Just a drop

it may not be much.... but Boogie peed one tiny drop of pee on the big girl toilet today.


PFC.


(pretty fucking cool)



in other news, more scandal is to be had with insurance and zofran. apparently there is NO federal regulation that states that a patient can only receive X-amount of the puke-soother in Z-amount of time. My insurance are just cheap ass lying motherfuckers trying to save a dime. did I mention lying? and cheap? fuckers.


so whatever. I've been on a different med this past 2 weeks, and things started off super groovy. I actually had 9 days in a row without puking. then two days in a row of massive hurls. Then another 4 days off from puking, only to be hit up like a hungover grad student today.

yes... I puked. yes.... it was nasty. as in leftover-baklava-from-this-weekend's-greek-festival-out-my-nose nasty. told you..... nasty.

and who knew that one bite of a hotdog could produce THAT much vomit??? surely not I. well.. maybe I did, but seriously.. what normal person thinks about shit like that? wait... don't answer that.


in other news.. I put on a pair of jeans today that I used to wear after rhena was born. and they fit me. I find it slightly disturbing that what used to be a regular part of my wardrobe for about a year now currently fits a woman who is seven months pregnant. perhaps I should make a better effort after this thing comes out on getting back into shape. one that isn't santa-like, that is.


but whatever... I'll deal with that in roughly 8 weeks. right now I'm dealing with the fact that Boogie-child is turning TWO. Boogie-child-made-a-drop-of-pee-pee-on-the-big-girl-potty is turning TWO!!!!! How in hell we both made it this far I'll never know... but I'm sure glad we're still together. I really do love that kid.

more to come in the following days as I prep for the buggy-butterfly-garden-stepford-extravaganza party, and attempt to use fondant icing for the first time. oh, and you know... work on not puking and stuff.

peace out!

Remembering One

I've made mention before that i was going to take part in the 2996 movement.


This is a small effort on my part to pay tribute to one.... just ONE of the too many persons that died on September 11th five years ago.


Robert T. Twomey is dead now because of the terroist attacks on the World Trade Center.

He was 48 years old, and is survived by his wife Marie and their two sons. There was a very nice write up of him in Newsday and due to my hormonal state, I doubt I could do much better.


I can't do the justice here that Mr Twomey deserves. When I think of losing my husband, or worse, Rhena and my unborn child losing their father... I get angry. and this post shouldn't be about anger. it should be about remembering just one of the many great lives that were still on this earth on September 10, 2001.

one by one... they shall not be forgotten.

Robert Twomey is not forgotten.

Rest in peace, sir. I believe I would have liked you.

counting down

yeah.. so I've been a lame blogger lately. my bad.


anyways....

it's officially september, which means I've been in high gear getting ready for the next 3-4 months.

right now my dining room table has a mix of packages that I have yet to write thank you's for, the favors for rhena's upcoming birthday party... all the gear for me to make two very fabulous butterfly cakes (including some fondant and icing dyes) for said birthday party, favors for the christmas social, and about 6 other projects I'm also currently working on.


the belly continues to grow as the weeks begin to pass. I'm now down to nine weeks, which is a HELL of a lot better than 9 months left.



as for me personally.. I feel pretty good... just not very chatty. I think it's that nesting thing, cause I've been organizing and cleaning and THROWING things away. but in the same token.. for all that's been going on... I have nothing to say. well, other than I'm positive that this is a girl. I mean, I have no ultrasounds to prove it, but I just have that feeling it's going to be another girl.

I HAVE been enjoying Rhena... after all.. who couldn't? trust me.. it's not all roses, though. she may be one hell of a cute kid, but lately when she's pissed off... EVERYONE knows about it. her fits are somewhat akin to the lyrics from Johnny Cash's "boy named Sue" where he talks about kicking like a mule and biting like a crocodile....and those moments are definitely difficult. but like any stage.. I tell myself that this too shall pass.

here's the boogie herself in a non-about-to-turn-two-screaming-fit. like I said.. she sure as hell CAN be cute.


but really that's it. CCD is starting up again, and stepford is all abuzz with parties and baby showers and bunco and dinner invites. and me... well... I just have a lot more cleaning to do.

All is well

just wanted to post quickly to let y'all know that all is well here in Johnson-ville.


the only impact we had from the hurricane was a slightly cool front (today's high is only 75... quite the delicious temperature compared to the 90+ we've been having) oh, and a little rain yesterday. no nothing to sneeze at.


as for me personally... I am now on a new anti-nausea med, which seems to be working... as I have not officially thrown up since monday. Thanks to all for the well wishes, really. I do appreciate them all!


side effects have been putting me through the ringer, as I have experienced dead-tired drowsiness as well as restless twitchiness. this is day 3 on the med, though, so I think my body is just about getting used to it.


there are and were a lot of special days that happened this week... Troy and I celebrated our third anniversary. so weird to be saying that. part of me feels like Troy and I are old souls that have been together forever, so three years feels like nothin'. but yet... there's really times when it feels like just yesterday we were holding hands at the alter as we exchanged our vows.

but maybe that's the makings of a good marriage... that mix of old-souls and new-love? I know it works for me.


speaking of work... my brother and sister-in-law have been married for ten years today. kudos to them for making it look easy.

another good thing about today is our dear friend Liam (star and total baby heart-throb of Raising Liam) turns TWO today. Rhena's had a crush on Liam before I even knew she was a Rhena, so you know this kid is handsome.


so there you have it. birthdays, anniversaries, new drugs, and no hurricanes. all is well!


oh, and for the files of you-KNOW-I-have-to-share-this-cause-I'm-always-talking-about-it.....

I'm pooping again! not sure if it's the change in meds or the kick-ass date rolls I got in a package from one of my favorite bloggers yesterday... but I had my first non-popcorn shit since like March today.

amen, I say.. all IS well!!!!!!

Trying to be positive

ok.

I know I've bitched and moaned on here several times about the number of medications I've been having to take to keep the puking *somewhat* at bay. I REALLY don't like having to take 10 pills a day, but I REALLY don't like puking regularly even more.

well, my insurance people have decided to cut my supply of my main puke pills.... my zofran. They say that I've already hit my allotted quantity for this month, and I will not be granted another refil until September 10th.

what this means is that the TWENTY pills I was given on August 10th are to last me until September tenth. did I mention I have been prescribed to take this pill every 6-8 hours?


other interesting facts are that this pill costs an EXUBERANT amount of money, and there is no generic form of it available in the USA. I shit you not... for one refil, AFTER insurance.. I'm paying $50. ready for the sick part? if I had no insurance, this pill would be costing me approximately $1300 for twenty pills.

so BEING the cheap bitch WITH insurance that I am... I have been regulating and stretching my perscriptions out as much as I can. I often only take two or even ONE zofran a day, in hopes that I can make the bottle last a whole 14 days, versus the 5 to 7 days, if I were taking it every 6-8 hours. because in addition to this $50 a refil I pay for this pill, I'm also paying $50 a month for my prevacid, $30/month for regalin, and $45/month for my prenatal. and if you ask me, I'd rather be shelling out $100/month for zofran instead of $200. cause again.. me. cheap.

now mind you, while stretching these pills out does help in the financial realm, it ends up having a negative impact on my puking. the trick is that even when taking the full dosages, I'm still puking, rest assured. except.. when I am cutting back on the zofran, I just puke more often, and the sessions are more acidic and violent.

so now... thanks to dear ole blue cross.... I am only allowed to have 20 pills to cover a span of 30-31 days. THAT'S LESS THAN ONE PILL A DAY, GANG!!!!

can't I get a fucking BREAK?????


call me a whiney bitch if you must, and I'm fine with that. please do not mistake my frustration with all this vomiting to be any sign that I'm not appreciative of the life growing within me, either. I'm blessed.. I know I am.

but before I went on the zofran, I was puking A LOT. like 4-5x a day a lot. and it sucked, and it hurt, and poor baby Rhena had to watch me get sick and hug public toilets and curl up in a ball on our own floor from the wretching and pain.

I only have ten weeks left til I'm at my official due date. and I know I'm in the home stretch, but man oh man.... I'm tired. I'm trying to be positive.. I really am.. but I'm tired, and I just want to hold my baby already and make this puking go away. but unfortunately, the only thing going away is my access to my pills.


so forgive today's break-down. I know shit could be worse. and we all have our hardships to endure. it's just that it's hard to be positive when I know I still have at least another 10 weeks left.

Good Intentions

so I honestly think I had good intentions to blog about something interesting today. In FACT.. I distinctly remember that while cleaning my kitchen counter this morning, I had one of those "ah-HAH!!!! now THAT would be a good blog topic!!" moments.

don't ask me what in hell that topic WAS... as now that it's 5 hours later.. I have no idea.

I WILL share that I spontaneously puked this morning... Now THAT was a treat! Not!!


yeah.. This morning was such a weird experience, I can't even be pissed or upset about it.

so there I was, in the post-morning glow of some quality time with Little Einsteins... (yes, this morning was ANOTHER play of the "duck duck June" episode where we're taking a trip to bring duh-key home, bring ducky back home to his FAA-MAH-lee.... riveting story lines, gang... let me tell you)

so yeah anyways, the show's over, rhena's running around downstairs like she owns the joint, and I'm talking on the phone to my Twinkie. I take a sip of my coffee as my friend relates yet another tragic tale of what a moron his sister-in-law can be.. and all of a sudden..

