me something to write about.


Before I go on, though... I must call special attention to the fact that TROY... my HUSBAND... actually visited my blog last night!!!

Yes... in the nearly TWO YEARS I've been keeping this thing... last night was his first unsolicited visit and comments. Of COURSE, his first comment was gay in a he-thinks-he's-Randy-Jackson kind of way... but hey... That's my baby, and I love him.


ok... so on with answering the questions I asked of everyone else:

I asked Jenni: If money were no object... what would you do as a career?

I think in part I'm doing it right now. It's taken me 2 years (almost) to come to terms with being a stay at home mom, but I'm definitely becoming more comfortable in this role, and have begun to value what I do around here.

But other than that... I would definitely do event planning. I'm thinking more on the wedding/parties kind of thing, but hey... if someone wanted me to plan an awards dinner, I'd do that too. someday. maybe. if it's still what I want to do when it's time for me to do it.


I asked Ferg: What's one thing you could change about your life?

She actually took my answer, sort of. if there's one thing I could change.. it would be that my Gramma Czernikowski was alive long enough to meet Troy. I'd say Rhena, too, but I don't want to get greedy. Gram always wanted me to settle down with a nice man, and although Troy isn't Polish... I know she would have been so happy for me to have found him. I'm sure her soul knows my happiness now, but that would have been nice to have her at least meet the man who is everything I want out of a partner in life.


I asked Derek: Dude... what was UP with that whole Harry-Krishna episode?

You know how we all have phases in our lives where we're searching for answers? It wasn't so much WHERE my brother was looking for answers , as I was upset and worried that he was that unsettled. I've said before how much I love my brother. His innate ability to shit in cheerios and everything... he truly is a part of me, and it hurts me when he hurts. Granted, he's also pretty stoic, so I wouldn't know when something's bugging him unless he wanted me to know.. so I guess I'll 'answer' this question by letting him know that I DO want to know. cause I do care. and that's enough about that.


I asked my Dad: What is one thing you wish you told Gram and Granpa before they died?

I could easily answer this question in regards to my grandparents... but I was asking my father in terms of what he regrets not telling HIS PARENTS. This is a difficult question for me to answer, as both of my parents are still alive. Without a doubt, I try to make it a point to not let things go unsaid... but just in case I haven't said it enough, or lately or at all...

Mom and Dad... I want to be just like you when I grow up, and I can only hope my children see me in the same eyes as I see you both.


I asked Jody: If you could land the dream role... what would it be, and would it be theater or big screen?

Well, the last acting class I had was in 9th grade, so I'm a BIT out of my league here. I've also never had a dance class in my life, but for me? without a doubt, I would SO be Clara in The Nutcracker. definitely on stage, too.


I asked Kelli : When all is said and done... what is the ONE trait about yourself that you hope Kendal will also possess?

Well.. it'd be silly for me to answer in terms of Kendal.. being that she's Kelli's daughter... though I DO love how Kelli responded. For me.. in terms of Rhena... I would hope that she will always be able to see the goodness in our world. Too many people see only the bad and ugly in our world, and every day, in every person, I see SO MUCH goodness. I *DO* believe in hope, and I'm firmly convinced there are enough good souls in our world to keep things running... I just pray that Rhena will be able to find the goodness, too.


I asked Greek Chickie: What is stopping you from your dreams?

My answer to this question for me is most definitely myself. I know I hold the key to actually figuring out what my dreams are, and then the drive to go about achieving them. Right now in my life, I am VERY CONTENT. and sure, a bundle of money can make me happy as a pig in shit... it won't do much by ways of answering any dreams I may or may not have. For now, my dream is to be happy and balanced in life, and I'm working on it. I definitely feel I'm on my way there.


I asked Bridget: Where would you want the next 'reunion' to be, if it means you would be there?

This is, of course.. in regards to my mom's group. Our first and last 'big' meeting was in Chicago... and Bridget was unable to attend. If I'm being perfectly honest... Chicago was fine because it was centrally located, but I am not interested in doing a tourist city with these girls again. There was talk of vegas, and I'm SO not interested in vegas. not with these girls. Vegas is the most fake, obnoxious, get drunk and party place I have ever been. These women are very REAL women, who deal and help each other cope with everyday issues. I really don't see myself 'clubbing' with them.

I dunno. it's hard to explain. I guess I'm just thinking that if I'm going to go somewhere to be with them, I'd like for it to be in their natural environment so i can get to know them better.... not in some destination place. ummm.. still not coming out right. ok. how's this.

When traveling with someone I already know really well, I feel more inclined to allow myself to absorb the place I'm visiting. When traveling with someone I may have only virtually met, I would prefer to take that time together to get to know that person better. While the trip to Chicago gave me a few opportunities to get to know the girls a little better, I'm disappointed with the lack of quality time I felt I had with each of these amazing women. But maybe that's what happens when you have big groups like that. I've never been one to run in large packs, so who knows.


____________

SO that was it. Troy, as I said earlier... left a comment last night, so I suppose I could do 'his'.

1. He NEVER ceases to amaze me. Every time I think I have him figured out, he manages to surprise me. He truly makes me feel like the most special woman in the world.

2. "If" as sung by Jane Monheit

3. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear." -- John 4:18

4. When are you coming home, baby? XXOO



ok.... that's all for me today, gang. have a good one!