Monday, November 24, 2008

Still. just... still.

Yes. I'm still here. mostly there, but still here.

There really are no proper words as to why I haven't been posting. The biggest factor is that it's 4th quarter. I feel like I have literally been going non-stop since September. between the new school year, Rachel's passing, Rhena's birthday, consignment sale, the Avon Walk, Halloween, Trying to appeal the new scholastic birthday cutoff date that will be taking effect in NC next year (means rhena will not be able to attend kindergarten with the rest of her class cause she will miss the new date (which she currently meets by well over a month, btw) by being a mere 17 days too late starting NEXT year, a kick-ass round of bronchitis that has EVERYONE out of sorts, Danny's birthday, and now with thanksgiving, birthdays, christmas parties and all THAT fun stuff.... mix it all up with the REGULAR happenings like cooking, cleaning, laundry, take a shower and shit occasionally... and again.. I'm busy.

and tired.

Also? two other things. One.. I've been working with Troy a lot on a side project. I'll do a big reveal in the new year... once we can tweak a few more things.. but it's exciting. SOME of you may know what it is already.. it's not a complete secret.. but I'm also not willing to go totally public yet. so just 2 more months.. I promise. more info is coming.


the other thing I'm finding is that maybe I'm a little TOO publicly available. Now there's the rub. the girl who wanted all that attention is now thinking maybe it's not such a great thing? I mean... I'm not out doing anything I need to be embarrassed about... so that's not an issue...

I guess I just have less to say? or maybe the more 'real people' that know of my blog, the more filters I feel I need to have. But that would insinuate that I'm either talking shit about everyone or leading some secret life that I'm afraid of friends finding out about. And that's not the case, either.

now.. that's not to say I don't talk shit. I certainly do plenty of that. But how much negativity can one person promote? And really? in the olden days when it was just a bunch of random readers and a handful of family around the country that read of my adventures and trips into embarrassing situations.. it was fun. cathartic. validating. safe.

can I REALLY say here on my blog that I had the shits so bad the other night I thought my boobs were going to implode? well.. I guess I CAN, as I just DID... but do I need my neighbors knowing that? I dunno. double standard, I guess. I mean... it's ok if you live across the country and know my bowel and menstrual habits.... live on my street, and suddenly... shit's not so funny anymore.


Anyways. I need to re-search myself and remember why I blog. I think once I can sit down and find the time to figure that out.... I can get back to doing so. Maybe this will become just another window for people to see into my/our lives. I mean... it always HAS been... but there's no doubt that lately the blinds have been shut.

And part of me misses blogging. there is SUCH a good world of people (readers and writers and friends and strangers alike) that I have been very blessed to have come across in the past four years of being on the net. But then I get back to being busy again.. and bleh. so even though I'm not INCLINED to write anything lately.. I still like the IDEA of blogging.

anyways. I'll get there.

but now? for now I'm still here. just... very still.


suser said...

I've missed your thoughts and stream of consciousness posts... hope you pick it up again. Cause i know you don't really care what other people think. You shouldn't.

Christi said...

Here, here! Or, is it, hear, hear! I dunno...

Anyway, I'm with you 100%. My blog is tons less interesting than yours, but I still want to do it. I just don't have the time, or the knowledge of what exactly to write! I can't wait till you're back!

Christi said...

PS-I love everything you write, shits and all!

Denise said...

We don't keep in touch very often but reading your blogs makes me feel like we talk every day.

I love reading yor blogs, not just because I want to know what's going on with you, bowel habits and all...I like to read your blogs because you write about stuff that I think about and can relate to.

I've always been very open with my life and I get like this sometimes, too. Like I'm exposing too much of myself and maybe I shouldn't. You start to feel vulnerable and you shut down for awhile. But then I come back to my senses and realize that I get something out of being so open and honest about myself and my life. And I have been told that my openness has helped other people.

You're openness helps other people.
You're very theraputic: for you writing it, for me reading it.
You make people think. You make people understand. You make people laugh. And most importantly, you make people FEEL.

When you're ready, keep on writing because we miss you!

Christie said...

We all understand and sometimes struggle with the "how much is too much?" question when it comes to blogging. Just a few weeks ago I wrote something unusually personal for my blog and ticked off the old husband in the process. Once Blog 365 is over I'm looking forward to taking a bit of a break myself. Just know we'll be dropping by from time to time to check in and see how you're doing. :)

Mom2Amara said...

I heart blogging. But lately, I haven't had it in me. I guess I'm like you myself. But know that when you decide to post, we'll all be here because we love *your* blog!

Marianna said...

Come back when you can... I do miss reading you!

I'm anxious to hear about your new plans! I'm sure it's a wonderful idea.


Christie said...

I get the need to take a break. And while you are on hiatus, I shall enjoy the idea of reading your blog when you come back online. Until then, Happy belated Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

am glad u'r ok. it's allright to take a hiaitus...just know you're's a crazy time of yr.

delirious in denver

Wethyb said...

Hope you're doing okay!!

Crystal said...

I hope you aren't quitting:( I really enjoy your blog:)