HUH!

cough!

shppplegggh!


who-the-what-theFUHHH????? ....more coughing/gagging/puking ensues.

thankfully, most of it ended back into the coffee cup (thank GOD it was near empty), just a little on the coffee table, and the rest hurriedly into the toilet.


but seriously.. who DOES THAT??? I was like my own little fraternity party.. taking a shot of something nasty, thus causing me to spit it back out, thus triggering my drunken gag reflex, thus puking all over. except, well.. the coffee wasn't nasty, and I sure as hell wasn't drunk. (not saying we don't party here on monday mornings at 8:40am or anything.. but really... me in my pj's puking coffee lacks that certain 'party-girl' image I had a few years ago.)


so have I officially nominated myself as the poster-blog for birth-control yet? I'm SUCH a glamorous preggo.... I know I just make EVERYONE want to rush out and have kids.


so yeah. that's how my morning sort of started. STILL can't remember if/what I was going to say. I think it was a confession of some sorts, but honestly.. right now I got nothin'.


ok. happy monday, then....

Crapple-bagger

yeah, so it's like quarter after TEN, and I'm just now remembering to say hi and happy birthday to a few folks.


Rachie, my cousin... who will ALWAYS be older than me....


Aunt Yvonne, my Godmother.....


and my friend Diana's little boy TUCKER.




anyways... Happy birthday to them... and a very happy UN-birthday to YOU.


ps.. 4 more months til Christmas... whe-hoo!

Clap your hands everybody!

you know you're a bit off the normal path to mommyhood when you're driving in traffic and it brings you great joy to see your daughter clapping her hands in time to the beat of a metallica song.


anyways...


been busy this week.... between unpacking, getting back into a routine, and cleaning the house I feel pretty worn out. the good news is that I did manage to get SOME things off to the post office, all of rhena's birthday invites and envelopes are printed, stuffed and stamped, the new baby's christening reception has been figured out in terms of location and menu etc (still have to figure out the cake and centerpieces, invites and yeah.. HAVE the baby), ordered all the stuff for the favors for rhena's birthday party, met with and joined a new mom's morning out-slash-playgroup, and knocked off another doctor's appointment.

phew!


I think the week off from being home let shit backpile enough and me rest enough that I'm just chopping through things like wildfire. It feels good, though.... I like that feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. helps me justify the nap I'm about to take, anyway. ;)



________

ps... "ice cuke" is how rhena says "ice cream". don't ask. this is the same kid that pronounces "chicken soup" as "pee pee puke". that's just how we roll over here.

Rugrats and Tidgets

ok, I'm just kidding.... this is not another post about my tidget. I just thought I'd throw that out there since so many of you seemed to be drawn to the word.


(you gotta admit... it's a pretty cool name given the popular ones going out there. Perhaps not exactly one for use in the porn industry, but for middle-of-the-road folks like myself who perhaps aren't as FREE with their sexuality, nor clinical with naming body parts... it has a nice tinkle to it.) (and yes, that pun WAS intended!!!)


anyways.. I said this wasn't going to be about my tidget, cause lord knows y'all are gonna hear enough about it in about 2 1/2 months or so....


no.


today is the dawning of a new era here in Johnsonville.


The Boogie slept in a big girl bed last night.


all night.


without falling out.


or waking up.


(or trying to sneak out the window to head to the party down at the neighbor's house, but I imagine this and half the other shit I just mentioned are coming soon enough....)



I just wanted to bask in the glow for a little while.


in fact.. that's what I'm gonna do. so tune in next time for your regularly scheduled bitching about backpain, a ripped contact and relatives who annoy the shit out of you by telling you that you can't possibly only have two children if this next one isn't a boy.


today.. we celebrate! ice cuke for everyone! (or at the very least... ice cuke for Rhena.. and ice CREAM for everyone else!)

Not just about hate for Nascar and Roids

you know... every once in a while, I actually do a little something called SHARING here at the Fever.


well.. I mean, I share my thoughts on stupid shit all the time, there's no question about that. but sometimes, like right about now... I get the urge to let my readers peek deep inside this cavernous brain of mine and realize what a fucked up place it can be.

Last night I was feeling particularly hormonal. call it a side effect of being a woman, or this pregnancy thing I have going on, by the chains in the brain were clinking, and gosh darn it.. I was a time bomb ready to explode.

let me back track.


when I was pregnant with Rhena, Troy and I lived in Nevada. with NO family around. no mom, dad, cousins or who-have-yous to pop by for brunch or dinner or holidays, or you know... be in a cheering section when it came time to push a baby out of my crotch.

Now believe me when I say that I am definitely not the kind of gal that wants people being in a delivery room when things inside of me are trying to come out. Sure.. I can manage peeing with the door open, and out of survival, I've become fine with crapping and puking with the door open so I can keep an ear on Rhena... but BABIES??? out of my TIDGET??? yeah.. that gets a strong round of HELL NO!

so whatever... yadda yadda yadda... no family around, so it's just me and troy and a bunch of contractions, drugs, puking, monitors and hospital staff and eventually some knives and staples to get Rhena to come out. And life was good. Troy and I brought our girl-monster home and were able to figure her out on our own, without any family telling us how wrong we were doing shit. but yet... we had no one there to help us, and we probably did everything wrong. good sides and bad sides to everything, I know, and I swear I have a point here... but remember, we're in my brain, and there's no straight lines in here.

so ANYWAYS.... last night, Troy's talking about his work situation, and for once, things seem to be going really well. the fledgling start-up he began working for 2 1/2 years ago is on the verge of potentially going big time (which could mean WE'RE on the verge of getting a really nice payoff, but we're not playing the wish-this-would-happen game). and the sorta short of it is that he says that things are going to be crazy for the next 3-4 months.


so let me tell you something. things are ALWAYS crazy with Troy's work. the hours he works in a day are freaking ridiculous. I mean, sure... he does have nights where he can relax and watch a movie or cut out early, but more often than not, I only know my husband's face with a soft soft glow of a computer screen in front of it.

but again.. I'm digressing.


so he's telling me about how crazy shit's going to get in the next couple of months, and the One Within starts kicking me. as in.. yeah, no SHIT things are gonna get crazy in the next couple of months... did you SEE the belly I have and realize that we have to throw a birthday party for a two year old, and halloween and have a BABY and the christmas social and christmas and oh yeah let's get the new kid baptized?????

so I'm a clinkity clanking in my brain about all the stuff that's going on as Troy's telling me that things are going to get crazy. if you want to have an idea of the stress and anxiety that one little statement from Troy can bring me... think Titanic, think the Captain, and think about him hearing "hey jackass... you just hit an iceberg really fast in the middle of nowhere and we're sinking".

if you're STILL not connecting the dots, let me tell you that when troy says things are going to be crazy, he'll be working from 6am-6:30pm, come home for an hour to say hi and shovel food in his mouth, then go back to work til midnight -2am for like 3 or 4 months straight. it means that plans that have been set in stone for over three months (like a trip to Washington DC) will suddenly be in jeopardy of being cancelled for lack of him being able to watch our child for more than 2 hours in a row.

now I dunno about you, but I've been keeping track, and I'm supposed to have another BABY coming out of me within the next 3 months.... right around or smack in the middle of crazy-ville.

to be fair... with my mom not going back to work this year, I do need to say that she will be coming down to Stepford for the last week or so of my pregnancy so she can be with Rhena when it's time to go produce another Johnson. I'm very happy about this, as I know no one else (save troy or myself) would be able to care for her in a way I want, and since I'm also going to need Troy by my side to calm my shit down when I attempt to give birth... la madre is the prime choice for taking care of Boogie. so I have a silver lining.

but yet... hormonal, irrational pregnant me started worrying that with the combination of his work getting crazy and my mom being here to pick up some sluff.... would my plans for having troy get me through birth be shackled by his boss (who, by the way, thinks the answer for everything is to pay for a nanny and cleaning service to make up for the husband not being around) will troy have to do a code drop instead of coming to the hospital? would his boss assume that since my mom is here in town that Troy would be at his disposal 24-7?

so... gingerly... I tell troy that while I'm totally cool with him working 20 hours a day for the next 2 1/2 months... I told him that I hope he understands that that's going to change when it's time for the baby. Now in MY mind.. I'm thinking that he should just say.. "well no DUH, you irrational hormonal pregnant girl! I'll be right by your side whenever you need me"... but I got silence. two long minutes of silence followed by "well, what the hell does THAT mean? things aren't going to magically CHANGE when the baby gets here you know"

oh boy.


three super-picker-upper papertowels full of snot later, we come to the understanding that *I* was just needing to hear that no matter how much money is dangling as a carrot in front of us with his work thing, Troy will be there for the entire birth process, and *Troy* finally understood I wasn't asking him to only work 8 hours a day or questioning his desire to be a part of this baby coming out.

the bottom line is we both feel the same way, and pretty much always HAVE felt the same way about the birthing thing, but because I asked about it, he figured maybe we DIDN'T feel the same way. but me being me... I just needed to hear it again.


you know... it's funny when I write these long posts like this... by the time I'm done typing out my long convoluted thoughts out, even *I* wonder what the hell is wrong with me... which would probably explain why I don't type out my real thought process too often. it's kinda like going from A to B but going from A to Z and all the other letters in reverse first. my brain just seems to always take the long way.

oh well. I guess my point is that the home-stretch jitters are starting to kick in. I really DO spend too much time thinking about whether or not I can really push a baby out of my tidget. and handle being a mom to two kids, and be a good wife, and be a good friend, and daughter and sister and aunt and all the other shit in between.

hearing some reassurance from Troy was what I needed last night. Of course it didn't help that afterwards we watched a movie about a disfunctional family in north carolina that featured an off-beat pregnant girl whose baby dies in childbirth..... but that's another story.

Home again

hooray hooray.... we're HOME AGAIN!!!


when all is said and done, we had a nice trip to see the inlaws. This does NOT mean I'm not happier than a pig in shit to be home again, though.


Rhena was fantastic for all 14 hours we were driving home, so today she's pretty much getting the run of the house. (what's that? you want to play with the toilet brush cleaner?? oh.. ok!! just don't put it in your mouth!)


today has my plate full with going through mail, paying bills, and beginning the unpacking process. I say process, because Troy won't be helping, and I'll be damned if I try to do it all myself in one day. besides... I have to blog!! and talk to my girlfriends!!! and eat bon bons!!! (cause you KNOW I don't do shit around here like clean toilets or go food shopping or cook and feed anyone)


speaking of toilets.... can I TELL you about the bowling ball I shat out up at the inlaws???

yeah... forget me bitching about popcorn shits. I had about 10 of those popcorn nuggets stuck together and they all decided to get together and come out of my ass at the same time. repeat... AT THE SAME TIME.

let's just say I ended up pushing out a bowling ball the size akin to fred flintstone would use, (and YES... it was rock hard, that fucker!!!) and my poor hiney got a roid the size of a freaking superdome on it for like 2 days.

have YOU ever tried sitting down and making pleasant conversation with your inlaws with a bleeding superdome between your ass cheeks????

trust me.. it AIN'T pretty, and I really deserve a reward of some sorts. or a guest spot on Montel or something. SOMETHING!


In other news.. I only puked TWICE and had three wake-up-choking-on-acid-in-my-throat-nights during the week I was gone.... so that's good. at least God likes to spread out my misery, as none of the fun-fun-fun bodily events happened on the same days. Even the rupturing of mount my-ass-vious happened on a non-puke day! Perhaps a small favor for putting up with 24 hours of non-stop nascar and baseball.

and SPEAKING of Nascar.... troy and I did go out and catch a matinee. (though it cost us $16 for 2 tickets, so I'm not sure if we got matinee prices, those bastids....) but I saw the Will Ferrell Nascar movie. it was stupid, but funny. I happen to like Will Ferrell, though. crazy motherfucker. ( oh, and don't think the irony is lost on me that my one afternoon out alone with my husband during a week-long subjection to everything nascar, and we go see a movie about Nascar. I live for this kind of twisted sense of reality... (ok, actually, I don't... but you have to admit it just figures, you know?))

as for the one within.... it continues to grow. I'm looking pretty big now, and I fear my days of wearing my pink band on my ankle are numbered. Troy... in all his kindness, told me that my ass is getting bigger, too... so that's just greaaaat. oh well, more room for future superdomes, I guess.


alright. I've wasted enough time with babbling here, and I really ought to read some blogs or unpack or something. or clean out all the stuff that died in the fridge when we were gone. yeah. that would be good.


happy monday, gang!

still gone

just a little note to remind you all that the fever is still burning from afar.

I *THINK* Karley and I almost have our act together, and should be hooking up (Maybe??) while I'm up here at Troy's folks' place. time's running out, though, so we'll see.


yetserday troy and I took boogie into chicago. we went to the Shedd Aquarium, where we took a LOT of pictures and Rhena begged to "show me mow-wuh" (yes.. I DO love that she has a jersey accent when it comes to certain words...)


after the fish-o-rama (and dolphins and otters and lizards and other shits that swim) we took a cab over to the Navy Pier. we had some lunch at Bubba Gump's... which was fine enough for a chain. I don't (read can't, else it causes mass-amounts of digestive horrors) eat seafood, so I just had a burger, but I'll admit that Troy's coconut-crusted shrimp looked good.


from there we had some time to kill, so Rhena took a couple of turns on the nerry-go-round. this made everyone happy... rhena for getting to go on, me, for NOT having to go on, and Troy.. for being the hero who let her go on twice.

took a cab back to the train station and railed it back to the homestead. watched yet another game of baseball on tv, and ate some REALLY good sweet corn.

more family-visiting-boating-lollygagging on the horizon for the next couple of days, then we're going to head to Troy's brother's new house on Saturday. we'll visit with him and his fiance, spend the night, and get an early start towards NC on sunday morning.


I've only puked once since I've been here, and woken up a la momma cass style one other time. so not bad.... but we ain't home yet, ya know?

Rhena has taken to waking up SCREAMING in the middle of the night. more on that when we get home, but hopefully not... as I'm praying this is just a weird environment thing going on, and not the beginning of a new trend on our journey to the fantastic 2's. (one more month, by the way... I can't believe boogie's gonna be TWO next month!)


ok. so that's all. I'll upload more pics to my photoblog when we get home... being that blogger isn't letting me do more than the one right now.)

peace out!

out of office

yeah.. so if anyone is actually still checking this; I wanted to let y'all know we're not in stepford anymore.


I woke up at 2:30am yesterday, and finished getting us ready for the drive-o-rama that was to ensue. Thankfully, Troy drove the whole time, so I got to wiggle into a comfortable spot when the baby decided to use my stomach as a punching bag.


all went well, though, and despite dealing with Chicago traffic on a friday afternoon, we got here to Troy's folks in one piece. or three pieces, if you count each one of us.

Rhena was a DOLL the whole time, and was even a good sport when she was clearly uncomfortable after shoving a dried apple piece up her nose. no.. *I* didn't shove the apple up her nose.. SHE did.... and YES.. it did eventually come out about an hour later when she sneezed. oh, and YES... I actually did whip around in my seat fast enough so I could retrieve the apple-booger before it ended up in her mouth. two points for the momma.


I FINALLY ate at a cracker barrel for the first time in like 10 years. I had one egg, 2 pieces of BACON (thick, greasy, glorious dead pig BACON) and a biscuit, and rhena a enjoyed her pancake. The food was good enough.. far better than a MC Donalds... and I'm proud to say that despite all signs pointing toward the inevitable.. I managed NOT to throw up. again.. score points for the momma.

I DO need to explain my fascination with cracker barrel, but now's not the time, as I'm using up rhena's nap time to hide in the basement to type this. oh wait.. I MEANT to say I'm missing some non-stop baseball and nascar coverage by typing, so I ought to get back upstairs....


ought to... but yet the feet drag. (or is it fingers?) either way; I really don't want to be rude, so I'll be ending this soon.

the weather here is fucking gorgeous. (yes.. it warrants a 'fucking')... NO humidity... sun is shining... it's like only 80 or 90 out. I'm almost cold, compared to the humidity oven I've been dwelling in these past few months... but we are taking rhena outside as much as possible. Boating on the lake will also take place, and rumor has it that we're going to take advantage of free babysitting and troy will be taking me on a date while we're here.


so anyways... all is well here. pills are being taken, throwing up is not happening.... and there's an air of relaxation about the house that suggests I may even just go watch some clouds. or eat cake.

have a great weekend, gang... there'll be more when I can; though troy and I are going to try to squeeze in a day trip with boogie into Chicago to do the aquarium. and of course... maybe eat some cake.

again... two points for momma.

Un-buh-loggable

*cricket chirps*







yeah. so that's how things have been around here. Pretty much a whole lotta nothing, gang.

Now that's not to say I haven't been busy; just this past week or so has been the kind of week that you just go through. kinda like treading water. you KNOW your legs are moving, but there's not a whole lot going on.


I think it's a combination of this suck-ass HEAT we've been having, and that I leave for a road trip this coming weekend. We're going up to Nascar-ville... just kidding... I mean to say we're going up to see Troy's folks.

I'm looking forward to it, and THEY are positively gigged that they get to see Rhena.... I'm just not looking forward to the 12+ hour road trip. The good news is that Troy will be with us, so I don't have to worry if we're in the middle of the middle of america and I have to throw up. Troy will keep Rhena safe from the corn and cows.

so that's good. just... bleh. at least that's how I feel today. not sick, thankfully, but not outright fabulous. just bleh.


I imagine I'll find myself busy this week before we depart; gotta get boogster's hair cut, gotta creatively use up all the groceries in the fridge, gotta SERIOUSLY go to the post office and mail the packages that have been plaguing me since the last winner of cze-bingo has been announced.... oh, and there's doctors' appointments to attend this week.

so yeah. good times in the life of Johnson-ville... and I suppose it's a GOOD thing when I don't have much to talk about. at least it means that nothing is terribly going wrong or pissing me off. and THAT'S always a nice way to start the week.

hope you have a good monday. or a Blue Monday.. if you're into wearing themed underwear and stuff. whichever.

peace out!

I'm in a Garden State of Mind

no readers.. I'm not about to get flowery on you. I could still care less about what TYPE of pink flowers my neighbor has. I can see they're pink, and that's all I need to know.

and yes.. I'm the girl in stepford who is HAPPY when it rains, cause then I don't have to feel guilty for not watering the dry spread of straw ... er.. grass we have for a lawn. I SHOULD care more. part of me WANTS to care more.... I just don't.

Now don't get me wrong.. even I have my limits... when our field of glory gets above the knee in height, even I'll drag my pregnant ass out there and mow.... I'd just prefer to leave that to troy. besides.. I got enough shit going on INSIDE this house to be bothered with how my azaleas are doing. (and no, I don't think we even HAVE azaleas.. it's just the only plant I could think of off-hand)

anyways... since it's friday, and i'm lame like that (and I've been puking like a drunk college kid this week) I'd figure I'd spew about another movie troy and I watched last night.

Actually, troy's had a cold this week so has not been working at nights, so we've caught a few movies recently.

the other night we watched the World's Fastest Indian. I was impressed in a sense that I had no expectations, was really only half-interested in watching it, and found it to be entertaining. I enjoyed the character Anthony Hopkins played, and found myself liking his quirkiness. Impressed about the record still standing to this day, too. hmph!

oh.. saw the movie 11:14 earlier in the week. definitely not a GREAT movie, but fun enough for the series of connections a bunch of people had in a small town, and how all their lives were affected at 11:14 one night. a little hokey at times, but it definitely kept me interested. twisty-turny in an I-doubt-this-could-really-ever-happen-but-they're-in-a-small-town-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-so-maybe-it-could kind of way.

last night we finally saw the movie Garden State. not to sound like a heretic for Netflix... but the good thing about it is that troy and I are catching all sorts of off-beat and older films that we would never buy outright, and since both of our asses are pretty much BANNED from rental places like Ballbusters....(I'm horrible about returning movies on time)... again... not to plug netflix, but it works for us and we've caught some interesting shit along the way.

which is nice, cause I dunno if I've said it before, but summer tv sucks ass. so with all the ass suckage on the networks, we've been catching up with our movies.

but once AGAIN I digress.

Garden State. I found myself thinking very much of the early days of troy's and my relationship. if anyone knew troy back then, they would have seen him as a guy sporting a "what the FUCK is going on with her, but I can't help but kinda sorta like her" look on his face. like all the time.

*I* came to the conclusion that anyone that is not from jersey or has not has a meaningful relationship with someone from jersey will probably not like the movie so much (I can honestly see a couple in texas that was born and raised there saying "I just don't get it" throughout the whole movie)

Troy disagreed with me, but what the hell does he really know? he MARRIED a girl from jersey!

and it's not any one thing or things that the girl character in the movie did that scream out.. oh yes! that's so jersey! but yet... I still had this kinship, so to speak... with the movie. and with the characters. it was good. it hit home, in a you-remind-me kind of way. oh, and I really liked the soundtrack.

(by the way, if you have or haven't seen the movie, and then choose to do so... please do not mistake my kinship for the girl with the need to wear protective head gear to work every day, or having a hamster pavilion as big as my living room....)

oh well. that's about it on my end. it's too hot to really even think lately, and adding in my fabulous stomach lately, and well... I think you've got just about all you're gonna get for today.


oh... one last thought. if anyone knows anyone who could have a friend of a friend or any form of connection to a supplier of cheesy tots for my dad.... hook an old man up. I personally haven't had them, but the old man digs them.

peace out.... and happy weekend, gang!

Up then down then up again

bleh.

sorry for the lack of posting lately, all.


I was feeling pretty good for a while (had nine whole days without puking.. hooray!) then I pretty much crashed this weekend.

3 times saturday, twice on sunday, nothing yesterday, and already once today.

I keep telling myself that the meds are (must be.. HAVE TO BE) working in at least SOME capacity... cause I'm taking some high-potent shit, folks! I imagine the mess I'd be if I wasn't taking any meds, and that brings me some solace.

I'm also keeping in mind the fact that the baby seems to be fine and healthy, and all the people out there who, for whatever reason... can not get or have trouble remaining pregnant. The fact that I personally know of some couples in those situations helps keep me in check, I think.

but nonetheless... the puking and midnight acid wake-ups eventually take their toll... physically, mentally and emotionally.

so I feel at a crossroads. I'm not looking for the sympathy vote or anything... cause to be honest, when people start doling out pity for my puking, I feel like a shmuck. Shmuck because of the people that can't get preggo, and shmuck because it's just puke for crying out loud... it's not like the baby or I am dying, you know?

and the over-concern from my mom can be stifling. I often fear mentioning my puking to her because I know she worries. and I'm not going to take that away from her, cause now that I'm a mom to Rhena, I TOTALLY GET IT... no momma ever wants to see their baby (no matter how old the baby is) be sick.

but yet... I feel the need to say when I have my 'sessions', because they truly do take away my energy, even if for a little while. and when the energy goes... that means shit doesn't get done. like the e-mails, and phone calls, and blog posts, and visits. and cleaning and cooking, and folding the damn laundry, too.

so hear me when I say.. I'm not looking for pity. a little pardoning of my dust, messy bedroom, lack of blogging, and lack of being in touch, maybe.... but not pity.


oh.. and my breath. I know, I know... it's awful, and I'm sorry. I've really been trying to keep the house-of-acid at bay, but I know my throat smells like George Washington's ball sack. Just keep some gum or tic tacs handy if you plan on seeing me any time soon, ok?

shit sandwich

so yesterday was one of those shit-sandwich kind of days... with really really good bread.


confused?


well, basically, the beginning and END of my yesterday was awesome... minor crap in the middle.


day started off with troy bringing me donuts. cause I said I was craving on. ask for one.. get 12!! how can I NOT love that man???

did some errands, got my back cracked, had some lunch. all good and dandy.

took rhena to the pool. this is where things were not nice.


I mean, the pool was fine and everything, but at one point, when time decided to stand still.. rhena slipped in the kiddie pool and fell backwards into the water.

during this millennium-long second, I saw her entire face, underwater.... looking up with fear. blue eyes WIDE open, as was her mouth, inhaling the water.

I hear no sound during this eternity; just her eyes getting bigger as she kept going backwards.

I finally saw my arms slowing snatching her out of the water and holding her like it was the first and last time I ever would.

If a person with no heart was timing us, everything probably happened in three seconds.. but to me... I have seen three years go by faster.


and it's true. I saw myself three years ago, planning my wedding to troy, our actual wedding day, our honeymoon, me going back to work, me quitting my job, me getting pregnant, and every minute of my life with rhena in it since her birth. all of those thoughts and memories crammed in the space between my arms and her tiny tiny precious perfect body... her tiny tiny precious perfect body underwater looking at me, unable to breathe.

Rhena was fine.. she didn't even cry.... coughed once or twice for effect, then was clamoring to be let back down for more splashing. again.. the whole falling, underwater, and me grabbing her took all of about three seconds... but I can honestly say I don't ever recall being so scared in my entire life.

we stayed at the pool for another hour or so.. then slowwwwly walked home (ole grey mare ain't what she used to be anymore). had a great evening together and with troy, and even spent some quality down-time with my girlfriends down the street.


oh yeah!! even had a PACKAGE waiting on the front step when we got home!!! full of FUN STUFF!! things! for me!!! but more on that another time.


so whatever. yesterday at the pool shook me up, but all in all... in a good way. It made me thankful for my diligent habits with rhena. what if I WASN'T watching her and soaking her cuteness in? who would have pulled her out of the water? It made me appreciate her life, her place in MY life, and even so much for me to appreciate the One Within. maybe sometimes it takes the idea of loss to remind you how good you have things.

I'd LIKE to think I don't need a lot of three-second-near-death experiences to remind me how generally fucking good my life is. I certainly don't go LOOKING for them to happen. But... the bottom line is that sometimes shit DOES happen.... and you can either bitch and moan about the shit, or enjoy the really really good bread it's served on.


have a great weekend, gang.

Definition of a Bizzle

so I know in the past, I've talked about my Twinkie before...


but tonight... well.. tonight is the kind of night that reminds me what a bizzle is.


Let's just say... on some chance... you have a friend that you keep missing online, haven't SPOKEN to in well over too many weeks, haven't SEEN in months, accidently forget-slash-get distracted from your IM conversation and forget to e-mail back to apologize or at least explain you did NOT just go throw up your last internal organ....

and she STILL calls you from her very very very favoritest band's concert with a great song playing in the background????


well, my friend.. if that happens.. you know you got yourself a bizzle.

Big Wimp

ok. I know you guys are sick of my bitching, but can i TELL YOU about the biggest son-of-a-fucker blisters I have on my pinky toes?????


THEY HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. now that THAT'S out of my system.....


I've been very busy this week. cleaning, errands, shopping, maintaining some shred of sanity... all taking up the ticks on my tock, if you catch my drift.


BUT... despite feeling a bit run down and out-of-the-loop with my favorite bizzles... I'm feeling accomplished.


all of the baby showers I have been invited to for our street of screams (I mean extremely fertile neighborhood) have been bought for, and wrapping supplies purchased.


birthday present for 4-yr old's b-day down the street this week? check!

shampoo purchased so I stop using rhena's hair wash? ditto. check and check (got conditioner, too)

food is in the fridge.

clean underwear are in my drawers. (hah.. that's kinda funny.. drawers... underwear... hah!)

restaurant is BOOKED for thing two's christening in December. booked booked booked!!! and I'm excited about the menu!

I even spoke with the CCD people today and confirmed that I will be teaching again next year.. minus a few weeks for popping out a child, that is! I'll be back in full force for 2nd grade. Now I'm just hoping my niece's first communion is not the same time as my class'. Cause she's my godchild, and I plan on going to her communion. I'd just hate to not be there for 'my kids'. but family's first.


ok. time to stuff my face. gotta keep the wheels turning afterall!

Resurface

hey all.


so I'm a few days late with my "posting tomorrow" promise.


Things are fine here; just been busy.


First off; went and saw GI Joe yesterday. actually it's GI Mark. or was it Brian? either way.... the appointment was lengthy, as I have a lonnnnng history of stomach issues that we discussed. When all was said and done, I walked out of there with permission to take one of my current pills TWO times a day instead of one. (for those keeping track, that's about 10 pills a day I'm taking now)

oh well. I know there's a potential end in sight, or at least that's what I'm banking on. Some jackass said something to the effect the other day about how a woman they know STILL had problems with nausea after her baby was born, but before they could finish, my hands were over my ears and I was singing LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, ignoring whatever horrors they tried to tell me.

cause you know what? I ain't hearing it. I KNOW crazy shit happens all the time and people probably DO have long-term effects from pregnancy (other than children, that is).... but I'm just trying to get by right now, and do NOT need to hear about how things MIGHT or COULD be. I MIGHT be skinny again, too... but you don't see me planning on it. but I digress.


so yes. working towards November... pills in hands.... or in stomach, would be more appropriate, I guess.


In other news, I've begun wearing a pink band. My cousin Rachel sent me a bracelet in the mail the other day with a funny card. I forget how separately in tune we are at times. I had JUST been thinking last week that I want to buy some cancer-awareness band... or do SOMETHING that outwardly shows my support for her as she fights her battle, but I wasn't sure which one to get, as Rachel has cancer in more than just her breast. but not a day (maybe two?) after pondering that, I got a pink one from her in the mail.

SO. I'm wearing the band. currently around my ankle, cause it fits there nicely, but I imagine if I start to get the michelin-pregnancy bloat like many women do... I'll switch it to my wrist.

I thought I would talk today about my feelings about my cousin having cancer, but it turns out I can't. For quite a while now, I have been in a trance-like stupor (I suppose is the best description) and have been unable to fully articulate the depths of emotions and thoughts that I have that stem from a loved one going through what she's going through.

But then, I wonder... do I NEED TO? DO I really NEED to talk about how *I* feel? does it MATTER? I'm sure everyone has someone in their life that their heart is aching for in some way. and no matter the cause of suffering; be it addiction, cancer, death, infidelity, illness, infertility.. WHATEVER.... that does not make one suffering more 'worse' than another. Nor should one's heavy heart trump someone else's. at least that's what I think. I dunno.

and I guess that's what it boils down to. I don't know. I don't know how to properly express what's in my head and heart. I DON'T know how to be supportive enough for Rachel.

And let's face it... I'm no Johnny Cash. I'm not the man in black, and I lack the ability to write a song about why I do the things I do. shit.. I lack the ability to even BLOG about the things I do half the time!!!


BUT... I am a girl with a pink band. and that band has more than a reason or cause behind it... it has my heart behind it.


and JUST because I'm having a hard time closing this post; which is odd, because it's not like it's actually going anywhere.... I'm going to copy a poem by e e cummings that I read recently in the book "In Her Shoes"....


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)




love you, Rachie.....

Whole lotta love

just letting y'all know the Johnson Hiz-zouse is bouncin with love today.


I gots love for my cousin, who I'm going to blog about tomorrow.... for a new deli troy and I went to today... for a mocha mousse cake I ate for dessert, for our neighbors for inviting us to dinner tomorrow night, and of course for the boogster. can't forget Rhena. she was like six shades of adorable today, and all just melded into me remembering why I have this parasite inside of me. but more on that another day.


TODAY... my top notch-come-and-get-my-love-award goes to SUSIE. why? cause it's my bizzle's birthday!!!!


I'm sending her lots of love, and you should too. WHEN she gets off her she-THINKS-she-has-an-ass-but-her-shit-is-tiny-next-to-mine-ass and actually blogs, she's a great read. She's funny, she's insightful, poignant, and witty. She's a lot of other great stuff about her, too, but I don't want to give away all her secrets, cause then I'll have to get jealous that you'll be up her shit.


so no comments for me today.... go visit Susie and giver her some b-day loves. and while you're there.. Take the time to read some of her posts. you'll be glad you did.



happy birthday, bizzle!

XXOO

Thirteen Reasons

so has anyone seen the movie Thirteen?


Troy and I decided to have a movie-night last night, and we watched it.


To say it was disturbing for me to watch would be an understatement. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, the fact that I'm a parent, or the fact that I'm a parent of a GIRL, but watching this movie about a thirteen year old's journey into drugs, promiscuity and violence really hit home and more than often, made me weep quietly.


I don't want to give away too much of the movie, but I have to say I'm thankful that there are such raw and ugly movies out there that make me take pause. There was a part of the movie, towards the end, when the mother was kissing the main character's scabs and scars that made me outright bawl. I can't imagine Rhena ever feeling such little regard for herself that she would hurt herself in the ways portrayed in this movie. as a mother... a mother so very in love with a beautiful and innocent child such as rhena... I cried and cried.

because let's face it. there's going to be a day when rhena will be making her own choices. and sure, she does now, but not choices on whether to do drugs, to escape, to belittle herself sexually for anyone.

and I think back on my life, and there is NO WAY I would have done the shit these girls depicted in the movie were doing. Even in my 20's and 30's... I can't fathom doing some of the things these THIRTEEN year olds were doing. Those CHILDREN. those BABIES.

now that's not to say that all kids will be like that, but who's to say they CAN'T? What can troy and I do to prevent Rhena from venturing down such a dark dark road? What can we do to make her love herself so options like those would be out of the question?


and more importantly... even if she makes it through her teenage years without becoming a drug-addict-whore of some sorts (either totally or in part)... will our love and examples be enough to get her through her twenties? through her life?

I look at some of my behavior in MY twenties, and will it was G-rated compared to this movie, I'm sure in many ways, my parents would be literally crushed inside if they knew what I did. and then I look at the behaviors of some of my friends. how would THEIR parents feel if they knew what really was going on? I imagine not so great, because I look sometimes through the eyes of a parent and ruefully wonder "what if it was Rhena?"

Parenting is not easy. soon-to-be-birthday girl Susie was just talking the other day of getting through the onset of 2-year old independence. Admittedly, this age is tough. I'm feeling the toughness on a daily basis most times. But yet.. holy shit... the idea of the future scares me even more!

I definitely give credit to my parents for giving me as much freedoms as they did. I mean.. how did they know I wouldn't fuck it all up? And I *want* to let Rhena have the independence and ability to think for herself like I was allowed to growing up... but holy worry-warts, batman; movies like Thirteen kinda scare the shit out of me.

oh well. one day at a time, right? In the meantime.. hats off to the parents of older 'kids' out there. whether your child is 13 or 35, I'm beginning to see that in many ways, Rhena turning two is going to be a walk in the park.

Feeling Blunt

So I've been listening to the james blunt cd a lot lately. A LOT.

It's good. not great-oh-my-god-everyone-should-go-buy-this-good..... but good. I'm feeling it. (yes, I know it's well over a year old.. I'm just getting around to it now)

however.. one of the side effects, I must admit.. is it's REALLY making me miss Grey's anatomy. I know... weird, right? there's a number of songs on the cd that make me think of the show... and this shit-hot weather and that music is REALLY making me look forward to fall.


so what else?


I bombed in bunco last night... I was doing REALLY well... on my way to winning some serious cash, then whammo.... I got on a losing streak. bleh. so no money for momma. snacks were VERY good. and mmmm... there was a cheesecake. mmmmm.... cheesecake.

had my 24 week appointment today. Anyone want to atke a wager on how much weight I gained???

EIGHT POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!


I know, I know... crazy! that's TWO pounds a week since the last visit!!! textbooks say I'm supposed to be gaining at a rate of one-pound a week right now, so I asked the doc if I should be worried. since as of last appointment I was still down two pounds overall, he said he was not worried, rather pleased with my progress, and that my body was making up for lost time, and doing what it needed to do. Overall weight gain at this point is 6 pounds.

we also discussed the pukemaster 2000 regime I've been having. long story short, I am being referred to a GI specialist now. Doc says that while it may just be possible that I'm having a suck-ass time because of the pregnancy, he doesn't want anything major to be overlooked. so me and GI Joe should be getting it on within a week or so. I really won't have more info until then about that... so we shall see what happens. I'm pleased with the go-forward plans. or at least until the next time I puke, then I'll be cursing the daylights out of everyone again... ;)


ok. That's really about all. thank you all for the well wishes, both with bunco (it's a dice game, btw, Liza!!!) and the baby. all is much appreciated.


ok again, ok. rhena has one of the new phones that I bought today, so I ought to go intercept her before it gets lost, or she calls china. or she calls china THEN loses the phone. cause that would be bad.


have a good night, all!

Enchisnottas

yeah. another day, another box of tissues.


this stupid stupid cold is running its course. My throat hurts, though not as much as it did this weekend. The only real fun lately is that my left nostril has been the mad producer of snot lately, while the right nostril seems to be a bloody mess every time I blow.

I'm so hot, I could totally date myself. not.


So the good news is that tonight is BUNCO night! whe-hoo! a night out of my house, gossiping and eating other people's food! The hostess lives right next door, so the even better news is that if I eat too much, it's only one door away from throwing up in my own toilets.

Though I MUST SAY... if/when I get to the point of wanting/needing to throw up, I seem to produce much quicker when using someone else's toilet. somehow envisioning my face where my neighbors take a shit always helps get the juices going. and forget public toilets. if I so even as much as come eye-to-eye with the flusher, I'm puking for sure.

then again.. this is not to say that thinking of TROY taking a shit doesn't help me throw up any slower. Love him I might... but he does have a nasty ass.

but I digress. all this potty-mouthing just reminds me that tonight is chicken enchilada night. I figured since I was getting a night out with the girlies, that I'd let troy pick what I'd make for dinner tonight. OF COURSE he picked enchiladas. which is fine. it's been a while since I made them, and I'm actually hoping that the extra 'kick' of seasonings might be able to break through the snot-barrier taste-indifference I've been having since the weekend.

but then, of course.. I start to wonder if it's such a good idea to be eating something spicy when I'm still having the puking issues. which then, OF COURSE, makes me think that maybe the enchiladas may help me finally poop a nice log, instead of the popcorny pebble-shits I've been having like FOREVER.

poop or puke? puke or poop? I *AM* faced with such dilemmas here in preggo-ville, aren't I?

in other news... I'm off to see the chiropractor again today. I went yesterday, and did not get any cracks. My main goal is to get some more mobility in my back.. or increase my range of motion again. I've noticed it's really decreased since getting pg, so I'm hoping cracker-man can loosen me up and teach me some new stretches so I can remain semi-flexible for the next 3 1/2 months. A good ole-fashioned-make-my-ears-tingle-back-crack would also be swell, but first things first.


and as if you really care what else is going on... I'll tell you I have another appointment tomorrow for baby-stuff. I *DO* plan on discussing what in hell is up with the meds/me still puking regime I have going on. also hoping to see a weight gain from last month. As of week 20, I was still down 2 pounds. I'm positive I have put on a good 5 pounds or more since last month, what with the carbs-are-my-friends diet I've been following lately. so we'll see.

of course, the biggest thing is that I hear that the baby's all coozy-shmoozy inside, and there's no health issues for either of us. cause as much as I bitch about everything, especially this damn stupid stupid cold and the puking... all that matters is that Thing 2 is doing well.

so I'll keep you posted!

oh, and wish me luck in Bunco tonight... The worst case is that I'm out $5, but hey.. I could be a big winner and come home with $20! c'monnnnn big money!

Fun with numbers

yeah... so this is what happens when my nose is stuffy and I can't sleep.

First off.. I apologize for my extremely WHITE belly you're about to see below. it's obvious I was using Estee Lauder's self-tanner on my belly when I was PG with rhena. This year? not so much.

anyways, I thought it would be fun to do a side-by side comparison from when I was preggo with rhena and this round of being knocked up. the angles are a little off, but you get the idea.

I suppose I should be slightly alarmed that I held on to the same clothes for two years... goes to show just how much shopping I do.. yeah right!

oh well... the next 'compare' should be at around 27 weeks... I'll try to actually get it during the same week next go-around.

Pee Pee Puke

now before my mom (and all you other 'moms' out there for that matter) start freaking out....


I ought to tell you that this is NOT about me throwing up again. In fact... I did NOT puke today. hooray!


I DID, however, make some chicken soup... and when I asked Rhena if she wanted to help me make the soup... she promptly replied,

"Pee Pee Puke"


*snicker*

I love that kid. Granted.. anyone else listening to her will think she has an obsession with bodily functions... but *we* know she's just my little boogie, and likes her some chicken soup.

The Sick House

ug.. welcome to the terror dome.


Troy is having stomach issues.


Me? well, I THOUGHT my throat was sore from throwing up yesterday, but it was sore all through the night and still now this morning. lovely.


Rhena? god bless her, she's doing fine.


speaking of blessing.. gotta get ready for church so we can pray that rhena doesn't get sick, too.


have a great day, gang. ours is going to be a very lazy one in these parts.

Hurricane Rhena

do you ever have those days that you feel like you're walking in the wake of a mini hurricane?


like no matter what you do or where you go, shit is all jacked up???


today is one of those days for me.. or at least started off being so.


boogie woke up this morning, and when I went in to get her... her face was covered in dried blood. blood on her pj's, blood on the sheets. blood on the blankets, blood on Mr. Pink. SO I stripped her crib (mind you I'm NOT going to even elaborate on how REDONKULOUS (three levels worse than ridiculous, by-the-by) I looked breaking a sweat trying to get that stupid-ass mattress out of the crib when it was hooked on the metal spring supports and then got stuck on the bumper, and did I tell you the angle I was trying to pull all of this shit out hurt like a SONOFABITCH on my uterus and did I mention changing her crib sheets makes me sweat? I HATE SWEATING!!!!)

so I take the sheets to the laundry room and holy mildew batman... SOMEONE (cough cough troy cough cough) forgot to switch the clothes into the dryer, so the clothes in the washer were more funky than George Clinton. which means they needed to be rewashed, which means sheets would have to wait.

so after THAT mess was taken care of, there was the downstairs edition of "what in hell did troy make himself for breakfast and why oh why is every inch of the counter covered with something" game that I just LOVE playing. fast forward (with a number of milk spills in between) about 2 hours later, and rhena's cuddling up on me sucking her thumb. ok.. I can dig it.. child wants to nap!

so I lay her down in the stripped crib, after, of course, setting up a make-shift sheet/blanket combo that would be suitable for princess tired-ass.

what? did I say tired? cause it would so happen that as SOON as I closed the door, she started in on a half-hour long operetta of whelps, barks, screams and blasting off.

*sigh*

ok, fine. so I get her, and it turns out, she wasn't tired.. she wanted to crap. and THAT she did. ALL OVER HER ASS. that motherfucker was so nasty, I knew I needed a shower just after changing her, so that's what I did. Got rhena all squared away, and popped in the shower.

just as I was shutting the water off... rhena comes zipping around the corner looking slightly blue, saying 'uh-oh' and smelling of pina colada. Turns out she had found one of troy's FULL canisters of Bed Head Manipulator, and decided to spread the love. all over.

once again, I'll spare you the intimate details, but let's just say I will have the most full-bodied carpet with a strong-all-day-hold in pretty much all of north carolina. and that's AFTER the 20-minute clean-up job.

did I MENTION this shit smells like a tropical drink which I was really really wishing I was able to guzzle??? but alas.. no alcohol for mama... must not deform the one within.

a few games of chase-rhena-cause-it's-fun-watching-mommy-sweat-today later, and we were finally on our way to see "DAHYEE" so we three could have lunch.

now we're back home again, and boogie-two-shoes is fast asleep. lots of stuff still needs to be done around here... like the laundry, and finding the counter tops again.... but I think that can wait til my little moosh can 'help' me. right now I'm enjoying the quiet after the storm, and if I can just get the one within to stop kicking the ever-loving piss out of me.. I may even take a small nap.


happy friday, gang. watch out for hurricanes!

Superhams Return

no... this is not a spoof on the newest Superman movie... nor is it my newest idea for a porn title.


this is, indeed.. my truth.


why?


because I'm hitting that stage of the pregnancy where my boobs are getting LARGER.


yes.... you may or may not remember the hams... depending on your level of testosterone, that is. but alas... as much as I thought I could fight them this time around... the jugs be a fillin'. and filling and spilling they are. like everywhere.


i swear last night I went to bed, took off my bra and thought I had two cantaloupes hiding under my tank top. MELONS, I tell you!


I mean, I'm not shocked.. I KNEW this would happen... (at least eventually when the milk came in) I guess it's just cause with Rhena, my boobs exploded on the scene like the MINUTE I got pregnant, and now, here we are.. more than halfway through, and they've decided to kick off the reunion tour.


The former victoria's secret employee in me wants to bust out the tape measure (get it?? BUST out??? oh... I really do slay!) and see how big they've gotten... but the cheap realistic-parachute-sized-bra-fearing girl in me feels ignorance might just be bliss. Besides... doesn't the 4-boob syndrome look hot with the 80's retro layered daft punk look all the stores are sporting these days?

(ps.. if I EVER, and I mean EVER start sporting four boobs or show up somewhere looking like Pat Benetar.. SOMEONE PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE shoot me!!) (well, unless, of course, we're hosting a white-trash or 80's themed social... in which case the 4-boobs look would be SO rockin, and/or me and david bowie can get jiggy, so please don't shoot me in my own house.. that would be just plain rude.)


I digress. sadly, my boobs have NOT... which is my spot today, though.

I *imagine* it might just might have to do with all the bagels I've been eating. and the pasta. and rice. and other bland starchy foods that aren't as harsh when being regurgitated, that is. they should be called carb-OH-MY-drates... cause again... the rack is back.


and for all you mosquito-biters out there that are thinking I should quit my bitching, and how you'd just give whatever to get some ham thrown your way... just remember it's not your back breaking under the pressure of boulder mountain above your belly-donut.

In other news... I had to turn word verification back on... I've been getting a long run of spammage lately, so back to the "qdzzles" to be able to post your comments. I know it's a pain in the ass, so I apologize. I appreciate the comments from my readers, though... (and not the penis-enlargement-house-broker ads (yes.. I DO get spammage like that.) (no.... I have no idea why in hell I want a large penis house either...))


so yeah. letter verification is back on for the time being.


in GOOD news... I'm going to be acquiring some books soon. I found links to two old books that i had when I was growing up, and I am fucking STOKED about getting them again. I'm not posting links or saying names because these books are out of print, so I need to buy them from a third-party seller, and I don't want any penis-enlarging real estate agent to come in and snatch up my books before I can. no sirree, bob.... I'll post more after they're in my grubby little hands!

all I can say is that one is about beans and another is about trees, and I'm going to pay too much money for them. The only people who MIGHT guess my books are my mom, dad, or brother... cause they were pretty obscure even back then. but I LOVED them. love love loved them. and they're going to be mine. mine mine mine.


I'll also be ordering "The Snowy Day" for rhena and thing 2. CLASSIC book. I saw it mentioned in a magazine the other day, and I remembered it instantly. not so much the story itself (the book probably sucks for all I know) but I do remember sitting on our back porch when it was balls-ass hot out, reading this story. (yes, I know it's a winter book, but you can still read shit in the summer, smart-ass!) I definitely remember the illustrations.

perhaps I'm trying to zone-in on Rhena's head and get her books that she'll remember some thirty years down the road. because that would be cool. to think that someday rhena will remember reading books with me and hopefully want to share those books with HER children (should she choose to go down that road, cause if she doesn't I'm TOTALLY cool with that as well) And then there's the part of me that knows that I WAS a happy kid, and I want to share that with her, too.


so yeah. books are coming. In the meantime, she seems perfectly happy to have Boo-Boo-Pea read to her over and over again... and that in itself will be something *I* will remember another 30 years down the road.

Day late and a box short

ok.. I don't know it this counts for being more interesting, but *I* always like hearing myself bitch.. so hear goes nothing.

our garbage men. and women. even the halfsies.... are on my NERVES.


but I should be more specific. The garbage service has been fine enough. every week we get our green monster emptied, so I can fill it with more and more odorriffic diapers from rhena. ew.. and rotten discarded food in summer heat. good lord.. no wonder I'm puking so much!

anyways.. no major complaints with those folks cause our shit (literally) gets picked up each week. the time is never the same throughout the day, but hey.. more power to them; they want to mix up their day by changing the route every week??? rock on, my friends.... as long as they keep taking my crap away, I'm happy.

however.. the recycling crew is past my last nerve. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY are they making it so difficult for me to RECYCLE??? TWO weeks ago, they never picked up the recycles. and our shit was FULL that week. so I started an extra box of recycles, because the original bin was overflowing.

well last week they finally came, and thankfully they took everything. but THIS week... they didn't show up again!! WTF!!! Now... I know I'm not always the most in-tune person, but we DO get the news here under my cozy little rock I've been under, and there has been no talks of sanitation strikes in the area. now town announcements saying we're changing the pick-up schedule. nothing.

(ps.. I'm a LOT more irritated about this than I'm conveying; I just happen to be mowing down some Vermonty Python ice cream while typing.. and how can you really be THAT mad when you have so much happiness in your mouth???)


anyways.. they finally came just a little while ago, but did NOT pick up the large box I had broken down and placed next to my recycle bin. I guess if it's not officially IN the green container, and they're not a week late, they refuse to take anything else. asswipes.


and I mean that nicely, but seriously... if I'm going to recycle, then I'm going to recycle. just somebody fucking let me DO IT, you know?

oh well. I'll try chopping up the box into SMALLER pieces for next week, and maybe if they're stacked on TOP of the green bin they'll get taken.

speaking of taken.. I had to put the ice cream away. I think I ate half a pint just now. and as good as it is... why tempt the spirits of my digestive tract into giving me more to purge?


oh, and speaking of PURGE.. I may as well purge my soul with yet another way of how I'm a bad mother. I put rhena down for her nap early because she was being a total pill. when I just came in from recycle-a-go-no, I saw that she indeed was NOT "all done" with her waffle earlier this morning... and had merely emptied the contents of her special morning waffle-bag on the front steps. yup. pretty much the whole thing. right there. on the steps. not in the baggie. cause the baggie was given to me a few hours earlier with the proclamation that she was "all done!" and thrown away, of course. (but not recycled, cause the bin was outside not being picked up, you see)


so perhaps her incessant crying was NOT because she was tired full and cranky and needing a nap... rather hungry and pissed off that her asshole mommy who was too consumed with doing chores, bitching about the recycles and eating ice cream.... put her to bed hungry.


I really do suck at this sometimes.

Walk in the clouds

ok.. so it wasn't even cloudy, but boogie and I went for a walk this morning.


took a few pictures.... and up until she started getting cranky... we had a good time.


other than that.. I finally changed the looks of this place. note the pills to go along with my NEW medical regime.... yesterday the doc prescribed yet another pill to help me stop puking; I'm currently taking about 9 total doses of four different meds each day. we'll see if this one does any good.


last night Troy and his friend installed our ceiling fan, which has been sitting on my dining room table for about 3 months now. (or at least two....) I'm digging it... it has a remote!


well, I spent rhena's nap working on the template, and now she's awake and ready to eat, so that's what I suppose we shall do.


perhaps I will actually write something interesting tomorrow. (perhaps)

Did you know?

did you know that even CLEAR puke can smell and taste horribly?


it's true.



that's all for now. I'm exhausted today.

HBD Mom

that would be Happy Birthday, Mom.


Today is my mom's birthday. we were lucky enough to see her last week and not only enjoy her company, but also over-expose her to rhena. And we went out to dinner to celebrate, too, but who's keeping track?


today also happens to be my girlfriend Renee's birthday. She lives in Seattle. I called her, naturally.. to wish her a happy birthday, and we were able to get caught up for about a half hour. she was busy, and I didn't want to talk TOO long, but we had some catching up to do.

for starters... I told her I was pregnant.


I'm so embarrassed at how many of my FRIENDS don't know I'm pregnant. there's a handful or two that read my blog, and since I came out a few weeks ago, they may have learned of my hidden castaway... but GOOD friends that I love still have no idea about me being knocked up.

I really have no good reason; I mean sure.. LIFE has been in the way, and that nagging puke thing keeps happening... but really. I take the time to update this blog every so often.. you'd think I'd take the minute to e-mail or call some friends.

wait... wasn't I just yelling at myself about this a few weeks ago? yeah... I was. shame on me.

I DID end up getting caught up with that girl "CC" from high school the other day. if you count getting caught up as her e-mailing me (btw, I was right.. she's like super smart and got a masters in like nueroscience and shit...) and then me e-mailing her back saying how I change diapers every day.

actually, we haven't spoken SINCE high school, so I was able to jazz up my life story with tales from college, seattle and reno. not that my life now isn't exciting.. because in so many ways it is, and I'm enjoying the hell out of it... it just seems low-key compared to all the shit I did just a handful of years ago.

but again. that's just how I see shit. if you asked me a few years ago when I was handling multi-million dollar projects for amazon and boeing.. I probably would have said it was the same shit, different day as well. in fact.. I KNOW I would have said that, cause I actually HAVE said that in the past. I know full well there's plenty of folk out there that can not and WILL not handle being a SAHM, and perhaps in someone else's eyes, what I accomplish on a daily basis can be considered nothing short of admirable. perspective. all about perspective.

but I'm happy in my current flight pattern.. even when the skies are turbulent (threw in the airplane references as a throwback and nod to the degree in aircraft engineering... I'm so savvy, huh?)

so anyways... I'm still way behind in getting caught up with friends. I finally spoke with my cousin.. (ok.. exchanged e-mails) and I'm actually due to check in on her soon to see how things are going. Now I have Renee crossed off my list. of course, that still leaves Debbie (who probably thinks I'm the biggest jackass cause I haven't returned her calls or e-mailed me or anything... in fact I ought to e-mail her tonight. not now, though, cause rhena's waking up from a nap) Melissa, Marilyn, Katia, Patricia, Megan, and Lyndon, to name a few...


bleh. oh, and I didn't forget about the winners of cze-bingo and my 800 friends who just had babies in the past 3 months... I have packages and cards and all sorts of good shit to send out. And Susie's b-day is coming up, too. can NOT be late with her... she's my bitch and takes care of me. I refuse to let THAT one get off track.

anyways. time to get my derailed ass in gear and take care of the babe. speaking of derailed.. anyone seen the documentary called Dark Days? it's about the people who live in the tunnels of the trains in NYC? interesting shit that makes you think, lemmee tell you. always good to check out how some other folks live and make you realize that life is indeed good.

so spread the word that life is good, and while you're at it... mind telling my friends for me? they really do deserve a phone call....


happy birthday again to my mom. she is living proof that even Trolls can give birth to goodness. love you!

Paging Ben Dover... Mr. Ben Dover, please

dude... I KNOW y'all have been waiting at the edge of your seats for the fart story, haven't you?

It's ok... no need to lie about it. I mean, shit. let's face it, by the very nature that brings to you read my blog, there within you lies a beast that enjoys a good fart story now and then. You'd probably even get a giggle or two (once you stop gagging, that is) from this golden oldie....


but to be honest... the fart story which I'm personally still laughing about probably isn't as funny to someone who wasn't there. (Plus, the Fartress in this case is my mom, and she'll kick my ass and not buy any more presents for Rhena if I sell her out like that)


So anticipating that the best reaction I might get out of y'all is a "hah" or a "hee"... I'm going to not embellish this time. I DO promise to let y'all know if I accidentally fart in my next obgyn appointment when the doc has their entire ARM up my crotch checking on the baby.

and I still fear the shitting-while-giving-birth stories. Luckily, I never dilated past 6cm, so there was no pushing to be had with Rhena.... they just cut her out. with Thing 2, I'm going to attempt to actually pass it through my tidget. (ATTEMPT, people... no promises!)

But due tot he fact that this next kid is NOT a first born, (and by Czernikowski family logic, only the first borns are the favorite) and I AM going to try to go old school with the delivery (as old school as you can get with the maximum amount of drugs allowable, that is)... and well, I just fear the Czernikowski Prophecy that second borns get shit on.

I REALLY don't want to shit on this kid. Which... I suppose is silly... I mean.. kids have no qualms about shitting on ME..... I know Rhena never had a problem with sharing the shoots with me.... on me.... BLEGH!

but still. not wanting to shit on the next one, which means it'll probably happen. AFter all.. my mom's maiden name is Murphy, ya know.


Did I have a point to this post? hell if I know.


Parental visit was good, though. really low key, cause it was freaking HOT outside. But we enjoyed each other's company, I think. I don't recall any fights, though daddy DID get in trouble once or twice.

We went out to dinner to pre-celebrate my mom's birthday (it's actually tomorrow), and one night, mom and dad took over the bedtime routine so Troy and I could go see a movie.

In a THEATER.

AT NIGHT.


IN PUBLIC!



It was cool. We saw Superman Returns, and I have to say that I enjoyed it. Granted, I could be biased, cause I was in the zone of apply-it-yourself-imitation-butter-scented-oil on my popcorn and everything.. and you know.. the whole in public at night with no kid thing had me on the verge of euphoric as well.

But Supey was pretty bad-ass in this movie. I told Troy he needs to get a cape. I know it was in the tizzy of the movie that I said such a thing, but I'm afraid he just might. Then again.. that could make for something FAR better than a fart story!


I'm pissed that we have to wait til MAY of NEXT YEAR to see the next spiderman movie, but I guess that'll be about right when I'm due to see another movie in public. *sigh* I'm such a jet-setter!


but again.. the visit was good. mom and dad spoiled rhena, and did their best to take care of me and troy while they were at it. I'm looking forward to the next visit already.

ok. speaking of ben dover.... I attempted to make Kenny look pretty today, and failed miserably. so now I need to find the nail polish remover and either re-paint him, or just hang my head in misery that my feet will never ever be pretty.


have a great weekend, everyone!

room to grow

today has been a busy day.


Rhena has been up my ass like a lightbulb in pakistan... but this too shall pass. I keep telling myself growth spurt, growing pains.. something... anything just to remind myself that her temperment today will soon pass.


ask my folks and they'll say she's cranky cause she misses them, I'm sure... but today... even a little bit of Prep H won't get her off my ass.


in the in-between times, I've been collecting data so I can draw out the plans to have this deck extended... we are wanting to get approval from our homeowner's association (read controlling "bastards that make everything difficult" association).

so in between cleaning, collecting data, e-mailing troy to see if he can get me a copy of autoCAD, keeping rhena at bay and pissing every three minutes.... I remembered that I'll be exactly 4 months away from my 'due date' tomorrow. that's calendar months, gang.. not the crazy lunar pregnancy weeks or fetal time or however the hell people keep track of their growing parasites. plain and simple... I'm due Nov 7th (so they say) and tomorrow is JULY 7th, which means 4 months to go before I can get really bitchy up in here (cause you KNOW this kid is gonna be late....)


so I took a few pictures.

mind the fact I TOTALLY cut off my head and spared you my flabby arms in most pics. I may be busy and look like ass today, but I still have some shred of pride left, and refuse to post pictures that show my arms looking like jello on limbs. and rest assured... I DO still have both arms as well as my head. though the head part may be questionable some days.


I'm pretty happy with my belly growth so far... I really think I'm showing now, and yet thankfully not showing like a tank on a picnic table. I'm sure all the puking I did in May and June has kept me from getting to be a sideshow freak of weight... but I carried the same with rhena size-wise, so I know the days where I can only wear maternity clothes are coming. I'm just a late bloomer, I guess.

anyways... here is Me, hosting Thing 2, at 5 months (22 weeks for the preggo counters):




the headless mommy

crouching mommy, hidden baby

full frontal, with my arm as a bonus!

so again... all is well, and Thing 2 is just cooking right along. I have begun to be able to see the back wall of my belly-button again, so I wonder how long it will be before there's no indent left at all. I give it about 5 more weeks.

ok. that's all the time I have right now. the parental recap is still coming; perhaps tomorrow. highlights include going out to eat, a few accidental farts and me going to a MOVIE!!! (first time since december 1st!!! (the movie, that is.. not the farting...) ) exciting shit, gang... you don't want to miss it!

peace ouuuuuut!

Remember THIS place?

being that I was on a roll with remembering high school yesterday.... I thought I would dust off the old photoblog and add some pictures that WEREN'T just a profile picture, background or header for a new template.


speaking of templates... anyone have a suggestion for what the digs should look like this month? I'm feeling uninspired! No need to do any work... just pick a topic/theme ( like pizza, dogs wearing clothes, a certain color, etc. ) and I'll do the work.


speaking of work... Rhena is calling. a recap post of the parents' visit to come shortly.

enjoy the pics!

Boogie; sporting the ratty pool-hair.....

independence

hey gang. hope the fourth day of the seventh month has been good to you.

So I imagine that the 4th of July means different things to different people, and whether those different things to different people run of the patriotic vein or not... today definitely makes me be cognizant of independence. I mean.. Makes sense.. independence day and all, right?


anyways... blahbitty blah.


haven't blogged since last week, cause the folks have been in town. It's funny.. or not funny funny as in funny like a clown (although clowns are pretty freaky to me, but just quoting from goodfellas)

ANYWAY... I find it funny that I have spent my whole life trying to claim my independence from my folks, and now... one or two (or 20 or so) years later.. I'm just trying to enjoy them.

now before you go off thinking they're gonna die or anything.. all seems to be well with the parentals. sure, mom's knees pretty much suck for her... but they're pretty vibrant and I doubt they'll be pushing daisies anytime soon.

but I was just thinking today, on our country's day of celebrating independence... that it's no longer my main priority in life to prove to everyone how I'm my own person. Every once in a while I even catch myself taking pause to reference from whom and where I came from. again... far cry from my staunchly independent self just a few moons ago.


so yeah.. been thinking about that kind of stuff today, and out of nowhere, I get an e-mail (today) from a girl I went to high school with. I'm going to call her CC.... simply cause I don't think it's cool to use other people's real and full names on my blog without their knowledge. Turns out she chanced upon my blog, and she took time to send me an e-mail. Now, I suppose that's not anything shocking or spectacular... my maiden name is czernikowski, and I imagine I'm quite easy to find on the web if you can string those 12 letters in the right combination.

The particular point to my verbal spew tonight is that CC is one of those people from high school you just never forget.

everyone can remember SOMEONE from high school. whether because they were pretty, or fat, or funny, or the biggest dork, or the biggest whatever... there will always be individuals that stick in your head, regardless of how long it's been since you were in high school, or whether or not you kept in touch.

CC was one of those people for me. Now before y'all go assuming she has a third eye or walked like a farm animal or some other weird characteristic (cause let's face it, that's the kind of shit NO ONE can forget. sorry to disappoint; she was and still is, I imagine... a very lovely young woman. nothing crazy to make her stick out, I swear!!)... I remember her because one day... very close to graduation, in our second period advanced English class... I was a very opinionated bitch to her, and I think I hurt her feelings.


so let's set the stage. a few of us were talking about what we were going to do after graduation (meaning college and career paths, etc) and CC or someone else said something to the effect of missing everyone from high school. I, ever being the bitch I can be... coldly said something to the effect of not thinking I'll miss anyone because the only thing we had in common was that we were born in the same town. I remember CC looking as if she were personally struck that I said such a thing.

now.. the mind.. Especially one like mine which has done my fair share of killing brain cells.. tends to distort memories and reshape in such a way that often we remember things the way we want to remember them. SO taking what I say with a grain of salt... just understand that this is how I remember how shit went down.


some 15 years later, I still remember that conversation. again.. not verbatim, but yet... it has stuck with me all these years because it is the truth. It was how I felt at the time, how I felt through college, and pretty much how I feel now, some what.. 15 years later?

BUT... and here's the rub.... the statement I made was absolute and cold. I have since learned SOME tact (ability to EXERCISE aforementioned skill still may be not my strong suit... but I have nonetheless learned about it). AND.... all these years later... I see my younger self and my younger peers with different eyes.

Perhaps I DID have more in common with my schoolmates than I brazenly avoided giving them credit for. I mean.. we were all essentially a bunch of stupid kids on the verge of trying to figure out our lives. We shared... whether or not we knew it.. the same anxieties of the opposite sex, our own successes and what the future would hold.

But I was too hell-bent on declaring my independence (and good riddance) to anything and everything Sayreville (yes.. to this day, I'm still not a huge bon-jovi fan for that reason.. I simply declared his music as CRAP many years ago, and never thought to give it much of a chance) anyways.. too hell bent on declaring independence to think about MISSING anyone.

Don't read me wrong, gang... this is not a blog in which I profoundly say I did it all wrong and want to go back.... I LOVE my life. I'm SO HAPPY with who I am and where I am that I can't possibly believe that the path which has brought me here can be anything BUT the right path. And to be perfectly honest... I DIDN'T miss anyone. I've never had a desire to go to a class reunion, and have never uttered the phrase "I wish I could do it again."


FUCK THAT. But still... I'm a little older (wiser? softer?) now... and the last chamber of my heart that still beats warm blood recognizes that there WERE good people that I went to high school with, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't just SLIGHTLY curious of what has become of everyone. I AM curious of what CC has done in her life. I see her as a doctor of some type. she was always very smart, and had a quiet friendly calm about her... I see that translating into good bedside manner.


but whatever. I ramble.



CC's note was an interesting surprise for me today, and reminded me how I learned that day that even when going forward, you don't need to be a bitch to the ones you're leaving behind. of course I never admitted that out loud until tonight, but somehow the feeling I got after that conversation that day always sat in the back of my brain whispering "you don't have to be such a bitch about it, Carrie!!" as I forged ahead with my independence.

now I'm not saying I've always been nice... cause you KNOW my ass is still bitch royale on wheels..... but I do try to not burn any bridges... so to speak.


so anyways. that's my ramble for tonight. I'm proud to say I'm an independent woman. YESSSS, I'm also co-dependent..... I'm married, and I no longer have a professional money-paying job, my parents still do SO MUCH for me, etc etc...... but I firmly believe I am still independent. The funny thing is that I always have been a little bit of both my whole life. I just didn't realize that it was possible until just a few years ago. I guess it's better late than never, huh?


Happy independence day, gang.... may your freedoms ring loud and clear.